At the beginning of the year, I didnāt make resolutions and had no plan to. I knew I was going to do dry January, bc I had done it last year. A week into January I decided I was going to continue one day at a time into February sober.
I also decided I was going to do one new goal per month, so at the end of the year I would have completed 12 goals.
February was to eat 1200 calories a day with no cheat days. Today I am down 7.4 pounds since February 1st. I also completed the push up challenge, which was just a bonus goal.
March I plan to continue and roll over my goals of ODAAT, eating 1200 calories a day plus one cheat day a week, and the new goal is to journal every day. Ugh, oh ya, and the new March thread bonus goal of torturing my abs every day.
Proud to be on this journey with all of you. I feel better and more motivated every day.
So glad I found you yesterday. I had that gnawing feeling that something was missing, and I was in danger. I didnāt know what was wrong or what to do, but I knew it involved people, new people. And not picking up. Now I think, āyeah, of course!ā But when youāre stuck in your head things seem murky, threatening and unsolvable. That feeling builds and builds until I drink to make it stop. I lose perspective.
My drinking pattern was constant, then, in the past several years rare. That pattern change threw me. Did I become a moderate drinker on those rare occasions? No. Always more than I wanted. And I never knew if it would stay that way or escalate again. Iām so tired of all of it. Iāve had stretches of years before. I miss what I had then. The remembering will help. Itās a good life that Iām returning to, and even better that I will find work that wonāt be abusive and harmful to me. It happens, I got out and can heal. So glad to be sober today, even if Iām afraid Iām definitely not alone, and can find ways to be helpful to someone.
Grey and cold today, Iām still in my robe and need to stretch!
Day 63 for me. My sister visits for a few days next week, my old drinking partner. I am feeling trepidation as we last drank together, actually all my relapses start and end with family or panic or fear.
But all I have is her now and I really have to be careful to not squeeze too much out of her. When I was younger and into my twenties I coveted my sister obsessively like she was my only piece of chocolate left. Sheās three years younger than me and more extrovert so found me too much and overbearing and probably annoying. I wanted to spend time with her and talk deep and she wanted to go out and spend that time with her friends.
I think I was so so lonely knowing I couldnāt rely on one single parent figure (dislike was true between me and my parents always, I was the black sheep) that I impressed upon my sister my desire for connection. Naturally introverted, I didnāt have to explain the gaps in my story to get, so I clung to her desperately.
Every time I was disconnected and fell out for long periods of time with my mum, my sister would still see her and honestly I was fucking angry and hurt. Why couldnāt she see I was right? Why couldnāt she also hate mum like I did? Why wasnāt she sticking up for me? Why was it always me the lone wolf? Anyway, sheās now estranged as well on her own terms the past two years and has apologised to me for dismissing me a lot during these years. I think towards the end I gave up and just let her be and stopped trying to control our relationship.
The truth is that I see echoes in my sister of something that scares me. I love her to absolute pieces and sheās my world, but Iām scared of her anger and temper.
Iāve explained thereās no way Iām drinking and she agrees she isnāt either. A lot for me to think about though and to try not to cling too tightly to those who donāt want it. And to accept it doesnāt mean she doesnāt love me. I guess this is why I donāt go hard in friendships or trust new people ever, I donāt invest too much. Iāve been bitten so many times in life itās no wonder I feel this way really.
Just thoughts of the day for me as it rains outside and Iām feeling a bit like a hot bubble is caught in my tummyā¦I canāt name it, but Iāve tried to untangle where is coming from here.
Congrats on your 63 days.
Hopefully you donāt overthink the visit tooooo much, lol. As Iām sure it will be a lovely time and you will enjoy each otherās company.
Last day of visiting on vacation. I am enjoying my time here but I will be happy to get back home tomorrow to hug my husband and my kitties. Staying sober.
Hey TF
Congrats on your 63 days.
Have you got an escape plan when your sister comes? Do you have some supports in place? What are you going to do if she changes her mind and starts drinking?
Iāve learned that relapse starts way before the first drink. And as I first started reading your post here I was wondering if this is the beginning of a relapse Iām really glad you put this out here. Iām not really sure where to go from here in my post now. But are you prepared to protect your sobriety at all cost? Iām just a tad worried about you. You work so darn hard at your sobriety and I really care about ya.
I got your back my friend. Keep sharing about this if youāre willing.
Love you
Feel free to PM me at any time if you need a friend while your sister is there. Not sure of our time difference but Iāll be sure to check my phone if you need someone to talk to.
Hey. Iām planning around the planning around the planning right now and felt I needed to come here. You are correct that relapse happens before the relapse and even the notion of this visit has my subconscious in overdrive! Itās like my mouth watering, then my head wiping it dry.
