If it makes you feel better I think she possibly has control issues based around worthlessness. Controls the controllable and tries to control the possessions she has, including you.
It’s not you, it’s her own mental health issues in play that create that meanness. Keep doing good stuff for yourself and don’t bow to threats or mindless comments .
A forest walk sounds very soothing.
Just seriously hold your sobriety in one hand and question whether you would surrender that for a bottle of sugar and substances that do you no good. Sounds like you are doing so well, take heart and power thru. It will pass. 🫶🏼
Thanks Lisa. Hoping yours does also. Please don’t try to peel your skin off! Sounds painful 
We definitely are! Thanks 
Absolutely, she has a lot going on mentally. I appreciate your words of support, its nice having an outside reminder. Thank you 
Checking in on day 546 AF.
HAPPY SUNDAY EVERYBODY
Thank you so much. I am really enjoying being sober & the changes it’s made to my life so far. I did surrender to a big bar of chocolate (I’m trying to moderate my sugar intake & loose some weight) I’d rather not lose any weight this week than lose my sobriety.
Hi all, checking in on Day 28 AF, feeling tired, bit ratty but thank God I’m sober.
OMG chocolate! I would so love some right now Lisa-B!
@Laner I’m so very sorry that that’s the reality you are faced with 
@Danwood85 that sounds good, I’ll check it out, thanks 
@Jasty2 you raise a good point, I’ll try to talk about it in therapy tomorrow, thanks 🩵
@Chevy55 thank you 🩵
@JazzyS thank you 🩵 I hope you managed to fall back to sleep with the sound of the rain 
@Kvee congrats on 50 days 
@Wakikki congrats on 850 days
@Deelzebub sorry for the depression wave but well done for fighting your way through it 🩵
@Butterflymoonwoman sending you energy for tonight 
I’m so glad you can get some sleep tomorrow day time 
@K_S congrats on your week love the JFT quote 🩵
@Steve14 sending strength 🩵
@Lisa-B the milestone malady is real, sending strength 🩵 it should pass 
@wahtisnormal I hope you have time for the forest walk, that sounds very calming 
1357 days no alcohol.
822 days no cocaine.
337 days no vape.
2 days no binge-eating.
Caught-up here this morning. Read a chapter of the book I’m reading. Watched an episode of Virgin River in the lounge. Helped my dad unload another van load of stuff to store in my garage. Now I’ve caught-up here again.
Tomorrow is therapy day. I hope I can atleast not hang my head in shame for the entire 50 minutes this time.
I hope you’ve all had wonderful sober weekends.
🩵
4 months is amazing. You deserve to be proud of yourself for that 
Im sorry to hear youre struggling today. I can completely understand having that thought, and that must be really hard having it pop up so randomly when youve been feeling good lately. It will come and it will go. It wont always be this prominent. Ive been trying to re-wire my brain lately when I think alcohol will relax me or make things more fun, or whatever it is, I ask myself, “will it really?” I find that in the long run, the effects of alcohol do the opposite of relax me, it adds more stress into my life and thats something I have to remind myself of constantly. Sending you loads of strength and support to get through today. Never forget how amazing youre doing, even on the hard days. And some days, youre allowed to just be angry. Change comes with discomfort, but youre doing it out of wanting a healthier, more beneficial life for yourself and thats a beautiful thing.
Made it to day 4. So far, insomnia has been kicking my butt. I feel so irritable and bored? I think today has been the worst. Just have to keep on trucking and remember the goal is to heal and get comfortable with myself again. I’ve been so far from feeling confident, capable and in control for so long and I know if I stick it out, that’s a real possibility for me. Hoping everyone has a beautiful day/night.
That’s gotta be hard keeping it in all of the time. I’m glad you feel that this is a safe enough place to just be open about it and just put it into words, and you’re absolutely right, so many of us here struggle with similar things in that sense. Know that we hear you and we know what it’s like on those hard days. Sending you support, you’re killing it! And hope your day gets better from here on out
Thank you @wahtisnormal I have definitely been looking at alcohol differently this time. And I play the tape forward.
I spoke with my sister about this & the thing that came up is I am a thinker, I over think everything to the nth degree, my brain is always active, just the internal monologue. And although this has always been the case for me since as far back as I can remember it never really bothered me until I stopped drinking. The drink was making my brain quieter & now my brain is getting back to default settings it’s back to its former self. So I don’t miss drink but I do miss my brain not being so active all the time. I hope that makes sense. I think I might just need to learn to meditate or something lol.
And yes I agree change is messy. Sure if it was easy everyone would do it 🩷
4 days is amazing. Sleep takes a while to come, about 2 weeks for me before I saw a change, when it does come it’ll be the best sleep you’ll ever have.
You’re doing good things!! The frustration is real and very normal…I very recently started guided meditations every morning and evening and they’re helping a lot as well. Remember that the urge will pass. It will be uncomfortable, a lot of things will be, but you’ll get through them and everytime you do, you’ll gain strength from it. 
Congratulations on your 50 ODAATs Kvee
