@butterflymoonwoman Oh wow Dana – another all nighter. I am glad you are full of energy and feeling good. Grateful you got to spend time with your parents today. Happy Birthday to your hubby – hope you all have a great time celebrating his birthday today and hopefully you will get a early night tonight. 
So grateful that you were able to see a video to help you out of the using thinking 
@Mia2 So lovely to see your avatar pop up girl – always great to hear from you. 4+ years is mighty impressive work. I am sorry that you are not doing well. Have you been talking to your therapist? Are they helping you sort through your feelings. Sending you love and strength and do hope that all your efforts are fruitful
Checking in on Monday afternoon
481 days free of alcohol and weed
896 days free of cigarettes
Happy Monday to you all Been a lovely day. Got to do a video chat with my cousin in Devon. She is like a big sister to me and my heart smiles whenever I see her. Was a great way to start the day. Was able to take myself and my mom to our acupuncture appointment. Was able to cook a quick healthy meal for lunch / dinner. Trying to rest now as I don’t want to over stimulate myself. I know I have a tendency to go full steam and ignore all the signs and pain which causes a backslide so trying to be very mindful these days.
Wishing everyone a wonderful addiction free day / evening – sending you all so much love 
Yes this is exactly true, I love the way you worded this. Helps me to read that, the way you wrote it. Thank you.
@Jonachav123 I understand the frustration. But hopefully some things have really solidified for you now, and remember when it sticks forever, it only has to stick once!
@Mindofsobermike Congratulations 
.
@JennyH I think starting to recognize when we are isolating is a great step, and then being able to take the opposite action is even better.
@Axsis What a fab photo!
@icebear Your presence is more than enough to offer 
@Butterflymoonwoman I don’t think you are doing anything wrong. Recovery is something we do, with peaks and troughs. Sometimes life gets heavy, and our brain goes back to a reliable way to escape. We cannot help those thoughts. We can fight back, like you did, by thinking about all those reasons why we quit in the first place. Or what would happen if we did relapse. And as Stella said, make efforts to strengthen our program. I am right there with you.
Day 1344
Still having more energy thanks to being back at work, actually doing my hobbies and cleaning and so on.
I am struggling with people pleasing, either doing it too much, and feeling like I am being crushed, or not doing it and hating feeling like people are angry or disappointed with me. I am tired of the back and forth that goes on in my brain, annoyed that I don’t appreciate the privileged life I have (job, healthy kids, relative safety).
There are for sure times when the thought of a temporary escape feels tempting. But knowing that it would let a demon out of a bottle stops me. Just noticed the pun, ha!
Checkin in day 106 AF 
Omg thars what the grapevines are like on our property! Sure grapes are lovely, I suppose? Lol but it looks like Jumangi out there. We just bought our place 3 years ago, but I dont thinj anyone has bothered much with the land in some time. Myst say it is PRETTY cathatric ripping them out and hacking at them LOL
Checking in Day 303 AF
Exhausted is an understatement for how I feel today. I have not been sleeping well. I’m hoping sleep comes easy tonight.
Yeah makes sense. My friend said I should say it as a truth every morning and start my days this way. Then when I think negative about it to say out loud my truths again.
425
Checking in super sober 
Day 912 AF
Busy Monday at work. Not a whole lot going on today.
I’ll catch up with y’all later.
Take care everyone. ODAAT.
Checking in sober after working late on Monday night. Trying to wind down a bit now. Wishing you all peace.
Checking in EOD 117.
I haven’t spent much time on here like I normally do. Just staying busy. I talked to my brother today who I haven’t talked to in almost 3 years. We had a big fall out back in 2021. I was an asshole to all of my brothers, mom, cousin, step dad. I was in a bad place and I said a lot of messed up things, I was on adderall and alcohol daily and just a mess… mom is my mom so of course she wasn’t far when I told her all of what was going and how I’ll never talk to her like that again, but my brother wasn’t trying to hear that shit, I did go low and try to hurt him…but I really only hurt myself. Anyway, we talked today, and it was really nice. We chatted about what all we had both been up to, and I told him that I was sorry, but the best apology is changed behavior and I’m working on it. I’m the oldest 9 kids and sometimes I just feel like I’m supposed to be setting the example but in reality, I’m learning from them.
That’s all I have tonight.
#ODAAT
Hey sweet friend,
the bad body feeling is caused by not swimming. I will always hit the pool however I feel. Cause I know it changes afterwards. It’s about the availibility here from our house out in nowhere. But I will drive the 35 minute drive this week anyway… To have 1 or 2 swims at least.
Ahw it’s all a bit meeehw. Hormons. Stress.
The good thing out in nowhere is silence, good sleep, fresh eggs from a farmer and so on lol…
Big garden, nice nature 
Point of view
Step by step, things can be solved.
