Checking in on day 258 AF.
I didn’t feel great upon waking but I had a fair amount to do today that I just had to get on with. First was decorating the birthday cake which turned out really good. Then I went out to get refreshments for the girls.
Once I had everything ready for the party we had about an hour to spare and my daughter and I chatted. It was really nice. Once her friends all arrived we lit the candles on the cake and sang happy birthday. We had just enough time to eat the cake when it was time to head out for the cabaret cab ride. It was really amazing actually. A whole lot of fun involving costume changes and crazy props. It was really good fun, and not something I would have done if I were still drinking. My mood has lifted again and I feel a sense of achievement today.
I’ve just finished eating my pizza, and I’m listening to the funk and soul show on radio 6 and putting my feet up!
Wishing everyone an addiction free day.
Day 94. Hey sober fam, a nice Saturday afternoon. I went to bed around 4 in the morning and woke up around 8 and then just kinda chilled. Took a nap, and yeah now gonna head to Walmart for some stuff. Yesterday work was pretty good even with all the rooms, really tired when I’m done work which is good. I use to do this stuff before but it’s very intense here, lots of isolation rooms, med rooms, soiled utility rooms and then just patient rooms which are hard to clean. But I make the best of it and doing my best, a union rep came in and was telling us our new wages And I got confused so I asked a qs and accidentally said how much I’m making out loud well this one lady who has been there for 7 years looked at me as me and the guy were talking and I could tell she was visiblly upset, once we stop talking she looked at me with the most dirty look and said he’s making fucking more money than me and started throwing this fit. I hope I don’t get in trouble for it. I can tell this is definitely going to be a very clicky and hard place to work for. I like it, and the benefits are good but yes I can definitely tell it’s going to be hard. As any job can be, but regardless I have a job and there are way harder jobs out there. So yeah idk I feel bad bc honestly lately I’ve been waking up and getting to work and not really having time to read or go through the check in thread so I kinda just scroll through quick and post my check in. It’s very busy and when I get my breaks they go quick. Mentally I’m in a good place though. I’m very glad I got off the Wellbutrin and vyvance and all those other meds. This cymbalta really seems to be helping, I don’t really mind hanging by myself and Im still very pleasant when I am just by myself I’m not as depressed so I say it’s working pretty good. Idk much love everyone have a good day
Checking in. I managed to keep up with my work schedule, but I still have a few busy days ahead. Apart from that I didn’t do anything in particular, just baked a bunch of crescents and played the piano a bit. I think I’m quite impatient about my progress in closing my past, and that constantly makes me feel being behind and failing at it. I’m in a place where nothing feels comfortable, looking back is past hope and I just don’t seem to find my place in the present. That discomfort makes me urge myself to want to move on as quickly as possible, even though I know it all takes time. Maybe I should be more compassionate with myself. On the other hand a part of me doesn’t want closure, so I’m not sure if wanting to be more permissive with myself isn’t just an excuse to get stuck in a situation where I can still have this fake feeling of comfort that bonds me to that former, non-existing life of mine. It’s hard to give up that fake comfort and trade it for work, loneliness and feeling homeless in my own life, while not being convinced that that would be only temporary. I know I just have to live through every day as it is, and this problem will probably solve itself by time, it’s just so odd and foreign right now and it’s hard not being able to do anything to fix it.
Congrats Laura!!! Big things xo. Celebrate in life every chance you get 
. 3
Checking in
2 years 4 days
Just finished work and craving a coffee badly lol but no where to get one. Im just waiting for the bus to go home now. Maybe i can catch a coffee shop somewhere on route. Im still feeling pretty exhausted from doing that overnight shift. It usually takes about 3 days for me to feel somewhat “normal” again. We do have homecare tonight thankfully so that i can go to work tmrw. But then sunday night is my next overnight to do. Not much planned for tonight. Supper, self care, and spend time with the family. Thats about it. A quiet night. Hope everyone is having a great day!
A day of self care seems in order. Take it easy and be good to yourself❤️
Checking in day 47. Pretty uneventful day. I started to go for a walk and realized it was raining. Will try again tomorrow. Hello to all.
Checking in for a second time today, because I needed someone to know I survived.
We tag teamed spring cleaning as a family, no big deal, blast some music, work together…
Until it came to my 16 year old son’s room… and I just have to say 
… never again 
… will I volunteer to help that kid clean his teenage boy room… Bc I can’t even speak… I should’ve worn a hazmat suit. He plays football, if you know you know…
(Maybe I’m being dramatic, maybe not lol I guess it depends on your level of clean. I’m a semi germaphobe)
Excuse me while I go shower 3 times in a row…
367
I’m so grateful I forced myself to Walmart after work last night instead of waiting til today. Woke up to my car completely buried in snow! I didn’t even know it was going to snow that much (I never check the weather bc 9/10 times it’s wrong). I weirdly had the day off too so I didn’t leave the house at all! There’s not many hours to go around right now, but luckily I can still collect partial unemployment for the next couple weeks as long as I don’t make too much. Which I did last week but either way, I’m feeling financially secure again.
I had planned to hang with a friend tonight but she said she was bed ridden with back pain so I didn’t feel bad about not wanting to dig my car out. My work friends also wanted me to come out but I admitted my laziness and took a rain check (or should I say snow check 
). Overall, a super boring, unproductive day. I did spend a lot of time catching up here, so that was nice. Hoping to have tons of energy tomorrow for cleaning 
Hope you all have a good one!