Escape plans not really as she is staying with me. She wonāt drink if I impress the importance on her, I know that. Iām worried about myself, so I need to take spend the next week solidifying my foundations and making myself accountable here. I want to absolutely protect my sobriety at all costs.
Do you have any other tips? I made it clear Tuesday to her that itās a drink free zone. Sheās all in with that as goes thru very similar attempts herself at sobriety. She is very good at not drinking and we have had non drinking visits together too a few times which were lovely. I think itās going to be fine, but Iām a bit worried about my own inner demon.
Iāll be there to take strength from you all for sure. Thanks Eric
Good Morning! Checking in Day 2 here. Support, Love, Cheers, and happpiness to all of us. One day at a time. I am going to be honest. I am going to be brief today. I just woke. up and I am so worn out. I am leaving work. I. work 48 hours shifts. I am ready to go home and rest. I am trying to use the word TAMERS and remember it for my foundation of a successful recovery. Think and Talk about my recovery, Act on my recovery, Meditate, Exercise, Reduce stress, and Sleep. It helps. I work a stressful job but that is no excuse for me. I might not have been responsible for my disease but I am sure responsible for my recovery. Anyhow, I have to check in here day 2 first. My sobriety and my God has to be first. I have failed way to much to know that if it doesnāt come first it aināt going to work. Today is Thursday. I would like to try. to find a 12 step meeting to attend to tomorrow and start working the steps carefully, I love you all. No one is alone. I thought i was for several years, but no one is. We are alll here for each other. We have all been brought in some way here to help our fellow humankind. That is our measure and our goal. When we do fall, We dont pick up and carry but we have strong hands that we can employ and uplift each other together. I am still quite emotional very randomly of the loss in my life due to my disease. Way to many to count and the biggest one was myself and time and a person I will never get back. We canāt look back though We cant change the past. We can redirect today and tomorrow thought. and thatās where I am focused and we all should. Cheers.
cleanheart: I am praying for another great day and success and love in your marriage.
Love you guys.
I donāt even know if you go to meetings. It took me almost 4 years of sobriety to go to AA meetings. 3 years and 10 months to be exact I was afraid I wouldnāt fit in because I did it ass backwards. Got sober then went to meetings. As uncomfortable as I was. I snuck in and kept my mouth shut and listened. And I could feel my spiritual tank start filling up at that very first meeting. Even though I was still a bit afraid to be there. Same with Al-Anon meetings except after almost 2 years at Al-Anon meetings Iām kind of a popular guy now. But sometimes I go to those big meetings I use to hate. And just being there. Not even sharing. I can feel my spiritual tank fill up. It gives me so much strength. Just being around people in our position. If Iām not mistaken your blessed being a double winner too. It feels good to me when I surround myself with recover. Any kind of recovery.
I donāt know. Thats all that comes to mind right now. If I think of something else Iāll let you know.
Thought of something
When I make boundaries that I canāt enforce; things go to shit. People tell me donāt isolate and thatās a hard one for me since I donāt have many irl friends close by.
Checking in 169 SAF and 155 no smokes. Off work today, and the better half is off today too, so went food shopping. Sheās cooking a little bit and then Iām gonna probably work out and then try and clean out my aquarium. Fun, fun. Have a great day guys love yaās @Jimz congrats on 60 days @KrissyMae congrats on 30 @ShyBert congrats on 2 months
And to my sisterās from other misterās Happy milestones. @Juli1 for getting back to 30 days , @tifflynn07 for hitting 60 days , and @IamThechange for 3 months sober and free
Yous guys are kicking ass, and Iām proud of yaās
Iām really glad you put this out here. Iām not really sure where to go from here in my post now. But are you prepared to protect your sobriety at all cost? Iām just a tad worried about you. You work so darn hard at your sobriety and I really care about ya.
and strength 
to you all.
I am inspired by your strength and willingness to push yourself beyond your comfort zone!
I was afraid I wouldnāt fit in because I did it ass backwards. Got sober then went to meetings. As uncomfortable as I was. I snuck in and kept my mouth shut and listened. And I could feel my spiritual tank start filling up at that very first meeting. Even though I was still a bit afraid to be there. Same with Al-Anon meetings except after almost 2 years at Al-Anon meetings Iām kind of a popular guy now. But sometimes I go to those big meetings I use to hate. And just being there. Not even sharing. I can feel my spiritual tank fill up. It gives me so much strength. Just being around people in our position. If Iām not mistaken your blessed being a double winner too. It feels good to me when I surround myself with recover. Any kind of recovery.
and 
, 