Thanks everyone. I have been in such a great headspace for the past couple of months and mentally strong but the past week or so I just feel somewhat defeated. I dare say the onset of a cold Winter here is also having an effect. Today is rest day from gym so when I finish work I intend on having an early dinner and enjoy getting into a nice warm bed early with a book.
I spent an hour or so journalling last night about my life with addictions and that was obviously quite heavy and left some really unhappy memories which is most likely contributing to my mood today.
Thanks again for all your support, love this sober family.
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Found this little nugget. I think this describes me at the moment:
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20 days is awesome!
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Thank you 
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Hell yeah it is!!! I didnāt think Iād make it this farā¦
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Congratulations on your 20 days Foxy
So happy you found us.
Great work
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2y4m4d
Even though it was a decent day, im feeling really not settled, a little overwhelmed, exhausted, and run down right now. Idk. I dont know what else to say. Im just waiting until my son goes to bed and then im hopping in the shower. Wish my mind would shut up lol Have a good night everyone 
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Congratulations on 20 days!!!
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I can feel that too!! 
showers usually help some. Hope youāre able to get some rest and find some peace
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Checking inā¦ day 3
Also thank you everyone for the kind words and encouragement 
Hope everyone had a wonderful day 
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Congrats 3 days. Keep up the positive change.
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@butterflymoonwoman Life is fragile and very delicate. Grateful that you are on a road to recovery and healing and have a chance to live yours to the fullest. None of us know what tomorrow holds and that at times (hell all the time) can be super scary. I do know you are doing a hell of a job in your recovery and making the most of each day. Hope the gym session helped 
Hope you are able to shower and relax soon (need some serious self care time) ā much love friend ā
@jonase way to go friend ā 80 days and counting 
Hope you were able to catch up on some sleep. The early stages of sobriety I really did not get much accomplished and for me that was ok as long as I stayed sober. With all the urges, the detox and the lack of sleep you are dealing with a lot so be gentle with yourself.
@wakikki Days arenāt as down as before ā that is a plus! Hope this tread continues for you friend. I have some bad days but like you they arenāt as bad as before so holding onto the silver lining 
@juli1 Fuck the cravings and FOMO. SO crazy how we romanticize a glass of wine with a chill evening and having fun. Such lies and we know that the notion never holds true in reality for long. The rabbit hole is deep. Great job on getting your presentation done 
hope you are able to tell those body image garbage thoughts to go to hell. I do think that your mind might know that your mind s body/weight thoughts can lead you to a relapse and this is just a trick from your addict mind. You are kicking ass my friend ā keep going strong 
@bunto Way to go with 5 days friend. Sobriety is a hard journey and full of emotional ups and downs. We learn how to live without our DOC as well as re-learn to be with ourselves and our surroundings without a crutch. A support group of some sort is imperative for our recovery. Hope you are able to talk with someone in real life about your journey. Keep stacking up the days ā it does get easier
Glad you talked yourself out of that way of thinking. We really canāt be sure that we will be back on track right after a relapse. Some people can jump right back, some take months and others may be years or decades or not at all. You have already come this far and are crushing it. Hold onto your sobriety and enjoy a memorable festival
@seb Hey Sebastian sending you hugs friend ā I am sorry that you awoke with such a shit feeling. Remember this is temporary and it will pass. It is hard to find the light when we are feeling this way and this is when I try to practice gratitude, listen to upbeat music, watch something (a clip, a standup or a movie / show) that is super funny, scream and punch the air. Hope you are able to feel the emotions and let them pass in a healthy way. Sending you love and strength. Never apologize for venting ā this is a safe place and you are among friends
@foxy8 Way to go friend 20 days is fantastic work! 3 weeks tomorrow ā you are stacking up the days nicely ā keep up the fantastic effort
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Checking in at the end of day 37.
Mr. Salesman was again in my dreams last night and I kept trying to rationalize my drinking 
Iām always so grateful when I wake up and realize it was only a dream. Wish I could go into my subconscious like Inception and fatally wound the salesman. No kick for him to ride the layers all the way up. Stay down and perish in limbo!
Have a good night all
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1837
I quit being a moderator here. Lots of reasons, a big one is I want to try to do more in my normal 3D life, in social interaction especially. Internet, and this place very much in particular, have played a huge role in my journey of discovery, and will continue to do so as I love to share, to give and get, through writing on the internet.
This place has given me a safe place to interact over the last 5 years. A safe place I badly needed as I was so stuck in my childish protection mode of trusting no one and keeping everybody at bay. Thereās this little bit of distance when weāre communicating via a screen, and I can switch it of any time I want. At the same time I miss the direct contact, to see and hear and feel the person Iām communicating with, all the non-verbal communication going on, the possibility of touch, of a true hug.
I feel I am ready to try and work harder on that real contact in real life. BTW, I always thought āreal lifeā a bit of a strange notion. As if this here isnāt real. This is real, very much so. This place saved my life. You all saved my life. No joke. And also BTW, Iām not saying goodbye or anything. Iāve been here 1837 days in a row and Iām not done. Maybe just a little bit less all around the forum. Will keep checking in here as this is my anchor. Have as good a day as you can all. Sober and clean. Lots of love. Pic is the hip place I got some very good olive oil as a gift for my quinquennium the other day.
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I appreciate your time of service. I cherish your advice.
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Thank you for your service, Menno. All the wisdom, comforting words and encouragement you shared here. I highly appreciate your way of f communication, connecting personal experience with an enlighting message. Enjoy exploring more of the analog life in this beautiful world out there. 
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Glad I caught your check in tonight/today Menno.
You been a great leader here for me. I appreciate all youāve done and I know you will continue to share your experience strength and hope in your next chapter of recovery. IRL.
You are writing my story here too. Your words nailed it. Thanks again for your valuable input as I am trying to do, somewhat reluctantly, the same.
Look forward to crossing paths again.
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I think most of the people who stop drinking are developing a sugar tooth. I did too. Did not loose weight, but also havenāt gain much while sober and eating my sugar stuff.
Now I have more sober days my sugar intake is normal. Iām here on TS for a long time and havenāt seen much people who have lost much weight after being sober 
Well done for the meditation, it is really helpfull is my experience too. I have to do it more often.
I use the insight timer app, itās a free app.
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