Yesterday I didnāt check in cause basically I effed up. I think false believes had been creeping up for a while, Iāve had a lot of events lately at work (like the one I mentioned 2 days ago), and all I see is people happy, laughing and toasting. When Iām there they annoy me, but I guess my subconscious mind was once again fooled. Anyway, I have reset my counter, and wanted to be honest in the group. Today my head is banging, and I deserve it!
Changing subject; I went so see a small apartment for my mom, her contract ends in a few months, and we have a serious housing problem in Spain, there are no places to rent available cause everything is used for fucking vacacional rent! Sheās found a place through a friend, itās not really cheap, but she can afford it and heyā¦ with this view even I would move!!
Thanks for your support guys, really appreciate it.
Iām a work in progressā¦
Iāll keep you updated how the next few days go Everything happens for a reason. Iām determined to get back on track, find myself ODAAT and see this challenge as another opportunity for me to learn, grow and shine.
Dayaaam @Englishd
I saw a post from 2021 i made. I remember making that post
I was stuck in the rabbit hole of k2 alcohol and weed. You said go to rehab and i didnt. If i was needing to go it was then.
Thank god i have 495 days no alcohol. I made 3 dats no weed which is a marical. Everyday sober for people like us is a merical
I learned a lot in the online meeting lastnight. It really helps streightin my mind out
The other day with weed is MY LAST CHANCE. Im greatful for all my inlaws. Mom inlaw almost kicked my ass because i fked up so bad snd shes pist at me but she totally has a reason to. No doubt the incodent was a accident. I didnt mean to at all. I was leaving the room when it happened.
BUT
i accept the fact it happened and the stupid ass reason behind it which was weed.
Im being hand delivered the gift of desperation. I just want to move forward
Ill be at another online tonight and if we can figure out work and planning ill be at church later in the week.
Wish me luck. Im not out of the woods yet
Much love everyone
Alcohol and drugs use me. Its like mind control. I want it, i get it, and my head isnt ne anymore. The things i have done blackout drunk, thinking this is fun, is totally embarrassing, dangours, and wrong. And its progressive and gets worse in active addiction
Havenāt checked in for several days. Iāve meant to, but time just seems to fly by when youāre on vacation. I had a really fun week. Got to do lots of fishing, walking on the beach and just laying in the sun. Came home on Saturday. My husband wasnāt feeling well and asked me to drive. I hate to drive and especially in heavy traffic. It actually wasnāt too bad and i got us home safely. Driving through Richmond was the worst part. It was good to get home and see my cats. I missed them so much. The new cat sitter took good care of them, but they must have missed me too because they wonāt leave my side when im at home. Decided to take advantage of the warm weather yesterday and went for a motorcycle ride and a hike. The leaves havenāt really started changing yet, but itās coming. You can always tell by the cooler evenings. Today itās back to work. Donāt have much scheduled, just catching up on emails and messages. I was getting lots of exercise every day while on vacation. I need to keep that up now that im back home. I did have some sugar (ice cream) while away, but didnāt go crazy. Im hoping a combination of new meds, good diet and exercise will help keep the inflammation, pain and swelling down in my joints. Well thatās enough rambling. Time to get back to work.
Have a great sober day everyone!
I have a long list of āmy whyāsā in my mobile notes. Iāll read it twice every day from now on, in the morning when I get up, and in the afternoon!
My mind is spinning this morning. Iām thinking of the past, other peopleās nonsense, poverty, abusive people, justice and peace and so many things all at once. Brain, !!
Iām safe. It is a good day. So easy to get sucked in. Donāt do it!
Going to start my day over. Iām kicking off a new fitness thing tomorrow. Oh, itās social with people everywhere. Iām going to help myself and network. I am the all-time worst networkerā¦.nope, was! Because I donāt do the traditional, canned stuff that I always hated before. Everyone hates formal stuff. Iām going for the everyday stuff now. Just talk to people. This will work out.
Somehow I felt this could happen as I read your check in from two days before. So Iām sorry I didnāt act on my hunch and reacted to that post. And warned you or something.
But still. Please use us when the need is the highest Jesse! Use us and this place as one of your tools in your sobriety toolbox. Come here before you relapse. Talk to us. Communication is key. We might not be able to talk you out of it but only the distraction and the delay might help. Coming here after it has happened is a bit like āmusterd after the mealā as a Dutch saying goes. We got you but only when you let us friend. Donāt go it alone plz. X
Yes, totally agree. My mistake, and next time will do so! Thanks for your wise words! But at least I wanted to come clean, otherwise I wouldnāt have felt comfortable, just pretending nothing happened!
165 days sober
Feeling some stress today. The new roof isnāt finished and am really hoping itās done before the snow comes tomorrow. Spent all morning bargaining with sellers to get the supplies I need. I managed to get the price down to 2 sheep and a lamb in the spring. It sets me back some but Iām just glad I didnāt have to come up with money on hand.
Am bunking another night at my friends place but hoping the repair can be finished tomorrow. The repairman said the whole roof needs replacing because of the damage so it was worse than I originally thought.
Tomorrow morning Iām supposed to have the online counseling session and my friend said she will give me privacy in her house during that. Hope it goes okay and Iām not too distracted by other things going on.
Honey, breathe! Wow I am in such awe of your courage and determination. Glad you have resources to get what you need for repair. Did outhouse weather the storm? Just curious. Try to enjoy your day. Good thing roof didnāt fall on any witches. (Wizard of Oz reference)
@1in8billion I am glad the meditation is helping. Glad you are being honest about your sobriety. It is easy to try and numb ourselves rather than deal with past traumas. Glad you are finding healthier ways to deal with em and to find more peace in your journey. Keep at it friend ā hopefully you have someone to talk to (canāt be easy when you are on the road so much). Having support is essential ā especially when you are trying to heal old wounds @acromouse Sorry you had a shitty night. Glad it helped to sleep. Not sure if you have already looked into it for your daughter but the migraines could be hormone related. Hoping today is a good day for the both is super hard you @allswell Congrats on 2 weeks! Sorr you are feeling horrible. Giving up on alcohol is hard and the body will crave the sugar that we take away from all the alcohol. I know for me I needed ice cream for the first few months every night and then the cravings just went away. Donāt be too hard on yourself with the sugar (unless it is a medical issue). It does get easier. @misokatsu Hope your day back at work goes well. @jesile Ah hell that mind is fucking evil! Lies and false romanticization of our addiction. Does not help seeing others drinking happily. We donāt know how they are or arenāt doing. Most of the time its all lies. Glad you back on the sober path! Keep at it friend. @laner Oh I do hope the roof gets taken care of quickly and that you do have a good counselling session tomorrow
Oh man that new toilet can outstand any weather! Still standing strong and hopefully the new roof holds up for many years. Iām winding down for bed now. Hope you have a good day too
Day 33 - what a fuckinā week, man, and itās only Monday.
Just been delving into my self-help workbooks to distract, but Iām just so exhausted and want to throw in the towel.
Everything happens for a reason. Iām determined to get back on track, find myself ODAAT and see this challenge as another opportunity for me to learn, grow and shine.
!!
But at least I wanted to come clean, otherwise I wouldnāt have felt comfortable, just pretending nothing happened!
