So glad you kept your balance Hannah. Same happened to me this weekend. I feel a bit stronger because of it.
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Day 28
Feeling strong in my desire and commitment to not drink today
ODAAT
-Solar
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Day 834 AF
Feeling better today. Just dealing with a cough. I did laundry yesterday and washed all the shit Iāve been coughing on. Got my appetite back. Been eating more.
I had a dream I was working at Vons last night. Worked there in my early 20s. It felt like I worked an 8 hr shift. There was a deal on eggs. Two 18 pks for 45 cents! There were people paying with 2 quarters. Some guy came through my register with broken eggs. There was yolk leaking out of the packs. Iām like, āsir, would you like us to get you another pack?ā. He was like, ānah, these were the last oneās leftā. There was another guy who had a cart full of Banquet frozen meals. Iām talking 1000s, lol.
Gonna shower in a bit, go to the store and buy cleaning supplies.
Have a great sober Sunday, fam. Take care.
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Checking in day 511! Went to an arcade/bar yesterday to play games. When I ordered my Diet Coke, a drunk girl at the bar asked ājust a Diet Coke? wrong with you?ā I could recognize that checked out look in her eyes any day- I used to have it all the time. I just responded āIām an alcoholic so I donāt drink.ā Gotta admit, I love how much that disarms people verses the excuses I used to give. Suddenly the people around congratulated me, and she didnāt have anything more to say. At most, I hope my statement modeled that itās possible if she is curious about the journey. At the least, I loved throwing her off 
Anyway, just wanted to share!
Hope everyone has a super sober Sunday 
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I love that.
āIām an alcoholic so I donāt drink ā
No shame in that. Itās a strength that can and should be shared.
Thank you for that. I will definitely add to my retorts when I feel the need to silence someone, as opposed to my usual ignoring them.
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Keep going buddy. Check in every day.
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Love ur response to her!! It sounded like u said that with so much confidence! Way to go!
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Sorry to hear youāre not well @Amy30
Hope you get a treatment for your depression. Itās such a sneaky desease.
Hope you feel better soon Amy.
Youāre such a wonderful person. Sending love and strength your way.
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Thank you, Anne. Thatās so kind of you. 
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Same here Amy, swimming in a bog at the moment. Hold on in there.
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I bet that is a weird feeling - like re-wiring your thoughts and emotions. WAY to go with your 2000 days of AF!
I think you have made great strides in your sobriety and addictive behavior. I know some days donāt feel like it but you should focus on the positiveās you are putting into your life.
That anxiety and feeling of despair (like we are not good enough) does linger as we are trying to rid our addict behavior and make a better life for ourselves. I had to talk these emotions out with a therapist to get to the root cause of the feelings as that was what was driving my addictions (a full circle). Sending you strength on this path of recovery and self discovery. You are doing great - just donāt give in to the negative thoughts. 
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Thatās the way to do it! Well done 
I love the reactions I get too, especially when I see myself in that person. For the same reason, I hope it sparks their thoughts about it so they might ponder the notion for themselves. Whether it helps them one day or not, the thought was planted 
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Interview isnāt happening. The guy emailed me back and said my target salary range was too high for the role, even though heād already asked for my availability for a call and didnāt even give me a chance to address if I was flexible (I am). He could have at least given me a 5 minute conversation. I was really excited about this one. I emailed him back to explain but I doubt heāll respond. Just the turd topping on this crap cake. I am REALLY being tested. Iām worried for myself. Thereās only so much a person can take.
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Day 30.
I have seen day 30 so many times, since the 1st time I tried to quit, likely back in my early 20ās (three decades ago). This time, I am really trying to not dictate failures around dropping 30-90 days. I am working very hard about āwhy.ā Why is it that I have insisted on alcohol to change my life? I have rarely used it in a social situation since a couple decades ago. I have acknowledged that it allows me a tendency to give up control over crappy things that are going on personally.
To be real about it, when I had my accident, that I still donāt remember, falling down the stairs at my new dwelling, it has, after a month-hospital stay and months without pure taste, smell, balance or thought, given me a reason to fight for control of things that matter 100% personally, with my family, and job/financially.
That āhitā took so much from me that beer never took for more than a couple hours. To some peoplesā āwhat?ā I believe the accident led me to a serious quit-land. That I, and sober I, can solely be committed to what is right in my behavior.
That is all for now. Turning 55 in less than a month. Hereās to a really cool age, defining a really cool choice, on a really cool quit, and really cool behavior.
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328
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No such thing as over sharing. If you see my post I relate very much, once my ex cheated on me it broke me inside and this whole different person came about. I never was a jealous guy, I let her do what she wanted and she slept with all my friends, called me fat, ugly, useless, nobody liked me. it created this monster in me, when I date new girls or try. I instantly almost become jealous and think they are talking to other guys. All while Myself canāt behave and sleep with other women. Something I never ever did. Itās like I need validation from females now. Idk something Iām working hard on. But thank you for sharing
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@Vikingsfan Focussing on how my life is different helps me. Especially on days when actually I didnāt do so great. I threw together an easy dinner and watched too much Netflix? And least I made something safely. At least I was sober for my kids when they came home. Etc
@Catmama23 Certainly donāt fake positivity if that is not what you are feeling. Let it out. Sobriety is hard. Relationships are hard. Doing the two together is doubly hard. It is always ok to feel what you are feeling, that is your reaction. If you feel blank then that is how your body is reacting. Give yourself grace.
@JP123 Thank you for sharing. Past experiences of betrayal can definitely make us feel worthless. As can the addiction and mental health as you correctly point out. You are very much worthy as a person, as we all are. STDs are of course mostly preventable, but few people are always safe. I have had a few tests and got caught with one myself. Be kind to yourself. And just remember that you are acting more responsibly now.
@Steve92 Sneaked in a fantastic milestone there! Congratulations 
Keep working on the other stuff, we are all works in progress.
@Earnit Those head games we play about a certain length of time can be hard. Just one day at a time. And repeat. You can do it.
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Day 1266
Life being very lifey at the moment. Two appliances have bit the dust. I am really struggling with irritation and overthinking. And wanting validation. The kids are needing support and guidance in things that I am not great in.
On the plus side, I got my right helix pierced. It seems to be healing well and I can sleep on that side again.
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Life being lifey. Yep, I get it. I had to look up right helix. Itās actually something Iāve considered doing also. Glad to hear it is healing. Sorry about the dumb appliances and the coup they pulled.
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