Oh, I absolutely agree. But I’m at high risk of a seizure (again), hence my conundrum. It’s just the advice I’ve been given by professionals. Unfortunately, it doesn’t look like this withdrawal is going to go away by itself, I’ve been suffering horrifically since Saturday and it’s just getting worse.
Currently seeking advice and will go back to hospital if I have to. I’m not going to drink 
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Thank you so much. I am sorry you are feeling off. Are you feeling better after a rest?
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Day 1150,
Didn’t do much today. It was a bummer that the gym was closed today, due to carnaval. Only two days left and then back to normal. Messaged a Tindermatch I will be leaving the app (one of the things I ‘shouldn’t’ be doing but did the last few weeks). Now she replied if it means I don’t want to get to know each other better. So overthinking my reply at the moment. Just can feel the void I tried to fill the last weeks, but the connection with myself is improving and just shed some tears.
Have a good day all, this little neighborhood cat keeps me company. Grateful for that 
Edit; wanna go to bed, but hmmm 
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Checking in. Thank you all for your kind and encouraging words! Today was busy with work, so that was a good distraction. I have plenty of tasks this week, so hopefully I won’t get lost in overthinking or overfeeling. I even arranged a meet-up with a buddy, who just moved back to town after half a year. We will go to a movie at the weekend and have a chat. I feel a bit anxious about that, although I’ve always had a good time speaking to her. Now I’m just going to watch a show and read a bit to get enough sleep for tomorrow. Luckily I have quite a few interesting books at the moment – it has been a long time since I got hooked by books, but recently they are my number one companions.
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Welcome to the community! I hope your Monday went well. 
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Yes, that’s totally true. I will definitely have to address this with my therapist. By now my priority was to regain balance in everyday life when nothing happens, so that my normal routine can have some kind of a keeping power and to realize, that I’m not in my past anymore, so I don’t have to function in survival mode. But it’s time to deal with loneliness, and expand this thinking to relationships, and accept that I can be safe there too. This feels totally nonsense at the moment, and my instinct fights it big time, but I have to head that way step by step.
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My bonus kid and I were talking about her splitting time with here and her father’s house, she is always welcome here, but she is worried about her dad being alone. …
So I went over today. And oh my 
The house isn’t even safe for him to live in imo!
The ceiling has fallen in upstairs, the roof is leaking, there’s animal feces in every room of the house, the ceiling in her room is starting to sag and the paint is falling down.
There’s no way she can safely live there. She said she wants to live here full time, and I agree that she should, but I’m almost certain her father won’t approve of her moving out.
I told her she should start going over after school and filling a backpack each day until her stuff is all or mostly here. She sleeps here every night anyway. And he can take her to and from the bus stop during the week so she can still see him.
Her birthday is coming up (Leap year baby) and I want to do something special for her. Her dad said he would put $800 towards a car, but I’m not sure if he will still be willing to if she officially moves out.
Kinda feeling unsure of how to proceed.
I know she can’t stay there. It’s not safe.
I also know that she needs a car and I can’t afford one on my own.
And I also am concerned for her father’s well-being.
Lots of emotions.
At the end of the day I have to do what’s right for her, and have no problem taking her on full time…but at the same time it’s one more person to take care of and if he isn’t on board with her moving here officially (she’s been here since October) then he probably won’t support her financially…
Not sure what the purpose of this post is, just needed to vent .
Love y’all
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Im nearly in tears. Idk how to control this one stupid belief in my head that drives me to hurt myself. I’ve never been sober as long as I had been and it’s been super hard since relapsing. I’m emotional. I have to help and be there for everyone that loves me and whom I love. If not I know I’m gonna lose them. They’ll walk away bc I had nothing to give to them. It’s not a greed thing for them it’s like “shes too emotionally unstable or heartless to meet my needs and help me so I’m done with her”
I HATE this feeling like I am gonna lose them like one day I’ll notice that theyre missing, no calls no emails, no texts. Just gone. Everyone I love has to know that I’ll do whatever it takes to keep them around because I can’t stand the thought of them disappearing. It’s happened 1 too many times already. I told my parents about my relapse late last and early this morning but none of us told my sister. If she finds out wth is gonna happen? Is she gonna walk away too? Is she gonna tell me I can’t be her maid of honor?? I can’t miss being in her wedding. I can’t. Why is this happening???
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. 4
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Day 729
Today has been a decent day actually. I started baking my heart shaped cakes for my Valentines Day cake that we are gifting to my husbands coworker and his wife. I also made the cream cheese buttercream for the frosting. Im excited to see it come together tmrw.
Toe still hurts alots. But its better than yesterday. Its taking a long time to heal.
Not much else happening today. Just some cleaning and relaxing 
Hope everyone is doing well today
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Checking in on day 47 AF. So happy to not have a hangover the day after Superbowl. Still feeling strong but the sugar cravings are real!
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Day 512 AF
Another beautiful day out of town for work.
512 days and continuing to count my blessings for the freedom I now have and the better life I am building.
Life lately has been not much other than work and hitting the gym, got to hang out with my son in the weekend and that was amazing. Im starting to feel rather short as hes now a couple of inches taller than me.
I hope we are all traveling well sober fam!
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@Minfofsobermike As you know yourself, recovery is a journey, just keep on the path, even if there are twists and turns. Congratulations 
@Peepers Welcome and congrats 
@JazzyS Sending love and energy back to you.
@RosaCanDo I still feel a touch of pride when I am around drinking anywhere and I don’t feel that twinge of jealousy. Good luck on the new job. 
