I needed this reminder. My first week I had this unrealistic expectation that I was going to have all this energy and accomplish so much right off the bat. I definitely had to remember to give myself grace and take naps when I needed and not feel too guilty about indulging in a Diet Coke or extra piece of chocolate. I’ve been mindful of making sure I’m not setting myself up to create new bad habits in place of my addiction, but I learned how important it was to give myself time to heal and be proud of all the toxic behaviors I’ve moved on from. 
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Thank you! Couples counseling recently 6 weeks actually made relationship worse. And yes would be nice if he wanted to improve relations. Frustration and despair from other circumstances are causing poor behavior toward me. I am who gets the brunt of it all. No it is not right! There is no relationship police to reprimand such behavior. . I am just continuing to do the right thing! Thank you for your input!
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156 days sober from alcohol
Short checkin.
Had a mental breakdown today, cried 90 minutes. The first reason was cause I was informed that there will be a detour on the road out here starting 15th of July, extra round is about a plus of 7 km. Lol. For real that was the reason. I was sitting in my cellar room on the cold floor crying my broken heart out.
Don’t know now. All I can reflect today is that you don’t need to be liked by everyone and should not give a shit…
And that I am sensitive as hell.
Love you guys 
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Checking in day 185 AF
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Hi sober friends…I’ve been struggling the last couple of days. Stress, not eating great, working and vaping far too much, I hit a wall last night and this morning. I’ve had a serious low mood. It was maybe a good thing because I had a doctor’s appointment booked 1st thing and I managed to get a lot off my chest and he could see I was struggling. He said a referral to adult mental health services could take years and that there’s no access to adult psychiatry in my area as there isn’t any nhs psychiatrists. I might have to go private. I’ve got an appointment with a mental health nurse on Tuesday and he wants to see me in a couple of weeks. He offered me meds but I’m always a bit sceptical as they’ve never worked in the past. Basically talked for another ten minutes on how shit plumbing and being self employed is😂
Going to get an early night tonight and get on the juice tomorrow. I’m going for raw cabbage as I heard it’s good for your stomach 
Happy birthday @CATMANCAM !
Happy 4th of July American friends ! 
Day 75 I think 
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82
Woke up at 5:45 this morning after about 2 hours of sleep, to my family screaming at eachother throwing/breaking things and threatening each other
I hate that none of my friends know about this shit but i dont know how to communicate that im not doing well or how to even describe it
I dont want to see anyone or do anything i just want to rot away in my room.
The thought of having to work tomorrow is anxiety provoking.
Functioning is getting harder
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Had a work thing tonight and it’s finally done. Hoping to get up early for a run tomorrow. Either way I’ll be sober. 
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Today was just one of those days, you know when the whole world is pissing you off & you just want to say fuck it. Work was unnecessarily stressful, people just being massive a-holes. I was stressed & anxious throughout the day & when I got home I tried a few things to get out of it. I even had an AF beer which just made me want to have real beer (my DOC is alcohol, mostly wine) so that was shit, it was the first time I was triggered by AF drinks.
Along with alcohol I am abstaining from nicotine & binge eating, both of which I have been doing for many years. It’s like my “stop” switch in my brain is broken & that’s why I find stopping difficult.
So I made a decision to go to the shop & get myself some food to binge on. I know binging is a problem for me & I am in bed now feeling bloated & crappy but I am sober & I see that as a win. ODAAT.
188 days AF
188 days nicotine free
2 hours no binging
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Hey all, day 1049 today. Been awhile since I’ve posted. I shared on here awhile back that my wife and I lost our daughter in December. Autopsy came back and it was complete negligence on the doctors. We were told to get an attorney but the only thing we want from them they can’t give us back so not wasting years in court for nothing. And then last week my wife came to me and let me know we are pregnant again. Very early, only 7 weeks, had the first ultrasound and heart is looking good but not much else to see. Being treated as high risk as we’ve had 2 miscarriages before this. So many mixed emotions as Im not even over losing my daughter, haven’t even touched her nursery and now we have another on the way! On top of this the new job has been nothing but anxiety and stress for zero reason. First day on the job I was being harassed for being disabled and all supervision did was literally say stop. Mood has been back and forth wildly so just been trying to keep to myself and small circle here. Hope everyone is doing well and stay safe tonight.
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Holidays are so weird. They will be little weirdos for some time. This one has a lot of flies on food, sweat, sunburn, drunk people (liquor drunk) and hot grills, followed by five days of fireworks and lots of police setting people up and stuff. I am going to pass. I’ve seen fireworks 
Come on Labor Day! 
. 
I wish they had a Fourth of July version of the Puppy Bowl. . I’ll binge a show, wake up early and get out! It is a tradition to go out on the morning after drunken holidays sober. I’ll walk around downtown, shop, just enjoy everything half empty, sober. And then hit the big stores before anyone drags themselves out of bed. There are usually a few others out too, and they seem unusually cheerful for the day after a holiday. Sober people!! We smile at each other, just knowing.
Happy to be sober with you, wherever you are. If you’re struggling please post. We want to help. 
