Thank you! 
1 Like
@HolySquid YEAH triple 5ās ā that is awesome friend! Glad you got in your advent calendar in time (hate when things sell out and we miss out). Excited for the upcoming Halloween festivities 
@Seizetheday OOH Greece sounds awesome - hope you have a wonderful time on your vacation!
@Noshame Those are amazing timers friend. Hold onto the feeling of the terrible taste ā that i what we need to remember when the cravings hit. Lately I really have wanted to smoke so badly and am just reminding myself of the nasty taste, smell and the uck feeling my lungs would feel afterwards. Keep going strong
@Jamoji Welcome to the community friend. This is a great place to be - hope to see you around!
I love this too and am working on remembering that on when the days start on a off beat. We have that control and its awesome to take care of ourselves in a sober mindset.
@Courtni That 26 day streak is amazing my friend. Remember we are right here with you so lean on us during your vacation if urges or triggers occur. Sober travelling is amazingā¦ hope you have a wonderful time and share some pics on the Travelling Sober thread when you get a chance.
Checking in on Wednesday evening
630 days free of alcohol and weed
1045 days free of cigarettes
My new mouth splint is sturdy and will take some time to get used to. The metal tends to scrape the inside of my mouth.
Not doing so well but managed to get some movement activity in today. Super tired now so gonna call it an early night.
Wishing you all a wonderful addiction free day / evening - sending you all so much love
15 Likes
Thabk you so much Jazzy. I really appreciate it. I am always on the go, projects happening all over but creatively I dont do much for myself. I sat today and did it! I have always wanted to write a book, so one must start and write and write. So lovely that your sister was there to help out and you got out for a swim 
We need to invent you a moving pool you can just take with you wherever you go!! Xo dear friend 
Checking in
I dont feel like checking in lately. Its a strange feeling but I wanted to say it outloud. Or in text. Just perhaps tired, and then things fall by the wayside so I am not going to allow this to fall by the wayside. This community and being here is very important to me, and yes I am tired and life is happebing but I need to be here! So HELLO! Checking in, tired but alive abd super grateful.
Sent out some resumes today to educator positions and have an interview next week for a sexual violence/human traffickinf wducator/counsellor pisition. It is funny how close to home this position would be, in that I was attempting to BRANCH out from my discipline and I may be about to step back inā¦we shall see. Im open to the universe right now
Xo everyone xo.
10 Likes
151
Context: psychotic amd abusive mother
Todays my first day off in 8 days and my only day off this week. Was looking forward to it. Its been nothing but stressful. Still got a lot done in terms of cleaning so Iām happy about that.
My mom has just been relentless today. Sheās in a walker now and can barely walk so Iāve been helping her all day with things. Hand washed just about everg dish we own because our dishwasher is broken. Cleaned up her fucking mess that she leaves in the kitchen. Thereās literally an infestation of fruit flies because she just leaves food out for 3 days or longer. Cleaned all of that just as a desperate attempt to try to gain some sense of fucking normalcy in this fucking house. All sheās done all day is yell at me. Iām still helping her anyway but my patience is so thin. Every time I sit down to try to fucking get some mental space, I hear her calling for me again for some stupid fucking reason that doesnāt even need addressing.
Sheās been delusional ever since I can remember. I meam that in the most literal sense. And as time goes on her delusions just get worse. Today on top of yelling at me she had to go into this deeply disturbing tangent about her recent delusions. She no longer believes my brother is my brother. She thinks itās a stranger impersonating him. He just moved recently, but heās visiting for a few days in a couple of weeks. She said āIām so glad your real brother is coming this time, if its not him and itās that other guy, Iām calling the police and having him dragged out of here.ā Literally shut the fuck up. Itās so sad and disturbing she doesnt even believe heās her own son anymore. And thatās something super exciting to look forward to, because Iām sure she will call the cops. An exciting adventure awaits. 
She proceeded to say even more disturbing shit (believe it or not) saying that she knows Iām in love with him (???) and that we should get fucking married. Not my real brother, but the āfakeā guy. ??? Cant even put into words how fucking disgusting that is and how disgusted and disturbed I am with her for even saying some stupid shit like that. Iām so angry but she just doesnt fucking listen. Nothing you can say could possibly change her mind. Once she has a delusion about something, thatās it, its as solid as fucking cement. So now I just have to hear her talk about this shit for the rest of her life because she will NEVER let it go, and NEVER change her mind.
Iām so angry but thereās nothing I can do. Cant even cry and I have no idea what the fuck to do with myself. Iāve just sat here and dissociated for the few minutes at a time that I can.
