376
Just checking in before bed. Goodnight 
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4 weeks AF
Thank you @Mno @CATMANCAM @JazzyS
ā¦ Yoz are wonderful and damn right!
Made it so farā¦
I am still giving a person the possibility,
to use me as a energy gas station for him
and his probs.
Yeah I knowā¦ Block, Block, Block!
If I am reading stories of others with proplematic relationships like thisā¦
Itās easier to say.
If I would read my own story about this,
I would simply say: Run!
Was SO damn agressive last night and even didnāt c any sence in life anymore, after texting with him. Yeah I am sensitive soul. OhYES I am, how nice is that!!! 
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Had a meeting with my boss today. I was prepared for an uncomfortable discussion, but it was far more relaxed than that. In fact, yet again, he proved he doesnāt know what I do day to day, so it was just me listening to him state the obvious. A waste of my time, but I charged him for it. Now I can relax and go about my work.
As for the drinking I havenāt had any cravings lately and my sleep has been solid.
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Me too!!
Routine is the key 
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End of week one.
I feel really good today. I generally turn a good corner around day 7 to 10. Thats my mark generally when the fog lifts and i get my mojo for life back again.
Ive had a busy day at work. Im working all week this week and im grateful for that.
Im also thankful for this community my little ST fam.
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I can relate, I have a person like that in my life. I always thought if I just found better words to explain what exactly it is I need, he would change and finally be considerate. Took me years and bitter tears to realize, that this is still not taking responsibility for myself, by rather bleeding out in trying to change his behaviour, rather than changing my own. Stepping back hasnāt been easy, but I am certainly more at peace with myself. You deserve better. Sending love and hugs 
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@apes2020 Congrats on week one!
@maxwell Sorry youāre having such a hard time. Intense emotions can sometimes feel like a suffocating cloak, hard to get out from. Do you have some self care tools available?
@JazzyS Sending good recovery vibes 
@Butterflymoonwoman Routines rock!
@Caspio Wishing you lots of time for self care in a troubling time 
@SadMemeQueen These numbers are great milestones to celebrate but also can put a lot of pressure on you. All kinds of thoughts come up and bother you. Things you hoped to be over with. What helps me is to focus on things at hand, breathing and ODAAT. Sending you peace 
@TrustyBird Here goes a prayer to the goddess of couch naps. May she give you strength.
@Davina_Davis Congrats on 60 days
97 sugar
53 UPF
0 overeating/binge
This was a very strange tummy bug. The bad part lasted for about two days. Yesterday afternoon all nausea was gone and I got soooo hungry. Stuffed myself pretty mindlessly and definitely overate. Didnāt pay attention to any signals at all. Iām ok with resetting the counter.
Today is back to life. At least partly. Iām working through a course book on game design and todayās going to be about challenges. Iām excited.
I hope I can shake the head ache and take a walk outside. Yoga would be nice. Maybe something relaxing. Donāt feel ready for strenuous stuff.
My partner had his first therapy session yesterday. Itās all emotionally very difficult. Heās been in this confused state of mind - total emotional rollercoaster - for three weeks now and this is driving me insane. I could really use some peace here 
Iāll keep an even keel ODAAT
Wishing you fine people here peace, kindness and freedom today 
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@maxwell big hugs friend this is truly such a nasty tricky disease. Everyone here knows how deceiving it can be and how easy it is to find yourself back in its arms. Here right beside you on this journey. This community is the one place where no one will abandon you for relapsing as we all have been there and know the reality of this struggle. You are loved my friend! 
Whatās going on? Iām sorry you are struggling. We are here for you. 
@Juli1 4 weeks hell yeah you are crushing it. Ugh!! Yes my friend - you are a sensitive soul and heās taking advantage of your kindness. I know itās easier to say run when you are an outsider. Glad that you are able to see him for what he is ā¦this is a big step forward. You have plenty to live for. Keep shining bright my friend
@acromouse grateful the tummy bug is over. Sending you some calming vibes my friendā¦hope you sense some peace very soon
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87 days in the bank
Late night check in from work.
I dislike doing admin.
End post.
