I love you, too! 
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Hi friends, checking in day 57. Not much to report. Trying to convince myself to go out for a walk right now. Now that Iāve said it out loud, I will do it. You all are a good influence on me!
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You should go for a walk. 
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Feeling OK. Struggling with urges to sh. Went a little too far last week and I wish I could say that it was worth it but it totally wasnāt. Thatās whatās so hard about this. I learn from doing and when I sh I realize how much I regret it. Then I do it again and again as if itāll be different next time. Isnāt that the definition of insanity??? I literally keep on harming so that someday itāll somehow fix all my problems. My trauma still exists, my problems havenāt been solved and I still have the same core beliefs made from my past that are the reason for my self sabotaging. What happens is something good comes my way an dmy core belief sends me a message that Iām not worthy and Iām not actually wanted there. Like for example the whale watch gig came along and I started shing after months of 0 harm. My thoughts became intrusive and I kept hearing in my head ur not worthy ur not wanted. So I begun cutting as much as possible as a way to somehow ruin my chances of doing something that Iāve dreamt about my entire life. I know I want this more than anything but for some reason my brain doesnāt want me to believe that. The good news is I realize whatās going on. I can stop sabotaging. I can put a new thought in my head, challenge the belief that creeps into my head. Iām excited for my internship but Im worried the intrusive thoughts will become so intense that i wonāt be able to fight them off. Idk what to do Iām so scaredā¦ I want this so so bad so why does a little doubt creep in??
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2 years 14 days
Im just grateful 
Thank you soooo much TS for helping me get to where i am today 
I am so grateful that my son gets to have a clean and sober mom. That my husband gets the best version of me. That I am giving myself a life i truly deserve. That i can feel emotion and embrace it. I am no longer numbing my pain and trauma. Instead I get to work thru it and by working thru it, i gain a sense of freedom. I dont have to be stuck in my mind anymore or a slave to any substance. I am sooo grateful for everyones support all these years. Thank you TS.
(Im just having a moment 
)
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Thank you, I did go for a 45 minute walk. Glad I did!
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Checking in day 59, good morning everyone
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Thatās great! They always help clear my mind.
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I promise myself to give my best to be as mindful and productive as I can be todayā¦ 
Avoid triggers. Donāt think Iām strong enough to look temptation in the face.
Take initiative. What is the root cause of my addiction? What void is it running from? Boredom? Loneliness? Isolation? Depression? Anxiety? Insecurity? Stress? Low self-esteem? Trauma? Despair? Lack of purpose? Something elseā¦? What can I actively do to work on filling that void? Focus on the good habits I intend to replace my bad ones with. Social interaction. Love life. Hobbies. Work. Fitness. Time outdoors/in nature. Diet. Sleep. Hygiene. Goals. Mental growthā¦ What do I want to live for, not against?
Relapse is not inevitable, I have a choice.
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165 days af
Doing well 
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Welcome back! We live, we learn, we move forward!
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Evening check in. Still day 57
I feel better than yesterday, that is a plus.
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Oh man I love those things 
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Checking in. Happy to be sober for another day. Wishing everyone peace.
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I think this is a harder habit to break than the drinking. Trying to become my honest and truest self has been the greatest challenge and the greatest gift in sobriety.
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1726
A long night but not a good one. Feeling like I havenāt slept at all. Well. Iām clean and sober, thatās one. I got a job I mostly like to go to, two. Iām mostly healthy too. Three. I see my old friend @MrsOdh back here, four. Luna is doing pretty good and watching me. Five good things just like that. Letās make something of this day. Together. Sober and clean. Love.
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377
It was a gorgeous day! Opened my only window with a screen for the first time since fall to air this place out. My cats were excited for the smells and sounds 
Unfortunately by the time my daughter was out of school it was pouring so, another night in. I finally got to a season of AHS that I havenāt seen and am loving it. One more episode and then to bed. I was planning laundry tomorrow but it looks like rain all day so weāll see how it goes. It actually sounds like thunder now. Yay! I usually sleep great during a storm. Have a great and sober day
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Always good to see ya Buttercup.
Missed you. AGAIN 
Just glad you back though.
Stick around. Wait for the miracle to happen.
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