49 days, feeling a little bit ‘meh’ today. But still strong, and very much sober. I have family visiting and i am enjoying their company despite feeling a bit overwhelmed by it. Wishing you all the very best!
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@juli1 Way to go with 19 days love! Sorry about the damn chat that left you feeling so empty. I do hope that good mom time helped brighten your day 
@catmancam Oh that is great news – hope that the doctor can quickly get you to a dermatologist. Glad you finally got your bank card and got things sorted. Keep that progress going – love all your timers!
@misokatsu I totally know the sensation of every little thing setting you off. Little things when you say out loud but huge as you feel them in the moment. I do hope your day got better as the day progressed. Big hugs Flo 
@just_laura Damn that sounds like a messed up frustrating night. I do hope that you are able to get in a nap or two today to recharge the battery. I am not sure but I feel like something in the air messing with sleep as I hear many people having issues sleeping lately. I do hope the cosmos reset soon.
@chevy55 Woot Woot! 44 days is amazing work my friend. I know how frustrating it is when you are doing the right things and not seeing results. Keep at it friend – everyone’s body is different and works in a different way. Maybe try different workouts as our bodies get used to the same movement over time. Keep at it Nick – will hopefully be seeing results soon. No harm can come from leading a healthy life 
@trustybird OOH I am excited to see you getting some time off and going on your vacations. I do hope you enjoy them thoroughly in celebration of your 2 year milestone and your upcoming birthday
@forgive_yourself Sorry that today is an off day. I do hope that you are able to find a way to be gentle with yourself and take it easy. Sending you hugs as you work through today. Here if you need to talk
@shel75 sorry you are still dealing with pain from the MRI shot. I do hope you get the results quickly and that they are able to help you with whatever is causing you pain / discomfort. Rest and relax today.
@shybert can relate to getting overwhelmed with company (even wanted company at times can wear me out). Hoping that your meh mood lifts and you are able to enjoy the rest of your weekend.
Checking in on Sunday afternoon
Still not getting much sleep or any relief. Glad i did finally take an Aleve to help tone down the migraine that started last night - it is so much more manageable now.
had a lovely time with my parents this morning just drinking coffee/ chatting and prepping (bedroom and meals) for after the surgery.
going to try to get some work done and then attempt a nap.
wishing everyone a wonderful addiction free day / evening - sending you so much love 
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Honestly, I’m still awake and surprisingly pretty alert. It’s one of those times when you only get a couple hours of sleep but apparently that’s all you needed 
I definitely had many of those nights during my drinking days, except I’d wake up still drunk and take a few swigs to keep me going 
I will, however, take this over the ‘I got 12 hours of sleep and I’m exhausted!’ kinda night any day. Hope your migraine goes away. They are no fun 
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Hope you get that headache pushed aside and get the rest you so deserve.
Enjoy the remainder of your weekend.
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Thank you Jazzy, yeah i love company but having alone time is important for me too! Have good remainder of your weekend!
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52 days.
Nice chilled weekend. Not thinking about drinking much anymore apart from a few triggering movie/TV moments where I romanticise. Went for a swim for the first time in a while, super nice.
One week left of work.
Have a good Sunday all.
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Checking in from the city 
Sleep is never great at my moms, its so open and my son seems to know he isnt homr and wakes up a bunch. But all in all its been pretty good, things are quite heavy but to be expected. Trying to figure out the schedule for the trial and how much I should be there.
Part of me feels like I want to be there everyday I can and bring earplugs if I dont want to listen. The other part of me feels like it serves no purpose to me to have all of the information regarding my aisters death and to have to listen to the defense. I think it is a lot of trauma waiting to happen, and yet I very much so feel like how can i not go? Like i need to know. I need to know these things especially to understand the outcome. I need to know what they are going to try and say about her so I can know what to say in my victim impact statement. I am, of two minds when it comes to this.
Love my kids & family, trying to stay tall but it has besn very difficult. I have found it very baffling/eye opening how we have been treated by CPS, given that we are not as vulnerable i would say as many of the families they generally deal with. If they would treat us this way, in a situation where we have done absolutely nothing wrong, where we have spent money on a lawyer (getting close to 30 gs now btw my mom dad and I), and I am very articulate and solution focused and I dont allow myself to be steamrolled…but if, as homicide aurvivors this is happening to us I imagine how people are treated everyday by them and there is no oversight. There is no one holding them accountable, they put in their notes WHATEVER they want. We have been treated like assholes, and now because support has been coming to my nephew they are pivoting to try and make it seem like we are fleecing them somehow and it is us who is taking advantage of them. The depravity knows no bounds. But I feel a stedfastness in my bones, I feel …not a power; no power is too ridiculous a word…but a grasp, resolve something.