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Chris, I’m so sorry for all the pain and stress you’ve been through. Thank you for sharing and opening up to us. I am happy to hear that you are expecting again, but the high-risk part must be so very difficult. Glad you are here with us. Sending hugs and support
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@Lisa-B yes it is better considering the alternative, in my opinion. Sober head on pillow. Please don’t be too hard on yourself. NA beer can mess with your head if you’re already feeling wobbly.
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Day 12 - Lots of physical activity today and some nice moments with my partner.
I must admit I am still having some low moments when I think about “the big picture” my life as a whole, what the future holds etc. I am afraid of spiralling but I need to believe I’m a good person and this too shall pass.
I deserve happiness
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Thanks for the shout out and advice Jazzy. It means a lot to me.
Basically where I’ve gotten up to is that my life has been haunted by a negative subconcious mindset/thoughts (with brief periods of clarity interspersed here and there), as well as low self worth and low self esteem.
I’m actively trying to change this. Identify what I want to change. Be aware of when it’s happening and modify. #dothework
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@juli1 You have been through a big emotional moment in time – coming up to 155 days and overcoming that hurdle and now at 156 can play its toll. It may be that you found the first inconvenience to hold on to and used it to help you release your pent up frustrations. I do hope that it helped. Crying can be very soothing and healing. Sending you big hugs my friend. You are not alone
@danwood85 I’m sorry that you have been struggling lately Dan. Sorry that you are not able to get in to see a psychiatrist. I do hope that the Tuesday appointment is fruitful and you are able to get the help you need. Juicing is a great idea. I do love red cabbage juice as a good detox and cleanser (be warned that the pulp is very stinky – I usually bag it separately and throw out in dumpster so its not in the house ) Hoping your days get easier and lighter – remember that you are always able to come vent here and release some of what you are holding onto into the void.
@wahtisnormal So sorry Zoe – that is an awful way to wake up and not something anyone should have to deal with. If not your friends – are you able to talk to a counselor or therapist about your situation (sorry if you have answered this before). Earlier you mentioned saving up for your own space. Would you be able to look into roommate type places to help lessen the rent load and possibly speed up the process for you to have your own space? Sending you love and strength.
@Lisa-B ah I’m sorry love – sounds like a very trying day indeed. SO proud of you for not giving into alcohol or cigarettes. I do see it as a win to lay your head on a sober pillow. Keep working your recovery friend – you will get the binge eating under control too. 
@hillbillychris SO good to see you posting friend. I am so very sorry to hear about your work situation – do hope that it gets easier. OMG! A huge congrats to you and your wife. I know you are still processing and grieving over the loss of your daughter but this is a lovely miracle. Grateful that they are treating the pregnancy as high risk and going to be taking good care of your wife. Loads of emotions to deal with - we are here with you friend. Take it all ODAAT -
This can be overwhelming as we don’t know what the future holds and all we can do is make the best decisions today. You do deserve happiness . Keep working your recovery and you will see the beautiful benefits of sobriety.
@aussie_tiger #dothework – I love this! You nailed it friend. Keep working on changing that mindset and everything else will fall into place
Checking in Thursday evening
561 days free of alcohol and weed
976 days free of cigarettes
Was a busy and fun day. Got to hang out with friends. Loads of laughter and great food. Did not make it to the pool as the weather was cloudy and iffy. Enjoyed chillaxing on the deck instead. I am worn out completely and ready for bed. Gonna try to sleep (hopefully the fireworks will not keep me from a good slumber).
Wishing everyone a wonderful addiction free day / evening - sending you all so much love
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Its sooo good to see u posting Chris. Sounda like alot is happening for u right now and Im sorry to hear about all the stress going on in ur workplace. Congratulations on the new pregnancy and i hope that all goes well
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2y4m21
I really dont have much to say tonight. Mentally im not the greatest. Hoping tmrw is a better day for that. My son has an appt at 10 tmrw and we need to pick up his formula at the same time so it will be good to get that done for the month. I HAVE to get my butt to the gym tmrw mrng. I think thats why my mood has been down bcuz i dont have that release from the gym on a regular basis anymore. Gotta stay focused and keep my health a priority 
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Thank you so much Menno! I’m so glad to be a part of this community!
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Day 54
@JazzyS @Mno thank you so much for the support! Your words helped more than you know.
Things are okay. I don’t have any cravings or triggers right now. Taking one day at a time.
Have a good night all.
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Day 383 AF
The day is almost over thank goodness. Ran errands, packed very little and took a long nap. I was invited to a friend’s BBQ but they are all drinkers and I just couldn’t be around alcohol today. Not because I was afraid I’d drink but last weekend I was surrounded by people who literally drank all day long to the point if stupid including my ex.
My brother who is in recovery reaffirmed my feelings and did not know how I’d spent a weekend with people who literally were drunk for hours on end. I worry about my friend whose house we were at. She’d also in recovery and she deals with people drinking nonstop constantly. I believe she’s got a good support system with her sponsor and sober friends.
Thank you everyone for your support and kind words. Today is never an easy day.
Sleep well
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