So glad you’re still here with us, my friend! Remember to take those moments where you can find them to just breathe. Even if it’s just 30 seconds. 
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too much going on for too long. And the list of things I am having to do/fix/buy/ or otherwise think about seems to be ever growing. I have noticed myself retreating into myself and not reaching out the more overwhelmed I have become. This is nothing new, it has pretty much been my number one coping mechanism since I can remember. I am even struggling to talk some days. “Selective mutism” isn’t a good term imo. It implies not talking because you don’t want to…
Going mute and shutting down are very close to each other for me. And I am trying to keep my head above water. I just can’t give up. I have to keep trying every day.
So even when my mind is racing, and I can’t find the right words, or start stuttering and forgetting (for lack of better way of describing how it feels) how to speak and tripping over my words. I will try to breathe.
Sorry you had a using dream 
sending you lots of hugs while you wash away the bad feelings it gave you
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You definitely have had a whole world of stuff on your shoulders for a long long time. I wonder, not to add one more thing to your mountain of responsibility, but I wonder if working toward a daily check in here could be helpful? Another 30 seconds that is just for you. Even just a brief, “checking in today at x days.” And when it feels right, getting some of what is in your head out on this thread or your thread? It may help to break out of the tendency to lock things away and shut down. Like I said, if that just adds to the pile then it wouldn’t serve you, but it’s just an idea. I also shut down when overly stressed and do things like stop making eye contact so I don’t have to talk for similar reasons, though we’re of course different people with different reactions to stress. It sounds familiar to me, though. It’s tough. Sending you strength to get through each hard moment, each hard thing. Hang in there. 
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Day 215. Watched wonka last night. Fabulous film. Working 8_4 or till 3.30 today. Getting into a routine of exercising at home. Off tomoro which is good. Nice long weekends now three weeks in a row I think? On call tho next Thursday which is a pain but that’s life.
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Amazing Billy. 
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Damn I love it. AFAF 
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Hey all, checking in on day 1320. I hope everybody has a good one!
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I just love this picture! Your cat is adorable!
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19 days. Having a shit day today at work. Was only in half hour before i was criticised for the work i did yesterday.
I feel very invisible in my office - I’m only close with one colleague who is lovely and I do love her. Its like no one cares enough to talk to me or ask how I am. There’s women my age (24-25) acting like they’re still in school who really need to grow the fuck up and act more professional by at least using their manners.
It doesn’t even take a second to say thank you when someone holds a door open for you 
Today is just not a good day. I would normally look forward to a couple bottles of wine after work to make myself feel better but would end up more depressed
Just going to take all my pent up shitty feelings to the gym later. I hope everyone’s day goes better than mine x
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Day 16. Depression’s been creeping in a bit but there’s one thing that could make it ten times worse that I won’t be doing.
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Day 346 
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Here for you if you need to vent!! Hope today’s a better day for ya. Sending you some good vibrations
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Congratulations, knocking on the door of a year is an amazing accomplishment. Nice work
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Congrats on day 16!! Great attitude. I’m also trying to find that inner strength too.
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Checking in Day 16 af and drug free
I know I want to be sober. And I’m getting to the point where I don’t give a f**k what anyone thinks anymore.
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Ugh feel better man. I didn’t have many symptoms either, a small sore throat, little achy and that was it. Had it 4 times so far lol.
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Good for you. 
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Day 72. Good morning everyone, I woke up a little late so didn’t get to shower. Got outside to freezing rain and it was slick. I got soaked, and was almost to work and realized I forgot my paperwork for my pre employment checkup at 9🙄 so I had to turn all the way around go back to my house and grab them. Got to work at 7 and yeah almost hit the pavement about 20 times. Need to pass a drug screen which I’m proud to be able to say no problem. I did tell that girl yesterday that hey I think we need to settle down and work on each other. To which she agreed and then idk why but I got mad bc she agreed. I only show my self just how unstable I am and how not ready I am for a relationship or really any female communication. Also to any females on here who read my stuff, I hope you don’t think I’m a pig of human being. I’m working so hard on this stuff, having two daughters I’m trying to be the type of guy I would want my daughters to date. And currently ATM I’m not that guy and I’m ok to admit that. But yeah anyways much love, have a wonderful Thursday
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Day
260 no alcohol
191 no ciggs or vapes
30.75 no form of marijuana
Stayed up super late
Do i regret it?
Hell no online meeting was too good
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Congrats on 4 months, fabulous work!
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