Home from a long draining weekend. My relationship ended, the person i thought i knew, the person I dated for 11 months, gaslit, controlled, insulted, lack accountability and insight this weekend. This is not the first but it is the last time he will threaten to break up with me for wanting to address behavior that I found unacceptable.
I need to self reflect also. I continue to pick men that are not emotionally available. I continue to pick men that let me down.
Im now facing a move on my own, praying that my energy and physical body will get me through this. Iāve never get more alone than I do tonight. Iām just numb.
Had a couple of not so great days. Mightāve been the aftereffects of the emdr I did. It does stir up lots of old stuff. Well. Thatās what Iāve been doing. Stirring up old stuff, and hoping to profit from doing that in my life now. Nobody said it would be easy.
Iām going back to work today, after a week of sick leave. Not 100% fit but much better than a couple of days ago. On we go. Sober and clean. Have as good a day as you all can friends. Clean and sober. Love.
@DanaM56 Iām sorry Dana. But sounds to me like the right decision. Youāre not alone
Oh hugs to you! I get that right now feels hard, but with his unacceptable behaviour and put downs and gaslighting, youāll be stronger on your own. Youāll land on your feet. Give yourself a bit of time.
And get some rest tonight. Maybe a bath and some tea.
So this Chapter was all into finding my own morning dawn. Today is a morning and I hope this is the new dawn I was waiting for as for, but it was always here. Now. I was searching it in Tomorrow. I stopped counting my days lately. I was building like week or two and then relapse / repeat cycle to get borred of it or to feel the insanity in it. Finally wake up this morning and say it. Itās hard to say it. Day 1
@Mischa84 Congrats on your year!!! Itās been lovely to watch you progress
@HolySquid Lucky! I want to see an owl! All my years living beside a nature preserve, thatās one animal Iāve never come across. Hope he settles down for you
@Butterflymoonwoman I did the exact same thing today! Was running late so I didnāt pack up my usual snacks for work. I never drink soda, but today it was easy caffeine and calories to make it thru. Then I had McDonaldās for dinner. My tummyās not happy with my choices Sleep will definitely help reset.
@DanaM56 Iāve been there, because, I too have horrible taste in men Sounds like you started this relationship in early sobriety, before really getting to know yourself. Iāve been single 3 years now after a bad relationship(and love it!). Iāve learned alot about myself being alone. Take your time now. You can live your life your way No drama
501
Thank you everyone Youāre the reasons I love this place so much
I didnāt get much sleep as I was scheduled earlier than normal for no apparent reason. The weather was perfect for working outside. It was pretty busy, and I did well, but wouldnāt you know, as soon as I left, the sky turned dark grey. No problem, as I needed to lay down anyways. My body was so tired but my mind wouldnāt stop. In the end I rested enough to make it thru the rest of the day. Sleep sounds amazing tho Have a good one everyone!
It was a fairly slow day around the house this morning, I had ice coffee with my wife a small breakfast and a cat nap that ran till noon oops we loaded up our little guy and drove over to our local Menards to grab a couple more things for projects around the house. Update on the pool, still no water I may just have to sit in it on a lawn chair theyāre talking strong wind for tomorrow so letās just hope it doesnāt blow away
My plans for the fourth fell through so Iām back to the drawing board on that. On the plus side I do have the appointment with my med doctor tomorrow afternoon. I think she will be happy to know that Iām working on my sobriety.
I appreciate all of you
Have a happy Monday Iāll be back tomorrow
Day 865 here and need advice. I donāt approach people from a place of sobriety yet but I am open when people have questions for me. I work in a hospital and had heard an old friend of mine wasnāt doing well. He is now in my hospital with heart failure.
This is my second old friend that I have seen in the hospital for addiction related illnesses and the first one died.
Do I visit? I went to his destination wedding 15 years ago. I saw him 6 months ago after many years without seeing him and he seemed happy to see me. How do you open the door to talk about sobriety to someone who doesnāt identify as an addict? Part of me wants to help and part of me thinks Iām overstepping. Iām just tired of my 40 year old peers dying of alcoholism.
Day 373. Back at work today. Will find out what some of the ideas are about changing the teams I look after. Iām aiming to be clear but helpful rather than defensive as it will change anyways
At work four days this week. Iām a bit tired. We had a week off which was relaxing but ended up not doing too much. Iām keen to try and reduce spending a bit as we are off to London in August which will be expensive
Iāve had some passing thoughts of having a beer, just those quite suggestive thoughts which I can manage. I wonder if they ever stop?
483
Morning owl update: I heard it a couple of times during the night, and by 5:45 the night was definitely over with the first dog walkers to appear in the park. Itās sitting on its lamppost perch again and sounding the alarm every time someone walks by.
And Iāve discovered a second one perching on a window ledge two houses down. I have the feeling they are guarding their nest site. I will keep you updated!
@Just_Laura This is the time of year to see owls. Iāve seen barn owls in flight a couple of times in recent weeks, during those evening twighlight hours. Their young need food, so they start hunting earlier.
@TrustyBird go visit, but donāt fixate on a plan on what to say or how to approach the topic. Your friend is sick, your friend is in hospital. Just see where the conversation leads you. Maybe it feels right to talk about it, maybe not. Donāt force anything, but everyone is happy about a hospital visit.
Congratulations on your Leviās numbers @Just_Laura Is an amazing number.
