2y2m7d
So now my son is sick 
poor little guy. When it rains it pours. This makes things three times as difficult for next week bcuz if he cant go to school, then i cant sleep during the day. Im really having to rely on my HP to get me thru this right now. I think I need to spend some time in my HPs presence. Im trying not to think too far ahead and after some thinking and trying to find a positive spin on this i realized something. I donāt always have control over the event, but I do have control over my response. HOW I choose to respond (respond not react) actually effects the outcome of the situation. If I choose to be angry or resentful or overwhelmed etc, I am creating a negative outcome and outlook on what happened. By simply switching my thinking, I am better able to handle situations and change the whole trajectory of what happened. Holding onto these negative emotions hurts me more than it hurts anyone else, as well as closes my mind to other opportunities to solve the situation. Just my thought of the day haha Hoping i can pull myself out of this negative thinking
Right?? People complain that those folks are only doing for likes and followsā¦ but ya know what, It doesnāt matter. They are out there doing it and in doing so everyone touched by it feels a bit better.
I love those types of things. Iāll take them in my feed all day long compared to the other BS we need to be exposed too.
Enjoy your day Lauraā¦ 
Iām sorry to read he is unwell 
Itās not going to be an easy week by the sound of things but I do think try not worrying too much about the week ahead and take it one day at a time, one problem/situation at a time and it might be smoother than you are feeling it will be - I hope so!
I know itās easy for me to say but try to not worry too far ahead 
your wear your self to exhaustion before the weeks started.
Iām thinking of you wish I was there to help you
Sorry your little guyās sick Tough time for anyone, but youāre right to realize how thoughts can affect a situation. Itās easy to think the worst, but most times it wonāt be the end result. Getting away from that automatic, negative thought process takes practice, but becomes easier the more you do. Sounds to me like youāre already pulling yourself out of it. Itās stunning to see how much youāve grown since the beginning of your journey. You are strong and fierce 
You can and will get thru this
Checking in sober, day 114.
Checking in day 110 AF 
Day #1 for everything including my DOC
I fucked up pretty bad last nightā¦ I kept telling myself I wouldnāt drink when my coworkers wanted to go out for drinks. But I ended up drinking anyway. Eventually, I ended up using cocaine last night but I stopped myself pretty quickly at least and got rid of it. I regret everything.
This really solidifies in my mind that I cannot even be in the presence of alcohol, regardless of if I tell myself that I will not drink. I chose to cancel on seeing my friends today as they wanted to go to a bar, and because Iām starting to realize that I canāt even be in the presence of alcohol regardless of if I tell myself I wonāt drink. I was being very stubborn about this for a long while. I really didnāt wanna believe that I canāt even fucking be at a bar with friends or coworkers, but I get it now. I canāt trust myself at all with alcohol in my presence.
Yeah I know Iām going to get a bunch of tough love for typing this out, so be it. Nothing anyone says here right now can hurt me more than I have hurt myself last nightā¦
Oh also, Iām just going to start quitting cigarettes cold turkey. I donāt want to wait anymore for my coke addiction to be under control. Iām already in the fucking coke withdrawal, adding a cigarette withdrawal on top couldnāt possibly hurt me more than what I feel right now.
Donāt beat yourself up friend. Some lessons in life have to be hard earned. You made a decision, you experienced the consequences, now you learned.
Take care of yourself, especially after using. Be kind to yourself, this is an illness. Self-hate will not make anything better.
Sending you love and compassion 
Thanks homie, yeah I think maybe this is one of those lessons I had to learn the hard wayā¦ Man, sobriety and recovery from drug and alcohol addictions feels like Iām in the most complex maze ever trying to find my way out. Or like Iām trying to solve a 5000 sided rubix cube or something. So many angles at which I can lose against the addiction.
I ended up admitting this most recent fuckup to my sponsor and addiction therapist as well just now. Also to my dad and a friend I trust who is also dealing with addiction but for ketamine instead. I am afraid of the consequences of admitting this most recent fuckup to everyone, but I remember the Big Book says I gotta practice honesty so.
