Yurts are my favorite! I hope you have an excellent holiday, Claudia!
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Hello friends! I took some time away from this site recently, not the first time I have done so, and it helped me get a bit more grounded in my own reality. I sometimes have very black or white thinking and can get sucked in to an online world, losing sight of my day to day life here, I am realizing. I guess I have had an understanding of this for a while, but I am learning more about myself and how I can use online platforms as a distraction or even an avoidance technique. So, I am working on finding more of a balance there, so that I can have an online presence that is not a tool for avoiding doing what I need to do otherwise for myself and my well being. Being here and active in this community is really important to me, but it isnāt the end all, be all, if you catch my drift. I have a lot of thoughts about how I could get myself more involved in the community in which I live but taking some steps to actually do something about it is the hard part for me. Iāve talked a big game for years and havenāt taken one step. Time to remedy that.
Where I live, we have a big empty lot that I call my meadow, itās been empty since this neighborhood was established in the 1950s and has been for sale more recently for 25+ years. The residents have carved out paths for walking and driving ATVs, and its created a beautiful space for habitat and native plants. I just love it. But the city mows it down every year to use it as a spot to shoot off the annual fireworks for Independence Day. When I walked my dog and saw the destruction this year I cried. Who knows how many ground bird nests were destroyed, how many critters were killed how many beautiful flowers were mowed up just so we could enjoy these rockets in the sky for a half hour one day a year. I am a bit torn up about this. I have been anti-fireworks for a while, but the sentimentality of it softened things for me. I am not softened anymore. Iām not sure what I can do about this feeling I am left with. I struggle with the intensity of it. And yet, here I am, preparing to have a gathering of people, mostly friends of my husband through his work, though I call some my friends now, too, to hang out with us, BBQ, play yard games and then watch the fireworks. It is such a cognitive dissonance for me, what a weird feeling. I have to put on a happy face and get through this today. So, on the sobriety front, I had to explain to my husband why we needed to buy a second cooler so we have one designated non-alcoholic. Itās a safety measure, especially when children will be here. He just couldnāt understand. Sometimes it is like talking to a brick wall. People who do not deal with addiction will not be able to understand, I tell ya! Anyway, if youāve gotten through my novel today, congrats! And thank you. I guess I needed to get some thoughts out this morning. I am not worried about this gathering of friends tonight, there are even a few non-drinkers and most, if not all, do not drink heavily when they do. It will be more about good food and good company, and it is fun to share my space with people. Iāll get through my own social anxiety and try to have my own fun, too.
Sigh. Messy brain this morning. Thanks for being patient with me, friends. Stay strong, stay vulnerable, and hang in there. We are here together, always.
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Day 138
A very quiet Saturday night. Been drizzling rain all day so not much to get enthused about getting outdoors.
Last night I went to a dinner with some new friends and I took some cakes for dessert and a bottle of wine for the hosts. I did get a couple of inquisitive looks when I explained I donāt drink alcohol but absolutely no pressure was applied and it felt good that I was able to have a great dinner party without judgement or alcohol being involved.
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Hey all, checking in on day 1476. I hope everybody has a good one 
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@mno glad emdr went well. Standing up 
. That is an interesting approach. Happy to hear that you have a good therapist who is looking out for how you are affected in and out of the sessions. Hope you are able to rest and recover from this cold fully.
@Brittc yeah 2 weeks!!! Thatās awesome work 
I love it! We can handle all the curve balls sober. Hope you are able to get the phone fixed easily
@zse oh this is lovelyā¦have a wonderful time!!
@SoberWalker mighty fine number indeed! Oh how much funā¦hope you have a blast experiencing the yurt life. Looking forward to hearing about your adventures
@Lefty624 great work on letting the urges pass and not acting on them. I know how stressful month end can be and weekend triggers are not easy either. Your coworker sounds like a ass. You may have to set boundaries with him for future reference so that he doesnāt pull this shit again. Your home is your safe space and you have a right to not be triggered there. I also see sobriety as a blessing and tell my addict mind that I will not be poisoning myself and that is the normal response (how drinking and killing ourselves willingly became normal is beyond me). ODAAT 
@wahtisnormal great job on surviving a festival sober. I am sorry that you are feeling so disconnected. Are you able to look into meet ups in your area. Possibly getting out - meeting nee people and doing things may reignite the passion in you. It is still early in sobriety so donāt be too hard on yourself. I know I felt like isolating for a while to get to know myself better. Just keep pushing forward friend . It does get easier and brighter
@TANK23 welcome back Matt. The key is that you are back and already in day 12!! Impressive work friendā¦ keep connected and stay on track ODAAT
@KellyKelly 820 days is remarkable work. I had tried for years trying to find a good red that would hit the spot and not contain alcohol. No matter what I tried I always ended up needing the real stuff as nothing came close. I finally gave up on trying to replicate the taste. Itās crazy how the rose or beers are not triggering but trying to get a na red totally makes me spiral. Hope you are able to find a better alternative to relax and enjoy a cozy fireplace. 
