Today I celebrate 1 year as a non-smoker. I smoked cigarettes for 24 years before I had had enough. I never transitioned to vapes or replacement therapy or anything. I had been trying to quit for years and I just knew it was finally time.
Day 1,325 of continuous sobriety. Although things are pretty rocky right now in my region with drug dealers, violent crime, employment opportunities, inflation, and an artificially bubbled housing market, I’m still able to just put my head down and focus on my personal goals and try to be the best person I know how… because I am sober.
The weeks are flying by, already time for midterm exams at work. The summer will be here soon, and my son’s transition to high school, and all the applications, revision for entry exams etc, is getting nearer. Both kids have school trips end of this month, so having to supervise their packing, and the crazy organisation that Japanese schools require (a 30 page booklet of what to bring, rules, schedules, etc, I shit you not). Drinking never even crosses my mind these days, and (lack of) binge eating is also going well. I feel a bit guilty that I am drifting away from AA, like I am doing something wrong if I am not very involved. But I haven’t even met a friend for coffee for almost two months, I really am busy.
45 days sober
I had another incident while I was out today and again feel terrible about it. I meet with a group here on Sunday mornings and we always have tea together afterwards. Anyways…I went outside to use the toilet and became started by one of the men while he was coming out. I just panicked again not thinking of anything but defense…punched him and ran away. I’m so embarrassed by what I did. He was just an innocent bystander and I freaked out and punched him for no logical reason other than that I was startled and he was too close and smelled like sweat. I saw him and in my mind he was someone else and it’s like I went backwards in time and lost where I was and what was happening. My friend saw and came out to me. She took me home…I don’t know what she said to him. I need to go apologize but am too afraid to right now. I hate that this is happening again. I hate that I can’t control myself in those moments. I’ve never been an angry person before…I fight if I have to but I’d never just hit someone for no reason this way. I really hope this workbook will help me with this. All day since then it’s been like a slideshow of all these memories playing in my head and I can’t get it to stop or slow down. It’s making me feel overwhelmed, afraid, anxious and embarrassed. I know I can get better and am holding onto hope. I expected that looking into my past would bring things up but I didn’t expect it would get this intense.
2y3m6d
Morning friends. Just want to wish u all a great day. Im off to work after doing another overnight shift with my son. It was a rough night and im quite tired but ill manage. Id do anything to hit the gym today (but i wont be able to). I really need it. Im very emotional today and have alot of built up emotional energy that needs to be let go and exercise is always my go to for that. Idk whats going on with me today but damn i have alot of emotions and i feel very vulnerable. Hope everyone enjoys their sunday. Lets get another day free of our addictions under our belt!
I play Oodarysh sometimes to let off steam. And sometimes kuk buru which helps workout some stress but other wise there is no sort of boxing or martial arts I could do here.
Hi Cam, maybe check out specific recipes for Diabetes? I just looked and they seem quite carb low. I know when my friend had gestational diabetes she had to be very careful and skipped every single sweet and biscuit and cake etc during the time to avoid any complications. I’m sure you probably know better than me about what works, but perhaps it might be worth trying to create a recipe binder of stuff you enjoy rather than oats or anything that might not be ticking your satiety and pleasure box?
Good luck my friend. Routines get easier the more you do them. You and your body deserve love and care
I’m on day 56. Soon I’ll be able to pick up as many 60 days sober & calm keychains for my milestone from meetings as I possibly can. I have a big problem collecting stuff and I feel like going to meetings twice a day the entire week when I’m on 60
I have a personal coach here, not a therapist. But I’m going to make an appointment very soon, just busy right now because I’m learning heavily for my driving license for the car since it is really hard to get through the test here in The Netherlands.
Hello everyone, sober day nunber 3, still laying in bed. I’m grateful to be alive, and to have the love of my family despite the pain I’ve put them through. Today, I will go to the gym, do a bit of cleaning, and get my garden going. I’m confident I will not be drinking or using today. Good luck to all you other warriors out there.
Ps – I’m not sure how to send this to the check in space, maybe someone can clarify for me. Do I add a tag or something?
