2y4m14d
Feeling burnt out this evening. Its been a hectic day with my son. Just go, go, go. I tried to fit some time in the morning for myself which helped me for most of the day, but nearing the evening now, its getting tough to have patience. Im feeling irritable AF. Doesnt help that my quads are on fire from my workout 2 days ago. It hurts to get up, it hurts to walk, it hurts to squat down, it hurts to stretch, it hurts to do anything with my legs. And the inability to do things with ease is making me verrrrry cranky.
Today i was up at 5am to workout at 530am. I had some me time while I drank my coffee afterwards. Then we hit the grocery store for a few things. Came home to have lunch and then we did physio for abit. He did really well and Im impressed with his walking in his walker!! Then i cleaned and made supper. Just unwinding now. Will have self care shortly by having a nice shower. Im really trying to just slow down. Enjoy the present moment. I get overstimulated very easily and so its constant work to just ground myself. It gets tiring. Anyway, the day is almost done. So ill try again tmrw to find balance. Have a good night everyone!
Checking in at the end of day 47.
Today was a pretty good day. Cooked a dinner for a friend who just had surgery. Went to the gym for weights and cardio. Endorphins released all around.
Yesterday was a little harder. I was at a friends house for dinner. As soon as I walked in the door I hear drinks being made. One was offered to me and for a split second I thought about it. But reminded myself where that will lead to and said a quick prayer for strength. So glad I made it through!
The mind is so tricky, itāll turn on you in a minute!
Have a good night everyone.
Day 11 checking in school kept me busy. Only have one more half day tomorrow and then Iām on summer break for two weeks which Iām honestly really excited about. My sons grandpa on his dads side (his dad isnāt in our lives at all but his side of the family keeps contact and treats us like family which is nice, well we are but you get it lol, theyāre all still in Alaska where weāre from but some of them visited recently) said heād get a hold of me about getting us a ticket back to Juneau because we went recently for my cousins wedding so that was a possibility, but I havenāt heard from him and Iām honestly hoping I donāt because traveling with my autistic son alone is a living hell tbh. I just want to relax at home with him. No temptations to drink either. Iām feeling drained and low, I have a headache too. But Iām ready to get back to working out and getting some sun during break. I did get a tanning lotion that bronzes but still protects your skin and a new body wash from ulta today so thatās nice. Also a new swimsuit the other day. Itās the little things sometimes.
@acromouse Our GM is actually ranked in the top 100 country club managers nationwide. Heās awesome, but been trying to retire for 5 years now. Obviously struggling to find a replacement with his work ethic. The assistant manager is the problem. I understand my capacity and limitations, and that job is not for me. I value my time over money, and knowing the kind of time required is out of the question.
@JazzyS Thanks girl Definitely had my feet up for half the day! And weāll see about work
498
Today was alright. Just felt drained. Fell asleep easily, but woke up too early to the girls making their own cereal(and leaving a mess on the floor ) Since my job has turned me into a night owl, I really enjoy/need quiet morningsā¦and it was not. The friendās mom said to send her home at noon. She went up and said her parents werenāt there but the baby sitter was, but she didnāt like him so she came back. I told her I was just doing what her mother asked and said we had things to do. I just wanted to get on with the day but she kept walking right back in our house every time I sent her away. Idk if it shouldāve irritated me as much as it did, but I just felt like I needed my space back. My daughter seemed slightly over it as well. Finally had to pack up the laundry and leave. It was nice getting out in the beautiful, cool day.
I was exhausted afterwards, so luckily my daughter wanted to go play again. I got to recharge enough to want to go to the marina like last week. Finally found a good mood after the food, music and fresh air. As we were leaving, I saw this guy I knew from way back in my serious cocaine days. He was beyond hammered with a girl trying to help him up. I felt bad. Last time I saw him was back in January when I was getting my 11 month chip. Seemingly drunk and with the same girl, they sat on the outskirts of the cirlce. While introducing ourselves, it was his turn and she answered that it was his first time and they were just checking it out. Ended up leaving early. Now, a moment for those still sick and suffering For hope that they will help themselves one day
Time for another boyfriend I guess
What a story, glad it didnāt trigger you ore affect you mentally. Must have been difficult to watch for your daughter as well.
Nothing new here tonight, I snuggled with my son for a bit and that made my day a lot better. we got him laid down and in bed by 8:40, so my wife and I were able to sit and relax for a while.
Have a great Friday morning everyone
Iāll be back tomorrow
Congratulations @tailee17 Lam with your months milestone!
And @JonasE for the months
Good to get some words from you @zzz and reading you are in good waters and so feeling good too
Welcome back @Alycia , I know exacly what you mean and went trough. I relapsed after 5 years sober a long time ago. Thatās why I am here and still active. This is my AA and I know I cannot do without it.
Well done @Jeanine for declining that drink!!
*Day 2109
Hi all! There where days that I knew exacly what my sober numbers were. In the beginning of my sobriaty. Now these days I can tell: itās 2100 something and then I check my daycounter on my phone. Itās less important, also because sobriaty is more part of who I am today?
Not that I became cocky ore something, otherwise I wouldnāt be here every day
Crossfit was a challenge again. Practiced a lot with weightlifting techniques. Still find it difficult to got it right.
Today? Work because a co worker called in sick.
Have a good day ore night all
An ok day yesterday, our strange neighbour who hasnāt caused us any problems popped round to have a rant that we had built a patio? (which we havenāt) really odd. Iām not sure why they bought an apartment as living near people seems hard for them. Really odd.
