Checking in daily to maintain focus #67

[Just_Laura]

506

Earlier I was rememebering where I was 4 years ago at this time. Reminding myself just how ugly this disease can be.

After relapsing in March of 2020, half of me wanted to be sober again and the other half just said ‘fuck it’. So I was in a constant tug of war with myself. That year my ex got so plastered on July 3rd, he ended up useless on the 4th, puking all day and night. What did I do to deal with his shitty behavior? Drink of course! He was able to make it to his parents for a picnic with us. They don’t drink at all so we each secretly brought our own. Once mine ran out, I found and stole his stash(he was in no condition to drink it anyway). Once that ran out I realized I had absolutely no reason whatsoever to leave and come back to their house. Typically, I’d say I needed to buy some groceries from the nearby Dollar General, which happened to be next to the liquor store. This is when my alcoholic brain desperately began figuring out a solution to my problem and I did something I never imagined I would. I remember sitting in AA hearing people talk about this and I’d think “Damn! I’d never stoop that low. You gotta be a seriously pathetic alcoholic to do that!” Well, I was. I remembered that mouthwash had alcohol in it. 23% to be exact. I found theirs and drank some. And then some more. As much as I needed to make it thru the rest of the get together. Then I went home, drank more(regular stuff), and shot off fireworks When my alarm went off for work the next morning, I was puking before I even opened my eyes. It took a minute to remember the day before and realize why I was in such bad shape. Fucking awful But it still didn’t stop me.

Looking back now at these moments sober is a very different experience, but one I feel is important. I don’t dwell or ruminate to a point where I feel shame/guilt. Honestly, I only feel disgust. It’s to remind myself where I never EVER want to end up again. I KNOW just 1 drink will put me there. Fuck that!

[Juli1]

158

Checking in sober.
I started with progressive muscle relaxation. Feels good. Seems profan. My mind is playing tricks. But I am boss here again!

Love you guys

[Lisa-B]

@Lighter thank you so much, I’m gonna steer cost from NA drinks for a while. I’ve had some before & been fine but I was in a good mood those times. This time was totally different, it’s good to learn from an almost mistake. I’m so glad it registered before I did something stupid.
@JazzyS thank you, you’re always so supportive. I know I can be sensible-ish when it comes to binge eating. I’d rather not but now & then won’t be the worst, however alcohol & nicotine are totally no-nos. I just can’t go back to that.
@Just_Laura I’m just realising how pointless it is, I could have potentially ruined everything. I was super productive yesterday, that wouldn’t have been the case if I’d given into temptation. Thank you so much
@acromouse oh you’re totally right, crappy & sober for the win!

[Thirdmonkey]

Day 2297. Mini vacation over. Normal routine has commenced. Up at 2am, getting stuff done around the house then off to work around 830. Getting excited for tomorrow. Starting to prep the garden for next year. I missed doing it this year.

[acromouse]

@Juli1 to progressive muscle relaxation. to being the boss
@Just_Laura Thank you for sharing your story. It really is important for me to be reminded where my addiction can take me. Especially after a longer period of sobriety, of ‘dormancy’. As you said it: It only takes one.
@Scorpn
@SoberWalker Looking forward to more photos
@Lefty624 These thoughts about ‘missing’ your DOC, ‘I can’t have it’ are normal. Everyone has them. Remember: There is a part of your brain, that is addicted to your DOC. It will do everything - and that means literally everything - possible under the sun to get it. This part of your brain does not care for you, your health, your well being, anything. It just cares for one and only one thing in the world: getting its DOC. This part of you brain - the addicted part - is not going to stop trying. It will lie, cheat, give you thoughts, images, false memories, feelings, anyything to get you to pick up the stuff. But there is another part of your brain, that actually cares for your well being, your health, your life. As long as you know which is which, as long as you know that the addicted part is only lying and trying to manipulate you, you are good. Don’t listen to the lies. Keep doing your sobriety work
@DamianUK Second clean Saturday in a row Well done!
@justKaitlin Congrats on double digits! Great job!
@Mindofsobermike I’m sorry you’re in a funk. Good job sharing with us. Just remember friend: This funk will pass. It is uncomfortable and may be painful. And that’s how life sometimes is like. But it is your decisions that will lead to either letting the funk be what it is, or making it worse by using or other unskillful behavior. So just think: How can I be with the funk and what can I do while it goes its way to make things good right here, right now? Sending hugs and good vibes your way
@JonasE I am sorry to hear life is difficult for you at the moment. Sending you lots of caring vibes What are you doing for self care, friend?
@mamador Thank you for sharing your great attitude on life with us. Life is good

227 sugar
91 UPF
98 gluten
73 dairy
1 overeating

Today is my daughter’s birthday. She will be at my mum’s till late noon. I’m going to go for groceries, take care of my IT-tools. There will be family over here for Geburtstagskaffee in the afternoon. And in the evening we are having a picnic/barbecue with friends from our communal housing project. I might be able to sneak a bit of yoga in the afternoon. We’ll see.

