1299 days no alcohol.
764 days no cocaine.
279 days no vape.
24 days no binge-eating.
(Also 61 days no impulsive spending).
I did an online course yesterday afternoon. It was called āMaking Every Penny Countā, but it was as usual, nothing new to me. Iāve always been very pro-active, and thatās how I got through losing everything through my addictions, and eventually becoming debt-free. Very grateful those debts are part of my past now. It was an extremely stressful few years. I could see how the course would be helpful to people who were caught up in the debt-cycle and struggling with budgetting etc though.
Then in the evening I attended the first Safe Soulmateās online LGBTQ+ Zoom group. It was really awkward but we got through it, it was only an hour, and we are all neurodivergent. The facilitator made a good effort to give us talking prompts, and it did feel quite wholesome. There were only 4 of us attending, as we all identified on the LGBTQ+ spectrum, eventually the group will be opened up to the wider safe soulmates who are not sure if they identify on the spectrum but would like to learn more or are curious etc.
I have been so fatigued the past few days. So unbelievably tired. Iāve had something on every day this week and I think Iām paying for it. I also think itās partly because Iām feeling very depressed atm. It has meant that Iāve had to reshedule my visit with my SIL & baby niece today, and the next day sheās free is the 14th so I cant see them until then now . I know it will come around though. I just hope Iām not fatigued again that week as I again have something on the 3 days prior.
The depression makes me want to binge mindlessly whilst watching TV so I can feel numb, but Iām not giving in.
Checking in. Today I could start my new work task. I like it a lot and being eager to work is something I havenāt felt for ages. I had a doctorās appointment and everything went fine, but I will have a few more in the upcoming week because there is a chance that I can have a surgery in the future. So it was a good day, yet by the evening I had quite a hard time due to overwhelming feelings. Every time something happens (or is planned to happen) or changes, my grief kicks in. I really donāt want to slip back and relive any of the previous stages now, when I finally have some solid ground under my feet.
today is 2 years of no self harm. I thought Iād feel happier but Iām just full of intrusive thoughts about ruining it. Iām not going to. i at least know that.
update: my friend is going to send me a gift for the milestone. which is nice. Iām not really acknowledging that itās an achievement
Iāve been just so busy recently but itās all good.
Unfortunately I canāt keep up with this thread, itās too busy for me to follow everyone.
Hope youāre all doing well.
Welcome back @MrsOdh Itās great to see you again!
Checking in another day sober. My cold is starting to go away and Iām feeling much better. I got a steroid injection in my hip this morning. It was uncomfortable, but went well. Itās sore, but i should start getting some relief soon. I planned to take the day off and rest, but i decided to work since i took off Tuesday. I also stopped at a couple of places to look at cars. I still canāt make a decision as to what i want. I find something online, go and look at it, sometimes test drive a couple, think Iāve decided and then change my mind. Iām have extreme anxiety over the whole situation. I canāt even drive my Jeep right now because i get so anxious and worried it will break down again. Iāve been driving my husbandās jeep instead and heās driving mine. This is so stupid, itās just a vehicle and i need to get another one. I have good credit, can afford (within reason) to get a decent vehicle, but canāt do it. I do this with other things, too. Anyone else have difficulty trusting themselves to make decisions after getting sober?
2 years 17 days
Today has beenā¦ really up and down. Started off pretty crappy. My sons school bus pickup did not go very smoothly at all. New nurse, new bus attendant, and new driver who didnt know the pick up location. Along with them being extremely late, i had to show the new nurse where everything was. But then i went to the gym and that made everything better. Thought id grab a smoothie and a chicken wrap on the way home. Ordered. Came home with it, only to find out that she gave me a steak wrap instead. Not a huge deal, it was still good. Folded laundry and picked up my son from the bus early as it was a half day of school. Relaxed with him in the afternoon. Ive been quite emotional today but in all reality these problems are nothing like what i used to have when using. So i suppose i shouldnt let these situations rent space in my head like that lol Anyway, hubby is home. Going to make supper and do some self care. Have to work this weekend. Have a great night TS fam!
