@pamela Way to go with your 3 weeks of sobriety! Sending you and your doggy much healing energy! Hope the recovery period goes smoothly and comfortably. @noshame 9 months WOOT WOOT – way to go Matt! This is an amazing milestone @butterflymoonwoman Oh i’m so sorry friend. I really can’t believe the unprofessionalism of this nurse and the company. I am sorry that you have to once again prepare yourself for overnight shifts. So sorry friend. Grateful that you are playing the tape forward and are protecting your sobriety. Here for you if you need to vent or extra support I know that your overnight shifts cause weariness and increase the urges. Keep strong love – you are stronger than this addiction. Still feeling emotional but grateful for the lots of crying today. The hair dying experience also kept me very occupied as the dye stained everything Grateful I have cleaned everything except for my hands. @catmancam posted a pic on the selfie thread. Hard to see the green – shows up in different light and in different parts of the hair LOL. Also darkened the remaining hair that it didn’t make green. A very messy experience and my hands are still oily and green My goodness friend – awful that you had to spend so much time trying to rectify the error. Grateful you got the refund. @jp123 thanks friend – did feel like being a bit funky. You are most welcome my friend – we really do help each other so much during this sobriety journey Zumba and yoga classes sound heavenly – perfect way to take care of yourself – glad you are considering making it a regular thing @lisa-b yeah 44 days! Sorry that the positive energy subsided. Hopefully with a restful evening you will get it back. I have only done therapy once but I believe it should be more a session of you talking and them listening and offering help and guidance in making sense of your thoughts and emotions. Are you able to shop around for therapists? You should feel comfortable with your therapist so that you can get the most out of your sessions.
Checking in on Saturday evening
416 day free of alcohol and weed
831 days free of cigarettes
Been a long day and I feel tired. Have a migraine starting which I am trying to will away. Think all the chemicals I used to clean the stained dye mess may have gone to my head. Grateful that I did try the dye and got some green bits throughout my hair - it darkened the rest of my hair. It says it will wash out in 12-14 washes. It seems that the dye bleeds and stains every time it gets wet so this will be fun. Just hope it does not ruin any clothing or sheets in the mean time. Ive been dying my hair at home since I was a teen and this has got to be the most insane experience.
Got through the absolute fuckery that was yesterday, only to wake up sweaty, cranky and craving the bad stuff.
“Just one drink and I’ll be fine!” My stupid brain tells me! Lol, absolutely not! Been there, done that and have the liver damage to prove it. No bueno.
Going to go for a walk later, hopefully. I still have an awful headache and have been sleeping for about 16-18 hours each day! My poor body is so battered, but I’m grateful for its resilience.
I find that delving into video games has really helped the time pass. I tend to get so absorbed that I forget about drinking.
Today is definitely going to push me to my limit, but I need to do this or I am going to die. Simple as.
2614 days. I was drunk once sometime more than 7 years ago, crashed my computer and lost most of my twin’s baby photos. Yeah, I did that, Spent the day today copying all of my photos to my new computer where they will be backed up instantly to the cloud. I also went for a longish walk for me, which felt good. Not much else to write but just wanted to check in.
Checking in day 40. Need a good night’s sleep. Some family conversations were uncomfortable for me today. It didn’t help that I was tired, which made me cranky. The crazy family dynamics make me want to scream and/or run away. But the discomfort was just a short part of the day. The rest of the day was good. Wishing everyone peace.
Quiet night shift last night so got a full on day of family in. Kids swimming lessons, out for lunch, then home to assemble some new bunks for the kids. Bit disappointed I wont be home tonight to witness thier excitement.
Nightshift again tonight.
Another long day, but I did it to myself. Worked a 50th wedding anniversary for a couple I really like. Worth it. Went home and layed on the couch until my work friends said they were going out. It was the same old usual Saturday night. Have to work again tomorrow morning for brunch, which I didnt know til Thursday when the schedule came out. I hope it’s quick so I can clean up a bit around here before getting my girl. Should be a nice, quiet drive with the super bowl going on. Off to bed as I have to be at work in 8 hours Goodnight all you sober rockstars
Glad I made the best of yesterday. Did a good 4 hour ride. Had some good food. Got a big book on experiential expertise for self study. Today there’s rain as was expected. Will make the best of it.