So today Iām going to relax. Possibly going to a barbecue if the weather holds. Then home as they will be drinking or going into town and I donāt want to be involved
I have to decide today if Iām going to go back to work on Monday. I f not they have to get a replacement for Mondayās shift today. I guess I will work, Iām not 100% yet but getting better. The hottest weather has left for now which suits me fine. I like to be out and about and walk and bike and that goes better when itās not sweltering out there.
Therapy this morning. Iām slightly anxious as weāre going to do emdr and the last time we did my body freaked out badly from it. Well, I do trust my therapist and sheāll have some safeguards in place so that wonāt happen this time. It will be OK and hopefully helpful. Iāll have as good a day as I can and hope you will all do the same my friends. Sober and clean or nothing will come from it. Love from my hood.
Day 1 I fell off for a bit , not getting drunk but have one hear or there but its not making me happy and i miss posting and feeling proud of myself. And i miss you guys.
480
So, Iāve been AWOL for 2-3 weeks. I took on a youth group as volunteer manager and the responsibility stresses me. Iām hyper conscious of my actions, afraid of making the wrong decisions. Trying to find my way around procedures, policies and regulationsā¦ and every time I think Iāve mastered something, two new problems show up. I admit the last few weeks were nice in a way that I did find a new purpose, but also the stress involved with that acts as a trigger.
Though I didnāt have any thoughts about drinking during my waking hours, the unsolicited drinking dreams have infiltrated my nights.
Trying to find some balance today with an afternoon at the spa/sauna. And trying to switch off my brain by focusing on me and me alone for an hour or two.
Struggling to keep my shit together on the train rn.
I am proud i got through my first work function sober (i think only one other personnoticed). But so upset that some one brought up me at the last function and how drunk i was.
He brought this up as i was leaving with a remark āoh, youāre not doing the xmas night again!?ā
Day #208 update information regarding the company - ive got fired before an hour ago. No more official dinners with alcohol and stupid things and from now on hello vacation. Later i will update how im felling
209 days
Was a public holiday here, wife was at work though.
Kids did a bit of bike riding in the driveway so the youngest could get used to her new (bigger) bike. While they were doing that I got my bike out and fixed (hopefully) an issue Iāve been having with regular flats. A couple other things needed fixing too so I did that.
Iād been putting it off as it was too frustrating for me but I need this bike up and running as Iāve entered a 45km trail ride event thats going down in a few months.
This evening me and the kids have just been playing nintendo.
Pretty good day all up
@HolySquid Sending you lots of relaxing vibes. Taking responsibility for other people is a lot of work and rather taxing. Finding the right form and amount was the key for me. Working as a full-time teacher was not the right thing - too much stress and responsibility and not enough time to recover. But now I teach two afternoon classes a week about a topic I love and that hits the sweet spot. Have a nice time at the spa @Button83 Hey there Welcome back! Do you have any idea why you are reaching for alcohol? Or why you would rather not? @Mno Thank you for the ākaasjeskruidā. I hope this is the right word. One of my favourite summer flowers. I hope your therapy goes well and a big yes to bike rides @Timetochange You never know what goes around in peopleās heads. Hell, most of the time we donāt know what is going on in ours Have a relaxing barbecue. @SoberWalker As a crossfit affictionado: What lifts have you been working on lately? @Just_Laura Very smart words: knowing oneās capacities, limitations and personal values. Took me a very long time to find that out. Done so many jobs that did not take that into acount Good for you for knowing yours And donāt apologize for needing space. You have every right to take care of your needs. @Lainenicole96 Your summer break plans sound really relaxing and like a better option than a long and exhausting trip. Enjoy the sun @Jeanine Good job on getting past the drink situation @Butterflymoonwoman Sending waves of relaxation your way - especially for your poor quads @Lighter Recommendations for insomnia days and treatment of possible turkey invasion duly noted Remember getting pinched by geese as a small kid.
219 sugar
83 UPF
90 gluten
67 dairy
1 overeating
We had quite the storm last night. My daughter came crawling into my bed as she was afraid of all the thunder and lightning. I enjoy storms myself quite a bit, and it was sweet to have my baby sleeping right beside me this time
Today I am going to visit a friend and have a nice chat. I donāt expect to have much time for game design work left. A short meditative yoga session in the afternoon, sending my daughter off to grandma, and then Iāll be off to friends for game night
Letās try for peace, kindness and freedom today friends
Ive got fired because i said my opinion to the big boss and because i was told that I was wrong for some things but i didnāt have blame and I defended myself. They dont like to be told that the worker dont have blame when he/ she really dont have it
What an asshole. Pay him no mind, he is a bully and gets his kicks from hurting others. You can and will get through this. The best revenge is living well, as my dad always says. Glad you came here to vent. Stay strong!
Definitely had my feet up for half the day! And weāll see about work 
) Since my job has turned me into a night owl, I really enjoy/need quiet morningsā¦and it was not. The friendās mom said to send her home at noon. She went up and said her parents werenāt there but the baby sitter was, but she didnāt like him so she came back. I told her I was just doing what her mother asked and said we had things to do. I just wanted to get on with the day but she kept walking right back in our house every time I sent her away. Idk if it shouldāve irritated me as much as it did, but I just felt like I needed my space back. My daughter seemed slightly over it as well. Finally had to pack up the laundry and leave. It was nice getting out in the beautiful, cool day.
For hope that they will help themselves one day 
months milestone! 
months 
Welcome back! Do you have any idea why you are reaching for alcohol? Or why you would rather not?
Have a relaxing barbecue.
Good for you for knowing yours 
And donāt apologize for needing space. You have every right to take care of your needs.
last night. My daughter came crawling into my bed as she was afraid of all the thunder and lightning. I enjoy storms myself quite a bit, and it was sweet to have my baby sleeping right beside me this time 
