@acromouse
Thank you for the ideas to be honest (and stubborn) the thought of living with a stranger doesnāt sound any more relaxing to me. Plus Iād rather save up that money so I can just be on my own. But I will start to consider it, because youāre not wrong - it may be the best option right now, I just need to think about it. Thank you
@JazzyS
Thank you for listening. I do have a therapist Iām talking to at the moment which at least helps having someone to talk to about it. Unfortunately along with what I stated above, plus the general state of the economy in the United states right now, I feel like itās too risky to throw money away on rent or even living with someone else because I feel like if I ever want to have my own place, I need to save that money rather than spend it. I feel like if I rent I will be stuck there, because if I buy my own place and tbings change, at least I can sell it and get some of the momey back. Itās definitely not the most ideal situation and i will admit part of it is just me being stubborn, but thats because I truly would not feel comfortable living with someone else at the moment unless it was my significant other, but heās not around anymore and I dont have the mental capacity to want to be in another relationship right now. Iāll get a new place as soon as I can, just gotta spend some time saving up.
Should also add that one fmaily member that has been contributing to the stressful environment is planning on moving out soon so that will be one source of tension that wonāt be there forever.
84
I am completely and utterly exhausted. Iāve been getting an ok amount of sleep lately but it doesnāt matter how much sleep I get, I still feel exhausted. Probably from stress. I wish I could just take a week off to just sleep. Even on my days off I cant fully relax because of living situation and also just because of how much stuff needs to get done on a regular basis. Thereās always something Iām putting off or forgetting.
Thankfully Iām working a chill shift today with a friend and we get to be outside for it, so thatās a nice change. I need to get ready now but Iām struggling to find motivation. Just have to push through it. Honestly all Iām looking forward to right now is coming back home and going to sleep.
Good sleep, happy day. Got nearly 10 hours of sleep last night. Couple things are different. I drank a lot more water yesterday. I hate it. But it helped I think. I live in a brutally hot place and maybe ā¦.water? I love my coffee and tea but am dehydrated. Need a gallon a day, especially when working outside. So I did. I think it helped my sleep. Sweet.
Other thing, I booked my August road trip! Got the first one done sober 3 months, and this one will be at almost 6 months sober. Itās special, too. Since I made the final decision to relocate, I havenāt been out to visit. My older brother has already moved to the area and loves it. Iāve been there many times over the years, and itās always felt like home. Ticks every box. But it was still hard to make the decision. Iām slow to make them now. Iām sober. Theyāre solid when I finally make them now, though.
But Iām not sober enough to move yet. Itās like moving to another country culture-wise. And Iām sensitive to regular stress still. Just visiting is enough excitement. Even good stress can be dangerous in early sobriety. Iāll go on a regular basis for the next year. Iāve got a place to stay. Not house hunting yet but scouting out northern New Mexico. Santa Fe. Eating and running around in the mountains hiking. Hit a couple galleries. Looking forward to it! Makes me feel better. Something good Iām working on.
2y4m23d
Good morning friends. Hows everyone doing this fine saturday?
Im currently at work - 3 hours into my shift. Its going well. I did my prayer on the way to work and will do my gratitude list shortly. I decided to email my boss this morning, asking if i can leave at 1pm tmrw. I realized that i had enough vacation time to cover those 3 hours that I would miss and so instead of work, im going to the actual gym down the street from me. I know this might seem silly (to waste vacation time on exercise) but exercise is a HUGE aspect of self care for me. Ive struggled this week with getting up on time to go to my buildings gym and have started to feel burnt out with the daily ongoings of life. So i thought, why not use my vacation time to do a little self care. A good full body workout at the actual gym that i go to. Im really excited actually.
So last night i binged ate on icecream. Not good for me AT ALL. Emotions have been increased this past week and i guess it finally caught up to me last night. I will need to remind myself in the future that food (just like drugs) does not fix the issue.
I did plan out my food for today and am determined to get back on track. Id HATE for me to gain back the weight i lost already. I DONT want to start from square 1 again.
And Ive also had a couple minor thoughts of using my DOC this week.
I think all these signs are showing me that i need slow down, take a moment or 2 for myself, and really focus on self care and looking at things differently. Things in life are ONLY as stressful as i allow them to be. Its about perspective. I create the stress internally. Its not necessarily the actual event that causes it. So i need to look at how i can look at events differently. This will be good practice for next week.
