My goodness! I just read what your creep boss was doing at the dinner. That was very non professional and abusive. I understand that drinking can be a very cultural, expected thing, I just don’t agree w it of course at all.
I have you in my thoughts. Take care of yourself, enjoy your holiday and expect everything to be better in the future. Big hugs @Zse sorry for all the turmoil.
8 Likes
Oh and so I forgot to mention the high temperatures we have here lately. Truck shows around +33°C and I dont have working air conditioner. All I have is open windows and ventilator or air fan or how you call it in english. I just dont like to go and ask to fix it as it always feels like almost begging them to do it. I just don’t like to beg. I guess running and working out in extreeme temperatures made me feel quite confortable in theese conditions. To be honest air condition does not work in my personal car too 
I just drive with open wondows. Our Gym has no fans too
11 Likes
Day 119
The light is back already! Summer is so crazy. I’m ready for 
Determined to enjoy the day after another night of insomnia. It’s awful but what can I do? This happens every summer, plus I recently quit drinking. Plus trauma stuff I’m in therapy for. Just the hell I’ve been through. Yeah, I can’t stand the torture of worrying and fretting about it. I’m going to have as good a day as I can. @Mno 
thanks buddy
@Button83 Julia, I’m so glad you’re not giving up. Yeah, the beer only disappoints. Doesn’t even work for me anymore. We deserve better lives. Proud of you. 
Thank you Aga @acromouse for reading and commenting on my delirious activities. Everything felt surreal, it’s incredibly hot…enter the big goofy birds encroaching on my personal space 
. They don’t like water. I think they need a wash. They quickly went on their way to Nice Lady’s house. Fine, go! Big flapping beasts. Yes, Aga, that happened to me as a child too. I still have a large bird chip on my shoulder! Love the small ones. Hope you’re having a great day.
Off to shower and get out and about. So glad to be sober. Nothing else compares. 
12 Likes
Oh no! That looks very painful. I hope it’s not too serious, yikes!
3 Likes
Gah, I feel ya on the insomnia being a bitch. I’m on my third sleepless night in a row and I’m so frustrated. Luckily, this go ’round my attitude has been decent but after last night it will be a struggle today. I also finally fell asleep about an hour before my alarm and that left me feeling super groggy. This will pass. I’ll hang in there if you will. Hope you have a good enough day, friend.
5 Likes
Day 226. Feeling pretty good this morning, had a good workout yesterday after work, doing well with consumption, no soda, and no sweets. Eating healthier and yeah just taking it day by day, deciding if i want to do a small jog walk after work or give myself two days rest. But much love everyone
13 Likes
@zzz im in 37.77 plus degree summer temps. Wetting your shirt will go a long way towards keeping you cooler.
Ouch @Mischa84 you know what they say. Rest, Ice, Compression, Elevation.
Some suggest rolling a twisted ankle on a tennis ball but check w someone before you do this.
Also be sure it’s “just sprained.
At some point you have to figure out whether it’s a sprained ankle or a fracture. Sometimes will take awhile for a break to show on an xray. ER docs can have a hard time figuring this out without imaging lots of times.
Be careful with it. If it hurts too much to walk on it heed that warning.
Quick healing thoughts. Like be healed before the boys come home. Big hugs and what a crummy thing to happen.
4 Likes
Day 531.
This is the first time in all this time when I’m seriously considering walking to the nice cafe I’ve been working in all week and ordering a giant glass of wine. It won’t fix anything. I know that. But god, do I need to scream into the ether.
This gig is hell. The pay is pitiful and the guy running the show is fucking awful. Today he asked to look over one of my pieces, gave me vague feedback and then spoke to me like trash for missing a ‘glaring’ error. By ‘glaring,’ he means there was one fucking letter missing from the headline. And he said my writting is ‘weak.’ Well, of course it’s weak mate, because ChatGPT is doing the writing and you’re paying me pennies to edit it. That’s how he justifies the low pay, because AI is writing, but then expects the end result to be pristine and worthy of the New York Times. Apparently I should be able to do it all on 20 mins or less.
In the few weeks here, the pay halved, the guy is rude as fuck, and the ‘work’ is soul destroying. And the worst part is… I can’t fob it off. Not yet. We desperately need the fucking money. I’ve walked out ot jobs for not allowing cigarette breaks (true story!). And yet, now I’m putting up with basically doing slave labour for less $4 an hour because I have no other options. Not right now.
This sucks. This really really really sucks.
13 Likes
Thank you Rosa Yes, I’m with you! My world is so small right now but I’m going to enjoy all of those small things. It will pass. Sending support— we’ve got this. Always feels a bit better as the day goes on.
