Thanks for sharing amiga. I’m there with you and we can recommit anytime we want. Sending big abrazos y besitos a ti!
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Thanks so much Jazzy. 
This community is currently the only place where I share my sobriety journey.
Looking back at the different stages of opening up to others though… I remember even the first private messages on here once feeling like a big step somehow as it was still new for me to feel open/comfortable around strangers like that, and fully disclosing to a psychologist for the first time… woah! haha… but I’m super grateful for every step of my journey! I shared a little with family members and some friends before that I had trauma and addictions, but not fully as it feels too personal and I don’t want our relationship dynamics to change too much. Maybe some time in the future. Groups like AA aren’t for me unfortunately. Maybe a psychologist, but I think it helped more as a stepping stone than something that could still help me now, & they’re quite expensive. I feel like I’m at the stage where I know what and how to do and just need the courage to shine…
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Evening Check in
202 days sober. Attended AA morning meeting. Alway an uplifting experience. I popped into a thrift store I’d never been today. Looking for planters to repot some house plants. Found exactly what I wanted.
Task for the day was bag up 200 lbs of walnuts. Walnuts must be cleaned of broken shells and other debris. Filled up 4 bags and when I weighed them I only have 112 pounds. I’m beat had to tell BOSS Hubby will have to finish tomorrow. He understood.
Staring at two buckets of apples that have to go somewhere. Planning on drying some and freezing. I’m pooped! Will hope for 2nd energy strike.
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Day 1066 AF ( 2 years & 11 months)
Sup, gang.
Just a month away from 3 yrs. Shits crazy. Doesn’t feel like it has been that long.
First time trying acupuncture therapy today. I’ve been dealing with back pain for over ten years. The doctors recommended steriod injections a few months back, but I passed up. I’ll see how this goes. I was nervous about having needles on my back, but it was fine. Just felt like a small pinch.
The weather has cooled down significantly. We’re down to the 70s. Time for sweater weather.
It’s my friend’s death anniversary next week. It has been 5 years since he passed. He was only 30 years old. This was the month I broke my 6-month sober streak back in 2019. I didn’t have a sober plan then. No help. No forum. Just all sheer willpower. Drank heavily around this time. I was a mess. Time heals, though. I’ve handled it differently now. Boozing ain’t bringing anyone back from the dead. Getting fucked up and twisted and acting like a fool won’t heal your pain. I’m glad I’m sober. I’m glad I got to meet him and make memories. Gotta celebrate his life.
Gonna go to the grocery store in a bit and call it a night.
Thank you all for being here. ODAAT . Keep pushing, fam.
Take care. 
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579
Looong day at work, but not bad in the end. Had a fun evening with my girl after. Just epsom soaked my feet and they’re feeling nice. Gotta make it thru one more day of work before having 2 off 
Crazy, I know! I want to do something outside while the weather’s still nice. I’m really happy my tv is picking up the Bob Ross channel again. It didn’t come in all summer and I missed his peacefulness 
Anyway. Goodnight 
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Checking in on day 89
I’ve been having troubles with pain in my knees and my calves also blurry vision if I concentrate too much on one thing. One of the side effects for my meds is joint pain and swelling of the joints 
I see my prescriber in the middle of October but it’s getting to the point where it’s affecting me every day the worst part is the meds seem to be helping a little besides those two things
I’m kinda at my wits ends here with it 
besides that everything on the home front has been fair
Have a goodnight everyone and I’ll be back for Day 90 tomorrow 
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Checking in for the day.
I’ve been having quite a bit of anxiety and recurring thoughts of stupid things I have done in the past when drinking. I’ve also been finding it hard to keep alcohol off my mind lately.
I think it’s a combination of a few things. Husband drinks 3 to 4 times a week which makes it hard. He also gets annoyed very easily at everything lately. I also witnessed two accidents last week, a young girl ran into an oncoming car and a boy on a bike got hit at the traffic lights. Both at school pick up 3 days apart. They both survived but do have some injuries. Father in law is really unwell and the dog has been sick as well and I recieved a speeding fine, thought it was a 60 zone, but it was 50. I think it is all getting to me unfortunately. I hate having this feeling. 
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Another sober day done.
Just checking in.
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1928
Having my coffee. A bit pensive. Weather feels like autumn, even though there’s some warm days ahead. Some existential stuff is on my mind. Well. I can think about it level headed, and with a clear mind. Remembering being hungover in the past. Like every morning. Never again. Good days and bad ones. It’s always better to be sober and clean.
Have as good a day as you can all. Make it clean and sober or nothing will come of it. Love from the onion fields of of northeast Groningen province, a day or two ago.
@BJonns At least you’re feeling friend. Numbing it all may seem attractive but in the long run it will just intensify the suffering. Sober at least we have a chance to deal with stuff and work though it. Hugs.
@GOKU2019 Congrats on 35 months friend. Thanks for being here.
@Tyland No it wasn’t easy in the past. It was simple though. Now we have to face it all sober. And work on ourselves (the stuff we can change) and accept what we can’t (the others). Which is bloody hard but still beats the alternative. Good days and bad ones Shonaway. One day at a time. Hang in there. 
