163 days sober
Had a busy morning seeing my guests off and getting some of the chores I’ve neglected these past days done. Then decided I needed an antisocial day to recharge and now I’m laying in bed feeling pleasantly satisfied and relaxed. No thoughts of drinking or cravings the past few days. I’ve been to busy to have these thoughts and I was worried now that my business stopped today and I could slow down that the cravings would come back. But today was a good one.
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This is a big realization and I’m glad you’ve come to it. This is progress, friend! Keep going, you’re doing the damn thing, that tricky thing called life. I’m proud of you and all your hard work and your willingness to put it all out here for us. Vulnerability is strength and don’t forget that. My love to you.
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Checking in day 257 AF 
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- Yesterday was good with the girls. Went for a nice ride with the girls, today we are having the party for the girls bday. Did some bowling with them and doing good at staying in the moment. Much love
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Checking in! 
I’ve had two very busy days. Today we had a tournament at work, which basically is all about the booze… 
golf is a small part of it. When I went to chat with one of our members the waiter came and I said “the waiter is here, would you like to order something to drink, wine, beer?”. He said, “I’m on water since 10 months”… man… I felt like sitting down with him to have a chat! 
Obviously I couldn’t cause he’s a customer, and I’m working. But I felt like saying “well done!! Congratulations!!” Which I didn’t for obvious reasons! Then another female member of the club gave me booze fueled hug! She always does that! I’m not into hugging… still I had to go for it, trying to be professional! 
Anyway, the event went well, my boss is happy, and my weekend starts here!! 
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Thank you @JazzyS for beinf such a constant in my life. Oooo a garage upgrade for an infinity pool spunds mouthwatering!
So pretty sure I have covid, and now I am wondering if my daughters strep was misdiagnosed or was also in conjunction with covid. She did have the swab so I figured it was of course strep, but she didnt respond to the antibiotics and she needed an additional round. I dont even know what to think anymore. But my daughter and myself both ended up with oral thrush, something I havent ever experienced before and is apparently another weird side effect from covid. Which I was told was just her strep infection, but now I have it and I just had the wrirdest sick i have ever been. No traditional symptoms of beinf sick at all, I thought I was just cranky and having allergies and then I was essentially in bed and delirous and have not stopped sweating. Today i am peering through the delirium but still sweating and body feels like lead. I am going to get a covid test tomorrow becayse at this point I would like to know!
Feel myself peering throygh the yuck. Almost finished another fundraising write up for my nephew, to help us fund his therapy until his services kick in. The state of autism care where we live is very dismal, so we just have to keep plugging away for him if he is going to recieve any therapy. I managed to clean the house and hubby took the kids out for the day so I could rest which was so wonderful. I didnt manage to stay still, but I got a lot done and that made me feel a lottle better. You cannot add brainfog on top of ADD and not lose your ever loving MARBLES.
Sending everyone love. Xo.
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@jeslie that must be so challenging being in a professional space fueled with alcohol! Good for you plugging through, maybe you have a calmer weekend with less alcohol-induced hugging 
@laner I totally understand the need for an antisocial day post social days So glad youre able to relax, and that your mind and sobriety are at ease even as the business dies down. What a wonderful thing
@pattycake congrats on the 14 months woot woot!!! Xo.
@JazzyS new beetlejuice you must give a report! Part of me is always nervous about seeing the new ones.
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Im creeping this post because my husband has had chronic back pain for almost 10 years. He has a herniated disk but it has just never gotten better…did you read the healing back pain or the mindbody prescription? Thanks so much for the recommend, Im about to order it!
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Heyhey 
Turns out the car part that had been replaced earlier but broken down again hadn’t been a manufacturers error but rather the wrong part, and the previous mechanic is playing defensive so that’s been a stress factor. Proof and rights are with me though so I’ll definitely want a refund.