Wow, I actually did it
Today was pretty uneventful, I worked. I bought myself a pendant tonight to go on my chain I always wear. I have a couple other pendants, but this one is a gold cat/dog paw, I assume it can be either one. My pets mean the world to me, and the only ones that always stay by my side. (Not that they have a choice, lol)
@happy_trails thank you so much. That makes sense about resting. Great work on 60 days!!! Keep the days stacking up @Shawn1991 Great work on 60 days of sobriety! Keep that momentum going strong @apes2020 YEAH double digits! Great work April @wahtisnormal Great to see you posting and coming back Zoe! Iām so sorry for your living situation. Proud that you are still working on protecting your sobriety and coming here to connect with your peers. You are not alone my friend. I do hope it gets easier for you at home. Keep showing up for yourself @jules000 sorry that you are dealing with this so strongly. I do hope that you are able to talk to someone at the moment and get through these urges. Find a way to distract yourself ā possibly use markers to draw on where you want to cut rather than using any sharp tools. I see that this was written almost a day ago ā hope you are safe and harm free @wakikki Iām so sorry love ā that does not sound like a pleasant experience. Iām sorry that you still havenāt been able to get any answers as to what is causing this. Hoping you are ok my friend. Congrats on your 2 years 2 months of sobriety. Sending you loving and positive vibes! @acromouse Way to go on your triple digits Aga! Keep working on your plan my friend ā you are making great progress with your timers. @mrfantastik Way to go with your 3 months Marty. Congrats on walking away from the attempts. You are doing amazingly well ā keep the days stacking up @mno thanks friend! Great to hear that you are making progress ā a very bit positive step today. @mischa84 Oh I think you will love your 40ās. I see you working on a healthy lifestyle for yourself. Way to go with your 8 months of sobriety. Keep showing up for yourself Mischa ā you are doing a fantastic job. I do hope you had a wonderful day celebrating you!
@kellykelly WOOT WOOT 700 days is amazing work! Way to go with your sober time ā wishing you loads of luck with the smoking ā you can kick this too @sizetheday Great work on your 2 months of sobriety ā keep the days stacking up @mira_d omg girl I am so very sorry! Pushing this off for another year? I can not imagine how much your family has and is going through. Sending you love my friend ā I wish I could give you a big hug and make this time easier for you. @dazercat OMG those are adorable pictures and Gus is so worth the move! 50 weeks tomorrow canāt wait to celebrate this with you @englishd Great to see you checking in and a huge congrats on your new job. @catmancam thanks friend. Way to go with your 61 days (all your timers are very impressive). I am sorry that you are dealing with depression right now. I do hope that you are able to use the SAD lamp and possibly get out for a walk that might help ā sending positive vibes your way. @sadmemequeen lovely to see you check in with your 2 year milestone Megan! I know that it may not feel like a achievement but I think its huge. You should be proud of yourself. Sweet of your friend to get you a gift @happyfeet so great to see you check in Anne ā glad to know things are well ā great work with 217 days! @steve14 great work on your 512 days Steve ā sorry about the blah mood. Sending you happy mojo and hope it helps lift the mood ā have yourself a wonderful weekend. @maxwell Way to go Maxine ā 2 months and going strong. You are doing great my friend ā so lovely to see you checking in daily
Checking in on Friday night
436 days free of cigarettes and alcohol
851 days free of weed
Another uneventful day. I did manage to get a bit of accounting caught up in my awake hours. Grateful to be able to work from home with this task. Pain from surgery is easier to handle today but other symptoms are very present and annoying.
I do love my mom and all that she is doing for me but at times i laugh at how much we get on each others nerves. It will be really interesting next week when we are both laid up after her surgery. Lord give us strength
Wishing everyone a wonderful addiction free day /evening - sending you all so much love
Decide to " marie kondo " the s$%t out of my house , well because, sober things lol being organised and getting sh$%t done instead of being a lazy slob on couch.
And luca is not helping at all. Has made " marie kondo" pile of " does it bring you joy or not " clothes, his napping spot for the arvo lol.
We donāt know whatās going on. We donāt know if itās your sobriety or some personal tragedy or disaster. So Iām going to leave the whatās your plan link here in case it is helpful to you. You know that we have your best interest at heart and are here to support you and I hope that by reading around it is helping you and Iām glad that you came here and posted.
