Had the eighties birthday party of my father. It went fine, no interaction with my brother. The best thing you can do with a narcist and a coward is to not interact. He knew what he did when we grew up together. Will he ever validate my feelings and acknowledge the things he has done? No a narcist and a coward doesn’t do that. My son was with me, he has his first concert this Sunday to which he is going with a friend. He told me during the party that he will be sleeping at my brother and his man. Because it is to far to get back, and my brother lives close to the concert. Now I have thoughts about intervening and drive to get my son. But it’s ok, I can’t control it. I’m done with drama, of course if I notice he is manipulating my son he is death in a heartbeat. Somehow I noticed that my silence irritated him and kind of felt his desperation. I was always the one that tried to get his validation and/or recognition, that is how it seems to work between a narcist and his victims , but no more. That dance is over
Edit: this is me and my brother. My mother used to say I was always cheerful. So left is me , right my brother. Maybe he has a little smile, but there is dozens of photos were I am cheerful and he just stares. Just recently went through this album, give me the creeps a bit. But since my retreat I kind of are able to maintain my emotions. They are there, but I can let them be. My thoughts are there, but it feels like healing now and not remuneration.
I came home today wondering if I’d drink. I stuck with my plan, I went to the gym and I ate well.
I wouldn’t have done it without you guys. I know I’m new here but I feel I have people to hold myself accountable to! Thank you to the few who inboxed me to check in. I appreciate you!
Youre doing this one day at a time! Proud of u! Before u know it, ur new way of handling things will become 2nd nature. Every day u stay sober is another day ur fighting for a new sober you!
Checking in 284 SAF/269 no smokes. Quick check in. Really hot day working outside. Gonna try and catch up on some sleep.
Good night guys. Thanks for helping me stay sober ODAAT. Love ya’s
2y4m10d
This day has actually been half decent. Work felt long but it went well. Came home, ate a homemade meal made by hubby, gave my son a bath, and am now relaxing. Nice evening but its hot out. Still tho the fans are doing their job well and we are comfortable. Im super excited about tmrw. Just really excited to get to the gym. I need my therapy Plus I have my 2nd (and last) free personal training session tmrw at the gym. Curious to see what plan she developed for me. Ya… all is well!! Have a great night everyone!
I feel so weird today. I don’t have a reason. It’s probably the PAWS stuff. A small thing happens, and I feel on edge for hours about it. Why do I have to be so delicate? Ohhhh…early sobriety?
Ugh I’m ready for 15 years of sobriety . It’s ok and I get why they say not to do too much early on. I would like to be a badass cactus flower if I have to be a damned flower…ha.
It’s Sunday and I’m ready for summer because it’s not leaving for 4 months! I hope the heat wave calms down up there Joe @Jasty2 . Really tough being outside for more than a couple hours.
Congratulations Jasmine @JazzyS on your badass milestone!
well the art exhibit and my birthday were good. but the next day i had my birthday party (last night) and my sister and mom had a big argument. (an hour and 15 minutes long argument to be exact) and I realized my sister is reliving my teenage years and I’m helpless. I know I didn’t have support at all when I was her age and I know she has me, I be there for her but i can’t change my mom’s behavior. and it’s killing me inside. Ive been unable to get my mind off self harm since. I feel like a failure. it’s my job to protect her.
Just wrapping up day 78 of being alcohol free. Had the nicest little nap in a park today, laying on the grass listening to my family playing around me. In the past it would have been a nap induced by alcohol, and I wouldn’t have woken up feeling good. Today it was surprising beautiful.
It was hot today. I had to stop by UPS to drop off some Spectrum equipment. Then went to Trader Joe’s for some groceries. I wanted to check out some NA beers, but couldn’t find any 0.00%. The Trader Joe’s employee recommended a 6 pack of NA lager 0.05%, he just grabbed the pack and handed it to me. Idk, I didn’t feel comfortable. So I put it back. Got my some sparkling water instead.
Went to the beach with the fam. Stopped by for some slurpees and snacks on our way there. It was a chill day. Kids had a blast. Feeling a lil better today.
Bout to watch a show with the wifey and then call it a night. It’s back to the grind tomorrow.
I really need to get back into the habit of daily check-in. It helps keep me grounded and connected to the sobriety community. Makes me feel like I’m a part of something and that matter. A lot.
The new gig is… not going great. They keep changing the goal post. They halved the already pathetic rate. And now I have no idea if I’m getting paid or not this week because of some new bullshit they introduced last night. Yeah… on a Sunday night they dropped the whole, “yeah fam… so your payments may or may not happen according to some stupid arbitrary rule we’ve just dreamt”. To say I’m frustrated would be the understatement of the year. And the worst part is… I need the fucking money and can’t tell them to fuck off. I hate this. I am too mentally ill for this.
But did I drink? Absolutely never. Was I tempted? Sure… stressful life situations would do that. I need to figure out what to do with my life that isn’t scraping the barrel.
Wow Laner, respect in how you handled this! You did so well for your friend and congratulations with the 80 days! You couldn’t have done all this for your friend while still drinking I guess. I know I wouldn’t
Hope you can both travel home soon!
I woke up feeling hung over and had headache from hell. two cups of coffee later I felt like a human again, so I got dressed pulled my boots on and was out the door. I had some yard work to do, so I spent most of the day doing that. it was a different feeling doing it sober. I hope everyone has a great Monday I’ll be checking back in tomorrow
Thank you for sharing this one Dana, so true!
I have found this explanation a while ago and use it sometimes to get myself back in the “now” instead of yesterday ore tomorrow.
You are there for her by listening to her. By sharing the same background she knows you understand where she is going trough. That’s a big win for her you didn’t have back then.
What would have helped you back then when you lived with your mom? And can you give that to her?
, right my brother. Maybe he has a little smile, but there is dozens of photos were I am cheerful and he just stares. Just recently went through this album, give me the creeps a bit. But since my retreat I kind of are able to maintain my emotions. They are there, but I can let them be. My thoughts are there, but it feels like healing now and not remuneration.
Plus I have my 2nd (and last) free personal training session tmrw at the gym. Curious to see what plan she developed for me. Ya… all is well!! Have a great night everyone! 
. It’s ok and I get why they say not to do too much early on. I would like to be a badass cactus flower if I have to be a damned flower…ha.