Once it was fixed I returned to the national park where it initially broke down, as it wasn’t too far from there, to finish off what I had started so to speak 
Did a huge hike there, and at first thought I’d overestimated myself when I looked at the kms and my time a little shocked, until I realized I was looking at the loop the wrong way around and was actually doing record time, possibly as a result haha. There were a few occasions where I briefly considered shortcuts that turned out didn’t exist and would’ve only led to dead ends and frustration, or even gotten me lost, so glad I wasn’t stupid enough (don’t worry, was just a silly daydream when it got challenging haha) and stayed on track. Made me think of sobriety metaphorically speaking, that there is no miracle shortcut to happiness and success - as drugs might tempt one to think, just getting lost in endless dead ends and frustration. So stay on track! Got back just when the sun was going down and still found a good place to camp in the dark, it all somehow just worked out, as it always does when you believe…
Moved on since though, and the past couple of days have been pretty rough mentally as I sank into a little depression. Interesting when researching depression and cravings, results for depression relapse came up. It’s just as avoidable and overcomeable… There’s a deep-rooted feeling of inadequacy in me, especially in relation to other people, originating from childhood trauma, that I have yet to learn to fully let go of. If only we knew our true worth…
Anyways, the wind is absolutely freezing this morning… and supposed to continue like that throughout the day. Since I’m on a roadtrip and not sheltered, I’m wondering how I can meditate and workout in this… I might have to meditate in the tent before packing it up, and try to find a calmer spot for a workout as I drive on. I need them… Time for some breakfast first.
Hope you have a good day or night folks 
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Of course friend – I do love reading your check in’s and feel like we are long lost friends catching up. Sorry that you are having to deal with all the stuff for your nephew while not feeling well. I know my head has a hard time focusing when i’m ill.
Right? I was so excited for it and even refinanced to get the $$ to make it happen. Then other things happened and I am no longer at the house so pipe dream. Maybe one day 
OH man - i’m sorry love - your symptoms do not sound good. I do hope that you are able to rest and let your body heal. Much love to you and sending you healing vibes so you get better quicker 
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*Day 2188 
Very early check in today. Woke up at 3.45 and decided to get out of bed. We are leaving for France at 5 o’clock so I think a cup of coffee before leaving is a good one so here I am.
We have a 10 houre drive ahead 
Within a few days I’m celebrating my 6 years milestone there. Hope to enjoy it with some sun and chill time, we’ll see.
At least the long drive is good for my injured feet: it can’t walk
Picture from one of my favorite towns in the Netherlands: Haarlem.
Have a good day ore night sober tribe
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2y 6m 12d no self harm.
okay so if anyone actually reads this all I need some advice. okay so I was in Middle School and I was self-harming all the time.these two girls were my best friends. One day I get called into the principal’s office and I’m told that these two girls for whatever reason have accused me of being in a cult and that I am cutting them as well(I had no idea either of them were self harming). several years later girl number two reaches out to me and says I’m so sorry for everything we did it was all girl number one and I just didn’t know how to stop her and I was scared of her. based on their dynamic this made a lot of sense I’ve forgiven girl number two and in my mind I have since forgiven rule number one but I just ran into girl number one. she told me that she’s so glad I’m alive and that she’s just really happy to see me and asked if I’m doing good and everything just poured out of me I couldn’t lie to her so I told her basically everything that’s going on in my life and I burst into tears and now I’m having a panic attack over seeing her because what the fuck. she was so nice and hugged me and we exchanged numbers and she gave my number to girl number two. idk how to feel. idk if I’m going to confront either one of them. but girl one was so nice but if she did what I’ve been told she did how dare she come up to me and act like it never happened or she didn’t accuse me
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Day 455 AF
I’m so profoundly sad. One of my son’s best friends was found dead yesterday. This is someone I’ve know since he was 8. We aren’t supposed to bury our children. I have no words. Today though was the first time in quite awhile that I felt like drinking. I did not, I’m still sober but there was a real urge.
Stay safe everyone!
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Checking in with 160 days sober.
Was a busy day with a volleyball tournament for one of our girls. Those are always fun to watch. Now it’s almost bedtime and I’m enjoying my nighttime tea while checking in here. I’m enjoying not being a slave to alcohol. One day at a time. Today was a good day.
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154
Reached 5 months
Today went well overall. Trying my best to be fully present and aware of my emotions and also appreciate myself more. I think I’ve gained a lot of self love the past year or so, and even more in the past couple of months and I’m glad thats something I’m improving on. It feels good to actually admire myself rather than just always feeling low in terms of self esteem.
Have been aware of some sadness because of the situation I had where I got my hopes up that I was going to be in a relationship with someone I really liked, so it makes sense that now I feel disappointed and a bit lonely after all of that. But I’m doing pretty well considering the circumstances. Handling it much better than I would have in the past.
