Yesterday was an odd one. I am still not sure how I feel about it. For those that don’t know, my situation is complicated by the fact that for work I run a distillery.
My wife is able to do most the tasting/testing for me when needed but yesterday I had a situation where I HAD to have a taste of the latest batch run myself. I must have sipped something like 0.5cl (half of 1cl - so a tiny tiny amount), yet I still feel like I have failed.
I knew I would get to this situation eventually - it’s impossible to avoid it long term and the question has always been can I keep working in this industry and be tee total?
I am comforting myself in that mentally I knew what I was doing yesterday, for what reason, and i had no intention of it leading to me having a proper drink. So I don’t know, maybe I am just being hard on myself….
Today I am serving gin and tonics at a summer fair, so the close proximity to alcohol continues
I didn’t realize how late it is already! I’ve been typing up some details that lead to the end of last night. I really don’t know why tho Just feel like writing about it I guess. Gonna have to post another time. It’s time for bed. Have a good one everyone
It’s so lovely to see you reach this goal on your journey.
You are consistently supportive and encouraging and caring of others here and I’m so proud of you and glad to see this achievement today
If it’s your business and your livelihood, this is a difficult situation. Yesterday mentally you did it knowingly, knowing that you weren’t going to continue drinking.
Of course, there’s always a chance that it can lead to that very slippery slope. You have to be the one to figure out are you going to be able to be the one to control it?
Early in your sobriety it is difficult.
You did control it and I don’t feel any reason you should feel guilty
I think that you should try to avoid it if possible but if you have to do it again, go into it the same way you did yesterday.
I read back in some of your older post and see that you have a picture of yourself when you were in a bad situation, drinking wise, and it might be having that picture around and having it right there when you take that teensy little taste test might be helpful to you.
I quit drinking when I was young and after a certain period I easily could’ve had taste test and have it be an Absolutely nothing experience and certainly not anything triggering. I was a non-drinker.
At 25 days you aren’t there and a lot of times many people never get there.
You did great yesterday, no reason to feel guilty, but look to the future and figure out how you’re going to handle it.
Slept in till 5:30am, mind you I was up till 10pm last night watching a movie and awake till 11pm,
Did two acreage properties after work last night, supposed to do two today but looks like it’ll be wet this afternoon a little after fog clears, so will probably have to do tomorrow.
Looks like day off today?? What to do with that?
Then we begin double duty all over again next week!
The 90-day mark was the first big pivot for me. I no longer have the foggy terrors. Did I just make up a condition?
It really is like that!
Things have changed now. I might be another person. Sure feels like it. Because I’ve done a lot, sober. I don’t see triggers everywhere. That is a relief. I was in the car a hundred miles from nowhere, where I would once have definitely reached back in the cooler for a beer. There were no other cars, no houses, no people, no police, just cows and turtles . I didn’t even think about alcohol. I had Waterloo sparkling water and Dot’s pretzels. I stopped and got out and could only hear the wind. It’s an eerie feeling. Disorienting and beautiful. I would have missed that feeling. Everything was muted when drinking.
Morning guys, checking in on day 269 SAF and 255 no smokes. It’s been a rough couple days. The doctor switched my wife’s anxiety medication about a week before we moved for some reason. Needless to say the new shit didn’t work so she had an adverse affect to it and anxiety and panic attacks were brutal for her all last week. We finally ended up driving back to the other state to see the doctor because we don’t have a new one yet where we’re at. And got the old stuff back so she’s starting to feel better and level out. Depression and anxiety are a bitch and so debilitating when it really hits you.
Hope you all have a great weekend. Love ya’s
In for a jammed packed day. Have to head to the other side of Toronto for a kid’s 1st birthday party. Not looking forward to it. I haven’t figured out how I’m going to find joy in this situation, so I will just power through. It will be 4+ hours of driving (ugh), so that’s the plans.
I’m not gonna say I know what you’re going through. But to me it sounds maddening. And I can see why that kind of stressful living situation could make it harder to stay sober. Hope you’re feeling better today, and that you had a good time at the concert.
2y3m26d
Morning everyone! Its Saturday and im off to work. Thank you to everyone who liked my post or complimented me on the cake i made. I was actually very criticial of my baking abilities (especially since it was a cake for my son) and so seeing everyones likes and comments really cheered me up!
Today consists of work and then home to clean and organize the apartment for tomorrow. Thats really about it. This weekend will be BUSY! Hope everyone is doing well!
WOW Menno!!! 5 whole years of recovery!!! Congratulations to you on your quinquennium Alot of hard work and perseverance went into getting here! Im so incredibly proud of you friend!
You get congrats from me on every platform, this one being where I had the great pleasure of meeting you and getting to know you, my amix. You have been such an important part of my own recovery, life, well being, however you want to call it. I’m just grateful for you and your friendship, your inspiration for me to work on myself and seek a life that makes me fulfilled, following your example. I’m happy to celebrate this quinquennium with you from afar with a toast of my finest sparkling water with lemon and a piece of lemon cake. I don’t usually go for cake but this is a good one. I hope you can feel my big mama hugs from afar. Much love, amix.
Just feel like writing about it I guess. Gonna have to post another time. It’s time for bed. Have a good one everyone 
. I didn’t even think about alcohol. I had Waterloo sparkling water and Dot’s pretzels. I stopped and got out and could only hear the wind. It’s an eerie feeling. Disorienting and beautiful. I would have missed that feeling. Everything was muted when drinking.
Alot of hard work and perseverance went into getting here! Im so incredibly proud of you friend!