I’m sorry you’re having such a hard time Julia. It doesn’t sound like you’re very well supported in Germany, sadly. I’ve so much to catch up on here, and how you’ve been. I hope you enjoyed your swim today? x
You mentioned feeling an urge, please don’t give in. Starting over is so painful, frightening, and an anxiety addled time. I’m coming up to day 4, and although I feel like I’m coming out of the mist, I know what a devil addiction is. I’m still in a dangerous place. I don’t want this for you Please remember that it solves absolutely nothing. There’s such a high risk of getting stuck in that cycle again, and it magnifies depression. During my last relapse I wanted to die, it got so bad.
I’m glad to be here, talking to you right now Julia. You’re doing so well on your sober streak, hang tight to it and keep reaching out
2y4m19d
Good morning TS. Well its almost noon here lol. I had a verrry late start to my day. Didnt manage to make it to the gym today. I was just too tired and needed the rest. So it was a lazy morning for me and my son Once i got going tho, i was pretty productive. Got the dishes done and got all the laundry folded and put away. Going to vacuum in a bit and clean the bathroom. After lunch, ill do my sons physio with him. Ya thats about it. Have a great day everyone!!
Congratulations on triple digits! And way to go on handling those situations at the meetings. Thats growth I always think that being in recovery isnt just about quitting our DOCs. Its about a total transformation of our lives and how we handle things differently now being in recovery. I see you doing that!
Day 11 - Had my first therapy session today and really was able to get everything off my chest in a safe space with zero judgement. Was given some great suggestions in respect to how ground myself in my values and the fact that I am truly a good person
Stopping into the doctor to do a bit of a check in on my general health. Today I’m making progress
@jeanine Sorry to hear about your dad. Hope the PT does help and that he continues to recover Great work on your 50+ days of sobriety @soberwalker Love the pic and your vacation sounds relaxing and lovely – glad you are getting this time to unwind. @juli1 Speak to us Jules – what’s going on? I’m sorry that you are dealing with dark thoughts – sending light and positivity your way Planted a flower in your soul :flower: I LOVE THIS! Nourish it and feed it my friend – it will blossom. Hope you enjoyed the lanes Ah hell that sucks about the therapy. Don’t give up — something will work and help. The 155 days may be playing a cruel trick on your mind. Just because you relapsed here last time does not mean that you need to repeat that – you are stronger this time around. You have more tools and support. Your surroundings are different and better – new place to live, new job no more pool guy… keep at it friend – you are doing amazingly well @elyse Great job on seeing temptation and preparing for it with healthy routines. We do always have to be vigilant of our addiction but it does get easier and we get stronger with our tools and habits. 189 days and going strong @alycia 825 days is mighty impressive! Glad that you are here vocalizing your thoughts. They can be sneaky and take root of our minds. You are kicking ass with sobriety and hitting personal bests – this is possible with your new healthy sober lifestyle. No good comes from that poison. Here for you friend – keep kicking ass and stacking up the days @acromouse Love that attitude – already winners indeed! Oh what a concept – the birthday person makes their own cake? Huh – I can get behind that LOL – as long as there is cake Hope she has a wonderful birthday @chase.e.u CONGRATS on your triple digits!! WOW that is some serious reflections. I know that I am working on myself and my pre-judgements of others. I do find it helps thinking of the people we meet as those I speak to daily here. As this site is anonymous – anyone I meet in real life could be a member here and I then try to remind myself of all the chaos and pain that’s behind the daily masks – this helps me be kinder to others (even mentally and not pre-judge). Keep working your recovery friend – you are doing great! @mrsodh OH NO! I know how much you love your banana’s and I’m sorry your body is rejecting them. I do hope that this is temporary. @wahtisnormal Hope your day has gotten better and easier love. 80 days is amazing!!! 3 months is just around the corner – keep stacking up the days Zoe @danwood85 Hows it going Dan? Hope you are just keeping super busy – miss seeing your check ins friend.
@laner you are most welcome friend. Glad that you were able to be gentle with yourself and skirt the urges. Yeah to day 90 tomorrow – keep strong! Healing and recovery are painful but also very rewarding. @zse WOW I had forgotten that this was a new job. 100 days eh? Yeah you are so much better off being away from them. Hope you and your boy have a wonderful relaxing evening! @bomdhil thanks friend – you are sweet! Yeah day 4! Yes to sleeping – I did need a LOT of sleep to help me get through the initial stages of sobriety. Glad you are listening to your body. @Refreshedperspective Glad you have someone to talk to and are getting good advice. Making progress towards your mental and physical health is an amazing start – keep it going friend! 11 days and going strong
Checking in on Tuesday evening
Did get a nice walk and swim in this morning and then the day turned on me. Allergies hit hard an i’m still suffering. Really have drained all my energy and making me so loopy / fuzzy (not even taking anything for them as i antihistamines no longer work on me). Got in a fight with my mom today too so that put a lovely damper on the day.
Emotional and exhausted but not going to drink / smoke. I had a few thoughts and “fuck it” moments but then realized thats not gonna solve anything and i really can’t afford to go backwards. ODAAT!
Wishing everyone a wonderful addiction free day / evening! Sending you all so much love
Second check-in. I had a mentally draining day. I tried to sort an issue with a parent from my volunteer work. A lot of texting back and forth and making arrangements. He shut down every suggestion I made to solve the issue, suggested something else instead and when I made the arrangement to do it like he suggested it, he found an excuse why he couldn’t do it like that. The last two suggestions he made I made arrangements for, but he just stopped responding. Then a colleague contacted me, they had a message from said parent, asking about the same thing, obviously trying to get a different answer from my colleague. So glad I have a great team and my colleague backed me up in my decisions without questions. But now the parent ghosted them as well and the issue still exists
So I am pissed off about the behaviour of that parent. Trying to play us volunteers against one another and then ghosting us, when they don’t get their will
Mini owl update: yap yap yap yap yap yap yap
My other half calls it Yap Yap… I wonder why?
Please remember that it solves absolutely nothing. There’s such a high risk of getting stuck in that cycle again, and it magnifies depression. During my last relapse I wanted to die, it got so bad.
!!! I wish you the best always.
-2-
Once i got going tho, i was pretty productive. Got the dishes done and got all the laundry folded and put away. Going to vacuum in a bit and clean the bathroom. After lunch, ill do my sons physio with him. Ya thats about it. Have a great day everyone!! 
Ah hell that sucks about the therapy. Don’t give up — something will work and help. The 155 days may be playing a cruel trick on your mind. Just because you relapsed here last time does not mean that you need to repeat that – you are stronger this time around. You have more tools and support. Your surroundings are different and better – new place to live, new job no more pool guy… keep at it friend – you are doing amazingly well 
Hope she has a wonderful birthday 
yap yap yap yap yap yap yap
…ear plugs may help? Sending you some peaceful vibes for the evening