@tailee17 Way to go with your triple digits friend. I totally understand the fear of a new addiction. Hope you are able to rest up and recovery quickly and with minimum pain @vagabond great to see you on the check in thread. See you closing in on 5 days! Keep it going strong @vanessa8 YES! 2 months! I too try and hold onto the nasty feelings of my last drinking adventure as the mere thought keeps me on the sober track. You should be proud of yourself ā 60 days and counting @Danwood85 Whats happening Dan ā hope you are just keeping busy and enjoying life
Checking in on Thursday evening.
Been keeping myself very busy today with doctors appointments and cleaning. I am hoping to be in bed by 10pm tonight (trying to regulate my sleep) LOL ā¦ Have a busy day tomorrow and will be working the Pride Festival so that will be fun and hopefully i will be able to keep up. I am still recovering from the Festival that just passed.
Ok - the sun just went down and its cooling off so i am going to take a nice walk to help me sleep ā¦ wishing you all a wonderful addiction free day / evening - sending you all so much love
Had to abruptly leave the house because family started screaming at each other/slamming/throwing shit
Its stressful enough just being around the screaming and being subject to the emotional mental abuse/manipulation but when Im hearing shit going on in the other room and things start to get broken/thrown/slammed/shoved over thats a lot of fun
Drove to a forest preserve and sat there for a while, now im just sitting in my car and idk wtf to do because i dont want to go back home, and even if I did, my mom is apprently in my room now using it as space so I dont even have that space to myself anymore. Or maybe I would but it would take energy/effort getting her out of my room, that I dont want to expend right now.
Yāall already know where this is going lmao. My mindās on drinking. Still not as bad as the first week of cravings though, which is honestly pretty awesome. Still just on my mind. Fucking frustrating. Idek. I dont know what to do right now. Just gonna continue to sit here I guess.
Then thereās that part of my brain thats like ādude, Iāve gone 54 days with alcohol, Iām pretty sure I have it under control now. Just one day, then get right back to it. Easy peasy.ā Stupid, I know. But part of me honestly believes it. And part of me also knows that day 1 is so much harder in terms of cravings, than day 54.
Ah hell that sucks Zoeā¦Iām sorry your home is so chaotic atm. Smart move to leave and drive to the forest preserve
54 days girlā¦thatās awesome and worth protecting. We never know if we do get another day 1 after a relapse (itās not a given). You are right that day 54 cravings are so different than day 1ā¦ Also easier to navigate cause you have tools now. You have the poison out of your body and a clear head now. I do hope you can fight through the addict mind ā¦ drinking will not make this situation any easier to deal with
Much love and strength
2y3m24d
Today was an alright day. I got alot done. Got my sons bday cupcakes off to his school and then did a little grocery shopping on the way home. Went for a workout. Did the usual daily cleaning. Made supper. Now putting my son to bed. Decent day all around. Hope everyone is having a good day/evening
Today I went to work until 8, took one of the kids out to grab dinner and bring home food, work again from 5am till 10am and then Iām officially off work until June 20! Yay
Oh Sara I am so deeply aorry about your recent miscarriage. They are never an easy experience, and good for you for sharing.
It makes perfect sense you would be triggered right now, it is so physical, emotional and THE HORMONES that are slamming when this happens are so very powerful. I hope you are able to rest, give yourself some much needed self care. Just one day, sometimes one hour or minute at a time. You can do this sober, and in the end you will be glad you did. Thinking of you xo.
My before bed check in. Just want to say thank you to everyone for sharing, I love coming on here and being ablento read whats going on with you all and connecting that way.
It was a good productive day today, and just finished itboff by taking a splinter out of my sons foot while he slept. Pondering a lot onbmy children, as usual, and realizing how challenging it is to raise two beings at different ages and stages whos needs are so different.