Also stressed with taking care of my mom and normal work stuff.
Today I decided I want to get back into working out, I’m really sick of feeling guilty for telling myself “I need to be more active” and then doing nothing about it. Only way to remove that guilt is to do something about it. I’m trying to approach it differently this time, my goal is consistency, doing something small every day (or most days) rather than going hard a couple days a week (when I have motivation) and injuring myself (like I have in the past). My goal is to jog a mile every day, provided my work schedule isn’t complete bullshit and I actually have time. I know I’ll need to work in a rest day so I’m still figuring out what a more realistic goal would be. I’m just scared of setting my goal to “go for a jog 3 or 4 times a week” because that’s when I go “okay, only 3 or 4 times a week, so I can skip today” and rinse and repeat and before I know it, I haven’t worked out at all for the week. I really want to make an effort to be active in some way EVERY day to hold myself accountable, even if its just for 10 minutes. So my goal is a mile jog every day, but if I’m really not feeling it, at least a 10 or 15 minute walk, just SOMETHING. I told myself today “slow and steady is the key to consistency, and consistency is the key to progress.” Hoping this mindset will help me stay consistent because that’s the only way I will ever get into shape.
Pic from jog:
Everyone got a free glass of champagne at work today, it was tempting but I poured myself a glass of gingerale instead, and I feel amazing not having to live with the regret. I love being stable enough in my decision to be sober, it’s like this sense of strength I have, like “damn, she’s really capable of not giving in” and I respect and love that I’ve come this far. I used to look at other people who don’t drink and wish I had their mental strength and resilience. Now I can say I’m one of those people. It’s a nice way of looking at it.
Going to shower and try to relax, and try to get in bed early enough to have enough time to go for a jog again tomorrow before work.
Hope everyone has a good night/morning wherever you are 
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@Jesile Sounds like we work in similar settings. Well done staying sober in those surroundings 
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When I started my job 9 years ago, it really opened my eyes to how normalized alcoholism is. As a well seasoned alcoholic, I’d always hung around in dive bars with a bunch of degenerates and kinda thought that’s just where we belonged. It was strange to see wealthy professionals behaving this way. A lawyer who becomes a raging racist when drunk and everyone just ignores him bc they’re used to it. A dentist who’s gotten 4 DWIs before his practice was shut down and now asks us to put straight vodka in a water glass so no one knows when he’s drinking. A guy convicted of vehicular manslaughter who still ends his round of golf with back to back (to back) Grey Goose on the rocks before driving home. Seeing myself in so many of these people made me feel less alone in my illness. It showed me that alcohol doesn’t care who you are. If it gets you, you’re got. I’ve watched some successfully quit, others who keep trying over and over, and those still sick and suffering. I’m grateful to have made it out while still being surrounded by it. I’m not even sure where I was going with this 
Just some thoughts I guess. Anyway, today was like most have been recently. Meh. Just making it thru one at a time 
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I have read both books, but I recommend to start with Healing back pain. I have had also herniated disc but they should heal rather quickly so 10 years of pain sounds like it’s something else going on. There’s a section in the book about herniated discs. The book is easy to read and understandable in common sense. I hope it helps😊
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1926
Waking up on the last morning of our little Dutch road trip. Back to Amsterdam and Luna later today. Feeling fine. Although I could and will do with another coffee. Going to have as good a day as i can and expect the same from all of you. Sober and clean. Love.
@SoberWalker safe travels Claudia!
@SadMemeQueen No real advice here. But I hear you. Do what is best for you friend 
@DanaM56 So sorry Dana. But glad you saw drinking wouldn’t help. Hugs friend.
@wahtisnormal Big congrats!!!
@Just_Laura A big part of my recovery/discovery is learning to do stuff I really enjoy. To find fulfilment. Also in my job. Now I know this ain’t easy, if at all possible but shouldn’t you just maybe start thinking about changing careers? It’s just an idea. Love to you x
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Checking in - 4 Months yesterday! Never thought I would make it this far and I am into a really good mindset where, to be honest, I haven’t even thought of drinking alcohol the last couple of months, despite working with it every day.
Have been asked on a couple of social events and actually I have found using my sobriety as a reason for not going has been accepted quite easily. In fact I wish I had said that in my 20s and 30s when I really did t want to go to something!
Checking in here from time to time now and nice to see some names I recognise continuing to do well. Have a good day all
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