Turns out the car part that had been replaced earlier but broken down again hadn’t been a manufacturers error but rather the wrong part, and the previous mechanic is playing defensive so that’s been a stress factor. Proof and rights are with me though so I’ll definitely want a refund.
Once it was fixed I returned to the national park where it initially broke down, as it wasn’t too far from there, to finish off what I had started so to speak Did a huge hike there, and at first thought I’d overestimated myself when I looked at the kms and my time a little shocked, until I realized I was looking at the loop the wrong way around and was actually doing record time, possibly as a result haha. There were a few occasions where I briefly considered shortcuts that turned out didn’t exist and would’ve only led to dead ends and frustration, or even gotten me lost, so glad I wasn’t stupid enough (don’t worry, was just a silly daydream when it got challenging haha) and stayed on track. Made me think of sobriety metaphorically speaking, that there is no miracle shortcut to happiness and success - as drugs might tempt one to think, just getting lost in endless dead ends and frustration. So stay on track! Got back just when the sun was going down and still found a good place to camp in the dark, it all somehow just worked out, as it always does when you believe…
Moved on since though, and the past couple of days have been pretty rough mentally as I sank into a little depression. Interesting when researching depression and cravings, results for depression relapse came up. It’s just as avoidable and overcomeable… There’s a deep-rooted feeling of inadequacy in me, especially in relation to other people, originating from childhood trauma, that I have yet to learn to fully let go of. If only we knew our true worth…
Anyways, the wind is absolutely freezing this morning… and supposed to continue like that throughout the day. Since I’m on a roadtrip and not sheltered, I’m wondering how I can meditate and workout in this… I might have to meditate in the tent before packing it up, and try to find a calmer spot for a workout as I drive on. I need them… Time for some breakfast first.
Of course friend – I do love reading your check in’s and feel like we are long lost friends catching up. Sorry that you are having to deal with all the stuff for your nephew while not feeling well. I know my head has a hard time focusing when i’m ill.
Right? I was so excited for it and even refinanced to get the $$ to make it happen. Then other things happened and I am no longer at the house so pipe dream. Maybe one day
OH man - i’m sorry love - your symptoms do not sound good. I do hope that you are able to rest and let your body heal. Much love to you and sending you healing vibes so you get better quicker
*Day 2188
Very early check in today. Woke up at 3.45 and decided to get out of bed. We are leaving for France at 5 o’clock so I think a cup of coffee before leaving is a good one so here I am.
We have a 10 houre drive ahead
Within a few days I’m celebrating my 6 years milestone there. Hope to enjoy it with some sun and chill time, we’ll see.
At least the long drive is good for my injured feet: it can’t walk
okay so if anyone actually reads this all I need some advice. okay so I was in Middle School and I was self-harming all the time.these two girls were my best friends. One day I get called into the principal’s office and I’m told that these two girls for whatever reason have accused me of being in a cult and that I am cutting them as well(I had no idea either of them were self harming). several years later girl number two reaches out to me and says I’m so sorry for everything we did it was all girl number one and I just didn’t know how to stop her and I was scared of her. based on their dynamic this made a lot of sense I’ve forgiven girl number two and in my mind I have since forgiven rule number one but I just ran into girl number one. she told me that she’s so glad I’m alive and that she’s just really happy to see me and asked if I’m doing good and everything just poured out of me I couldn’t lie to her so I told her basically everything that’s going on in my life and I burst into tears and now I’m having a panic attack over seeing her because what the fuck. she was so nice and hugged me and we exchanged numbers and she gave my number to girl number two. idk how to feel. idk if I’m going to confront either one of them. but girl one was so nice but if she did what I’ve been told she did how dare she come up to me and act like it never happened or she didn’t accuse me
Day 455 AF
I’m so profoundly sad. One of my son’s best friends was found dead yesterday. This is someone I’ve know since he was 8. We aren’t supposed to bury our children. I have no words. Today though was the first time in quite awhile that I felt like drinking. I did not, I’m still sober but there was a real urge.
Checking in with 160 days sober.
Was a busy day with a volleyball tournament for one of our girls. Those are always fun to watch. Now it’s almost bedtime and I’m enjoying my nighttime tea while checking in here. I’m enjoying not being a slave to alcohol. One day at a time. Today was a good day.
Today went well overall. Trying my best to be fully present and aware of my emotions and also appreciate myself more. I think I’ve gained a lot of self love the past year or so, and even more in the past couple of months and I’m glad thats something I’m improving on. It feels good to actually admire myself rather than just always feeling low in terms of self esteem.
Have been aware of some sadness because of the situation I had where I got my hopes up that I was going to be in a relationship with someone I really liked, so it makes sense that now I feel disappointed and a bit lonely after all of that. But I’m doing pretty well considering the circumstances. Handling it much better than I would have in the past.
Also stressed with taking care of my mom and normal work stuff.
Today I decided I want to get back into working out, I’m really sick of feeling guilty for telling myself “I need to be more active” and then doing nothing about it. Only way to remove that guilt is to do something about it. I’m trying to approach it differently this time, my goal is consistency, doing something small every day (or most days) rather than going hard a couple days a week (when I have motivation) and injuring myself (like I have in the past). My goal is to jog a mile every day, provided my work schedule isn’t complete bullshit and I actually have time. I know I’ll need to work in a rest day so I’m still figuring out what a more realistic goal would be. I’m just scared of setting my goal to “go for a jog 3 or 4 times a week” because that’s when I go “okay, only 3 or 4 times a week, so I can skip today” and rinse and repeat and before I know it, I haven’t worked out at all for the week. I really want to make an effort to be active in some way EVERY day to hold myself accountable, even if its just for 10 minutes. So my goal is a mile jog every day, but if I’m really not feeling it, at least a 10 or 15 minute walk, just SOMETHING. I told myself today “slow and steady is the key to consistency, and consistency is the key to progress.” Hoping this mindset will help me stay consistent because that’s the only way I will ever get into shape.