Very grateful to be sober today. I had some (hopefully) good news that my nephew has been accepted to a residential placement, a home with 4 other children with similar needs, that is very close to where my mom lives. This means skipping the entire foster care process, whichvwould have been a nughtmare and for him to live in a supportive setting where his needs will be met. No option here is truly ideal, but I feel very hopeful about this placementā¦he will get to stay in the same school, his same therapy programs we already have him enrolled in and they are connected to the camp he already goes to and will be spending 4 weeks at this summer. This is HUGE and it is the result of the past 2 and half years of fighting, and I am just hoping and praying that this is the right thing or the best thing. They love for families to be involved, and he will be so close to my mom which is also an amazing thing. I know not to count chickens before they hatch, but I jist feel hope and a sense of breath wooshing through me that i have been holding for 2 and a half years. For today I am grateful, this is not going to be easy by any stretch but hopefully this will be a good thing in the long run for my mom, nephew and our family.
Checking in at the end of day 26.
I was a little nervous about this weekend. Iām out of town with friends staying in an Airbnb. My friends are wine connoisseurs. They have a yearly pass to Builtmore Estate winery here in the states. Very serious about their wine. Anyway, I was worried about them bringing wine and me being tempted, so I practiced a few scenarios in my head. It turns out they didnāt bring any wine. They arenāt planning to drink this weekend! I couldnāt be more happier. Even though I prepared, I was still nervous and a little scared.
That damn sleep thingie meh!
Keep trying, one day youāll find something that works for you
Have fun (and lots of energy) at the Pride festival
Much love!
Checking in Day 100 few hours before 101. 4/22 had hip surgery . First weeks of recovery with husband was unbearable and did not think I could survive. I quit pain medication so I would be able to drive as spouse did nothing to support me in surgery recovery. 6, weeks later discovered I had a break in hip bone and had another surgery last Friday. Not even 1 week I am expected to have done laundry dishes and other chores today. The new recovery is to stay off feet 100%. I went to get in our bed tonight and he threatens he is leaving if I donāt sleep on the couch. . I am in excruciating pain and again not taking drugs for pain because I donāt want to be accused of doing drugs when I am not. I realize this is verbal and emotional abuse in the truest form. I have no resources at this time and if I leave or rock boat I will lose my house and life. Tomorrow it could blow over but it really is a crazy way to live.
I thought I should add to this post. How do you spell KARMA? SHIT ON FLOOR. I have been on laxatives since surgery and super diligent on awareness of need to vacate but since Iām banished to living room and bathroom was a hike 5 days of blockage dumped on floor. I canāt bend over and not suppose to stand. I had to take an hour of extreme verbal abuse as my crisis was cleaned up. He also is superb in this area. A inside smile and appreciativeness along with debt owed was really worth the poop . Maybe tmi but I feel so much better.
@Timetochange Invasive thoughts really are a pest. Wishing you a peaceful day ahead. @tailee17 First of all: Congratulations on 100 days! This is mighty impressive. Especially in your current living situation. I am very sorry you are going through such abuse. This should not be the kind of experience when you are recovering from a major surgery. Is there someone in your life - a friend, a family member - you could talk to? Wishing you strength for today. @SoberWalker Easy and crossfit in one sentence? Are you sure? @Jeanine Good job on preparing mentally, and nice to hear you donāt have to navigate wine and drinking in your early days in recovery. Enjoy your weekend! @Mira_D This is such great news about the placement program for your boy. Fingers crossed and my prayers this will all go well @Scorpn Enjoy all your free time! Do you have any nice plans? @wahtisnormal I am so sorry your living situation is such a mess. We all here can see you have come a loooong way in your 54 days. You are able to see that those thoughts are not your thoughts. Not the thoughts of the part of you who wants to take care of yourself, wants a life, a future. These are the thoughts of your addiction. That addiction that does not care for your well being. It just wants to use any excuse, any reason to be fed again. Stay strong friend! Do you have a friend, or someone where you could crash for the rest of the day, or maybe the night? A place where you can gather some strength? @JazzyS I hope at this time you are deeply in slumber and wishing you a fantastic festival day @Vanessa8 Congrats on 60 days! Thatās two months! Impressive work on becoming the person you want to be. @PositiveThoughts Shoutout to all of us going through hard times and doing hard things. Life is sometimes like this. Thank you friend.