@Tragicfarinelli Well done staying sober through a stressful time. 
@Lile01 I hope you feel as well as you can through the night. Post if you need to.
@Scorpn That sounds very distressing. I am not sure of the right step either. But kudos to you for your kind heart, but make sure to take care of yourself.
@Jules000 I’m sure you know this in your head, but whether people stay or go in your life is controlled by them, not you. You can give everything to a person and they leave, or you can give nothing and they still stay. You can only think about yourself. What can you give to a person (what energy or time can you spare) that you want to give just because you want to. Not because you are trying to get them to act in a certain way. In my nonprofessional opinion.
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47 days free of alcohol
41 days free of THC
Caught a cold… in the early stages and not feeling good at all. Still better than being hungover after a binge. Thank you so much for all the support 
this is truly an amazing community and we are stronger when we remember we are not alone in this fight.
Oh btw, I’m an alcoholic and will be taking responsibility for my sobriety! No alcohol or drugs for me, keep that poison away, just some EmergenC. Curious what folks think about NyQuil/cold medicines that have some alcohol component. I won’t be having any but I haven’t had to confront that issue until now.
Sweet sober moments and dreams 
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I had this dilemma with the cough/cold medicine that has alcohol in.
This was in the last 6 months.
I was very concerned about it and tried every medicine that didn’t contain it. It was COVID long dry sore throat that felt like it was ripping inside. I needed a liquid proper cough medicine and they all seems to have ethanol/alcohol. I used one with low alcohol.
I did look up other cough medicine to find the lowest and I can tell you that Covonia has high alcohol content and also beechams all in one liquid medicine states not for alcoholics as it’s a high content too.
Hope you feel better soon 
definitely give the tablets a try of beechams all in one cold and flu as they don’t contain alcohol. They seemed to work for me until for 3 days I literally had to get something specifically for my throat.
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Just in bed will fall asleep reading around here.
I wanted you to know you are amazing, and that I’m here all the way from the UK thinking about you
You are worth so much and such a lovely person.
I hope today has been kind to you and that you have managed to eat something.
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@Trixie1 congrats on 150 days I hope you enjoyed your vacation
@Mindofsobermike congrats on 90 days
@Peepers welcome congrats on 5 days
@JazzyS I’m sorry the emotions feel heavy sending strength 🩵
@RosaCanDo good luck for your first day 
@Catmama23 feel better soon 🩵
1281 days no alcohol.
746 days no cocaine.
261 days no vape.
6 days no binge-eating.
-Read one chapter.
-Watered my plants.
-Went for my walk.
-Caught up with some meditations.
-Watched 2 episodes of my favourite TV show.
Tomorrow is the therapy around sexual boundaries. I should find out whether the person she contacted is able to offer any support with the potential addiction side of things. However, at the moment, I’d still just rather leave it all in the past and not put myself at risk, so if I voice that, it may be our final session.
Really struggling not to binge, even walked to the shop last night intent on buying binge foods, but managed to talk myself out of it on the way there, and walked right past it. I did turn around to go back…twice! But in the end, turned back around and carried on walking home. I’m safe for tonight as well because the shops are already closed, so that’s a relief.
🩵
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I felt the same way this morning… first one in a long time after a Super Bowl waking up fresh with no headache or fog 
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@Juli1 reminds me of the saying ‘a smooth sea never made a skilled sailor’
@Peepers welcome. Those first weeks are definitely dominated by thoughts of drinking. My reasoning was that if I gave in and drank it wouldn’t actually stop me from obsessing over drinking, but I’d be back in the cycle of obsessing over do I have enough drinks?am I over the driving limit? Am I drunk enough but not too drunk to function?
Stay sober and those thoughts of drinking will lessen. Keep checking in here and adding 1 day at a time
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Hey ya’ll
Yeesh exhausted! Dealing with court & lawyers while at work, man not fun. Got another BS letter from the CPS lawyer (who is new so has no idea wtf is going on) trying to blame our family for being dishonest and thats why the turn around on their part. Saying CPS thought my nephew was on a waitlist already, implying I said so which I NEVER DID. we cannot get him on a waitlist without an agencies help, we have been asking CPS to help us since June and they said they could not. Its only recently my nephew became part of a progran where they helped us with this application. But FOR SOME REASON, CPS is saying our family gave them the impression my nephew was already on a waitlist. Like WHO THE FUCK did i say this to?
Im just quite tired, you know? And I see the weight of all of this ib my daily life and on ny husband and how we just dont absorb crap days and falling down like normal people, because we’re still carrying this goddamn sack of bricks on our backs and Im tired. I have a lot of work to do around the greif and trauma, and the trauma that is ongoibg in both the crimibal and family court processes. I have never trusted the system, but more in a general way of understanding what it means to be corrupt…I never imagined that my sister beinf murdered would have me watching this horror show unravel around my nephew. Its criminal, like so much of what has been normalized in our world.
I am very grateful that I dont want to drink today and I know I have to get through these next 2 months. This is just hard when there is no end in sight. I thought we could go in to the trial, with a plan for my nephew and now CPS has pulled the rug from underneath us. They know when they pull back support, because of my nephews disability and required support he will end up in CPS case because our family cannot afford it.
Lordt help me for I dont want to be bitter, I dont want to be full of rage but I do want to tear it all down. Xo. Love you all and again sorry for the ranting but I feel like…its going to be like that the enxt few months xo.
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