Good morning all! Checking in on day 151. My dear friend @Chevy55 is so kind to check up on me I thought it was time to check in
Still going through house construction, the county didn’t approve the way they did an exterior wall and now they have to re do it and I need 5 inspections throughout the process instead of 2
I’ve been making amends, there has been some pretty big highs and some really big lows during the process, but I know it’s important and it does feel good to put it all out there and not carry it around but I would be lying if I said it was all great.
Anyway, I hope you all are doing well! I missed many of you and I can’t wait to catch up! and
Spending time cleaning and straightening the gym after the late finish on setup (pics to follow for those interested @acromouse , lol). Then getting after my first session with it. I’ve missed a few days in a row due to landscape work and rearranging down there, but now I am ready. It will get into probably its final configuration today!! (I hope).
It’s a drizzly east coast kinda day here on the water, so staying inside and just doing home stuff is much looking forward too.
Enjoy a sober day people. Sending you positive vibes
Trust me I’ve got plenty of bad memories as well, first time around here trying to sober up that caused me a lot of trouble. Untreated C-ptsd, nightmares, flashbacks, you name it.
Still have them but I’ve had years to work on them so it’s not that frequent and I’m able to handle it way better know.
Most of the time I choose to talk about and remember the good things. I won’t let the past drag me down in any way. I want to be positive and happy like I’ve always been.
Good morning! Sober birthday and regular birthday.
There is no sun again , but after 6 weeks I’m used to it. I slept ok, kinda fair but I can half function. I am really grateful for that. Last week I really couldn’t do much. It’s very encouraging. I needed this. Going to keep working on fitness and slowly building up some endurance. I expect I’ll get a big breakthrough soon.
Lots of love and thank you for your support & kindness.
I hope that great rest regularity does catch up with ya…
I’ve found with myself that it kinda creeped up a little more here and there until it was more good than bad, and the good was getting greater and greater and the bad much less so.
We’re all different though, but it seems it does get better, as long as we taking that wholesome approach to our health and wellbeing.
Best of luck Marie, you’re gonna get there. I have no doubt
Thank you Nick for the encouragement! This is arguably the most challenging time, where I’m starting to get better but think I should be further along. Nah, alcohol has done damage. It’s healing, but so slowly. Sleep improvement is key. I’ll get there, pushing myself a little more each day.
@butterflymoonwoman You are truly a warrior my friend. I am sorry that you are enduring all of this. Grateful for the light at the end – hope you are able to sleep / scream / cry today – let it all out. Sending you love and energy and hoping that you are able to sleep today @mindofsobermike The bike looks great Mike! Sorry about your co-worker. It is a real pain in the ass when you have to do someone elses work while watching them do nothing. I do hope that it gets sorted out on its own. Glad that you are enjoying your job and doing so well in it. @just_laura So right – we do not think about form at all when cleaning and that is when it comes to bite us hard. Hope your neck and back feel better today. Its crazy how a simple task can lead to a full blown out cleaning Glad the room has come together so nicely @acromouse I am sorry for the upsetting talk you had but want to congratulate you on listening to your body and not feeding an emotion. That is a great lesson indeed – I needed to read that today. Thank you. @mrsodh oh what a lovely outing – hope you all enjoy your Maying @efountains 600+ days is amazing and each day sober is a wonderful day full of great achievement. @danwood85 the body and mind do go through some major changes during our sobriety journey. Are you able to speak with someone IRL? It helps to sort through the anxiety and depressive feelings. Maybe join a recovery group if you haven’t already – it is good to see in person that you are not alone in this and these feelings are valid. Great work on your double digits! Keep showing up for yourself. @iamthechange so great to see you checking in Ami. OOF 5 inspections when you were expecting 2 is insane. I do hope that all goes well and you can be complete with this construction soon. Great work on your 151 days – keep staying strong friend @lighter HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARIE! You are doing great my friend and remember all good things take time keep working on your sober journey like a rockstar – 6 weeks and counting
Wednesday morning check in …
running late this morning to meet up with mom-- didn’t sleep well. hoping the shower will wake me up and get me the jolt i need (luckily the coffee will follow).
wishing everyone a wonderful addiction free day - sending you all so much love
I have noticed that when I feel I have alot to do - like the catio. I just want it done. I have this way of thinking that if something can be done today why wait until tomorrow. Get it done.
When my head wants to get on with stuff but I don’t feel like it - this triggers the thoughts of using alcohol to get more done. Because I lose my anxiety and will push on. I have to remember it’s ok to stop especially if I feel like I need a drink to progress with a project that day. Obviously if I didn’t wake up feeling up to doing the project then it’s ok to not do it that day.
I never craved all the other days I had got on with the catio, I woke up on those days and wanted to keep going and a drink wouldn’t cross my mind. So I when I wake up and I feel like I should be doing more and I feel a drink will help, well then clearly it’s not the day to do it.
It’s ok it’s taking a bit longer and I dont have to be doing it everyday and I shouldn’t feel bad I’m not doing it and like a drink will help me get more done.
So yh I need to not out pressure on myself for something that isn’t urgent.
@Soberbilly You did make me laugh with those Twizzlers haha.
You know not summer just gone as we were moving and it was just hectic, but the one before, I spent all of it meditating in the garden. It was amazing. Reading pema chodrons collection and other Buddhist books and meditations. And I had never felt so at peace with myself and life. I plan to do that again this summer.
I plan to get to AA and luckily there is a face to face recovery dharma not too far once a week and online I have been looking into.
Today I did a lot of prepwork today for my upcoming work trip. Planned out my routes and scheduled meetings with the people I need to see. Looked into if there will be a way for me to have internet access while traveling so I can keep up on this group. I’m excited for the trip but also a bit nervous about it. At home I worked hard to keep my drinking a secret but when I would travel I could be anonymous and that gave me freedom. So for my first sober trip I’ve invited a good friend to come along. I hope that this helps me and will build my confidence for when my next work trip comes along.
Also today I realized that I’ve not had a panic attack in over a week! So I’m feeling pretty good about that. My sleep has been better…still sleep walk often but I’ve been going to sleep faster and staying asleep longer. So I’m hoping that continues to improve. Sleeping is the thing that makes me the most anxious when I travel. My sleep walking tends to get worse in places I’m not used to…anyways I’m not gonna worry too much about that and just focus on planning for the trip and getting everything I need together. I’m really excited about this new translation project and think it’ll give me something good to focus on during the summer. The summer makes my whole routine all wonky and unreliable so am hoping this project will give me a good sense of routine in those quiter months while also giving a good time to rest and relax.
Good therapy session today. Lots to work on, including allowing myself to ACCEPT AND FEEL joy. I had never realised that I do not allow myself to feel joy, or that I ruin it with thoughts of ‘what if this happens’… My homework is to repeatedly move away from thoughts of the past or future and into the joy of the present. Accept, let go and live.
Pilates kicked my butt. In a good way.
Our body and mind are never truly apart, so treat it all equally.
and 
, but after 6 weeks I’m used to it. I slept ok, kinda fair but I can half function. I am really grateful for that. Last week I really couldn’t do much. It’s very encouraging. I needed this. Going to keep working on fitness and slowly building up some endurance. I expect I’ll get a big breakthrough soon.
Glad the room has come together so nicely
You are doing great my friend and remember all good things take time 
keep working on your sober journey like a rockstar – 6 weeks and counting 
Sober & smoke free
boys have been paid at work , i skipped the invite to pub tonight didn’t fancy it 
having Masala chai ( tea ) instead
in 53 days , about £700 probably more including socialising. Would hate to know how much ive wasted in 35 years 