Today let’s try for peace, kindness and freedom friends

[Lisa-B]

Checking in at 6 months, 7 days, 9 hours & 23 minutes sober.
190 days without nicotine
1 day no binge eating.

Yesterday I could have been hungover all because I’d had a bad day in work the day before and I drank an NA beer which had me itching for a REAL drink most of the night. Instead of giving into that urge the night before I choose to lean on people for support & kept myself very busy.

Yesterday I would have had to reset my clock IF I’d taken a different path. I wouldn’t have know what time I got into bed the night before & I wouldn’t have remembered changing into my pjs & climbing into bed. I would stay in bed most of the day drifting in & out of sleep, running to the bathroom, stomach cramps, I’d make myself a cup of tea & falling asleep before I could drink it. Yesterday I would have had to go through every bloody app on my phone to see who I messaged/rang & what I’d said. (I’m a happy drunk who talks to much & over shares) Oh the dread!! I would have eaten crappy food all day & grumbled to myself about having to do housework. I’m sure I could have cried, I usually did but yesterday would have been different from the norm because I would have broken 6+ months of sobriety. I would have got out of bed properly at 2pm and told myself I was ok. I would have had to clean up the mess I made the night before from all the food I couldn’t remember I had eaten. Had a shower, went grocery & wine shopping and then waited for my son to visit and I’d obviously have to start the process all over again because if I broke my sobriety the night before then I may as well make a weekend out of it. I would’ve taken my first sip and hated myself instantly, that doesn’t feel good, push that down & push through this first glass but once I go down the rabbit hole all bets are off. The “stop switch” in my brain broke a long time ago.

But that didn’t happen, thank god & thanks to you lovely people here, and my sister who is my biggest cheerleader in real life.

My real yesterday: I got up at 7am & took my dog out, got the laundry sorted, emptied the dishwasher, finished wallpapering my spare bedroom, did a ton of housework, organised my bills, walked into town to get myself a new pair of hiking boots, met a friend for lunch, went grocery shopping, my son called for dinner, around 6pm watched TV with him until 9pm, crocheted another line in my temperature blanket, lay my tired but sober head on my pillow around 10:30. Another day sober done & dusted

[SoberWalker]

Ha ha, question for you as you are from Germany aga. I know the old houses sometimes has a psalm on front of the building. But why I see the numbers of psalms written in chalk beside the frontdoor sometimes? Some houses had multiple of them in a row. I haven’t made a picture of it. But this are some I photographed in a church somewhere:

[acromouse]

This has nothing to do with psalms. It is a Epiphany or Star Singers blessings custom from the catholic tradition. A group of young people will go around their parish at 6th of January. They will sing, bless the house and collect for charity. The signs in chalk mean: 20 for the 21st century, then CMB stands for ‘Christus Mansionem Benedicat’ (may Christ bless this house), and the last number is the currently starting year.

[Nordique]

Hey all, checking in on day 1483. I hope everybody has a good one!

[Planipennia]

Funny, we have had these signs done for more than ~15 years, and I always thought they meant Caspar, Melchior, and Balthasar.

Thank you for educating me!

[Misokatsu]

No one is on their game all the time. But that it when you really test yourself. Only you can judge whether now is a time to rest, or now is a time to push yourself into not falling into old patterns. Sending wisdom and strength.

[Misokatsu]

1425

Still busy being a non-drinker. It doesn’t appeal, and unless I actually see a container it doesn’t cross my mind. Binge eating is also going well. I have been eating small amounts of what would normally be triggering food, and it not spiraling into a binge. Not using smartphone too much either. If there is anything I would like to work on now, it is my reactiveness and ruminating. I bought a book of a month of daily reflections /journaling prompts, but never used it. Maybe I will try over the summer vacation, and try to work in myself spiritually.

