Yikes, that sounds scary. Glad you are okay.
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Ya girl’s doing it woot woot double digits ten days in 
To reward myself im going to indulge in one of my favourite guilty pleasure- friday night binge watching southern charm 
reality tv at its best hehe.
I honestly feel like my soul is still living in the wrong country at this point. My soul yearns to be in the u.s and the more im clean and sober the more my perspective is clearer and guides me to really consider relocating permanently… something to really think about.
Anyways happy days AF.
Season 1 southern charm oh how you make my soul happy lol… here we go. Rot mode commencing lol 
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Day 1
Feel sad, angry, trapped, and guilty. Living with someone mentally and emotionally abusive and manipulative for 27 years has its effects, and its still not over.
Just frustrated and wanna cry but I can’t.
Also feel guilty for even still posting on here because i keep coming back to day 1 when i was doing so good before. But i know it happens and we’re all here because its a struggle. If it was easy it would be a different story.
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Trigger warning - Self harm
I am feeling quite discouraged rn. I’m trying I really really am but it’s hard rn and pushing through the hurt and struggle doesn’t sound appealing rn u know? Im starting to get those images in my head like gory details of stabbings and deep cuts that go to the bone and stuff it’s like really bad and I feel the need to act on them as if to make them real for whatever reason and ik I have problems bc of this but I see in my head exactly how a wound is made. Ppl wonder where I get my ideas of sh from bc mine are so severe but I get them from my own mind. It’s messed up and I don’t know how to protect me from it and I can’t breathe bc the urge to harm is so bad I can feel it in my skin and throughout my veins and I can almost feel physical pain as I imagine it happening. This is a horrible illness that I have and sometimes it’s easier to escape it by going deeper and deeper into my skin and further out of my mind. I mentioned another experience with my body disconnecting from my mind as if I’m a whole other person looking in at me. That’s what happens when I get like this. Help!!!
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Have not checked in in a while. Sober, and safe in my sobriety. But Im having hard times. Pains are more present lately, my left arm and chest are once again convincing me Im going to die of hartissues. Woke up about an hour ago, middle of the nigth, feeling I cant breath good and something wierd about my troath, hart racing, feeling my legs like jelly. So either Im going to die or the anxietyattack are back.
Ohh, this was not a very happy positiv check in. Hope you all are doing good.
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@Wakikki I’m feeling for you lady. I really know exactly what you’re going thru. My paternal grandfather died of a heart attack at 30. It’s always been a deep seeded fear of mine. I tend to focus on any little pain and then it gets worse. I believe it’s from my body tensing up from the anxiety. Deep breaths really help. I’m always having to remind myself. I lay somewhere quiet and focus on what feels tense and try to relax it. It usually gets better 
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379
Heh, I put 377 twice I really was tired last night! And again tonight. Work was decent bc everyone was trying to spend their food minimum on to gos on the last day of the month. Then I promised my daughter we’d go to Target for clothes as an early birthday present. We didn’t get home and eat dinner until 8:30! But it was nice to finally be able to spend money on things we want, not need. Anyways, I’m beat. Hope I sleep as good as last night 
Nothing like a good nights sleep. Hope you all do too, as always
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I’m sorry you are feeling this bad right now Julia. Is there someone with you ore can you phone someone to be with? I think you shouldn’t be alone right now. Maybe you can put a rubber band around your wrist and use it to have a safe way to get some relief? I’ve heard it can help?
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@zzz haven’t heard from you in a few day’s. Hope you will be back soon!
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@Wakikki Nightly panic attacks are the worst. I started having them again when peri hit and oestrogen levels dropped at night. There is nothing “better” to ruin your sleep. Hope you’ll get some rest soon.
@Jules000 This sounds like you are in a lot of mental pain. Is there someone or some place where you can connect in person? A friend? A therapist? Counsellor? Maybe a help line you could call?
@wahtisnormal You are here. That’s what counts. Is there something you could do to help yourself to get through today?
@apes2020 Congrats on 10 days 
Enjoy your present 
@Shawn1991 Congrats on 60 days. You go friend! 
