I still feel hard hangovers in the morning…
Or am I just getting old?
Will prepare some green tea drink for today.
I feel I overate yesterday night, but maybe I just underate during the day…and needed energy. This topic is still over me, like a grey cloud.
All my life, I feel too this and that. I know I am not alone with bad body image. Just want to be free. Or freer. Working on it. But the path of bad thoughts is like a highway and the new one just some trampled grass. Just needed to get this off my chest
Good day.
Dropped the kids off at school then went with my partner and had a go at swimming laps for some exercise. She’s quite good and I’m pretty average, but I really enjoyed it.
After that we went out for lunch and ran some errands before we picked the kids up.
Dinner. Played some uno, now the kids are off to bed.
Good day.
Day 234. Back to work today. Weekend wedding went well. My nephew and his wife paid for the whole thing. I took my parents too and from the event etc. Really good to see them all together, except my kids weren’t invited or there, mainly I think as they make no effort to keep in contact… So I’ve created an overarching WhatsApp chat… Which can be fun. I’ve also gone to my kids and said how good the wedding was and if they wanted to they can join the chat. They won’t tho I guess. Which is really saddening. However everyone else has joined the chat which is great
Managed to see urgent care and get some medication for my withdrawals. It’s helped quite a lot, but I’ve been told that I should have been detoxed for at least 3 days, so no wonder I feel so awful!
I was given enough medication for last night and this morning, so now I have to beg my GP to a) give me an appointment; and b) give me more medication.
They’ve been really unhelpful in the past and have refused to detox me, but, as urgent care has advised this, I’m hoping they’ll see sense - I’m not giving up!
Today is the 3 year anniversary of mum’s death. I lost her when I was 18 and essentially became an orphan overnight. She herself was an alcoholic, so that’s always a sad memory, but I do miss her dearly. I think the best gift I could give her is to look after myself and stay sober.
Checking in on Day 7. Reading here there are so many people going through so much, sending strength to all. I have been struggling with different life things but it is all things that will pass so being here is really putting things into perspective.
I had my usual grumpy cravings last night, where I turn into a sulky child because I can’t have what I want. But then they passed and I was able to enjoy my last hour of the evening and wake up this morning without the guilt. Does anyone else feel like they just have a childlike impulse system at times? I want therefore I should have
Have to find some tools to deal with son at bedtime; and ways to work through grief. Going to download some books on my phone, and set to it. These are difficult times but i feel like if i feed the white wolf instead of the Black dog, the white wolf will get stronger over time. Xo.
Day 4 - I am having thoughts of temptation and use this morning just afyer waking up. I need to get ready for work but it is hard to push myself out of bed. Feeling tired because I stayed up way too late last night with a friend so that is a double edged sword but it was a good time together. Going to try to kill it at work today, that would be a great gift for myself.
Today I choose to be present and grateful for this gift of life. It only gets better being sober and clean. Hope everyone has a amazing 24. Love and light
Any temptation to use seems to have died down lately which is nicer for me.
I’m having a hard time lately dissociating from things going on in the world. It’s actually causing me a tonne of anxiety. And this is where I have to cease -f- my words.
Hope you’re hanging in there through this dreary time of year. I think about you when I see you post and know you can relate to this place we live, though you’re probably dealing with worse. You’re doing great!
I was like this for three weeks I think… So so angry. It’s like men in black where your mind gets erased and all you can see is a glassful of mindlessness and escape from your pain and anger and whatever it is going on. I sat on the sofa fuming my way thru the feelings and thoughts of ‘i can start again’ ‘i always feel more resolved after a slip, this will actually help me’ … That one was the most cringey.
Keep pushing Jenny, some days bed is the only way. I was asleep before 11 last night. It helped a bit. I just have to be real with myself and treat myself with truth.
Just needed to get this off my chest
and 
this afternoon.