[Mno]

Somebody liked this picture of mine in another thread this morning, brought up this memory which hardly is a memory because it’s mainly a black hole. People in the bar did ask me if it was a good idea to get on my bike to go home (I don’t remember that, but was told later). I must have thought it a good idea as the first thing I do remember is laying on the street with a bunch of folks asking if I was OK. And me saying never mind and getting on again. Next thing I remember is waking up with my face glued to my pillow.

It didn’t stop me. So glad I did stop though. Thanks for reminding me Laura. Never again! Fuck that!

[MrsOdh]

I’m here, I’m alive I’m sober and I’m happy.
Day 129

Pretty much the same as yesterday, still raining, still windy,still cold. Husband is still ill.

We talked about going around in the end of the month yesterday, checked a lot of European cities. Just to ditch the idea, and decide to stay in Sweden this year.

14 y/o came up with a nice idea about an Asian day. He wanted to go to the Asian grocery store, but every grocery and snacks the boys feel like tryin. Visit the Kawaii store ,Go to an Asian restaurant and end the day with some Asian snacks and boba tea while watching some Pokemon episodes at home. And next day he wants us to cook all the exciting food they find to make a buffet.

A pretty nice idea, so we’ll might be doing that one day.
The 12 y/o in his turn wanted to do the same but with a British day. In Gothenburg, they’ve got a few places where you can have afternoon tea a shop that sells British groceries and snacks, and a few British restaurants. Unfortunately they’ve gotten a lot of critic so we’ll see about that.

A lot of great ideas, but personally I still want to travel. I’m so tired if this endless raining, the cold weather. The house renovation and the porch that we’re getting absolutely nowhere with. I just want to see and do something else. Not having to cook,clean, do laundry and see the half renovated mess around here.

And like that wasn’t enough, our mechanic guy Engy Benjy arrived with a halv wrecked Volvo he placed here. So I could learn how to drive. He promised to fix it up, and will be coming next week to fix it. I know he did it to be kind, especially now when my husband is ill.
But just looking at it makes me nervous and gives me anxiety.

Well that’s All Folks.
Thanks for being here.
Wishing y’all a wonderful day

[MrsOdh]

I’ll be okey, thank you. It’s mainly the weather that brings me down.

It’s like all the bigger things is no big deal, I’ll handle it. But the small things like the lack of sunshine is really taking a toll.

Same with the drinking, it’s never the big things, never the holidays or main troubles. It’s the every day life.

A little sun beam would be great, that’s all

[Chevy55]

Day 183 AF

Planned a lot of work today mowing clients, and of course pouring all weekend… drat!! But I am hopeful to get out if it stops and can dry a little

Up and at em early Saturday morning, but I am every day, at least the year of 2024 I have been.

I feel very good, and am enjoying things. Hired FT at my day job and doing lawn maintenance on eves and weekends still. Pretty busy.
Bike is sitting in garage all shined up and ready for a nice day. New jacket, gloves and helmet perched atop awaiting their inaugural run as well. **sigh

We have a friend on potentially her deathbed back in BC and another coming to visit next week for a couple. She is a bit of a drinker and pot smoker, but I feel no angst or anxiety with it at all. I’m comfortable enough in my sobriety to bow out when things get going along. Leave her and my wife to do their thing.

Anyway, that’s the type of wet rainy morning it is while I await some breaks in this miserable wet stuff.

Be well all

[acromouse]

I think it could be both as the Star Singers are related to the three kings. It is a very old custom so who knows

[SoberWalker]

Ahaaa! Thank you for explaining this!
In Dutch it’s called “Drie Koningen” (three Kings).
Children go to the houses dressed as kings and sing songs about the three kings and get candy from the people.

[Binx]

Oh my gosh, your poor face Isn’t it just awful what addiction does to us? It is so self destructive. The inability to see danger is frightening.

Over the last couple of nights I’ve been fighting the 9:30-10pm alarm bells ringing in my head. This is when alcohol stops being served here, and when I normally begin drinking. You’ve reminded me that I cannot properly take care of myself when I drink. Thank you for re-sharing Menno, you have helped me this morning. I’m so glad you’re in a safe, happier place in your life

Checking-in sober this morning

[Binx]

Thanks for sharing, hearing everyone’s thought process is helping me so much. I know I’m not alone, and you’ve reminded me that whenever I’m feeling a twinge of temptation that I should ‘play the tape forward’!

Nice work Lisa, your REAL yesterday kicks alcohols ass