Secknd check in
I wanted to upsate you all on the gummies ive been taking to relax and take off the edge
I take 2 good mood gummies with vitamin d and and saffron every morning
2 clear mind gummies with L theanine , choline and alpha gpc 4 hours later at lunch
And 2 stress free with gaba and L theanin and lemon balm 4 hours and a big more later after work
I hounestly love them
I need to be careful though because if i take too much of one i could get really sick
So far so good on my end
Kit Kats yum! 
Checking in day 126
It is going to be 110 degrees today.
God Bless air conditioners.
Not just any Kit Kat but caramel Kit Kats 
89 days sober
Today was hard. When I was away I had a goal to keep me going and focused distracting me from my traumas and distracting me from drinking. Now Iām back into digging up my past and trying to heal. And itās freaking hard.
It digs up hard emotions and fears. It brings up anger and frustration. I had a moment where I thought about drinkingā¦a solid hour of thinging about it if Iām being honest but I remembered tomorrow will be 90 days. Then remembered I am actually doing well and that yeah it sucks but I can get by. I just need to take it a day at a time.
Thank you for always being so encouraging!
154
3rd checkin
I was invited for a free swim today by a lifeguardā¦ 
2500 meters something
Thank you all so much for thinking of me @acromouse @Mno @MrFantastik @Alisa @Binx @Twizzlers @Alycia
Its a bit better.
But this hopeless feeling is realy shit.
I did therapy in the past.
I had good onesā¦
But I also had, in my opinion, real bad experiences. And I donāt want this anymore.
The german therapy system is very strict and you have to wait like half a year or a year.
I know my past, my patternsā¦
āyou have to go through these feelingsā.
I think I have gone through a lot already!
So fck off.
I have so many good ideas and tools, but I do switch somehow everyday. Especially bad thoughts about my body and the whole machinery starts (ā¦!) I am oriented on solutions. I do a lot. And I still feel lost.
Last longest period was 155 days, I relapsed in a similar state of mind. Like now. I will go through it this time.
Maybe this is what happens at this number ā¦
Donāt know whatās waiting on the other side.
Love you guys
I have experienced periods of deep darkness in my life. The only thing I know of it: Throw everything and the kitchen sink at it and see what sticks. Sometimes itās therapy, sometimes itās meds, sometimes itās swimming, sometimes itās whatever. Try every day. Donāt stop trying for the other side 
Day #212 AF
So today i went and signed in the labour market and i have at least 3 months in which i can relax after this stress.
So this was when i start the job #108 sober day and what ive discovered at day #208 they fired me 
so they needed 100 days to show their real faces
Im glad that is finished and from now on i have experience with this kind of jobs.
The plan for tonight is to find a good movie and with my boy just to watch and relax
Have a great evening/ day or maybe morning 
#bestrong #staysober 
Iām sorry youāre having such a hard time Julia. It doesnāt sound like youāre very well supported in Germany, sadly. Iāve so much to catch up on here, and how youāve been. I hope you enjoyed your swim today? x
You mentioned feeling an urge, please donāt give in. Starting over is so painful, frightening, and an anxiety addled time. Iām coming up to day 4, and although I feel like Iām coming out of the mist, I know what a devil addiction is. Iām still in a dangerous place. I donāt want this for you 
Please remember that it solves absolutely nothing. Thereās such a high risk of getting stuck in that cycle again, and it magnifies depression. During my last relapse I wanted to die, it got so bad.
Iām glad to be here, talking to you right now Julia. Youāre doing so well on your sober streak, hang tight to it and keep reaching out
@JazzyS you are such an angel 
!!! I wish you the best always.
Day 4. I am sleeping a lot. I had a lot of sleep deprivation lately
Stick with us Juli, it will pass. Let it pass, hold on tight.
Give your body what it needs Thomas, I hope your sleep improves 
I hope so @Binx. All was my own fault and my crappy choices
@CATMANCAM thank you dear friend
Thank you @Lighter
2y4m19d
Good morning TS. Well its almost noon here lol. I had a verrry late start to my day. Didnt manage to make it to the gym today. I was just too tired and needed the rest. So it was a lazy morning for me and my son 
Once i got going tho, i was pretty productive. Got the dishes done and got all the laundry folded and put away. Going to vacuum in a bit and clean the bathroom. After lunch, ill do my sons physio with him. Ya thats about it. Have a great day everyone!! 
Congratulations on triple digits! And way to go on handling those situations at the meetings. Thats growth I always think that being in recovery isnt just about quitting our DOCs. Its about a total transformation of our lives and how we handle things differently now being in recovery. I see you doing that!
Way to go on ur 3.5 days im glad to see u back and fighting for a better life
Day 11 - Had my first therapy session today and really was able to get everything off my chest in a safe space with zero judgement. Was given some great suggestions in respect to how ground myself in my values and the fact that I am truly a good person
Stopping into the doctor to do a bit of a check in on my general health. Today Iām making progress