Thank you for letting us being part of your journey.
You are a massive inspiration to me and many others.
Itās amazing having you here.
Thank you and I hope you have a wonderful day today!
Iām sorry to sorry to hear about your friend @TrustyBird
and in lack of my own words Iād completely agree with @HolySquid go and visit your friend and see were it leads you. I donāt think you have to have a plan at hand. Heāll be happy to see you anyway. Good luck
@Mischa84 Iām a bit late to the party, but HUGE CONGRATS girl! Impressive work youāve done with your sobriety @wahtisnormal Hang in there friend. Youāve shared a lot about your home situation and it really sounds violent and traumatic. I am so sorry you have to go through all of this. Iām sending you strength, encouragement and hugs over the atlantic. May it find you wherever you are right now May some opening for better times come your way today And remember: Share and connect in any way you can @HolySquid Your owls do sound fascinating @Timetochange I do not think that the thoughts themselves stop, but how much of our conscious awareness they occupy definitely does. I like your attitude in trying to embrace changes at work. Never easy @TrustyBird Sorry to hear about your friend. This sucks. I think it is really good you are aware of your own thoughts, feelings and discomfort around the issues of illness, alcoholism, this visit, friendship, etc. Awareness of oneself is a great step to minimise adding to the suffering already there. Iād suggest to go and visit your friend with an open heart and an open mind. Keep paying attention to your own thoughts and feelings, donāt rush anything, accept the discomfort, and you will know what to do and to say. Thatās the best way to prepare I know of. Sending you hugs @Lefty624 I just imagined this lawn chair in pool situation Sounds relaxing though @zzz Good to see you sharing your journey with us @Mno Just sending you some nice good vibes to help you get through your current funk. They donāt have to travel far from me to you. So Iām sure theyāll get there @DanaM56 That is a tough decision you made there and a tough place to be in. Ending a relationship is hard. All that we invest into it. Take your time to recover, take care of yourself, your needs, your hurting heart. Sending love @Butterflymoonwoman I hear you on the hunger-binge-feeling like shit-situation friend. Done it so many times. In fact I overate yesterday and experienced the consequences for all of the evening, and the night, and still not feeling too good. If it helps: This is not some personal failure on you part. This is biology. This is the part of your system that is responsible to keep you alive. Itās older then humans, or mammals, or any animal for that part. You canāt outwill it. When it is hungry, it digs in. And it does so with all its strength, cause a lack of food might be around the corner any day. So instead of berating yourself maybe congratulate yourself for having a perfectly well working survival-system and give it a big thanks for doing its work
222 sugar
86 UPF
93 gluten
70 dairy
0 overeating
222 is a nice number
Already did my ārunā for today, send my daughter off to her last week of school before the summer break. So Iām a hero
Iām going to dig into digital prototyping again today, do some prep for my daughterās birthday on Saturday, a walk, yoga, and Recovery Dharma in the evening.
Letās go for peace, kindness and freedom today friends
I am 6 months sober today I am so proud. A huge thank you to everyone that comments and likes, this forum is fantastic. Hereās to another 6 months. Happy sober Monday xxx
212 days
Eldest had a doc appointment today and was off school. After that was cool to hang out with her and play some games.
Back to work tomorrow, weathers a bit rainy and cold so may as well be at work
Itās 4:17, so good morning! Fell asleep before sundown so itās ok. I can get a good jump on the day while itās dark.
July? Iāll have to contemplate . My least favourite month. But Iām sober, and Iāll find ways to enjoy it. By the end of July I will be better acclimated to the 100s
Today will be a therapy work day. I have the workbooks but part of me wants to avoid looking. Like go get a job, work constantly and never deal with the stuff. Always have been resisting trauma therapy, because someone always has it worse, and thereās a hamster wheel waiting! Avoid.
No, this is the time. I want to heal and have better relationshipsā¦ and sleep peacefully most nights ānot have nightmares with cold sweat and pounding heart. Every morning I wake up shaking. The people from my memories haunt me night and day. Trauma therapy will help me. But itās still frightening to dig into that stuff in the light of day. Need to release it. Iām working on CBT for trauma/PTSD. I have homework. I really need to take a deep breath and realize thinking consciously about the people will not hurt me. I avoid the thoughts when I can, but they come out at night. I want to get to where I am not living this way. I want so badly to move on.
If anyone else is dealing with similar or has in the past, please message. My whole job is to heal. Then a better life can begin. I donāt like to look, I simply compartmentalize/ignore. But the time has come.
.
-1-
Itās been lovely to watch you progress 
Sleep will definitely help reset.
Sounds like you started this relationship in early sobriety, before really getting to know yourself. Iāve been single 3 years now after a bad relationship(and love it!). Iāve learned alot about myself being alone. Take your time now. You can live your life your way 
Youāre the reasons I love this place so much 
Have a good one everyone!
we loaded up our little guy and drove over to our local Menards to grab a couple more things for projects around the house. Update on the pool, still no water I may just have to sit in it on a lawn chair 
theyāre talking strong wind for tomorrow so letās just hope it doesnāt blow away 
Is an amazing number.
Impressive work youāve done with your sobriety 
And remember: Share and connect in any way you can 
Sounds relaxing though 
. My least favourite month. But Iām sober, and Iāll find ways to enjoy it. By the end of July I will be better acclimated to the 100s