Good morning everyone. Checking in on day 72. I’m just heartbroken, I don’t know what else to say, trying to pick up the pieces and put myself back together. Not thinking about using, just hoping and praying she will be ok so my mind is full at the moment, no room for bullshit thoughts like using.
I do appreciate the kind words, thoughts and prayers yesterday from folks. It really meant a lot, so thank you again.
and 
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Day 252 AF.
Thanks for all the birthday wishes yesterday. It really cheered me up.
Unfortunately today I’m not feeling so good. I’m going to try to be gentle with myself today.
One moment at a time today.
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If you don’t hear it enough, hear it from me. I’m proud of you. I’m proud of you taking care of your child with the flu, bc I just went through that and it’s exhausting. Also, the stress of being a parent and having a child you’re trying to help through emotional situations drains your own emotions. But you’re here, you’re fighting, you’re getting the support you need. Even if you don’t feel like a fighter on the inside you look like a damn warrior on the outside. You have this community here that truly only wants the best for your and your family and sobriety. Never give up that fight, and when you feel like your strength is getting low, tag us in for some emotional support 
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Day 42
I woke up way too early for a Sunday…
I plan to have a relaxing couch potato day. Other than trying to convince my husband that watching the Super Bowl is a family event that we love doing, even if we don’t love the teams 
… goodness help me with this stubborn man. Maybe I should threaten him that only those watching the game get to eat the yummy snacks provided.
Much love to everyone 
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lol, much like you guys. Wife and son is watching and I could care less. Not partaking as it seems a lot of time in front of tv for nothing I wish to watch. lol. Enjoy though!
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When we used to have SB parties. We used to put prop pools together so the people that really didn’t like football were still somewhat engaged. Sheets with say. Who will win the coin toss, first play, run or pass, first animal in a commercial, first celebrity, all weird shit And then give out prizes at the end for whoever has the most right. Like how many times will they show Taylor Swift today? Probably over 30.
Or this, this would work on me. 
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Checking in Day 2
I am doing alright. I am traveling this week and that will like be a triggering danger zone for me. Anytime I am alone on a work trip that makes me want to act out. I am trying to go into this week with peace and focus. I would like to have some spiritual practices this week to keep me on the path I need to go. I am going to tell my sponsor about how it has been going and let him know about the danger zone I have to enter this week. I will also be in contact with my accountability partner to check in. I just got to keep heading forward. I had a good night last night with family which kind of reset my emotions a little bit. Little by little I am getting back on my feet.
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Maryland Crab dip or no crab dip, that’s his only choice right now… I’m sure he will choose wisely. Look, now that the Ravens are out… I’m only here for Usher and Taylor … oh and family time 
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I get it. I told my husband this morning he could sit on Facebook marketplace the entire time if he wanted but he had to be in the room and join in on conversation from time to time. He doesn’t even have to look at the tv for all I care 
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Checking in day 8.
Hello everyone, hope you’re all having (had) a lovely Sunday. I went for a row this morning on the harbourside with my rowing club. I love the water - being on it, in it, next to it…it’s my favourite thing. I grew up next to the sea (Cornwall) and miss it all the time. I had a panic attack on the boat but was able to work through it without jumping over board.
It’s cold in the UK today. I’ve felt quite tired this weekend and still not in a great headspace. I feel like it’s exhausting being in my body/mind at the moment – my thoughts are rapid and endless, from the moment I wake to the moment I fall asleep.
Grateful for a Sunday though and the opportunity to rest before a busy work week ahead. 
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. 2
I feel terrible compared to where I been before relapsing. This last time I drinked quite a lot. I always feel positive, motivated, energetic, creative… Now I feel none of those / De-pressed mood / Anxious. Totally not me. Was it worth for few minutes of high?
It is interesting to see how darkness slowly picks you up again, tricks you… It’s dangerous. Every step backwars equals months of progression forwards.
I still feel the positive side of my previous period of abstinence. It’s like having that little spark of light that is giving hope. Few more slips and I know there will be no more light.
It’s hard for me to put words together these last few days. I am in good place right now. I know it does not feel confortable at the moment, but I am already in the right path. Every day will be better now.