198 sugar
62 UPF
69 gluten
48 dairy
10 overeating
There is sunshine. A new day, new fun. Letās get at it.
I want to dive into my prototype today. Tweak rules, test stuff out. I have a nice scaffolding going on and now I need to find out, which ideas will become parts of the actual structure, and which to discard.
I want to take a walk in this marvellous weather later, a nice yoga session, and I hope to meet some people about a communal residential project in the evening.
Whatever may come, I wish us all a day of peace, kindness and freedom
Beach Day, spreading one of the kids momās ashes, visiting with the Florida bonus kids, a day at an amusement park, a day to relax, the museums, maybe visit my motherā¦
Florida has a lot of hard memories for me, but it has some pretty good ones too and Iām going to try to focus on the positive
Ha ha No, not in that way! I even felt ones, but with no side effects. So not easy, but easy is boring when you want to achieve a strong body
Are you crossfit yourself Aga?
I love crossfit, when my body allows it. My hormonal shenanigans are so wild at times I just canāt do anything besides easy yoga. But whenever I have the strength I come back to crossfit. I just love the variety and the different kinds of intensity.
Just one day off, Taking Luna to the vet for her solensia shot, then myself to PT for my shoulder, which is doing better btw. Iām tired so not planning on much besides that. Recoup a bit. Last night was the last of my writing lesson classes. I need to look for something similar as it was really fun, both to write and the social bit.
Coming home yesterday my train stopped riding a station early, the subway we were hoarded in took us one more stop and then quit as well, so I had to walk 5 km to get my bike at my āhomeā station. Faltering public transport and long commute times one of the reasons I might want to find another job.
But then, in the middle of a desolate commercial area, this guy walked up to me and started shaking my hand and thanking me. A guy in recovery, doing his job, healing, happy, thriving, who had been with us in the Detox a year ago or so. Thankful for what was given to him. Sure made my day. Sometimes my job isnāt so bad after all.
Have as good a day as you all can friends. Make it sober and clean or nothing will come from it. Love.
@tailee17 Sorry for your pain and the difficult situation youāre in friend. Hugs.
Wow. Thatās rude and just hurtful. Can I recommend that you give a listen to a podcast called MODERN WISDOM, specifically the episode with Vianna Pharaon about childhood trauma? I think itās the latest one but one. Itās excellent and explains the five cornerstones of the family unit and how your experience of them shapes you.
I would say your experience here with your family unitās PRIORITIZATION translates to you as you not mattering. How can you therefore prioritise yourself if thatās what is being sent as a signal? Of course, this is on them, but the work is for you to recentre and prioritise you. Please give it a listen, it was super helpful to me. I got her book to read just yesterday āthe origins of youā as I was very impressed.
Again, you matter, you are a priority, never forget that. Fuck these emotionally immature, avoidant, barren soul eaters. Iām sorry that they again let you down. See it for what it is; a construct that withholds the family dynamics, this isnāt on you.
Sorry for that, he sounds like a real charm. At least you see the wood for the trees here and name the abuse and toxic traits. Can you start slowly planning for your own freedom? Stay strong, you should be safe in your recovery. What a dick to make this even harder for you.
Stay strong, what we think we want is not always what we needā¦
This is mighty impressive. Especially in your current living situation. I am very sorry you are going through such abuse. This should not be the kind of experience when you are recovering from a major surgery. Is there someone in your life - a friend, a family member - you could talk to? Wishing you strength for today.
No, not in that way! I even felt ones, but with no side effects. So not easy, but easy is boring when you want to achieve a strong body 
