Always appreciate your support!!
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Had a lovely day.
Anxiety is kicking in real bad right now but being anxious and sober is alot easier than having drinking anxiety.
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Just checking in on day 331. Happy Friday, all!
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What a cliffhanger ! Come back and give us the next instalment !!
Also, where are the neon skater pics !! 
Glad you had a great time 
xx
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Day 2268. Prevented a Veteran suicide at work today. Not sure how to feel. It brought up so many memories and feelings. I will take solice with knowing that that man has a chance today.
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He has a chance because of you Scott. Iām glad you were there. Tough stuff. 
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So good to see you, chica! And Iām soooooo happy to hear youāre getting to take a vacation, and an epic one, it sounds like! Hope you and your kiddos have a wonderful time making memories. Donāt forget to just take space and take a break and relax when you can.
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@Ofmiceandroach yes!! 4 months is awesome. 
@Twizzlers listen to your instincts and take it slow. I do hope you are able to enjoy your garden area without feeling triggered or having any urges. Well done on recognizing the possibility and staying ahead of it
@Tragicfarinelli have fun prepping for your friendsā¦ exciting to spend time in the kitchen. Glad to hear that you are protecting your sobriety and that your friends are respectful of your decision
@Butterflymoonwoman oh man Danaā¦Iām sorry to hear this and so pray that the scheduler has a positive resolution (hopefully they have some people trained by now). I too would have had a bad nightās sleep over this newsā¦Iām sorry love. Hope your son feels better soon - especially for Sunday. Big hugs my friend
@SelfLove_42 any time friendā¦ great to see you with 48 days!
@Thirdmonkey oh man thatās a rough day Scott. Thankfully you were there for the veteran today. Much love to you.
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Such a sad thing. Iām grateful you were there at the right time for this person.
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I think u are right. I think those voices will increase and be quite convincing. I will stay vigilant
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Day 70.
Not much to report here. Planning trips and cleaning my car. 
Doing good today. 
See you tomorrow^^
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Checking in day 158 AF 
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Checking in 61 days AF.
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The travel bug. Itās real! Iām already thinking of the next trip. But also things here seem better. I feel more confident. Sobriety is really helping me out. Iām starting to feel like things will be ok. Not sure of the details yet ā¦but yeah they will. 
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@Whereswaldo congrats on 80+ days 
@Twizzlers sorry you have a similar experience, Iām glad youāre here too š©µ and Iām so glad you and your pets can enjoy your outside space now 
I hope your anxiety has settled
@Sara.eve Iām so sorry for your loss 
be gentle with yourself š©µ congrats on getting accepted for school
@tailee17 congrats on triple digits 
I hope your recovery goes more smoothly this time 
as awful as excruciating pain, along with the abuse from your husband is, I did appreciate the 
story!
@Vanessa8 congrats on 60+ days
@JazzyS aww, thank you for your kind words 
I appreciate you š©µ I hope you had fun at the Pride festival 
@wahtisnormal ugh, Iād need to get the hell out of there too, so well done for removing yourself and going to a peaceful place 
I hope things were calmer by the time you returned home.
@Scorpn so happy for you 
have the best time off 
@Mira_D this is some very promising news, I hope it all turns out okay 
@acromouse congrats on double digits for no overeating all of your counters are so impressive 
I hope you enjoyed diving into your prototype today 
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@Mno sorry about the public transport situation, but thanks for sharing the silver lining š©µ Iām glad your shoulder is doing better too
@Tragicfarinelli hey I hope you enjoyed weight-lifting šāā and yoga. Thank you for the recommendation, Iāve just looked on Spotify and found some podcast called Modern Wisdom, but it doesnāt look like what youāre speaking of, would you mind private messaging me a link at all? It sounds like something Iād like to listen to
@Just_Laura I love that you were literally glowing, Iām glad you all had a nice time and that you are finding people you can relate with š©µ
@Ofmiceandroach congrats on 4 months
@Butterflymoonwoman Iām sorry about this news there has to be a resolution, sending hopeful vibes your way 
I canāt wait to see a photo of the finished cake
@Thirdmonkey thank you for giving that man a chance š©µ Iām sorry for the feelings it has bought up
@JonasE congrats on 70 days
1397 days no alcohol.
862 days no cocaine.
377 days no vape.
2 days no binge-eating.
An okay day yesterday. Did my meditations, read a chapter of the book Iām reading, and did manage to watch the last episode of Sex Education in the lounge, now I can start something else on my catch-up list. I also managed to book a last minute haircut, so I walked there and back.
Today I had a phonecall with the cessation nurse, slowly but surely progressing towards no more nicotine. Then I had my video call appointment with the psychiatrist, I confirmed that I would like to move forwards with their service, and I sent an email with my final decision to the service Iāve been with for the past 3 months. I have asked if I could continue to use my sessions while I wait, since I have no timeframe for when the psychiatrist can start seeing me, but I doubt I can have a session on Monday now, and it may be a no anyway. I also received the delivery I was supposed to receive yesterday.