@RosaCanDo best of luck with tonight. It saddens me too to read about all the destruction just for a night of fireworks. I did enjoy fireworks growing up but the older I get the more I see how much harm they cause for the community as a whole. A second cooler is a wide idea for addicts and kids. I recently went to a graduation and my addict mind said go ahead grab that beer (looks just like the na version) noone will know ā¦I ended up sticking with water lol. The split second decisions are the scariest
Happy Saturday all ā¦
I slept deep and felt like a zombie this morning. Itās raining hard so Iām sitting here with my coffee in absolute silence enjoying the sound of the downpour. Hope to get out for my walk in a few hoursā¦ enjoying the low-key start to the day.
Not much planned for todayā¦ going to go with the flow
Wishing everyone a wonderful addiction free dayā¦ sending you all so much love 
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@Deelzebub I hope you enjoyed the assembly 
but sorry about the picnic 
wishing you continued mental wellness through the holidays š©µ
@tailee17 congrats on 4 months 
@JonasE congrats on 90 days
@Alycia welcome back congrats on your continued sobriety and for coming back here after a close encounter 
@stand_like_an_oak congrats on 30 daya and for recognising that you are doing yourself a favour by staying sober
@JazzyS thank you, Iāll take a photo of it, great idea, thanks we are sharing the pain with the migraines, I hope yours has settled. We are having dramatic weather changes in the UK too, though I am glad that itās slightly cooler today 
@Mno Iām glad the EMDR wasnāt too rough on you and thanks for sharing the TED talk, made me cry and that is a very rare thing these days.
@Button83 welcome back congrats on day 1
@HolySquid good to read from you sorry about the dreams the walk looks like fun 
@Elyse sorry about the remark but congrats on getting through your first work function sober
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@acromouse congrats on 90+ days no gluten whatās the book about depression you asked Menno about called?
@Zse well done for defending yourself something better will come along where you donāt have to deal with people like that enjoy the beach 
@Mischa84 oh no! Get sone ice on it I hope youāll heal quickly 
@zzz woah! 
@Amy30 I hear you, that really does suck Iām sorry, and Iām sending strength to ride it out until the next opportunity comes along š©µ
@Juli1 congrats on 150 days love your Mumās response 
@happyfeet congrats on 11 months
@Brittc congrats on 2 weeks
@SoberWalker enjoy your holiday 
@Lefty624 that was not supportive of your friend 
maybe time to make a boundary about no alcohol at your home, so it remains a safe space for you.
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@TANK23 welcome back congrats on 12 days
@RosaCanDo thanks for sharing, itās exciting that youāre feeling ready to get out there in the 3D world again. I hope to one day feel ready too, but it feels like a pipe dream. Iād feel sad about the meadow being destroyed by the fireworks too, I see your empathy š©µ I hope you enjoy your BBQ gathering though
1418 days no alcohol.
883 days no cocaine.
398 days no vape.
14 days no binge-eating.
Checking-in with yesterdayās numbersā¦
Thursday I walked to the parcel shop to return the numbing cream, posted my postal vote for the election, caught-up here, did my morning routine, showered, attended my doctors appointment, spent an hour waiting at the pharmacy to no avail, this made me rage so I was craving crisps again, and also a takeaway, when I got home.
I distracted myself with an episode of one of my favourite shows, until the shops were closed and the cravings settled down, then I watched Wednesday nightās episode of the show Iām watching currently.