I do feel a bit off mentally. A couple of things at work last week threw me off. Some aggression going on, which I handle much better these days but I still hate it. And a long talk I had with a lady that I felt I couldn’t do anything meaningful for. I don’t know. Three steps forward, two back sort of stuff I guess. At least I’m clean and sober so I can work on it. Never going back.
Have as good a day as you all can friends. Sober and clean. I’ll visit my sis for coffee and see the kittens she recently got. Kitten therapy is always good. Love from my ride.
Life still being lifely.
My daughter had flu which really knocked her sideways, 3 days of fever, not eating, needing taking to the toilet, etc. On day 6 now and she is still mostly in bed, eating a few mouthfuls only. Usually she bounces right back after sickness, I feel like this one will take a while.
Son has had a few meltdowns recently. I have been looking for courses or workbooks about emotional regulation. He seems unable to process anger or guilt or fear and just goes into panic and scream mode. It is really hard to stay calm and sympathetic myself when it goes on for extended lengths of time.
Me, I am feeling pretty down on myself. A few things have happened that made me feel like I am not good enough. Not getting classes I applied for, seeing other people with busy social lives and happy marriages. The binge eating and escaping through media has been pretty bad since I am at home alone all day. Making a vicious cycle I know. I started Betterhelp therapy again because I was feeling bad, but I feel guilty about the expense and that I am not sure I get enough out if it to be worth it. I have been around recovery / self-help long enough to know what the therapist is trying to do, but my own thought patterns or reactions are too stuck. It just feels a bit pointless. It sounds dramatic, but I start drafting my suicide note in my head sometimes. Then I realise that your mother killing yourself is the worse thing to do to a child, and won’t cause them that pain. But as they get older and need more ‘adult’ guidance, I wonder how well I can do that. I can cuddle babies when they cry and teach them how to share toys, but how can I teach my kids social and emotional skills when I am so poor at them myself?
This recovery lark is a lot more than just quitting drinking my friends. Glad to have somewhere to share my ruminations.
Big hugs Flo. I can say so much about what you’re sharing but let me say this: why do you think people become therapists? It’s not because they are brilliant at life I can assure you. They try and learn about it through their work. And we all work on being better versions of ourselves through recovery. Or we should anyway. I’m glad you’re here. Thanks for sharing. Much love your way.
Today’s card is about our body’s connection to the space that surrouds us.
@Lile01 Great resolve! Your attitude inspires me. @JazzyS Get well soon. Had a migraine yesterday. No fun @CATMANCAM Here, a big, fat battery full of energy, just for you @Butterflymoonwoman An imaginary self care and pampering cruise is coming your way . Sauna, Massage, tons of good sleep, choose your pick @Misokatsu I’m very sorry things are so draining right now. Regarding teaching your kids life skills: You don’t know which parts of you will inspire them. It might be seeing you dealing with shit and not giving up. They will in their lives definitely come into situations of overwhelm. And then they’ll remember how their parent did not give up. But instead preserved although they felt like a failure and a mess. This is always better than not being around to teach them that life is always worth trying.
81 sugar
37 UPF
3 overeating/binge
Not really awake yet
Todays plans: weekly review, and ice skating . We haven’t been to the ice rink this season yet. I’m Excited !
Whatever the day brings I’m looking forward to using my newly learned skills.
I’m so sorry that happened. But I’m sure your twins will be more grateful for a sober mom over losing those pictures Karen. Amazing stack of sober days you have!
523 ago, question:“please could you kindly take us a photo?”, answer: “no, sorry, I am a rush”. Today, same question, answer: “yes, sure”. Reason: shaking hands forbid me to take any kind of photo.
Today I am not the best photographer, but I do not have to disguise my alcoholism. My hands are ok.
I know that your overnight shifts cause weariness and increase the urges. Keep strong love – you are stronger than this addiction. Still feeling emotional but grateful for the lots of crying today. The hair dying experience also kept me very occupied as the dye stained everything 
Grateful I have cleaned everything except for my hands.
Zumba and yoga classes sound heavenly – perfect way to take care of yourself – glad you are considering making it a regular thing
Goodnight all you sober rockstars 
. Sauna, Massage, tons of good sleep, choose your pick 
. We haven’t been to the ice rink this season yet. I’m Excited 
!