I really hate anxiety, it makes me feel so ill, I felt so much better once the appointments and deliveries had all been and gone, but then I just had no energy. Iām three episodes behind on the show I like to watch in the summer, because I keep falling asleep trying to check-in here and then watch it. 
Not tonight though! Its taken me all day on and off to check-in here, but as always, I am glad I have. Now to attempt to watch atleast Wednesdayās episode of said program.
Tomorrow I really want to de-clutter, tidy, and clean the kitchen, itās a complete state in there and Iām ashamed of it and itās making me feel bad, so thatās my mission for tomorrow.
Wishing you all wonderful sober weekends.
š©µ
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Thank you!
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Day 55
Tw: chaotic environment/aggression
Was hoping Iād feel better today after yesterday (family screaming at eachother/throwing breaking things including ripping off a cabinet door) but now Iām honestly just depressed/in a shitty mood today. I know itāll pass though. Iām just frustrated with a lot right now. Urge to drink is gone thankfully. The urge lasted for hours yesterday. Looking forward to talk to my therapist but my appointment isnāt until Wednesday. Feeling kind of isolated which I have mixed feelings about (after yesterday I just want to be alone and not really talk to anyone. But itās also making me feel kind of lonely so I donāt even know what I want).
Was grateful to mention what happened to a friend last night. I appreciate them trying to help. But when they said āI know what youre going throughā it honestly just pissed me off. I just said āthank youā and didnt express any ill feelings, but internally, Iām just thinking āno. You donāt.ā No one will ever truly understand what itās like to live here. Itās not just the screaming/arguing and the things getting thrown. (I can completely understand knowing what thatās like, and I appreciate those efforts to help me feel less alone in that sense). Itās so much MORE than that. Itās the specific way in which my family member emotionally and mentally abuses and manipulates everyone else in the family WITHOUT EVEN INTENDING TO. She loves us. She doesnt WANT to cause harm. But the shit she says is so fucking infuriating and abusive sometimes and she WILL NOT LISTEN to anyone about it. She āneverā does anything wrong. Never. Wonāt take accountability for a single god damn thing. Makes extremely disturbing comments. Itās the delusions. She believes all of this shit that never even happened. To the point that sheās calling people on the phone all day long about it. Itās the hoarding. Itās the complete disorganization of the entire home - not being able to just go cook some food for myself without having to jump through 37 fucking obstables, LITERALLY, and potentially get screamed at for it. Itās having to rummage theough rotten, moldy food in the fridge, to get to my leftovers that I put in there LAST NIGHT, that are now shoved all the way to the back of the fridge because theyāre not HERS so they need to be out of the way. Itās the nonstop noise. The radio she has playing literally 24 hours a day, that you get yelled at for turning off to try to get a few minutes of silence. Its her talking nonstop all day long at you, and not leaving you alone no matter how many times you ask. Itās her screaming like sheās hurt or someone broke into the house, at every minor inconvenience (example: she dropped something), sending me into fight or flight mode at any random given moment throughout the day or night. Itās a thousand other things. That doesnt even BEGIN to explain it.
To tell me you know what Iām going through, no, you likely donāt. Just want to express my anger at that statement. Although like I said I do appreciate it and know itās coming out of care and wanting to help. And i completely agree that people can know what certain aspects are like and completely relate to things like that. But its the entire combination of all of it, and even then, unless you have met and lived with this specific person, you would never truly understand what itās like living with them.
Just needed to vent.
Going to a concert later even though Iām feeling like shit Iām still just gonna make myself go. It will be better vibes and this person doesnāt perform in this area very often so I donāt want to miss my chance to see them. Until then Iām just drifting through and trying to survive I guess. Tried making art earlier and I just got frustrated with it. Going to just watch some shows and try to relax.
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2y3m25d
Today was pretty good. Finished my sons bday cake:
It was alot of work but also alot of fun! Im excited for Sunday.
My son seems to be feeling a bit better too so thats good. Today was payday for my husband and so we ordered out for supper. Now i dont feel so good
but tmrw i will stay on track with my eating. Ive done so well lately that todays food order shouldnt derail me too bad. AS LONG as i dont continue on with the unhealthy eating, ill be okay.I havent spoken to the scheduler about our full time nurse leaving. I did email her but shes away until monday. Im just taking it day by day in hopes that things work out. Im choosing not to allow this to effect me like it has in the past.
Work tmrw and then im off sunday. LOTS to do tmrw after work. Mainly tidying up and getting things ready for the party on sunday. So this weekend will be busy. Have a great night everyone
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Dana that cake is incredible! You are so talented.
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