Checking in daily to maintain focus #67

[Butterflymoonwoman]

2y3m25d
I had such a rough sleep. Back pain, cramps, and anxiety over some news I recieved last night kept me up for quite awhile. Last night our full time nurse told us she was leaving and moving to another province. She is here with us until the end of June. I am devasated obviously. And also worried about who is going to take her place. I of course have already emailed the scheulder about this and found out shes away until monday. So i have to wait. I am praying hard for a positive resolution. I know my HP has my back so just have to go with the flow of things and do my best to advocate for my son if need be.

Anyway, today i am making my sons birthday cake. I already have it started. Hes not feeling well this morning so i kept him home. Hope hes feeling better for Sunday.
Thats about it for me. Have a great day everyone

[SelfLove_42]

Day 48

Just checking in.

[SelfLove_42]

Always appreciate your support!!

[Twizzlers]

Had a lovely day.
Anxiety is kicking in real bad right now but being anxious and sober is alot easier than having drinking anxiety.

[Pattycake]

Just checking in on day 331. Happy Friday, all!

[Louloubelle]

What a cliffhanger ! Come back and give us the next instalment !!
Also, where are the neon skater pics !! Glad you had a great time xx

[Thirdmonkey]

Day 2268. Prevented a Veteran suicide at work today. Not sure how to feel. It brought up so many memories and feelings. I will take solice with knowing that that man has a chance today.

[Mno]

@Thirdmonkey

that man has a chance today.

He has a chance because of you Scott. I’m glad you were there. Tough stuff.

[RosaCanDo]

So good to see you, chica! And I’m soooooo happy to hear you’re getting to take a vacation, and an epic one, it sounds like! Hope you and your kiddos have a wonderful time making memories. Don’t forget to just take space and take a break and relax when you can.

[JazzyS]

@Ofmiceandroach yes!! 4 months is awesome.

@Twizzlers listen to your instincts and take it slow. I do hope you are able to enjoy your garden area without feeling triggered or having any urges. Well done on recognizing the possibility and staying ahead of it

@Tragicfarinelli have fun prepping for your friends… exciting to spend time in the kitchen. Glad to hear that you are protecting your sobriety and that your friends are respectful of your decision

@Butterflymoonwoman oh man Dana…I’m sorry to hear this and so pray that the scheduler has a positive resolution (hopefully they have some people trained by now). I too would have had a bad night’s sleep over this news…I’m sorry love. Hope your son feels better soon - especially for Sunday. Big hugs my friend

@SelfLove_42 any time friend… great to see you with 48 days!

@Thirdmonkey oh man that’s a rough day Scott. Thankfully you were there for the veteran today. Much love to you.

[RosaCanDo]

Such a sad thing. I’m grateful you were there at the right time for this person.

[Timetochange]

I think u are right. I think those voices will increase and be quite convincing. I will stay vigilant

[JonasE]

Day 70.

Not much to report here. Planning trips and cleaning my car.

Doing good today.

See you tomorrow^^

[Seizetheday]

Checking in day 158 AF

[Vanessa8]

Checking in 61 days AF.

[Lighter]

The travel bug. It’s real! I’m already thinking of the next trip. But also things here seem better. I feel more confident. Sobriety is really helping me out. I’m starting to feel like things will be ok. Not sure of the details yet …but yeah they will.

[CATMANCAM]

@Whereswaldo congrats on 80+ days
@Twizzlers sorry you have a similar experience, I’m glad you’re here too 🩵 and I’m so glad you and your pets can enjoy your outside space now I hope your anxiety has settled
@Sara.eve I’m so sorry for your loss be gentle with yourself 🩵 congrats on getting accepted for school
@tailee17 congrats on triple digits I hope your recovery goes more smoothly this time as awful as excruciating pain, along with the abuse from your husband is, I did appreciate the story!
@Vanessa8 congrats on 60+ days
@JazzyS aww, thank you for your kind words I appreciate you 🩵 I hope you had fun at the Pride festival
@wahtisnormal ugh, I’d need to get the hell out of there too, so well done for removing yourself and going to a peaceful place I hope things were calmer by the time you returned home.
@Scorpn so happy for you have the best time off
@Mira_D this is some very promising news, I hope it all turns out okay
@acromouse congrats on double digits for no overeating all of your counters are so impressive I hope you enjoyed diving into your prototype today

[CATMANCAM]

@Mno sorry about the public transport situation, but thanks for sharing the silver lining 🩵 I’m glad your shoulder is doing better too
@Tragicfarinelli hey I hope you enjoyed weight-lifting 🏋‍♀ and yoga. Thank you for the recommendation, I’ve just looked on Spotify and found some podcast called Modern Wisdom, but it doesn’t look like what you’re speaking of, would you mind private messaging me a link at all? It sounds like something I’d like to listen to
@Just_Laura I love that you were literally glowing, I’m glad you all had a nice time and that you are finding people you can relate with 🩵
@Ofmiceandroach congrats on 4 months
@Butterflymoonwoman I’m sorry about this news there has to be a resolution, sending hopeful vibes your way I can’t wait to see a photo of the finished cake
@Thirdmonkey thank you for giving that man a chance 🩵 I’m sorry for the feelings it has bought up
@JonasE congrats on 70 days

1397 days no alcohol.
862 days no cocaine.
377 days no vape.
2 days no binge-eating.