Iām editing to add that I do understand if it is your sobriety that that can be a personal tragedy and a personal disaster and Iām not trying to imply that it isnāt. It was just how my sentence came out.
Getting ready for my working weekend. I slept soso but Iāll make do. Iām sober and clean. I had a good therapy session yesterday. Weāre in this together. Have as good a day as you all can friends. Clean and sober. Love from Utrecht.
@SadMemeQueen Two years is a huge milestone Megan! Thanks for sharing it. Enormous congrats. Excellent work. @Charlie_C Youāre not alone friend. Hang in there @CATMANCAM Yes we do intervision once a month, which is almost the same as supervision. Very helpful, the good part of that morning that I didnāt share about here. @maxwell Congrats on 60 days Maxine! @Butterflymoonwoman Weāll be working together Dana @Tomek Glad to see good things happening friend. Sorry for the overwhelming feelings. Hugs.
Indecisiveness is my greatest weakness. 2nd to procrastination actually, but they tend to go hand in hand. I honestly think that it was worse for me while I was drinking. Iād usually make rash decisions Iād later regret. Eventually it turned to all these thoughts of āwhat ifsā flying around in my mind and I wouldnāt know what to choose. Now it seems much easier to make the decision by looking at it logically, but then I donāt put it into action. I know what I want for many things, but just keep putting off going thru with it. Is that the same thing? Bc that just made it sound like I canāt make up my mind There is one thing I definitely still donāt trust myself with, and thatās relationships. Every one of mine sucked, so when it does come time to decide about someone, itās gonna be crazy up in here
Still awake at midnight so im checking in again. My hip is hurting and my brain wonāt stop, even after taking my sleeping pill. I have a plan for a new car. Found one i liked online - make, model, color, options, price. Going to the dealership in the morning. My husband said i just need to relax and if im not 100 percent, we can leave. I donāt have to worry about hurting anyoneās feelings. Weāll see what happens.
Im beginning to think that Iāve replaced the obsession with drinking with new obsessions. I spent all my time drinking, planning to drink, hiding my drinking, recovering from drinking - you know the drill. Now i need new things to focus my brain on. I have picked up some new hobbies, but i really donāt have many close friends. I have people i associate with and do activities with, but not besties anymore. I had to end my relationship with my best friend because he was also my number 1 drinking buddy and we were so toxic together. When i tried to get sober after getting my dui, he convinced me to start again - we would moderate. It turned into another 6 years of nonstop chaos and two additional duis for him. This time, i told him i was serious and we hung out twice. The first time he didnāt drink, the second time, he got loaded. We still text occasionally, but donāt hang out.
The weather is supposed to be getting nicer in my area, maybe i can start walking again. No more hiking due to my joint issues, but walking would be good. I also got my motorcycle license after i got sober, but donāt use it much. I usually just ride with my husband because, of couse, i obsess about something bad happening because i donāt have much experience. I donāt trust myself not to do something stupid or others not to run over me.
I really need to get it together, i feel a little crazier than usual lately.
Thanks to anyone who read this wall of rambling text.
This is exactly how i feel. I had no problem making shitty, spur of the moment decsions when i was drinking. Now im capable of rational thought and plan everything out - i love making spreadsheets - but canāt actually execute. My husband still laughs about the patio furniture debacle of summer 2021. It was patio furniture for Christās sake and i deliberated over it for months, then went to different stores, back to online, back to stores - color, style, size. It was a whole thing. I finally bought a set and we love it, but he makes fun of me every time we have a get together. Flower planting in the spring is ridiculous. I cried last year because the greenhouse didnāt have the exact zinnias i wanted for a particular spot and choosing a different color sent me over the edge
and it must feel amazing that the cravings have pretty much gone, this gives me hope. 
š©µ do you have supervisions for your expertise role?
. I know it will come around though. I just hope Iām not fatigued again that week as I again have something on the 3 days prior.
My pets 
mean the world to me, and the only ones that always stay by my side. 
(Not that they have a choice, lol)
There is one thing I definitely still donāt trust myself with, and thatās relationships. Every one of mine sucked, so when it does come time to decide about someone, itās gonna be crazy up in here 