Hi Team, today Iām feeling a bit down. As I write this I recognize I sound like a complainer.
I am being troubled by regret over losing my family. Specifically, getting divorced in 2017 due to my selfish actions. The pain I caused to my ex-wife and our children. It still haunts me and I canāt get rid of it. The relationship Iāve been in since 2019 has also just ended. Again on my account due to selfishness in substance abuse.
I am almost 50 and to have this much wreckage and starting all over again with no family (apart from kids) and limited support network. Angry and frustrated I find myself in yet another situation where I am suffering and have caused suffering as a result of my actions which are a result of all the crap in my subconscious mind. My hurting soul.
I just want peace and happiness. Joy and laughter. Safety and stability. To get out of my past. To stop letting myself think Iām washed up or a failure or a bad person. To enjoy a healthy and loving relationship with a woman. To not worry about the future or finances. To be a trustworthy and dependable father to my kids.
@Tragicfarinelli super cool looking. What a great idea and awesome transformation @wahtisnormal that all makes sense on wanting to save up and purchase something rather than rent. I just hate seeing you enduring so much on a daily basis. Hope you are able to find peace and serenity in your current situation 84 days strong @Vanessa8 look at you goā¦3 months and kicking ass ā¦keep stacking up the days @Lighter I agree that even good stress is too much stress in early sobriety. You got to listen to yourself and know where to draw your limits. Super happy that you are going to vacation there in Augustā¦that will be so much fun! @Butterflymoonwoman not silly at all! I totally get the need to work out as a means of self care (physically and mentally). Glad you are able to take the time tomorrow to do this for yourself @Aussie_Tiger the addiction has already taken so much from you. You are now sober and clean and working on your sobriety. Doing what needs to be done to stay on course and protect yourself from going backwards. Donāt focus on the past and what you do or donāt have at this junction in your life. Here and now you have been given this chance to better yourself, to recover and start the healing process. You obviously have people who care enough to create this intervention and being you to the states for rehab. Thatās not nothing. Keep working on yourself and your journeyā¦you will find people that fit in with your new life moving forward
Thank you Jasmine . I hate to admit Iām kinda delicate right now. Iād like to grow and get much stronger. Even a sober trip there is a challenge now. Going to a new place where I donāt know anyone (except brother) will require super sobriety. And confidence I donāt have yet. I look to you and others past a year and see more of who Iād like to become before I go. And maybe make a little coin before I go . Thank you
Sorry to hear of your pain. I can relate to some of what you have written. It will get better with sobriety. Really hurts right now. Sending you hugs and much support
@JazzyS Thanks so much Jazzy. The next few months could be very challenging for me.
My recovery plays out in my mind. Thatās where the battle is. I am trying to re-learn hope. Positive living. Trust in the certainty everything will be ok. Love for self and by extensionā¦others. Forgiveness. Longing to experience true and lasting joy in this thing called life.
Thank you @Lighter. Me entertaining my own self pity is unhelpful and selfish. Still, I publish it here as others may feel the same and not feel alone, and I may look back and re-read these posts when Iām better.
Youāre rightā¦with time and sobriety things will get better.
Yeah I know the feeling @Rob11 . Had one of those the other night woke up panicked I was hung over almost feeling dizzy took me a minute to come round and realise it was a nightmareā¦wasnāt very pleasant
to be honest (and stubborn) the thought of living with a stranger doesnāt sound any more relaxing to me. Plus Iād rather save up that money so I can just be on my own. But I will start to consider it, because youāre not wrong - it may be the best option right now, I just need to think about it. Thank you 
unless it was my significant other, but heās not around anymore and I dont have the mental capacity to want to be in another relationship right now. Iāll get a new place as soon as I can, just gotta spend some time saving up.
I love my coffee and tea but am dehydrated. Need a gallon a day, especially when working outside. So I did. I think it helped my sleep. Sweet.
Iād like to grow and get much stronger. Even a sober trip there is a challenge now. Going to a new place where I donāt know anyone (except brother) will require super sobriety. And confidence I donāt have yet. I look to you and others past a year and see more of who Iād like to become before I go. And maybe make a little coin before I go 
days til the one year milestoneā¦