Worked the Saturday shift. Didn’t do much after. Just chilled at home with the kiddos. The antidepressants burned my throat that night. Shit felt like acid going all the way up to my nostrils. Couldn’t sleep. Slept like 3 hrs tops.
Went to a fundraiser Sunday. My lil niece’s cousin passed away a week ago. She was only 11 years old. Way too young. I didn’t know her well, but I felt for her and her family. I don’t know what I would do without my kiddos. Thought about a lot that day. Another sleepless night.
Felt like a zombie yesterday during work. I had 0 energy. Slept around 10pm. Finally got a good night’s rest. I feel way better today. I did have a dream about drinking. I was hanging out with old friends from high school. I kinda missed it after waking up. I don’t miss getting fucked up. I miss the hanging out part, choppin it up with friends, crackin drunk jokes, etc.
Anyways, went for a walk at the park. Gonna excersise, watch a show, and then crash out.
Nice to see you and see you wanting sobriety! Is the oldest daughter the once “Tweenie” ? Your support team and peers is and are here for you. Big hugs xoxox
Was supposed to be on night shift again tonight but had to pick one of the kids up early from school.
Glad I could take the night off to look after her this afternoon/evening.
Napped on the couch, made some dinner. Pretty uneventful day.
You know, doubt always comes around uninvited. To every party.
I get nervous before every class I teach. I’ve been speaking in front of people and teaching for over 20 years now. I still get nervous, still have stupid thoughts.
So the doubt and the thoughts are part of me. They are part of my human psyche. That’s how I’m built.
The important part is: How do I deal with doubt and thoughts?
Are there parts I can accept? Let them just be? What can I focus on? What do I want to focus on?
The exciting things in my life will always bring intense emotions and uncomfortable thoughts with them. But they are worth finding a good way of dealing with them.
Wishing you all the strength, peace and fun on your internship!
Funny thing: feeling like starving will almost always lead to overeating
But honestly if this happens because I didn’t eat during tummy bug, my body obviously will want to make up for the lack of food. It’s designed to do exactly that: keep me fed and well. Which shines a very interesting light on all those diets…
Anyways. I’m listening to my body and my heart ODAAT.
I’ve got the apartment to myself until afternoon. I’m going to dive deeper into game design analysis today. A walk, yoga, and hopefully less emotional drama in the evening.
I feel like I’d like to go out and meet some people. Being sick does not make one a social person. My design job gives me no interactions. I think I’m going to set up something for the weekend. Maybe something comes up for this evening.
I’m grateful for one more day. Wishing you peace, kindness and freedom friends
It’s been a long day. Well…long few days. Not all bad, but all in all very tiring.
Took my bonus girl out birthday shopping Sunday, followed by doing new hair color until 2am. Up at 630 to take her to school yesterday (Monday) and then my big kids to school, followed by cleaning up at home and then work till midnight. By the time I ate and got settled it was 2am again. And Ive been up since 630 this morning. Now it’s almost 3am here.
Today I took the kids to school, had therapy, worked, made dinner, ran errands, got kids to bed, and just now reset my little ones room because she’s not night time potty trained and she has started making a mess of her sheets, and blankets and pillows…etc.
She’s back in her bed all cleaned up now. And I feel like I could sleep for 24 hours. But my alarm will go off again at 630.
One of these days I’ll finally catch up on sleep…
Until then, I’ll just make the best of it. And keep counting my days.
Love y’all friends hope everyone is doing well
Thank you. This time it’s not tweenie,she’s pretty stable for what I know. Still placed at the locked youth facility home. Or maybe I should say placed again. She did move to a family with parents well educated to care for kids like her. They also both worked at a similar place to the youth facility home, but there was also other kids in that home, it got to much for them to handle so she’s back at the facility home.
The kid in question this time, my oldest is 21. She haven’t lived with us for years, but had her own life. Last summer she broke up with her boyfriend and we went to bring her home from the other end of the country (Sweden is small so it’s not as far as it sounds) had her staying with us for a couple of months. And then helped her to get her own flat, in our village because it was what she wanted,with all the help she could ever need. (She has severe AdHD and goes under what we call the law about support and service)
Our friend who I’ve mentioned before had once again Gambled away everything he owned so we took him in again in October.
Then we went to ride the Polarexpress in England with the boys in December. And when we came back they had started to get it together. They did tell us, but I just can’t see how that relationship is a good idea. I told them, they both got mad at me. And decided to broke it off for the moment, but instead they sneaked around behind my back. So I eventually kicked said friend out when he said it was all on me because I have a bad relationship with my daughter.
Thing is that this guy is older than me, and have a daughter in the same age as mine. They used to be friends, but after this they aren’t friends anymore.
My daughter and this guy still keeps it up though. Nothing serious yet for what I know, but their aiming for it. So I basically said that I don’t care anymore, they don’t give a dime about my opinion and I don’t give a dime about their problems. And none of them can come here asking for help when in all goes wrong.
Or as this guy says “There is no rules” and if that’s so it should be like that on the other direction too.
Long story like usual I guess. At least it’s not my drama to handle anymore
Sounds like a dream to me.
My cousin claims that I have a curse that makes me clumsy and makes drama to follow me
But this time might be different. Can’t do anything about the clumsyness if you’re born like Goofy you are. But I’ve realized that I can cut people out to guard my own peace. And that nothing bad happens if someone gets upset or mad at me, because it’s on them.
Morning, checking in 168 SAF and 153 no smokes.
The coffee just ain’t cutting it this morning. @tifflynn07 Did you figure out, if you’re any better at Wednesday’s then you are the first two days of the week?
Well done on your 8 days
Yeah, I’m done with this heat. Well, it’s dropped to 36°c at nearly 8pm. Didn’t even consider going for my nightly walk tonight.
Good morning beautiful people! Checking in on day 89. I am so happy I am on the eve of 90 days I almost feel like I won the lottery! The life lottery . My doggo gets her stitches out today and getting ready for some family to visit tomorrow through Monday, all good stuff going on over here! and
im so over the heat its alot lol !
. My doggo gets her stitches out today and getting ready for some family to visit tomorrow through Monday, all good stuff going on over here!
and 
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🪻