An okay day yesterday. Did my meditations, read a chapter of the book I’m reading, and did manage to watch the last episode of Sex Education in the lounge, now I can start something else on my catch-up list. I also managed to book a last minute haircut, so I walked there and back.

Today I had a phonecall with the cessation nurse, slowly but surely progressing towards no more nicotine. Then I had my video call appointment with the psychiatrist, I confirmed that I would like to move forwards with their service, and I sent an email with my final decision to the service I’ve been with for the past 3 months. I have asked if I could continue to use my sessions while I wait, since I have no timeframe for when the psychiatrist can start seeing me, but I doubt I can have a session on Monday now, and it may be a no anyway. I also received the delivery I was supposed to receive yesterday.

I really hate anxiety, it makes me feel so ill, I felt so much better once the appointments and deliveries had all been and gone, but then I just had no energy. I’m three episodes behind on the show I like to watch in the summer, because I keep falling asleep trying to check-in here and then watch it. Not tonight though! Its taken me all day on and off to check-in here, but as always, I am glad I have. Now to attempt to watch atleast Wednesday’s episode of said program.

Tomorrow I really want to de-clutter, tidy, and clean the kitchen, it’s a complete state in there and I’m ashamed of it and it’s making me feel bad, so that’s my mission for tomorrow.

Wishing you all wonderful sober weekends.

🩵

[Whereswaldo]

Thank you!

[wahtisnormal]

Day 55

Tw: chaotic environment/aggression

Was hoping I’d feel better today after yesterday (family screaming at eachother/throwing breaking things including ripping off a cabinet door) but now I’m honestly just depressed/in a shitty mood today. I know it’ll pass though. I’m just frustrated with a lot right now. Urge to drink is gone thankfully. The urge lasted for hours yesterday. Looking forward to talk to my therapist but my appointment isn’t until Wednesday. Feeling kind of isolated which I have mixed feelings about (after yesterday I just want to be alone and not really talk to anyone. But it’s also making me feel kind of lonely so I don’t even know what I want).
Was grateful to mention what happened to a friend last night. I appreciate them trying to help. But when they said “I know what youre going through” it honestly just pissed me off. I just said “thank you” and didnt express any ill feelings, but internally, I’m just thinking “no. You don’t.” No one will ever truly understand what it’s like to live here. It’s not just the screaming/arguing and the things getting thrown. (I can completely understand knowing what that’s like, and I appreciate those efforts to help me feel less alone in that sense). It’s so much MORE than that. It’s the specific way in which my family member emotionally and mentally abuses and manipulates everyone else in the family WITHOUT EVEN INTENDING TO. She loves us. She doesnt WANT to cause harm. But the shit she says is so fucking infuriating and abusive sometimes and she WILL NOT LISTEN to anyone about it. She “never” does anything wrong. Never. Won’t take accountability for a single god damn thing. Makes extremely disturbing comments. It’s the delusions. She believes all of this shit that never even happened. To the point that she’s calling people on the phone all day long about it. It’s the hoarding. It’s the complete disorganization of the entire home - not being able to just go cook some food for myself without having to jump through 37 fucking obstables, LITERALLY, and potentially get screamed at for it. It’s having to rummage theough rotten, moldy food in the fridge, to get to my leftovers that I put in there LAST NIGHT, that are now shoved all the way to the back of the fridge because they’re not HERS so they need to be out of the way. It’s the nonstop noise. The radio she has playing literally 24 hours a day, that you get yelled at for turning off to try to get a few minutes of silence. Its her talking nonstop all day long at you, and not leaving you alone no matter how many times you ask. It’s her screaming like she’s hurt or someone broke into the house, at every minor inconvenience (example: she dropped something), sending me into fight or flight mode at any random given moment throughout the day or night. It’s a thousand other things. That doesnt even BEGIN to explain it.

To tell me you know what I’m going through, no, you likely don’t. Just want to express my anger at that statement. Although like I said I do appreciate it and know it’s coming out of care and wanting to help. And i completely agree that people can know what certain aspects are like and completely relate to things like that. But its the entire combination of all of it, and even then, unless you have met and lived with this specific person, you would never truly understand what it’s like living with them.

Just needed to vent.

Going to a concert later even though I’m feeling like shit I’m still just gonna make myself go. It will be better vibes and this person doesn’t perform in this area very often so I don’t want to miss my chance to see them. Until then I’m just drifting through and trying to survive I guess. Tried making art earlier and I just got frustrated with it. Going to just watch some shows and try to relax.