10 Likes
@Finn I ordered that book earlier when I read your suggestion. I started having back pain when I was 16 and it was so crippling by the time I was 23, alcohol was the only thing that helped. Definitely my original #1 reason for drinking. Looking forward to reading it
574
It was a gorgeous day to have off. Did some laundry and checked out the new Spirit Halloween store that popped up. It wasnāt air conditioned and was humid and stale. Halfway thru I felt ill, almost car sick feeling, so I layed down when I got home. Fine now. Just binging a new show until bed. Have a great 24!
12 Likes
Hahaha! So true. 
thank you for your response 
3 Likes
Nice to hear you ordered itš Itās easy and interesting to read. I hope it helps you. It helped me. Dr Sarno was New York based btw
3 Likes
129 days
Today I pulled up to my local coffee shop. Been a little routine of mine. Good place to read, write, and gather my thoughts for the day. While pulling in I saw someone that I had hurt in my days of addiction and not being me. My first reaction was to keep going and not look back. But thanks to my faith and sobriety I decided to face it head. The fear just didnāt exist anymore. She was on the phone when I went in. She saw me. Wasnāt sure if she was coming or going, but didnāt want to interrupt her call. I ordered my coffee and sat at my usual table. She came in. Instead of ordering she came right to me and sat right down in front of me. Was a rocky start but it ended in happiness and a hug. Iām so thankful for my sobriety. For making amends. For the fear and anxiety that once cowered me to be non existent. I really cannot believe how distracted and blind I had become to my addictions. Blessed for days like today
15 Likes
Wow, thatās alot. I cant imagine how hard it has been, and is still on you and your brother. Seeing our parents slowly decline is painful, I know it makes my heart hurt for sure. And it sounds like you are trying your best to see past all the emotional chaos and just get things done. Kudos to you for sticking beside your mom when its as hard as it is.
I could really relate to the part of your share where you mentioned getting through the hard stuff through disassociating. That is one of my super powers, I have had lots of peactice too. In recovery I have learned that we can transfer our skills. All the survival skills we learn being addicts in active addiction, those are transferable into recovery. Today that part of my psyche that keeps me safe by disassociating has been given a new job. She still gets to help me check out, but in positive disassociation when I meditate.
There is an app, its free and its great to help with a quick grounding medition or even affirmations to refocus yourself. Its called Insight timer and it has changed my life. Show yourself a little love and DL it then you can throw some headphones on and checkout in a healthy way.
Sending you a big hug. 
7 Likes
Day 6
Itās 6.36 am in Finnish Lapland. Good morning Europe and good night Americaš
14 Likes
Checking in on 3 years and 3 months sober 
18 Likes
Thank you so much, thatās a fantastic point. Dissociation is definitely one of my super powers too, it sucks that weāve both had to learn that. But totally makes sense that meditation would be a positive alternative, Iāve never thought of it that way before! Thank you for the suggestion
Just checked and i actually have that app downloaded already! I think Iāve only used it a couple of times, definitely going to try it again tonight because it looks like thereās lots of good stuff on there.
3 Likes
Thank you! I really needed to hear some soft and comfy words.
2 Likes
Thank you!
2 Likes
1923
Moving day on our little Dutch road trip. Not that far btw. Yesterday was nice. Did a hike through a national park, caught a couple of big storms but also saw loads of beautiful scenery. And it was so quiet and tranquil. Loved it.
On we go. Letās have as good a day as we all can friends. Sober and clean. Love from Sallandse Heuvelrug NP.
21 Likes
Feeling like Iām on tracks at the minute. Iām not veering left of right towards slipping up. I have no sneaky plans or no overwhelming desires to break my sobriety. I was talking about Xmas with my wife yesterday and we made plans for things we plan to do. I will be pretty busy and Iāll be driving a lot. There isnāt any room for drinking.
Iāve done a couple of sober Xmas now and honestly it doesnāt scare me in any way.
Iāve made so many plans for the next 6 months and a lot of them in the past would have factored in alcohol. Nowadays Iām not leaving any room for it and it allows freedom and letās me look forward to things without the overhanging notion that it will end up with me a total mess by the end of it.
Have a great day.
10 Likes
She sounds very far removed from reality. It must be extremely distressing dealing with her. Please share if it helps at all. Does her Dr know what is going on? What advice or support do they give?
5 Likes
Thank you jazzys it hard to takk to you because my daughters nik name is jazzy lol
1 Like