Day 496
What a day!
Woke up and had to do a ton of dishes my bonus kid left in the sink last night. She left early this morning to go on a weekend trip with friends.
A couple hours later she texts me saying she has lice 
So off I go to the store to spetan ungodly amount on lice treatments/room sprays
Laundry!!!
Tomorrow is my sister’s birthday and I won’t be able to see her because of this
I took the kids to target because my little one wanted to go, and got something for everyone but myself 
because I was honestly too overwhelmed…
They wanted fast food, so I stopped by 2 places to get them food.
Then decided I didn’t want any of that but I’d get something from a real place after I drop them off.
Went to the first place, and it took 40 minutes to get (cold, sitting around for a long time) appetizer and didn’t even get the coffee I ordered when I sat down, so I asked for the bill and left.
Went to a second place, and ordered only to have my food served to me raw
Neither place provided a discount for the mistakes (missing drink, cold app at the first place, raw food at the second) and I spent way too much on it because I didn’t have the energy to argue
Came home and then realized that my cycle is starting (sorry for TMI)
And now it’s after midnight. I’m home, but never got to eat and I’m not in the mood to anymore. 
Just one thing after the other.
Tomorrow is a new day. Hope it’s better!
All of that and lice too! Yikes. Lots of work. Glad she let you know!
!Hope you’ll get some sleep. Sorry not getting to see your sister. 
I’m so sorry Renee… sounds like a day from hell. I do hope that you are able to get some sleep soon and have a better day tomorrow.
I can’t even imagine having to deal with lice with a household full of kids. Hopefully noone else has it.
Sorry that you are having to cancel your plans with your sister. Much love to you dear friend 
1716
I commuted by bike to work for the first time in months yesterday. Did me good. Being physically tired as well as mentally made for a good night’s sleep I feel. Today it’s raining so it’s back to the 
. At work there’s some trouble, hard to handle difficult folks with lots of problems and very unhealthy ways to deal with life’s challenges.
Well, I work with addicts right. We’ll make do. One day at a time. Have as good a day as you all can friends. Sober and clean. Love from my commute.
Lice…ugh…I feel your pain. I remember the first time my daughter got it and everything had to go on hold to deal with it. Like we have time for that! What a nightmare. My head got itchy just knowing she had it (I treated but never found any on myself). There’s a lot of great information around to arm yourself with what to expect and prevention. I hope it resolves quickly for you and your family 
78 days in the bank
Another day of driving. Home, then to pick up the kids and the dogs.
Tired but it was a good weekend
@Mno The fresh air of a bike ride vs stuffiness of a train car. I can practically feel it. Hope you can ride soon again.
@Scorpn Strength and patience after such a day 
@Just_Laura Sounds like the universe wanted you to stay put and have a really boring day 
@tifflynn07 I feel you! When my brother in law was a teenager and played ice hockey his parents moved him to the cellar because nobody was able to tolerate the smell.
@Tomek I get the impatience with discomfort. I’m in a similar place feelings wise and I really do not want to have to go through it all. I want a fast forward button 
@Deelzebub Sounds like a really great party you had there!
@Lainenicole96 Congrats on 90 days off weed AND one week AF 
Great work!
@PositiveThoughts ”No shame and no regrets.” I like that. A good motto!
@Jimz Victory indeed 
88 sugar
44 UPF
6 overeating/binge
Pretty numbers 
Today it’s time for my weekly review.
We’re also going to eat out in celebration of my mother’s birthday. Another social situation to navigate. It’s difficult to stay mindful around food and eating when in a social setting. All the interactions make it hard for me to hear my satiety cues. I can only try to listen as good as I can and keep practicing. Wish me luck.
A long walk after that would be nice. I also need to take care of the house plants today.
This week has been emotionally exhausting. I’m still hurt and confused. My marriage is in upheaval. I want things to go back to where they were, which obviously is not possible and not healthy. But I’d like to have peace again. This is going to take a long time and right now I just do not want to go through all that emotional turmoil. I feel angry, hurt and resentful. I’m not sure how to deal with all that except by one day at a time. It would be the perfect opportunity to act out, and I’m afraid of that. I’m afraid of thinking “fuck it” and doing something stupid in order to numb the pain.
I know acting out will not help. I know it will make things only worse. I’m going to concentrate on ODAAT. And if this is too much, on one breath at a time. I can’t avoid the pain. It had to go it’s way.
Whatever the day may bring you, I wish you wonderful people peace, kindness and freedom today 
3 . 5
LOL. This night @Mno visited my dreams and was asking > ''My Friend, what you gonna do different this time?" 
Lol thanks my Friend for such care 
As for answer, I will not change much this time as it seems for me I found my key that works for me. Tho I think it needs some slight reconstruction. I will not even change the name of the Chapter. I have this inner feeling that its still a Chapter 5 to me 
and it seems like I had to experience some collapse in my my attitude. So yes, some inner correction was needed to be done
Thanks For Being Here
How cool is that! Last night I had a dream with someone from TS as well! How weird it is, we only see somebody on some fotos and they appear in our dream. In my dream we were together at the gym, probably bcs it’s a person from February pushups challenge. Brains are such a cool things 
Wish you all happy Sunday!