Ugh. What a shit show. I’m sorry you ended up in the ER, but glad you’re back home with no major problems.
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Checking in 1y11m26d sober from weed and alcohol
Ya know in early sobriety i thought all these people have all these addictions. Now i see why even if one addresses a main addiction the behavior finds another mode to act out thru. Its been a learning process. I didnt crave sweets early on but in the last 6 months ive been all for the chocolates. Gotta keep an eye on it. If i start obsessing it may be time to say no for a while. But until then i will eat cake.
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Your what now?
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She’s super rich.
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She also has a horrible habit of calling soccer, football.
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Thank you. I basically will work for food!!! 
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Thank you 
I guess knowing all my blood work was fine was a positive out of it.
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Day 164 came home for the weekend with the girls. Started off a little rough, mom was in a little bit of a mood. But we were all good in the end, girls were very good and the whole way home we just guessed what animals we were thinking of. Took the girls for some snacks to the store they were good today and let me relax. But yeah idk just figured id check in much love
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@Butterflymoonwoman @Dazercat @GOKU2019 @Steve14
Thank you guys so much 
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Today on my day off errands I drove passed the bar where my sister works. It’s her birthday soon and we don’t have plans, in the olden days we would have gotten drunk together.
I popped in to give her a hug and she sweetly made her regulars give me not one, not two but three rounds of applause just for being her sister and for stopping in.
Old Emilie would have pulled up to the bar and gotten drunk with strangers seeking fun and validation. I would have paid with my weekend and probably a little bit of my self-esteem in the bar-top verbal parry of a drunk’s duty to entertain.
Instead I was inside for less than a minute. I got some back pats from strangers and went on my way. I’m home now to tackle my ever growing day off to-do list and watch a rain storm and probably a scratchy old DVD copy of Young Frankenstein while I re-arrange my living space.
I can proudly say that I have said no to the false courage of alcohol for 801 days today. No reason to stop now. Onward! Also a great reminder that I should stay out of bars. Lots of feelings surrounding those old haunts. Stay the course folks, alcohol is a liar. 🩷😎
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Hey all just checking in! Been feeling super tired and sick, and on top of that disconnected a bit - which I tjink is just a normal part of feeling sick but I want to acknowledge that feeling too. Just feeling out of it, and the kids screamin and hollerin is hitting that nerve right now lol. Hoping it passes a bit when Im feeling better.
On feeling disconndcted, if I had to go into my brain a bit I thibk a part is how i have been dealing with smoker-me. Im SO hard on myself in that department, and I am having to take a step back with how Im focusing on this addiction. I was trying to dive at it like dribking, and while it is an addiction, I have come to see this one is a bit different and…how i went at my alcohol this round was also different. I have addressed it differently then i did in the past, with much more compassion and understanding and oh yhat has not been how i have been viewing smoking me. Smoking me is stupid, killing herself and just being plain old weak about it. I have felt so much in that addiction brain because Ive been looping it around wanting to quit smoking that Im obsessing in the most unhealthy of ways. The intention is great. I want to do this, I can, there are ways and others who have to show me the way. The way i have been going about it is insane. So maybe thats a bit of my disconnection.
Another thing is my nephew. Everything going on there is still a lot; and I want some hope, some magic for this child and I just cannot understand or seem to accept the laws where I live that would severe us having custody and make him a ward of CPS. At the same time, i lived for a year and half all in and was sacrificing myself, and my family (not entirely realizing it as I was wanting him to be part of our home, so an ends means scenario where i just thought if we could just break through that cieling we would plateau). It was an indescribably difficult time on all of us, doing everything we could for my nephew who DESERVES all this stuff be done for him and my sister; and yet, I know that i have to hold a balance here now. I have to dedicate time and energy to my family, to my job and find my life outside of that drive to give everything. I am not sure people ever fight CPS and win. I am not sure people ever fight the government and win. And i am admitting that i am afraid of what will happen if we do not.
There it is. Half of my heart is heavy as hell. Xo.
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Congratulations on 801 days of kicking the demon in the ass! I am proud of you and happy for ya! Thanks for a great share.
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Thanks! Lots of old feelings came up so I thought it would help to get them out. You keep kicking ass too my friend. 
🫶🏼
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Love your way with words! Love the idea of young Frankenstein on a drizzly day too.
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Thank you and thank you. Putting the DVD in now and might nap to it.
“Hearts and kidneys are tinker toys!”
I can’t watch this movie with other people around. 
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Checking out on day 113
Tired and long ass day. Gym session, 4 new 125lb rubber mats put in gym for new equipment, gym redesigned for opening space for the 12’ long and 8’ bench outrigger. It’s gonna be big.
Got our lawn all mowed and limed, and tomorrow we head to our first job of season for client of what should be two solid days there for wife and I cleaning out all his garden beds, trimming the bushes, shrubs and trees then mow, edge trim, lime and fertilize. I’m tired already, lol.
He’s looking to hire my wife exclusively two days per week just to work on the gardens, which she is jacked about and she landed a server job at a great local restaurant with her first two shifts doubles on Thurs and Sat.
Seems we’re both going to be going hard this summer and retirement days are done till Oct.
Good night TS fam. Hope you all had a good sober day!
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2y2m14d
Work was hard 
After doing the overnight shift last night and literally pushing myself to go to work, thinking id have care for my son tonight so i can sleep, things change… when it rains, it pours. Our nurse for tonight calls in sick. So again, i have to stay awake all night and then push myself to go to work tmrw. Im starting to burn out. Including tonight, thats 4 nights in a row that i have to do now. My thinking is slightly disoriented. Its like i cant get the words out that i want to say… all bcuz im sooo tired. My son has had overnight nurses for 5 years or so and I have NEVER had to experience this lack of nursing. Its unreal. I messaged the scheduler tonight explaining in a polite but semi-firm way that i absolutely need care by May 1st. I hope she takes me seriously. I got my son to bed. Now im going to try and do some self care and relax a bit. Literally i am taking it One day at a time. One night at a time. This too shall pass
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Can your hubby take tonight?
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Good suggestion 
Im going to ask if maybe we can split the shift. He was awake all day watching our son and if he does the full awake overnight shift also and then have to stay awake all day tmrw, im worried he will accidentally fall asleep during the day. But im going to see if he can at least do a few hours overnight so that i can sleep a few hours
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