Day 107
I’ve been proud of not drinking for this long, my personal best by far. The more days you have, the less likely you want to start over.
I live with pain, I have rheumatoid arthritis for 30 years now. I haven’t woken up without pain in 15 years that I can remember. My outside self is extremely pleasant and caring of others, my inside self always tries to have faith and hope.
But today, I’ve missed work. Besides what I deal with daily, I have a pinched nerve in my neck, or vertebrae shifted, if I turn my head wrong, I scream. I have a high tolerance for pain, even my surgeon told me that. But this pain is ridiculous!
I’ve dislocated my shoulder 2x in the past couple years, who knows how, but it’s the same pain.
I guess what I’m getting at, today, I seriously thought about drinking. If I drank enough to pass out, the pain would stop. Maybe I’d even do something drunk to correct my neck/spine to take the pressure off. This pain has interfered with my sleeping for the past 2 nights. This will pass, as everything does, and I’ll go back to my normal.
I don’t talk often (basically never) to my friends, co workers about my RA. I don’t want to hear the: Awww.
I feel if I write this, it will strengthen my ability not to drink, just for a day. 