100 sugar
56 UPF
0 overeating/binge
100 days no sugar. Who would have thought?! The best thing is: The cravings are basically gone. No more torment in my mind on that front. Right now I really don’t care for sweet stuff.
My moods, feelings, pain, concentration, cravings, everything are currently all over the place and I “tried” to make it better with food yesterday. It obviously did not work. It was just a distraction. I want to come up with something better today.
Want to work on my game design studies today, groceries and the ongoing marital troubles here at home. Patience is called for today. Let’s see how much I’ll be able to muster.
Peace, kindness and freedom to all of us 
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Hi. I’ve had financial difficulties before. Its rubbish. It usually is surmountable
Is there a financial agency like cab or whatever who can help u map out solutions?
I hope u work out a plan
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90 days in the bank
Came close just before. Closest I’ve been in a couple months.
Got offered a beer when I got to my brothers after a 4hr drive. Declined. Was tempted but knew it wasn’tfor me. had a quick look and read on here. Declined the 2nd offer and the bro just said I’ll stop offering.
Feeling solid now.
Grateful to have this forum to help my resolve.
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1728
Friday therapy day. I can do with a session. My first meeting with my colleague experience expertise workers was stressful as there was quite some tension and fallout from a previous conflict amongst the participants. Well I hope it’s cleared up now and we can move forward. And positive for me personally is that I didn’t just tense up and froze but was able to participate and share about how the tangible tension affected me personally, for which I got quite a lot of positive feedback. In the past I would have just made myself as small as possible and hope it was over soon. Progress. But I still don’t like big crowds and lots of tension.
On we go friends. H ave as good a day as you all can. Sober and clean. Love.
@acromouse Congrats on 100 days Aga. Good work.
@Wakikki Hang in there friend. Always good to see you
@Jules000 It’s good you’re connecting here Julia. Maybe makes it easier to stay connected with yourself too. You’re not alone.
@wahtisnormal Keep coming back Zoe. And keep working on healthier ways to cope with the sh*t in your life. This is a good starting point. Glad you are here.
@apes2020 Congrats on double digits April.
@Shawn1991 60 days already Shawn! Congrats friend.
@Rookie You’re holding up a mirror to your husband. When he acknowledges you are doing the right thing by being sober he has to face his own drinking. I’m sorry. Keep going
@Butterflymoonwoman Just lots of love and big hugs your way dear Dana 
@JazzyS Take your time to recover. Can take quite a while. 
@MrFantastik Well done and congrats on 90 days. I just say I don’t drink these days when offered something. Works for me.
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38 days weed free 2032 days alcohol free
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Very very true
We are all truly blessed to have each other on here, when you think of all the millions of apps out there , we have something special here.
I think its been four years ive been on here and been bleesed with the community we have all built here together help each other at any time of the day or night , on any day, in any country , in any time zone
When you think about it, its truly amazing.
Imagine being an addict when the internet did not exist. We are blessed to have each other here at the click of a button.
Thank you @Robin
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It’s hard to come up to the ages that your parents died at. Welcome to your 40s, I would imagine it will be your best decade so far, for lots of reasons.
Not only that you’re Super Mischa… you WON the plank challenge!
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I’m here, I’m alive and I’m sober.
Day 2.
My mother surprisingly called this morning (if she’s not working, she usually isn’t ip before lunch)
She had accidentally deleted all the photos on her phone, from our vacations last year. She was really upset. Luckily my husband has backups on his phone, so I promised her to print out real photos for her until next time we meet.
I’m not really a technology fan at all, but I imagine that it must be harder being her age and I can imagine the panic she most have felt.
Anyway it was nice talking to her when she was sober for once. It’s rare nowadays.
We also decided to take the boys for a shopping trip in Gothenburg during the Easter Holiday. I still imagine that it’s good for her to get out of the house and even if it’s tiring and even of she can be really hard to hang out with, we’re still trying.
Sun is shining, March 1st, start of spring month. Everything actually feels great today.
Wishing you all the best
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Good to see you back and alive. I’m no expert, but she might wanna check the recently deleted photo folder on her phone and put them back. Don’t know which phone she has, but works on mine. Greetz
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Oh dear, I didn’t even though about that. I’ll call her right away and tell her that.
Thank you 
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