@acromouse thank you for your very good advice. I have to learn how to fight my obsessive thoughts.
Today I won. I a exhausted of the tension. Day 23
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@JazzyS you have a way of speak that make me wish to be sober and keep fighting
Today I can rest with clear conscience
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Ohh F itā¦ I think I just had a panicattact. I started having discomfort in my back and wierd sensation in my left arm. Hard to breath, feeling I could not Get enough air. Getting scared, starting hyperventilating. Havent had this for a long time. Wanted to call 911. Its 0300 in the nigth. The nigth is ruind again and again I dont get the sleep and rest I desperately need and lack of.
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Back spasms laid me out flat, early. Have the RICE. Protocol in place. And Iām hanging out thinking about recovery now. Really need to rest. Get ready for that 7 hour drive Sunday and get some extra recovery in. 
I will procure a new pile of quit lit. A podcast. Staying sober throughout this trip is my first priority.
Good night everyone
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Checking day 425 AF
Attended another meeting this evening. It was a womenās meeting and a fairly small group. The topic was growth and self care. It was the perfect topic for my mood. Cut the last of the toxic ex out a few weeks ago. My addict mind started thinking that perhaps I should check on him. He was depressed when we last spoke. I found myself talking myself into messaging him. Finding reasons to connect with him. Fortunately, I got busy had to leave for my meeting and the appropriate topic presented itself.
Going to bed proud of myself for not giving in to the crazy. Sleep well everyone.
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Hey sober fam, checking in for today 
Had my car looked at by a mechanic this morning, and was told they can only book the repair in wed/thu so that gives me 5 days to work on my mental & physical health routine as I wait. The mechanic wonāt come cheap unfortunately, as usual. Anyways, itās all part of the journey & Iām nonetheless feeling good and on track to somewhere. Iām contemplating leaving the campsite for a little excursion to sus out the area in the meantime instead, maybe camp wild if there are nice spots, letās seeā¦ Once my clutch is fixed, the roadtrip continues 
Otherwise my plan for the rest of today is to meditate first up, cook up a tasty & healthy brunch, go for a jog, do some calisthenics, do some overdue cleaning, dinner & try to sleep early. Something like that anywaysā¦
I promise myself to give my best to be my best today. 
Have as good a day or night as you can friendā¦ 
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I hope you are doing OK. Hopefully you did just have a panic attack, but you named three things that are very directly more related to a heart attack than a panic attack. It is something that you need to pay attention to. You had pain in your back, you had pain in your left arm. You also were short of breath.
I realize that this is not a medical site and I am not a medical professional.
In my opinion, you should go get checked out. Call 911 if it is available to you, chew 325mg aspirin, unless you have some good reason not to. Let us know how youāre doing. I hope that everythingās fine and that it was in fact a panic attack. @Wakikki
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@Wakikki Sorry about your panic attack. I know them too well. The first one I had after I quit drinking, I thought I was having a heart attack or stroke and was terrified until I remembered the feeling from my early 20s. Mine always seem to happen at night too. I used to just focus on my breathing, but Iāve realized they happen more often when my body is tense. Now I concentrate on relaxing every muscle I can, especially in my neck, face, and jaw. Doing that (sometimes over and over bc they tighten right back up), definitely makes breathing steadier. I do hope you can get some rest 
18 months
A year and a half. Pretty crazy 
I used to believe getting here was impossible, but now that I have, thereās no doubt in my mind that imma keep going. This is normal now and thereās no fucking way I would ever choose to go back to that hell.
Ugh, my neck was definitely tight today. When work got crazy, it developed into a headache. I actually just had to take some ibuprofen bc it kept getting worse 
Relaxation and sleep should help so thatās what Iām going to do. Hope you all have a good one
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@JazzyS and @CATMANCAM I know itās been several days now, but thanks so much for your meaningful responses to my last post guys! They definitely resonated with me & meant a lot
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1896
Itās raining. Both my good bikes have a defect so I wouldnāt be riding long distances anyway. I did notice yesterday that these sort of small setbacks -broken bikes- can unbalance me easily still. Well. I do have my good old city wreck to get me around town. Itāll work out. Maybe Iāll buy a new bike from the money not spent on drugs and booze.
Its therapy day, will probably do some more emdr this session. Iām sober and clean. I slept OK. Iām on my journey of discovery one day at a time. Together with you all. Letās have as good a day as we all can friends. Clean and sober. Love from Vondelpark.
@Just_Laura 18 Months already! Huge congrats friend! Hope youāre sleeping and healing now 
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@Mindofsobermike congrats on 9 months 
@Lighter enjoy your trip 
@Whereswaldo congrats on 150 days
@SubmarineMonkey sorry for your loss 
enjoy your weekend at the lake
@Lile01 welcome back congrats on 3 days ride it out and it will soon be over, but definitely seek professional medical help if you need it š©µ
@Juli1 Iām glad your mumās check-up went okay š©µ
@Trixie1 congrats on 11 months
@Wakikki sorry about the panic attack I hope you got to sleep afterwards 
@Just_Laura congrats on 18 months
@Mno I hope therapy/EMDR goes okay š©µ
1466 days no alcohol.