So Thursday I had my doctorās appointment at 15:30, got called in at 15:45, he thinks my cough is a combo of Asthma and Silent Reflux, so he prescribed some extra Omeprazole because he wants me to take it twice a day instead of once, and told me to take 4 puffs of the reliever inhaler instead of 2. He checked out my neck rash with various pieces of equipment and said my skin is inflamed but he doesnāt know why, so he prescribed a steroid creamā¦I went to the pharmacy to collect, they said the cream was unavailable and that I had to go back to the doctors, so I decided to walk back there instead of taking my car. I explained to reception, then they told me to sit in the waiting room. After 10mins the receptionist came out to say the doctor had done it so I should go back to the pharmacy. I walked back there, and they hadnāt received anything so told me to sit and wait for a while. Long story short, I was there for 1hr 15mins, including a phonecall to chase the doctors, but the pharmacy ended up sending me home with just the Omeprazole. When I got home I checked my online account to see what the doctor had prescribed instead, and it was the same cream I already had from when he incorrectly prescribed it for my back, so I wished I hadnāt wasted so much time waiting at the pharmacy, but atleast thereās no rush to go back there until I need something else or run out of the cream. I left home at 14:45 and got home at 18:00.
Yesterday I had no committments other than a casually self-imposed one to clean the kitchen sink and do the washing-up. Itās a much bigger job than it sounds. I didnāt get it done. I was trying to catch-up here all day but just couldnāt focus and Prince wouldnāt leave me alone bless him.
Today I attended an appointment in the city centre for a blood test and to collect some meds.
Caught the bus home and bought a healthy lunch from the shop on my walk home. Now I have finally caught up here. Going to take the rest of the day as it comes, Iāve kept my trainers on hoping Iāll go for a walk, but we shall see.
š©µ
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Day 227, good morning sober fam. Did uber to work this morning bc raining out. Having a decent morning and then idk probably relaxing, when i got home after work yesterday i did lay down to relax for a minute and before i knew it i passed out for a nap. Its ok, its better than coming home every day and just sleeping all the time. I hope everyone hear is having a great day
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The pharmacy/ doctor experience sounds super frustrating. Iām sorry you had to go through all of that and still didnāt get the right stuff.
Hope the cream works this time and hopefully your cough gets better too
Migraine is a bit more tame today for me. Hopefully yours is better too 
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Day 2890. Waiting for work to start. Had the grandbaby over for a sleep over. It is so fun watching him transform from a little baby to a boy. Getting greeted by him running as fast as he can in his walker with that life changing smile he has. Good news for the sleep overā¦he sleeps through the nightā¦bad newsā¦most wretched smelling poo ever. How can something so cuteā¦smell so horrible.
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Thank you Rosa! Itās incredibly hard work. Daring to get into whatās behind the drinking- Pandoraās box 
yikes! Insomnia and cold sweats for days. Then it settles, then I feel great until the next layer is removed.
In the past, I would just keep myself non-stop busy with work so I never dealt with why I drank, past abuse, emotional issues. Just avoidance, and I got an ego boost out of itātalking about how crazy-busy I am all the time. Work and drink. Then. When the drink was taken away I just had the hamster wheel of work. Miserable. I went back to drinking but I didnāt have to. I should have looked at my work life. It doesnāt have to be so exhausting. And pointless.
I couldnāt pull it off without drinking. Shallow and narcissistic people thrived. Those people bore me to tears now. Ready for life with some soul. Taking an interest in art and dance now. Especially Native American. Iām relocating to New Mexico as I already have family there.
Sorry that got long! I appreciate your reply- have a great day!
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Day 120 continues
Got some good sleep. So glad! Counseling later this morning followed by chores and Netflix. Itās bitterly hot so maybe Iāll drag out the slow cooker. Craving some homemade food today.
Enjoying this new phase of sobriety. Iām starting to get out more and am more approachable. Itās beginning to pay off in huge ways. Iām a different person and Iāll change more. Itās exciting and I never want to go back to alcohol. Ever.
Enjoy your days my sweet friends
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I think it is very good for me when I have breaks from the internet Iāve always found it hard to keep a balance with the time I spend on mostly social media stuff, Iām with you on fireworks even if there is an area to let them off itās scares pets and wildlife plus itās just a waste of money in my opinion
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Day 7 - walking up again with a large amount of guilt and shame, feel like my mind is getting the best of me. Really need to trust that things are going to get better and everything is okay
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Well done 
and it never gets old
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This phase will pass just keep taking it one day at a time
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Congratulations on your 1 week milestone 
. The shame and guilt are you addictions way of trying to keep you from progressing in sobriety. Be proud of yourself for what you are doing now and keep strong on your journey.
Stay connected with us and whatever support system you have in place. ODAAT
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Celebrating 30 days!
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Day 353 check in for me. Wishing everyone good health and vitality today.
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