4 Likes
@mno sending comfort and support your way. Hope all goes well with your emdr session. Hopefully you will be feeling much better by Monday for the work shift 
@Button83 great work on your day 1. We missed your posts too…so good to have you back with us
@HolySquid so lovely to see you posting. Great number friend 
. Hope you are able to find that balance and practice self care 
@elyse great work on 1st sober function…that’s a huge milestone. don’t even give this guys word as another thought. You are doing amazing work… keep going strong
@zse oh I’m sorry friend. Grateful that you are not in that environment and hoping this is a blessing in disguise but do know how crazy it is and how gutted you must be feeling. I do hope it didn’t have anything to do with your sobriety. Just saw your post…What a stupid reason for the firing.
@Mischa84 oof…hope you can ice and elevate your ankle…that it’s not badly hurt and you’ll recover soon
Checking in Friday morning
Did not sleep much or well… skipping my early routine and gonna get deliveries done and possibly try a nap.
It’s a beautiful day…hope you all get to enjoy a wonderful addiction free day!
Sending you all so much love
15 Likes
150 days AF
Checking in. Guys I am so much better.
Thanks for your caring words @acromouse @JazzyS.
It was all in my head.
Through open communication I was able to clarify my concerns.
As you know I moved back in my parents house, that I am owning 50% and where only my mum lived since my dad died in November. It is a interim solution (maybe, maybe not) as I had all this damn trouble with the apartment and didn’t want to rent a new one for now.
I build up a lot of pressure in my head about my mum getting older and me being responsible for her! I was deep into these thoughts. I feel responsible. I do care. But it’s not necessary that I align all my life to her, getting old. I am young and should live as free as I can. My personality type is… Being a free bird lol.
Of course I am doing the more exhausting and hard things here, like groceries on hot days, mowing, so on. We both cook and doing the housework, all fine. We support each other.
I even didn’t want to make my 2 rooms nicer and nicer, due to the fact that I might move out again. All trouble in my head.
We talked about it.
About the getting older thing she said:
I can live here on my own, if I take it slow and got help from time to time, and if I don’t I will take my iPad, my mobile and my ebook, go into a retirement home and enjoy my life 
She is funny. Pragmatic. My brain is more “once around the world and back to point A”.
About the moving out again or not, she said, she is totally open about that and it doesn’t matter how nice I will make the 2 rooms, it’s nice for anyone, if I come at a weekend or if other guests or my niece come around. It’s a nice place, no matter if I stay or not.
I should learn from this mindset!
I don’t know now, what I will do. It’s nice here, the costs are low and this huge garden is such a plus. I will stay first of all, start the job and c how much mobile work will be possible after first months (agreed is 4 days per week). If I will still need a place on my own, I will maybe look for a small apartment round there.
As I got 150 days sober (wouhu) I will shop some decorations for my rooms this afternoon 
…
By the way, already got a decent swim in today 
Love you guys
18 Likes
Congratulations on your 5 months girl…way to just sneak that in😜…you are awesome my friend.
So glad that you and your mom were able to have a good conversation…you have a wonderful relationship. Glad that you are feeling free to do as you please and are more comfortable in trying out the current living situation while you adjust with the new job. None of us know what the future holds. Just take it ODAAT and keep kicking ass 
3 Likes
Well yes, but sitting in a truck whole day 
with wet clothes not the best idea
1 Like
Thanks for teaching me the name of kaasjeskruid. We have lots of that too, but this was stokroos I 
. While this pic down here I think is kamille (chamomile). I did bike a bit after therapy, to get cheese and eggs straight of the farm. Which was nice. I’m not 100% healthy yet though 
. Easy as it goes. ODAAT in all. emdr was good @jazzy. So utterly strange how it works. But it does. Love.
14 Likes
Sorry to hear that, that sounds awful. I hope you can get a better job soon. 
3 Likes
Ice, ice and elevation! 
5 Likes
Not right now. But soon. Hang in there friend. Scream anywhere you want (like here!) except into a glass of f*cking wine. Hugs.
3 Likes
Hey all, checking in on day 1475. I hope everybody has a good one!
12 Likes
Thank you guys 
This is first time something like this happens to me but thanks to @Alisa and dr google Im familiar with RICE now (rest, ice, compression, elevation) and I’m riceing myself now 
The idea that I won’t be able to run for some time is making me furious and sad at the same time. It happened in the morning, right before almost 10k bike ride to the trainstation and after 2h of lesson another 10k back. Probably I made it worse with biking but it didn’t hurt so bad few hours ago, otherwise would just stay at home. I just want to be able to run 
(Frozen avocado as we are out of ice
)
10 Likes