Finally slept- the whole night! Already thinking of tonight. Can I do it again? Itās my second top priority .
Weather is helping with freakish rain from tropical storm. Clouds and Aprilesque temperatures. Normally, itās stupid hot by now. I love it. One day I wonāt have to do 5 month summers ever again.
Thrilled that I can take a stab at functioning today. Itching to get out of the house and shop. And take a drive somewhere after that. Iāll cook a nice meal tonight. I will figure out this sleep thing so I can move on. Itās like the future is extending a hand but itās obscured in clouds, and Iām too weak to grab it yet. Letās roll.
Checking in at the start of the work day.
Barely slept last night, and have a full day of work deadlines, running errands, parenting, and housework.
Itās going to take everything Iāve got.
Just gotta keep reminding myself I can do it!
Day 218. Boy another hot day yesterday, did not hit the treadmil after work. I got home, showered and relaxed. I am ok with doing that and there really is nothing wrong with relaxing after work, but i would like to idk do something. I mean its only 4 in the afternoon, sitting inside all day after work just is eh. Work today is ok, cleaning the sterile process department which personally i dont like myself. The person who cleans it doesnt do shit, so its actually very dirty. I do get a little annoyed that my bosses keep putting me behind people who dont keep up with there areas and then i have to come in and clean well just for them to let it get back to its dirtyness. I wont say anything though, i just will continue to go where needed and put in my best effort. Maybe ill try to hit the treadmill after work. Ill be honest i hate working out, i dont find joy in it at all. I also dont really eat like a ton of food or super unhealthy and yet i feel like im just packint on weight. I walk easily 10 miles a day at work, between up and down stairs, here there im all over. So idk how im still feeling so heavy. Just like lasy year i was like 230. Now im 260, when i was 29 and did my first year sober i got myself down to like 190. Its very idk irritating i guess, i would like to feel better shape so i can keep up with my girls. I hate it, even when i try to stay steady and walk or work out, i still always felt so sore and like out of shape. But atleast i can see these things and focus on making them better, and atleast im not slugging alcohol or doing drugs on top of it. Dropping my meds back to 60 seems to be good
Checking in during the morning of day
407 no alcohol
338 no vapes or ciggs 47 no form of nicotine
7 no form of marijuana
I fell asleep at around 2:30am today and woke up startled at the time at 7:20am because i told my grampa inlaw id help get rid of the recyclbulls between 7 and 7:30. I was out the door and kept my word just intime. He was just finishing packing up the car and i just caught him
I was back at 7:45 about, and started getting ready for grocery shopping. Me, my wife, baby boy and grama in law were out the door at 8:15.
As me and my wife were shopping my coworkers kinda annoyed me. Onlg a few of them though. Every time we go shopping they run up to see me and the baby. Its like, youve seen the baby a billion times and you still have to force your way to see? Then some of them try to talk to me to thd point of being rude. Like once forced there way in my facd and said your in the way, joking around but its like, yupp you too and yeah ill see you tomorrow.
Im a simple hi and bye person. I dont need you to force yourself in my face
Im a bit grumpy but what happends when i shop is not mine or my familys fault.
1410 days no alcohol.
875 days no cocaine.
390 days no vape.
6 days no binge-eating.
Been feeling really dissociative the past few days. Havenāt had any sense of routine. Numb. Coming back to myself I think, I hope. Not sure what else to say.
Checking in, 74 sober days under my belt. Iāll stay sober today too. Itās day 2 of my vacation and I continued reading This Naked Mind last night to help keep me on track. ODAAT.
Did my first day sober at the music festival and its going great!! I honestly feel conpletely content without alcohol. Super proud of myself. Hope everyone is doing well
2y4m7d
So my son stayed home from school today due to spiking a fever, chills, and body aches last night. I spoke to his medical team about the tracheostomy sample we dropped off like 1 week ago and it turns out he has a bacterial infection. So hes been home with me. I managed to get to the gym bright and early this morning for an hour of cardio so im pleased about that. After lunch we are off to the pharmacy to pick up his antibiotics. He will be on those for 2 weeks. Glad this issue is being taken care of but im pretty sure that his benefits are about to run out for the year. All of his meds that get prescribed to him are brutally expensive. I mean, if he needs them, he needs them and Id get them no matter what the cost but its always nice to have coverage. Other than that, im just busy cleaning and prepping frosting for tmrws cupcakes. Thats really about it. Hope you all are having a good day!
I heard something similar once. Something like. āSitting in this meeting, wishing I could drink, beats the hell out of sitting in a bar, wishing I could get soberā congrats on your 6 days
Checking in 281 SAF and 266 no smokes. Itās Thursday, itās hot as hell out, but Iām off work today and tomorrow. I spent the morning taking apart a shed that I bought off Amazon after I realized they never sent the other box with the roof . I called them and told them, but the new stuff they sent out isnāt even the same color, is lime a bright fucking yellow . The other half is grey. Anyways Iām sending everything back I donāt even want it at this point. Iāll order something else. Thereās my rant for the day . Hope you all have a great day. Love yaās
When I was experiencing unusually extreme allergies last month, I went down a rabbit hole learning about it. Youād think itād be better when itās raining, but apparently rain breaks down pollen grains into smaller, easier to inhale particles. As well as brings them closer to ground level. So hopefully they will improve for you when itās sunny
Not great and sort of trying to fight the depression thatās been keeping itās foot in the door for a while. Not really tempted a lot to use other than the fleeting gremlin thoughts I tell to fuck off because I have so much going on and no, weāre not doing that again.
Started exercising, meditating and journaling again. Trying to pause and catch my mental health breath, my bipolar has been fucked lately for a while since like April when we found out our landlord is selling the house. Thankfully qualified is for an income-based mortgage and have started a very accommodating part time job that works with my truckload of a schedule with my kids, myself and more specifically my sonās many therapies. Actually Iāll be getting paid to do some in home super work with him so thatās cool.
Also itās summer, and a cool thing about bipolar is that any upheaval in schedule or environmental/life changes can trigger an episode (mixed in my case). Even if itās a combination of good with stressful and unexpected. Iām trying and forcing myself not to get into the hole. I want to be okay.
I donāt use social media, keep taking my meds and have been limiting YouTube and screen time, but everything never feels like enough during these parts of a mood swing and Iām losing my sense of normal right now. Doing music stuff and art to stay grounded. Playing and spending time with my kids. I just, need to honestly say sometimes I have to pretend a lot and not share the true extent of strain Iām feeling like all the time. Itās been a while and Iām not stopping my attempts to feel better but, shit.
Anyways Iāll be hanging around here more often now bc I need some community and not my family only
Already thinking of tonight. Can I do it again? Itās my second top priority .
.
good luck with your driving lessons 
and your birthday plans sound awesome 
. I called them and told them, but the new stuff they sent out isnāt even the same color, is lime a bright fucking yellow 
. The other half is grey. Anyways Iām sending everything back I donāt even want it at this point. Iāll order something else. Thereās my rant for the day 
