Thank you so much, @Mno 
it will be a tough day, but I am happy to be here again.
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77 days. Frustrated. A little lonely I guess, maybe thatās why Iām frustratedā¦ Idk. I donāt want a drink but I want something.
Anyway.
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133 days
Good day at work. Did some training in the morning. The scheduled fitness test was postponed till later in the month so my leg should be fine by then, it was fine today and today was pretty active.
We had a prospective recruit join us for the day to give them an insight into the job. Its always good to be able to showcase what we do and he enjoyed himself.
Just spent the evening watching my team draw, its still nice watching it at home with the kids keeping half an eye on it and asking for updates during the game.
Glad Iāll be able to remember it all tomorrow too.
Another day at work tomorrow.
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Have you got a sport or social club you could join?
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Iām here, Iām alive, Iām sober and Iām happy.
Day 46
Trying to make American pancakes for breakfast. Iām way better at doing thing Swedish ones. The kids look forward to it anyway, so I guess itās the thought that counts here 
Drinking my morning tea,and thatās about it for today.
Hoping that the weather will clear so we can have a bbq this evening.
A friend of ours whoās currently moving to the neighbor village wanted to come over. He was tired from all the fixing with the move, and wanted to relax. He knows Iām not drinking (again) so he asked if I was okey with him bringing a few beers.
I am, beer was never my thing anyway so itās not triggering.
Oddly enough almost nothing seems to be a trigger this time around. I think it might be because Iāve actually had the courage to break up with and exclude all the people that cause me to much stress and creates drama. And that Iāve done so much work with myself so Iām confident in what Iām doing, and where Iām going.
Itās peaceful over here, and way more fun 
Not even my mother is a trigger these days. I just feel sorry for her, and obligated to care for her.
I know sheās sad and lonely.
She doesnāt have to be, but I guess she doesnāt know to be anything else.
Just a little strange that Iāve never done something like this before. Yet Iāve been on and off here for about 4 years.
So grateful that I have all of you guys here that sticks with me, and have done for so long.
Wishing yāall a wonderful day 
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Day 43
Wee hour check in. I slept better but went to bed too early. So itās 330 and Iām up. Even the cat refused to get up and beg for breakfast. Itās too early!
Feeling more hopeful.
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Now Iām looking up the difference between Swedish pancakes and American pancakes. Now Iām very hungry! 
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No, Iām not sure. Iāve thought about stuff to join but the issue is there just isnāt anything nearby. The nearest city is 1.5 hours drive. The nearest town is 30mins and itās a college town so most of the āactivitiesā Iām aware of are bar crawls.
So I just donāt know. Seems like anything social will involve booze. Itās semi rural, hunting, meeting up in parking lots to drink Bud Light before meeting in another parking lot to drink more Bud Lightā¦ going to churchā¦ Is about all I can think of.
I may go to the lake tomorrow to see if the swimming beach is open yet but still. Thatās kind of boring to do alone.
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Iām 2 weeks sober today. Delighted with the 2
Weeks. Iām feeling a lot better and each day I can see more small improvements. Taking it one day at a time
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American pancakes are thick and fluffy, eaten with maple syrup and or butter fro what I know.
Swedish pancakes is thin and mostly eaten with sugar or jam.
We do as always with everything, some cross cooking and combine things without any rules, as long as itās good.
I usually have my Swedish pancakes with Maple syrup. (I donāt eat butter, the texture and the flavor is strange to me)
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Todays been a good day so far. I had a weekend hike planned with my 2 closest friends but itās ended up snowing where we planned to go. I was a bit disappointed but even so itās been a good time to hang out together playing games and chatting. Weāll get dinner going soon. Iām surprised at myself for not having much anxiety today but am happy for that and going with it. Anyways Iām glad so far my weekend is going well despite my change of plans.
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Oh yeah! 
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Hey all, checking in on day 1399. I hope everybody has a good one!
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Hello everybody,
going into day 15 today.
Yesterday I went on a small trip in the evening with two close friends. The atmosphere was rough, as to be expected.
Both of them suggested that I restart therapy. Not addiction related but more deeply psychological.
They both think that my addiction and the resulting behaviour is just part of a larger picture.
I tend to agree with them. I already did the whyās when it comes to my addiction. Maybe some of it has changed but all in all itās more about the urge to lash out and burn any progress I make in my life.
Thatās the big one.
I hope you have good weather wherever you are and
Iāll update you on whatever comes next.
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Day 7. What a week. Probably more lows than highs but still feeling positive.
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I love how I can chat about pancakes with European folks at 4 am, sober ā¦you are never alone unless you choose to be!
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Actually, and honestly, I feel itās whatās behind that. Itās some sort of defense and coping mechanism. Something caused it. Or many things. Well, nothing a good therapist canāt handle. And which you can address. I think therapy is a good idea. Success.
Great weather here btw.
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Yes, Iām gonna have to adress that first and foremost.
Also, I might need some time to get to a therapist.
After my car accident in 2022 I just stopped showing up to therapy.
Which of course is now part of my medical history.
So Iāll have to see if I can get a place.
Maybe Iāll have to write an appeal or sth.
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When I still was using, I quit and ran away from any therapy and therapist. Left the last one without paying the last sessions. Never made a secret of it when I tried again sober. Nobody was bothered.
Most important IMHO is you find a therapist that clicks with you. More important than any actual therapy they give. Oh, and stay sober of course.
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