24
~12-14 Years laterā¦
It just happened I am in a band again and we got very good studio. Miracles happening every day. So many crazy circumstances I canāt say no as I was literally put into this situation to do this. I accept the gift. Feeling Thankful 
Day 42 no alcohol & smoking
Feeling great today 
went out for breakfast early this morning and managed to finish the decorating today that we started last weekend
Your not alone on this
I canāt use alcohol as it leads to other stuff once the alcohol kicks in.
Iām an alcoholic and a drug addict.
I prefer to say Iām a non drinker and donāt use drugs when Iām in active recovery. But somewhere like this place I have to be honest with myself and I donāt like labels but the truth is if I touch alcohol I make stupid decisions Nd canāt stop. Then il use cocaine.
Im proud that you managed to say no to going out. This is a good step to keep yourself safe.
Many of us have to stay away from certain environments because we canāt risk participating even when we strongly believe we would be ok - most likely early in recovery we will not be okay.
Iām glad you are still here, you arenāt the first and you wont be the last to relapse. Your trying hard, you came back here and you want to change. The fact you notice what patterns need changing and your trying says so much about how much you want to stop. Addiction - why were all here is a fucking horrible thing. But Iām glad your here, your not the only person dealing with this daily battle so when you reach out, know that we all get it. We understand and most of us have been where you are now or something similar or in the same stages as you.
So donāt feel isolated or like alone. Everyone wants the best for you.
Good luck John, you know we are all behind you and here for you anytime. Stay strong.
Glad you made it back 
Day 2361.
Sobriety might be hard, but itās never complicated. Millions of people have gotten, and stayed, sober. Thereās at least a few hundred of them who come here regularly to share how they got here. I can assure you it wasnāt by accident.
Anyway hereās a picture of me enjoying my amazing life because 6.5 years ago I listened to some old timer who kept saying that if I went to a barbershop enough Iād get a haircut.
Wow 6.5 years that is amazing!!!
Looking good and amazing family.
At day 2 almost day 3 and just feeling like shit today.
Early sobriety sucks. So embrace the suck and know that itās only temporary. It does get better. But only if we put in the work to make it better
What a beautiful picture! You are such an inspiration, and I really appreciate your honesty about what it takes to walk this walk. Congratulations on all you have accomplished!
Checking in day 53
@laner Way to go with dumping that booze down the drain and then having someone search for any remaining alcohol ā no more surprises. You handled that really well. Sorry that you had another bad night. I am hoping you get some restful sleep tonight
Oh wow Dana ā this was huge and very enlightening. So very proud of you for taking a moment in the midst of this all and finding a positive outlook ā an outlook and perspective that will help you moving forward. Sending healing energy for your son ā hope he gets better soon. Sending you calmness and energy and loads of love my friend. I know you can pull yourself out of the negative thinking. We are all here for you
Oh man Iām sorry for the harshness of how reality of this disease hit you. It can be cruel to come to this realization but for us addicts it is the basic facts at times. We have to choose to change our surroundings (not just locations but also friends at times). Great work on getting back here on day 1. We are here for you friend. Stay vigilant and determined and keep working the recovery and hey ā then the days will stack on and it will get easier Glad you are being upfront and honest about the relapse. Our secrets only end up hurting ourselves
@zzz oh how awesome it that ā happy for you friend ā so much fun to be back in a band and playing music again ā Have a blast with it!
@englishd WOW 6.5 years is mighty impressive. Great looking happy smiles all around ā Glad to see how well sobriety is treating you
Checking in on Saturday evening
486 days free of alcohol and weed
901 days free of cigarettes
So I did manage to go to the festival ā only lasted an hour and wasnāt really much help but was there in case my brother needed a bathroom or lunch break. It was a slow and easy going Earth Day fest so was very laid back and gratefully i didnāt have to stay. Did run into a great friend and got the most lovely hug which was wonderful. Not much else to report - glad to be back home and relaxing.
Wishing everyone a wonderful addiction free day / evening - sending you all so much love