Everyone got a free glass of champagne at work today, it was tempting but I poured myself a glass of gingerale instead, and I feel amazing not having to live with the regret. I love being stable enough in my decision to be sober, it’s like this sense of strength I have, like “damn, she’s really capable of not giving in” and I respect and love that I’ve come this far. I used to look at other people who don’t drink and wish I had their mental strength and resilience. Now I can say I’m one of those people. It’s a nice way of looking at it.
Going to shower and try to relax, and try to get in bed early enough to have enough time to go for a jog again tomorrow before work.
Hope everyone has a good night/morning wherever you are
@Jesile Sounds like we work in similar settings. Well done staying sober in those surroundings
577
When I started my job 9 years ago, it really opened my eyes to how normalized alcoholism is. As a well seasoned alcoholic, I’d always hung around in dive bars with a bunch of degenerates and kinda thought that’s just where we belonged. It was strange to see wealthy professionals behaving this way. A lawyer who becomes a raging racist when drunk and everyone just ignores him bc they’re used to it. A dentist who’s gotten 4 DWIs before his practice was shut down and now asks us to put straight vodka in a water glass so no one knows when he’s drinking. A guy convicted of vehicular manslaughter who still ends his round of golf with back to back (to back) Grey Goose on the rocks before driving home. Seeing myself in so many of these people made me feel less alone in my illness. It showed me that alcohol doesn’t care who you are. If it gets you, you’re got. I’ve watched some successfully quit, others who keep trying over and over, and those still sick and suffering. I’m grateful to have made it out while still being surrounded by it. I’m not even sure where I was going with this Just some thoughts I guess. Anyway, today was like most have been recently. Meh. Just making it thru one at a time
I have read both books, but I recommend to start with Healing back pain. I have had also herniated disc but they should heal rather quickly so 10 years of pain sounds like it’s something else going on. There’s a section in the book about herniated discs. The book is easy to read and understandable in common sense. I hope it helps😊
Waking up on the last morning of our little Dutch road trip. Back to Amsterdam and Luna later today. Feeling fine. Although I could and will do with another coffee. Going to have as good a day as i can and expect the same from all of you. Sober and clean. Love.
@SoberWalker safe travels Claudia! @SadMemeQueen No real advice here. But I hear you. Do what is best for you friend @DanaM56 So sorry Dana. But glad you saw drinking wouldn’t help. Hugs friend. @wahtisnormal Big congrats!!! @Just_Laura A big part of my recovery/discovery is learning to do stuff I really enjoy. To find fulfilment. Also in my job. Now I know this ain’t easy, if at all possible but shouldn’t you just maybe start thinking about changing careers? It’s just an idea. Love to you x
Checking in - 4 Months yesterday! Never thought I would make it this far and I am into a really good mindset where, to be honest, I haven’t even thought of drinking alcohol the last couple of months, despite working with it every day.
Have been asked on a couple of social events and actually I have found using my sobriety as a reason for not going has been accepted quite easily. In fact I wish I had said that in my 20s and 30s when I really did t want to go to something!
Checking in here from time to time now and nice to see some names I recognise continuing to do well. Have a good day all
Checking in at the start of day 15.
Im on my own, in a foreign city on work. Major trigger alarms.
Maintained sobriety last night. Let’s do it again tonight.
Two weeks down.
Day 449. I will check in again later. Had a really nice day yesterday. Up early, shops, went to see family by Porthcurno so had a cliff top walk… Relaxed in the late afternoon and then watched brassic on Netflix. Sleep was a bit erratic but it has been of late. Woke up early for a coffee
Hope you have some good tools in your sobriety toolbox Adam. Coming here often and communicating sure is one. Have a good sober working weekend friend!
Eyo 900 days AF babyyy
I actually went out with other sober humans last night and it was so lovely. Man it’s so hard being a sober introvert, I so badly love to dance and I do like human interaction but it’s not easy for me at all. I am very grateful for the space last night to be myself.
Went for a run this morning with my husband to start the day. Good food, ufc and some meal prep this arvo. Life is sweet when you’re not trashing your mental and physical health. Who would have thought haha.
Hope you are having a wonderful Sunday wherever you are x
Thanks for sharing that ,I love greenday amazing band, ,think I’ll do a bit of Sunday housework to the American idiot album when it gets a bit later in the morning…hope my neighbours like greenday too !
Did a huge hike there, and at first thought I’d overestimated myself when I looked at the kms and my time a little shocked, until I realized I was looking at the loop the wrong way around and was actually doing record time, possibly as a result haha. There were a few occasions where I briefly considered shortcuts that turned out didn’t exist and would’ve only led to dead ends and frustration, or even gotten me lost, so glad I wasn’t stupid enough (don’t worry, was just a silly daydream when it got challenging haha) and stayed on track. Made me think of sobriety metaphorically speaking, that there is no miracle shortcut to happiness and success - as drugs might tempt one to think, just getting lost in endless dead ends and frustration. So stay on track! Got back just when the sun was going down and still found a good place to camp in the dark, it all somehow just worked out, as it always does when you believe…
Just some thoughts I guess. Anyway, today was like most have been recently. Meh. Just making it thru one at a time 