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Checking in Day 33
Feeling pretty low today.
Had a fight with my roommate and now it’s tense and awkward and I feel trapped with nowhere to go.
I’m just tired of having to explain myself.
He thinks I’m trying to play the victim and it’s a mind fuck and makes me feel really bad about myself cause I do care about him and value his opinion. I rearranged some stuff and he took it as a personal attack. I feel like all I do is fuck everything up. My finances suck thanks to not being money conscience. Trying to focus on the good. I have a good job, I have a roof over my head, I have food in my belly. I have an adorable pup and a precious kitty. I have family that loves me. And I still have sobriety. Deep breath in, deep breath out.
Keep fighting all. It’s not easy but it’s worth it. Or so they say…
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I definitely relate to how you’re feeling and it’s great that you decided sobriety is for you and came back here for support. That definitely counts for something. Trying to stay positive is hard when the darkness wants to consume you I totally get it I’m there right now. Tomorrow is a new day and who knows what it can bring! Keeping fighting for a sober tomorrow!
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Thank You!
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Checking in day 41 AF 
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Checking in on day 47. Feeling bored and annoyed because I managed to grate my finger instead of the cheese. So I can’t play any music or do any sewing. I have other things I could be doing but can’t be bothered. Still I’m sober, I’ve done the stuff my parents need and the dogs are groomed so it’s tea and books this afternoon.
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Hey all,
Just wantwd to checj in as I am feeling exhausted and i have that weird anxious feeling thats more physical then mental. I feel so very overstimulated by my kids, they are so loud & demanding LOL and weekends often feel so exhausting! It makes me feel like Im doing something wrong like the weekend comes around and you just want to enjoy it with your kids, do stuff, maybe relax with them…its not that my expectation is that it will always be swimming, but more ofren rhen not the weekends feel like a fuxking shit show!! Last weekebd i was telling my husband its normal, its okay and being that voice of reason but this weekend I feel like HOLY HELL WHAT IS WRONG WITH US???
I havent heard from my dad hardly in a month. This makes me sad. I know he is avoiding me bc of conflict and i have been very…im not sure what the word is, but honest and open abput how I feel. Its not fun talks and its hard, and I feel like he is doing what he is doing during conflict which is back the fuxk away. I feel hurt and yet am trying to give him the benefit of the doubt, but i also feel like giving my fam the benefit of the doubt and being accepting all these years is what has gotteb me here. I have to learn how not to take it personally, but it is really hard. I have always chased my dad, since I was a little girl. I know that i stopped doing that when i had kids of my own; as i reflected on things diff but its so hurtful how i have been made to be the bad guy and black shesp here. It has to be none of my business right? I have to…learn to let go; and know that i wont find closure there, i have to find closure in myself. I have done it before, but its just hard now and im struggling with a saddness.
I have waves of happiness and focus on my family; and then that feeling of saddness around the my sister and nephew and my dad. This is life, i am just in need of these big hurts to stop now. I want to move forward in my life, and I dpnt want my children ro feel the burden of all that I have lost and been through.
Just needed to vent a bit this AM & thank you so much for being here. I am feeling so lonely without being able to talk to my sister. I am reading a true crime book where the sisters in it spoke multiple times a day as well, and I honestly felt so good to hear that bc I always felt like yhat probably sounds insane to people or not believable that we did. But we did. And theres this empty space, and a big hole with my parents too. I dont really have a rel with them right now tjat isnt about my nephew or our legal issues. We rarely talk about regular things. Im jist sad right now, and neednto let out that saddness.
Xo.
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I’m sorry,luv. Sending you hugs and goodness.
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Checking in . 7 months sober. 214 days.
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Day 89. Well I’ve been pretty good about sleeping in but yesterday was Saturday and I did sleep all day. Friday night when I fell asleep I had the absolutely most real using dream and I did so much bad stuff. And I just felt so ashamed Saturday and felt like I really relapsed and I was tired and hung over so I just slept. I still thought it was real today when I woke up. I was afraid to leave or be seen or anything. But I’m glad it wasn’t real, I got out did a little shopping and I’m back home and just gonna watch a movie and relax. Tomorrow will be 3 months so thats exciting much love everyone
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