931 days no cocaine.
446 days no vape.
19 days no crisps, no binge-eating.
I drove to my hometown and took my sample to my doctors, hoping the result cones back okay this time.
I went to collect my meds, most of them were there, except one, but they sorted that when I told them. Then when I got home, I realised I didnāt get my nicorette mouthsprays, again. So I phoned the pharmacy, and they said they havenāt received a prescription for them. So then I phoned my GP surgery, and they said it had āgot stuck in the systemā (again) so they upgraded it to be signed, so Iāll wait til next week now as the pharmacy will need to order them in, thankfully Iāve got enough to see me through, so itās fine, it just means I have to drive all the way there and back again when I shouldnāt need to.
Today is Friday therapy. I will talk about the photos, (Iām going to look through box 2 of 3 beforehand), and some nightmares Iāve had.
š©µ
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@juli1 Grateful that your mom is doing well and wish her continued health.
@trixie1 Congrats on your 11 months! Way to go T 
@rosacando Hope you are doing better today ā sending hugs your way
@bomdhil Awe Iām glad that my words help you keep wanting to stay sober and keep fighting ā we are stronger together Have faith that the tension to keep fighting will subside! 
@tailee17 WOOHOO 170 days strong
@wakikki Om man Iām sorry friend ā Hope you are doing better now and hopefully will get a nap in Please do call for help if the symptoms get to be too much
@Lighter Sending comfy vibes ā hope your back feels better soon
@danam56 grateful when the universe steps in and keeps us from making a bad decision ā grateful that you are ridding yourself of the toxic relationship
@just_laura WOW that ās awesome friend ā 1.5 years of true freedom! Way to go
Checking in super early on Friday ā happy Friday yaāll
Didnāt sleep well - hope a nap is in store for later. Taking it easy today and going with the flow.
Wishing you all a very special addiction free day - sending you all so much love
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Day 419.
Tired today. After this holiday I need to focus on my diet more so.
Beautiful morning in London. Off to kings road later onā¦
Not having any alcohol free beer as its so blooming expensive hereā¦
So itās diet coke or water
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Morning everyone feeling good this morning just hit my 60 day milestone , Hope your all safe and well have a good en 
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Great work on your 2 monthsā¦yeah 60 dayās!!! Keep up the amazing work 
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Day #257
Friday 
Feeling good. Tonight will travel with the bestie to the seaside for our girl vacation. Almost everything is packed and during the day i have again home stuff to do before going.
Hope everyone to have a great sober Friday and donāt forget to be proud of yourself every single day 
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@DamianUK Congrats on 60 days! 
Well done! Keep enjoying sober life.
@JazzyS Sending you a big nap time over the ocean 
@CATMANCAM Hoping your therapy session will go well. Take care of yourself friend.
@Mno If two of my three bikes were broken Iād get unsettled by that too. So go fret a bit and then take a nice ride. Even from an omafiets life looks better And you canāt have too many bikes
@Just_Laura 18 months is rad! 
Thanks for sharing your journey with us every day. And sorry to hear about the headache. Tension headaches suck. Usually progressive muscle relaxation gives me some relief. I do it even if I decide to take a pill. Hope it goes away 
@1in8billion I really like how you are not getting unsettled by the car situation and instead switch gears and make a plan how to use your time well. Thanks for sharing.
@DanaM56 Good job on keeping your boundaries
@Lighter Ugh, Iām sorry to hear about your back spasms. That sounds very painful. I hope you will get some relief
@Wakikki Panic attacks in the middle of the night suck. I hate them. I hope you are feeling a bit better now. Sending you some calming vibes 
@Jesile Donāt be too hard on yourself. Some days are like this. We all need to be lazy once in a while. I hope your mood improves
268 sugar
132 UPF
6 gluten
6 dairy
8 overeating
I tried to change the dosage of the meds I take for my intestinal disorder this last week and it backfired as it did the last time already. So today I feel like Iāve had food poisoning. Not much fun but also nothing too serious. Iāll just adjust my dosage and Iāll be back to normal in a few days. In the mean time I am going to do lots of self care and gratitude for the meds I have available so I donāt have to feel shitty like today on a daily basis.
I have a game night planned for this evening. Low key entertainment I can take part in without too much energy.
Letās keep our hearts and minds open for this day friends: in peace, kindness and freedom 
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Day 2338. Even broken crayons can make beautiful pictures. No matter where you are in your sober journey, you have value.
Stay sober friends!
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