Hey folks,
Sorry I haven’t been on here for a little while. Ironically, the more I struggle, the less I check in. I’m quite aware my addictions are the root cause of the self-destructive cycle that’s dominated much of my life. My addictions fuel hopelessness, depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, self-isolation, loneliness, guilt, shame, stress and despair - which in turn fuel my addictions. As amazingly far as I’ve come from my traumatized child & teen self, escaping my life circumstances via addictions, I still have a long way to go… I am so grateful to be here though. So grateful that I recognise and understand my problems in the first place and know deep down what I want and need to do. I am grateful to be on the path of recovery. And right here, right now, nowhere else, because this is me and my journey. And I intend to accept, forgive, embrace, love, face and own it all… Thank you all for being part of my journey too.
So, where am I at right now? Sober for a couple of days again now. I know I’m a rollercoaster. But I’m committed, and every time I come back I can feel the additional maturity and strength that rewiring my brain and lifestyle give me. I feel like my motivation and energy fade the longer I procrastinate taking responsibility. Today I didn’t work, and wasted a lot of time aimlessly lounging around browsing, but I did also cook, go for a walk up a hill and analysed via notepad where I’m at in my life, what I’m doing wrong and what I can do about it. Knowing and wanting better deep down are deeply ingrained. I don’t intend to relapse and am confident I’ve got this.
So, where to next? Well, my plan for tomorrow is to wake up early, get a haircut, look around for and buy some hiking/camping gear for my upcoming roadtrip, and if I have much time after before returning from the city, meet up with a friend or my father for some important catching up. I’ll probably set off in a week as my sister intends to visit beforehand.
A routine I intend to normalise in my life: wake up early, brush my teeth, take a cold shower, eat a healthy breakfast, meditate, [insert productive daily goal/s for the day from my to-do-list here], cook and eat a healthy dinner, sleep by midnight without my phone.
I think staying mindful will be what really counts.
Anyways fam, I hope you have a lovely, successful, mindful and sober day or night whoever and wherever you are in the world right now… 
So easy to get overwhelmed right now. But if I look around I can be grateful. I have a home and I’m set up. I don’t have to second guess any of my decisions. This is the way and it will come together.
and 