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3 days no alcohol
0 days no THC
Hi friends, just checking in. Itās been a horrible time. I relapsed once I was well enough to get out of bed with that terrible cold or flu or whatever I had. Since then Iāve relapsed a few days. Health has been a nightmareā¦ Iāve had so many tests and scans done and still they cannot figure out whatās causing my health issues. I basically have the same symptoms now that I did a month and a half ago. I am constantly uncomfortable. There doesnāt seem to be anything they can give me for the pain. I have a specialist appointment but not until April. Meanwhile the medical bills are racking up. But I do have a final job interview this week that I am really hopeful for. The past week Iāve worked really hard on a case study project they sent me. I thought I fucked it up but theyāre moving forward. This is the best lead I have had in almost 6 months. I really really need this. Not just for financial survival but mental and emotional well being. Maybe some of my symptoms will get better with less stress? 
I know itās good to rule out various health issues but itās still frustrating.
Sometimes I feel like Iāll never be able to stay sober. It was almost one year ago exactly I first joined this app and renewed my commitment to sobriety. The longest Iāve made it is 67 days, and just recently 50. Sometimes I donāt know if day counting is helpful for me. I think I can easily psych myself out because I tend to be self sabotaging. If I feel Iām doing well or reaching a personal milestone part of me will want to destroy it. I have learned that a sober lifestyle feels so much better, I love the way I feel each day and how I can show up better for my family. Iām not going to give up and am going to try and get back into my daily program. I am my own worst enemy!
Belated thanks @IamThechange @SoberWalker @TrustyBird for the kind words 
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Hey there,
I am very sorry your life is so tough right now. Health, job, mental, emotions. All this can pile and pile up until it has to go somewhere. Youāre doing all you can, you know. Sometimes it really is too much. Reading your posts I can see how this is a real struggle.
But you are doing all you can. You are learning, you are coming back, you are not giving up. That is what counts. Not the number on a counter. When the counter is helpful, great. When it is not, doesnāt matter.
You are not your own worst enemy. You are the person who can take care of yourself the best. Is there something nice you could do for yourself? To pamper yourself in a good way? Something that will bring hope and light and kindness in your life? Maybe reaching out to people? Or maybe retreating to a place that gives you peace? Maybe some activity that feels like a balm on your soul? Maybe music?
I am sending you strength, love, hugs and a ray of peace for your soul 
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Good morning friends! Checking in on day 88. I hope everyone has the most amazing day!
@Catmama23 I am very happy to see you back even though you fell you are still picking yourself up and trying again, thatās all you can do. I was in that cycle, for years actually, this is the longest stretch I have ever had and everyday is truly getting better but I know how you feel right now and I wish there was something profound to say but I canāt think of anything other than that this disease fucking sucks, itās powerful, but I believe YOU are stronger!
and 
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Thatās a great goal! I have used other personal milestones in that way before with success. Big congrats to you on your 60 days!
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I see you said you are struggling, are you doing any better?
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Congrats on your 60 days!!!
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You do you Lauren. If a daycounter doesnāt help you then get rid of it. Recovery isnāt a one size fits all, itās trial and error. At least it was for me 
And for the milestones? I have a love/hate relationship with them. I love to reach one, but they make me emotional unstable around them. I increase my work into recovery around them because I need to have my guards up to avoid a relapse. I never want to be to convidenced in my recovery because I was once and that lead me to a relapse.
Glad you are here again Lauren! 
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Hang in there. I do not have experience with your kind of struggle specifically, but I know that yr 2 can be difficult in sobriety and perhaps this extends here too. Hang in there, celebrate your accomplishment xo.
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Good morning kids, checking in on 167 SAF and 153 no smokes. I got in late last night, but off today. Iām gonna take the bike to get inspected today before springtime hits, and probably just spend some time with the fam and dogs. Have a great day 
@Tragicfarinelli I have all the confidence in the world that youāll walk into that 45th birthday sober. Congrats on 60 days
@Juli1 Sis, you already know the answer to the question you keep asking yourself. Unfortunately for us thereās no moderation. 4 weeks is amazing proud of you.
@apes2020 Congrats on getting back to a week sober, turn that corner and never look back.
@Chevy55 Define Out? Like out on sobriety? Are you getting back in. ?
Congrats on 60 days @Davina_Davis 
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Day 50 AF
Day 168 Doc Free
Checking in Tuesday morning. I continue tomwork on acceptance. Acceptance of what is. Continue to show up for myself and my children each day and so the best I can. Past regrets continue to plaque my mind sometimes but I know that this is a recipe for disaster. So I will continue to do the work putting my recovery first. Oddat.
Hope everyone has a wonderful Serene sober 24! 
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