I’m on day 4 today. I woke up feeling somewhat better. But still not good.
Ive noticed that brainfog is pretty wild the first few days. Sometimes its hard to tell if I dreamed something the past few days or it really happened.
The night sweats the first three days were significant. Waking up in a wet spot every morning isn’t what I would call a good feeling. I did have some relief from that last night though. I still sweat some, but nothing like the forst three nights.
My mood is all over the place. Like i said before, I woke up feeling a little better. But it seems like the mood is declining through the day.
I’m comminted to this being the end of my aclohol consumption. I’ve promised my family, my sons that I’m never going back.
I will not allow alcohol to make me break that precious promise.
I’m here to say I am struggling, but I will persevere!
I have a very slow day at work as far as appointments so I am using this time to catch up on paperwork, filing and allllll the other things to get organized.
It’s beautiful already outside, started off chilly this morning.
Day 2 (Technically day 3 actually, whoops!) - Oooh, what a rager of a day!!
Had an assessment today with the medical team who confirmed that, if they take over, my support worker will leave.
I didn’t want her to go and it felt like she was going to pass me off. It always happens, so it evoked my childhood rage and upset and I verbally lashed out. I was so upset I just walked out and said I’d do this by myself. Without my support worker.
Dick move on my part, but I’m so used to people leaving, and find it so agonising, that pushing them away first protects myself.
She’s told me that I’m not alone and to sleep on it, but I know she’s going to go.
I told them all in the meeting that I’ve cut all my cards off and I. AM. DONE. with alcohol, but none of them believed me. I completely understand why, after how many relapses I’ve had, but it hurt.
So, where are we going from here? In terms of support, idk, but I’m currently rage-sipping on OJ and lemonade and listening to heavy metal, lol.
No urge to drink as I want to prove them all wrong, and I damn well will. I bet they think I’ve probably hit the bottle over this - absolutely not!!!
Sometimes we’ve got to get through the day out of spite, and today is one of those days for me, lol.
I made it back from the grocery store safely! I decided, since I was afraid of the store and all its booziness, that I would spend extra time getting ready for the store: good jeans, flatironed hair, lipstick- get ready to take on aisles 3-5! But it was fine- it was like it was not even there. I was distracted by the lady handing out snacks, too. Plus the store was crowded so it was kinda like you would be run over if you didn’t keep moving. Perfect. I bought myself chocolate too to celebrate
First test was a lot of fun. I remember sober me and it’s good to be back. Looking forward to taking trips and all that but this is a start. Miss being out and about with no hangovers involved.
Checking in
2 years 29 days
Feeling much better today mentally. Im still a little bit in my head and anxiety is higher than usual but i turned that energy into positive energy for the gym. I had a wicked workout this morning. My son seems to be feeling a bit better so he went to school. After my workout i grabbed a smoothie and came home to tidy up. I feel strong and i feel so grateful for God. Im also beyond grateful for my recovery. I may have urges to use still but if ive learned anything at all, its to not react to those thoughts right away. Just because i have thoughts, doesnt mean that I have to act on them. I acknowledge the feeling/thought, i do what I have to do to take care of it, and then i go about my day. And im always, ALWAYS grateful that i never used. Love to u all TS fam! Have a fabulous day!
Hey all! Today was an ok day. Not exactly sure why just ok. Did make it to a meeting. Guess it’s to be expected to have these kind of days occasionally. Been praying a lot. Have been reading a lot on here, which is a good thing.
Have a good evening everyone!
Checking in. Today was easier than yesterday, but I know that the hardest part is still ahead of me. Trying to prepare for that. I have a bunch of work, so I think there won’t be problem with finding distraction, the question is, if I’ll be able to choose wisely. I don’t fully trust myself, as in my head addiction is still something that can beat me down, something that is stronger than me. I think I use this thought to keep myself away from alcohol, but focusing on that backfires now when I’m facing giving up smoking.
I’m a big fan of the number two so this one suits me 