Congratulations on day 3! Way to go! Sounds like u have a lovely day planned
To reply to the check in thread, go to that thread, scroll down to the bottom, and theres a reply button there where u can make a post on that thread specifically. Hope that made sense
@lavender_butterfly welcome to the community and a great job on your day 2. The evenings were super hard as that is when I would finally unwind and have some free time. I filled them with something to keep me busy so that I could push the urges aside. Hopefully you can find something that will help you stay busy. This community is a wonderful place to come to for support, distractions and advice. Hope to see you around. @mrsodh love that you are sharing your pictures – enjoy them so very much! I tried axe throwing a few years back and am surprised at how much fun I had with it. Glad to hear that the park is alcohol free and family friendly / safe to enjoy. Impressive that they did that and are sticking to it. Looking forward to many more pics @skhan Great work on 6 days I am glad you have outlined your triggers and are aware of them and better yet that you have your support systems in sight and ready to use. No one needs to know anything about anything – only share your sobriety details when you are good and ready. It is so shit that we can’t just refuse a drink without the third degree. I find having a glass in hand (of water or soda or kombucha) keeps people from offering a drink. Wishing you the best of luck today and here for you if you should need support @catmancam Oh man that’s scary – I wonder if you are right and the oats are causing the sugar spike. Have you looked into foods / herbs that can help – I know it can’t always be the case but I have found that I was able to manage a lot of my symptoms with food. I do hope that you are able to get some answers from the doctor soon. Sending you hugs my friend – hope you did get out for your walk today @lighter Oh girl I do hope you are able to put your feet up and chillax today. All this growth and healing can be super exhausting and draining – totally get it. Sober living is so wonderful but also takes so much to make it work (it’s not just abstaining but learning about ourselves and learning to find healthier ways to cope with life). Enjoy the day Marie – 79 days ang kicking some serious addiction ass
I love this and good on you! Congrats on your 1 year of no smoking! Love your AF timer too – making it happen – I love it @misokatsu Damn year is flying by. So hard to believe that the school year is coming to an end soon. 30 page booklet? I bet you don’t forget anything LOL. Hope you do get a moment to breathe and just relax for you. All the go go go can be exhausting @laner SO sorry that this is happening to you and all your past trauma is so present and real in your mind. I can’t even imagine what you are experiencing. I am sending you loads of love and hugs. Do really hope that this workbook helps you @butterflymoonwoman Big energy vibes your way girl – hope your day goes smoothly and you are able to unleash that emotional hold. I am not sure if it is bad dreams or ??? but some morning I just wake up feeling sad and ready to weep. Maybe lingering emotions from dreams? Hope you ae able to find a release for them and have enough energy for your overnight (possibly a nap before you go from work to an all nigher).
Good morning my sober peeps – Happy Sunday
I am awake but really do not want to be Have had my coffee and it does not seem to be doing its job. My body is super swollen today and i feel very tender and sensitive all over. I decided not to join everyone to the Vietnamese market today. It was too hot already and i knew i would be pushing myself beyond my limits if i went.
Happy to be at home and hoping to get some rest soon.
Wishing everyone a wonderful addiction free day - sending you all so much love
I was thinking of some things that suddenly made sense today. Maybe it will make sense to someone else. I hope so.
Go easy. Sometimes you f up. Other times you get caught in someone else’s (or a group of people’s) hatefulness. Either way you deserve care, love, sobriety. Both scenarios will happen.
Maybe you were victimized and not just ‘playing the victim’ when things went horribly wrong. I’ve done it a lot. Excused abuse that way. Maybe I should have acted just as they wanted. Kept my head down, stayed quiet. Accepted less, always. They would have treated me better. But they never do. No. Never. I can’t. That’s not me. I’m in the wrong place if you have to do that. Play small and invisible. Acquiesce. Crawl. Doormat. Have another f ing cupcake.
I’ll be ok. My drinking to cope with stuff just kept me down. And stuck! Just finding the new and better takes time and effort. Here’s one place. I’m accepted here, I’m not threatened here. I can work on being stronger, but kinder too. I’m safe here. Keeping my head up with everyone else. Honesty, kindness, acceptance and support. We have it all here.
Thank you. I also really hope it helps me. I feel like krap but in a way it has made me feel very motivated to work on things and find solutions to heal from my traumas. I am trying to be easy on myself and give myself space. I’ve been doing some research to find coping skills on how to ground myself during flashbacks or when I’m in similar situations like today. I feel a bit hopeless but that makes me want to fight.
Hope you have some good rest today and this swelling you have goes down.
… Thank you all for supporting me, also @JazzyS and especially @CATMANCAM for being in “no contact”, I was celebrating your comment about “the pool guy”, know you are a sensitive soul and very attentive reader!!! Thank you All for being here, every post (long, short, emotional, whatever…) every comment, every heart, pm, gif, joke, connection.
This afternoon the neighbor woman came back from a short trip and visited us, reporting about her trip. Seems very wonderful in the are of Bodensee. What was not… she was talking several times about alcohol (wine, prosecco, wine again). Lol. It is so absurd to listen to drinking as a funny glamorous part of a life.
The first sip is toxic. That’s the truth!
Last week another woman was around here having a wine as a little gift for my mum. She is cool, she just said, no thanks my daughter is also not drinking. So please take it back and enjoy.
Had a relaxed day until here.
Bit judgy thoughts, but was able to not identify.
Tomorrow is a bank holiday, so more time to relax
I am glad you have outlined your triggers and are aware of them and better yet that you have your support systems in sight and ready to use. No one needs to know anything about anything – only share your sobriety details when you are good and ready. It is so shit that we can’t just refuse a drink without the third degree. I find having a glass in hand (of water or soda or kombucha) keeps people from offering a drink. Wishing you the best of luck today and here for you if you should need support 
I bet you don’t forget anything LOL. Hope you do get a moment to breathe and just relax for you. All the go go go can be exhausting 
Have had my coffee and it does not seem to be doing its job. My body is super swollen today and i feel very tender and sensitive all over. I decided not to join everyone to the Vietnamese market today. It was too hot already and i knew i would be pushing myself beyond my limits if i went.