Thinking about trying a gym (never been a gym girl) but here is a nice one for example. And here are yoga possibilities too. And in may the outdoor pool will open, that is 10 minutes from here with a true competitive 50m lane! Rearrangement. Like all the stuff I moved again. Siiiighhhh 
Day 77 checking in
My last relaps was at 77 days.
After strict dieting with shake fasting for days.
Addictive mind keeps telling me judging things about my body since days. Yesterday I had the first real drinking thought since weeks. I know it’s all mind tricks and triggers. Will just stay on the sober side and be gentle with myself. Trying to joyn a RR meeting this week. And eat, just eat.
Love you guys 
Day 4. Thank you for the good wishes, I’m not in much pain today, but I’m very exhausted. I’m glad I’m not poisoning my body with alcohol. Checking in on day 4.
1774
Woke up early. Weather’s still sh*t but I’m not going to mind and do a hike on the beach. I’ll be dressed for the occasion. I’ll first take the train north and walk south with the wind in my back. No reason to make it harder than needed. There’s neighbours renovating and the city’s crowded so I can do with some quiet and nature.
Have as good a day as you can all. Sober and clean. Love from Oude Kerk, where last Sunday Meredith Monk’s retrospective ended. Loved it and I love you all.
.19
Day 297. Well, I worked yesterday and my headache didn’t clear… So I think today I will take off and rest.
I thought it would just shift but it hasn’t. So I will drink water. Rest and get back to work tomorrow. I struggle taking time off. Always worried about how it’s perceived. I think I’ve had three sick days in a year? Ridiculous really.
@zzz This one is oh so pretty 
@Mno I’m working on a game about the wind. Especially about birds. I was inspired to make it by the wind at the beaches south of you. Enjoy the flagellation 
@Joyce19 Hang on friend 
@Juli1 I do hope you get to have a nice swim soon. When I can’t move my body in my favourite activity I’m just all over the place and nowhere. I so need to find myself and get centred through moment.
@K_S Really nice to hear about the time you had with your brother 
@DanaM56 Hope restful sleep finds you soon 
@Misokatsu Hope you’ll have some peace of mind soon
@JazzyS So good to hear about the nice activities you were able to enjoy yesterday.
@Mia2 Wishing you strength and kindness for yourself in all your planned endeavours. And obviously congrats on four full years. What an achievement 
@JennyH Congrats on three weeks and I hope your migraine lifts soon.
146 sugar
10 UPF
17 gluten
9 dairy
5 overeating/binge
I slept well this night and I’m very grateful for that. I’m very sad today. What was a gnawing suspicion turned into certainty yesterday. Now I have a clear view on the state of my marriage and this makes me very sad. I can grieve now and start moving on eventually. But right now I’m just sad.
Today I’ll have a class with the older kids. They usually are not as funny as the younger ones so it’s going to be more about problem solving. I’m moving my weekly grocery run to today and want to fix my bike saddle before that. Or I’ll take a different bike. The weather sucks but I’m actually happy about it, it should lessen my allergies and asthma.
I hope I’ll have more time for gamedev and diagrams today. I know I have some serious sequencing problem somewhere in my design, and modelling that stuff in a diagram should help me find the source of it.
I might get on the rower today. But honestly I feel more like a more relaxing yoga thing right now. It might change. I’ll see in the afternoon.
Whatever the day may bring today I will honour my satiety and hunger signals. Today I will work through my emotions with more skilful means than food and eating.
Have a peaceful day friends. One with kindness and freedom 
I’m here, I’m alive, I’m sober and I’m happy.
Day 49.
Sun is still shining, I’m hoping the forecast from yesterday is wrong. Of the weather change again and we get more snow instead of spring, I’m going to start planning my Emigration for real. 
Told my life coach yesterday that I don’t want to work with her anymore. And won’t start her new program. Felt strange, I’ve been working with her for years. But she makes me feel more bad than good nowdays, so it’s needed.
She’s long, thin, tall, blond,rich, gorgeous,glamorous and American.
So far away from me you can get.
I thought I wanted that kind of lifestyle, but I don’t. And everytime I see her Instagram pictures I feel like I should loose more weight, I should work out more, I should get me another job more well paid.
But Truth is that I don’t want that.
I want to be able to eat what I like, exercise in my own way, get stronger, and live a long healthy quiet life in my small village. Doing what makes me happy.
With some travel in between.
I don’t want to work like a maniac,pay most of my salary in taxes to a society that doesn’t do what it’s supposed to. Feel bad because I can’t be with my kids, and make my potential boss who doesn’t care about anyone but her/him self rich.
So it was time to say goodbye to that.
It feels good.
Don’t worry, I still Love Lilly Pulitzer and will keep posting fashion updates from time to time anyway 
Wishing y’all a great Tuesday.
Checking in on day 33. Still no desire to drink, which is a fantastic feeling, and not one I have ever experienced before.
I have work travel on my own next week which worries me as it would be easy to slip. Going to have to form a plan to make sure I don’t.