I read something the other day that said something along the lines of how many intelligent and intuitive women have been called crazy simply because they have exposed someone elses shit? I dont think i have EVER seen the world this way before, so vividly. Again, i have always believed in corruption and i have a dislike for money, manipulative materialism and politicism of our world. Been tjis way for as long as I can remember. But i have never understood how you can be made the enemy, that level of manipulation. I dont think i ever understood that. I just thouhht you fight for whats right, and sure some people wont like it…but as shrewd as I have been and as much trust issues as Ive ever had…i feel like a literal child, naive and doe-like learning being today years old and learning truly how manipulative and messed up people can be.
Wow i always take a turn for the light!!! Anyway, dont take me too heavily im a cerebral nightmare going through something. Bless you all for giving me this space to spew XO & happy sobriety! Im 7 months now
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Remarkable work Mira …7 months is impressive. Grateful that you’ve protected and maintained your sobriety through all that you are going through. Remember we are always here if you need support. Wishing you strength as you face this trial and sending you love
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Sounds likeva frustrating day and I hope today is better!
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Day 48. I am very grateful to be sober. I’ve definitely been depressed this week and I have slept in and not wanted to get out of bed this weekend. This morning, I was meeting friends at 11am for an early lunch/late breakfast. I got a text from one of them around 10:20 that she was already at the restaurant! Well, that got my butt out of bed. I got up and dressed and was there 10 mins before our 11am meeting time and I was the last one there. There was a wait for a table at the restaurant, so it all worked out, as we didn’t get called for another 5 minutes or so. Too funny. 10 minutes early is really good for me but I’ll need to remember that this is a “get there very early” group. We had a nice visit and then I went for a walk with one of my friends. Happy Sunday to all!
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Checking in
2 years 5 days
20 minutes left of work and im heading home. I cant wait to get out of here honestly. Its been a looooong day. I am heading to the dollarstore on the way home and will try and grab some healthier snacks for tonights overnight shift with my son. My husband has caught a cold as well, probably caught it from our son, so hes resting. Basically tonight consists of laundry, dishes, and making supper. Then doing the awake overnight shift. I am craving my DOC right now. So theres that too blah 
But it too shall pass. Hope everyone has a great day/evening.
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Checking in. I had a meet-up with my buddy who had just moved back to town, we had a really nice chat and saw a movie. It was really good and seemingly it hasn’t kicked me out of balance. I do have anxiety though, being afraid that it wasn’t good for her and she will just ditch me. It’s difficult to accept the uncertainty coming from the lack of knowledge about the other person’s side. Not sure why, but I only have this anxiety about maintaining relationships with girls. I always thought that I know them better so that is a field where I can feel more safe, but it’s the complete opposite now. These are usually deeper relationships, yet they feel a lot more inscrutable and fragile and it makes me keep distance.
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Back and humbled. Realizing I can’t and shouldn’t do this on my own. Currently: 60 days af, 5 months nicotine free and 2 days no disordered eating. Happy for this community and happy to be sober. ODAAT
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Way to go Jenny! you are absolutely crushing it with all your addiction free time. Keep this amazing momentum going strong 
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Congrats on the 90!
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Harder. Definitly harder 
Congrats on the baby @noshame & your days free!! Its a blessing for yourself & your little one. Now…things may be smooth sailing with the little one as your new addition, but if its not and if theres exhaustion & life shifts & a new bit of chaos and commotion in life just know…its pretty darn normal. Just know, each little stage and phase of theirs will pass Wishing you health & happiness, and that you are able to soak in as much the little days as possible. They somehow only get cuter Big big congrats!
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Day 403 sober. Have a lot of reading to catch up on. Sister-in-law visiting. She’s well-intentioned, I believe… but when my in-laws in general are visiting, it’s challenging. My husband and I come from very different backgrounds, and I just feel invisible in my own home. We have always done the most hosting in the family, being the only ones with children. When many come at once, I kind of feel treated like my place is to cook or tidy up and besides that… feel pretty looked past in most conversations. Sometimes blatantly ignored when I attempt to participate. It’s also like this when just my sister-in-law… but easier to accept/tolerate when just one guest, as opposed to the whole crew.
What our families do have in common is they were and are big drinkers. Always lots of wine/beer flowing during any occasion. A lot of heated political arguments common. My husband has been sober for over 5 years. I have been on and off - doing really well right now. His family respects our decision of not wanting alcohol in our home for the last year and a half… they mostly go elsewhere now.
We have had company a few times since and I definitely know I was often using alcohol to ease the discomfort on my part that has always been there.
I hope everyone doing well, or at least getting through. Just wanted to share in case anyone has struggled with a similar situation. On the bright side - I’m grateful that the kids get some time with their aunt. We live several hours from any family. I need to either speak up or accept that it’s only ever for a few days at a time. It mostly hurts that our kids see these interactions and will pick up on these things, if they haven’t already.
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Great to see you posting Jenny.
Congrats on the 60 days sober
and the 5 and 2.
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Day 497
Today was better. Just in an odd mood. It’ll pass, as everything else does. Hope y’all are doing ok
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