@Twizzlers Thinking of you friend. All success to you
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Glad you did. Hope you are doing well 
@Twizzlers sending positive healing vibes your way my friend. Hope all goes smoothly for you today
@Ncgolfer way to keep pushing through Sean. Yeah- that weather can be a downer and depressing. Some people have gotten SAD lamps to help life their moods (especially for the winter months). Try some indoor activities that may be fun for you so that you won’t feel so blah indoors. 56 days is impressive work… keep that momentum going strong 
I like that. I do also find it hard to open up and share. This community was the first place I felt comfortable being totally honest about my addiction. Glad that you have tried some support avenues. I personally wouldn’t give up on looking for a supportive outlet like a sponsor or a recovery group that may work other that AA as doing this journey is incredibly hard on our own. Glad that you are here with us my friend and putting in the effort…you do deserve to be addiction free and shine 
I’m pooped just reading this. Wiw- that’s a lot done for today. Hope you managed some good rest afterwards.
@GOKU2019 another month in the bag . So excited that you are inching towards 3 years 
I do hope the acupuncture helps relieve you if your back pain. Sorry about your friend…glad you have us and more tools to help you through difficult times and sad dates
@Lefty624 ah that’s awful… sorry you are dealing with such pain. Are you able to reach out before October to explain these side effects? They may need to change up the dosage or medication all together. Hope you can find a solution quickly as I know how hard it is trying to function in daily life in this way. Healing pain free vibes sent your way
@BJonns yikes. That’s a lot going on in a short period of time. Just remember that drinking will not help or solve any of it. It will only add to the crazy. It is good to see you checking in. Have you seen the Are you affected by a loved one who’s an addict? Thread or tried Al-Anon? Sobriety is hard enough and having a partner who drinks does not make it easy. You are doing great… keep it going
Checking in… early Tuesday morning
Can’t sleep. Not doing great but I know numbing isnt the answer. Gonna watch some television and hopefully drift off.
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290 days
Gym with the wife this morning then a quiet day at home. Bit of a storm passing through the city today, not constant but big gusts of wind rain and hail.
Back to the gym in the afternoon for the youngest, but then we called it a day and headed home to stay warm and so the kids could see mum before she left for nightshift.
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Thank you friend. You’ll be glad to know I had an energy drink and went to bed instead of drinking.
Just one of those days yesterday, and I hadn’t slept, so I spiralled a little.
Hope you’re doing well
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@JazzyS Hope you are going to get some sleep soon 
As to my daughter’s migraines I am quite sure they are hormone related. They started when she becam a pre-teen and now that she is going through the hormonal changes of a teenager they are increasing. I very much hope for her they will lessen with time.
@MrFantastik Hope the storm is not endangering anyone.
@Mno Autumn is a great time for pondering the existential stuff in life. Find someone to chat about your thoughts. Always helps to untangle it all
@BJonns Sorry to hear you’re in a funk. Some days are like that, when nothing is right and everything feels wrong. The challenge of going through life sober is to figure out how to deal with these states of mind without escaping to a drug. Are you working some kind of recovery program? They usually address these issues. Wishing you a good day 
@Lile01 Very glad to hear you opted for the energy drink. I know how sleep deprivation messes with one’s mind. Hope you are doing better today.
@Lefty624 Really sorry to hear you are in such a difficult situation. We all would like to live without meds and their side effects, but well, we all get sick and/or old. Is there a ways for you to contact your prescriber for some kind of intervention on short notice? I don’t know how the system in your place works, but sometimes there are options to schedule a phone call appointment. In any case: I hope you’ll find relief from your difficulties soon
@Just_Laura Epsom soaks are so nice. Thank’s for reminding me. I think I am going to do some foot care when the weather cools down again 
@GOKU2019 Thanks for sharing about your friend’s passing. I am sorry for your loss and impressed how you’ve changed your perspective on dealing with the pain of loss 
Funny story: Yesterday I had my first class for this semester. Kids had to choose user names for the class and one kid came up with Goku. So I did something teachers - aka old people - usually don’t do and asked him, if he was a Dragonball fan. Man you should’ve seen his face. He was so incredulous and so happy. And all that thanks to your user name and avatar You made me a cool teacher 
@tailee17 Missed your 200 days. Congrats 
And yeah, fall harvest is always such back breaking time. Hope you get to recover soon.
@1in8billion The first time someone suggested to me to join an online meeting I was absolutely horrified. AA was out of the question for me. Too many triggers in their language. I felt like I could relate to Recovery Dharma. But I did not want to joing a meeting. At some point I logged into zoom and joined a meeting. For about 10seconds. I saw all these people in the virrual room, panicked and disengaged imediately. Long story short: It took me some time to get used to these meetings. At first I only listened in. Now I host one meeting a week myself and attend some more. They have become a wonderful tool for me in my recovery. Nothing beats being among other people in recovery.
300 sugar
164 UPF
38 gluten
38 dairy
300 is a nice number. Yesterday I thought how this is close to one year and then I had this very vivid dream of eating tons of cake at some place. I was really horrified
Today’s weather is very strange and quite headache inducing. I am going to work on the story of my game, some structural analysis, some character sketches. A few errands to run in the afternoon. Yoga, maybe a meeting. Nothing to exciting. Normal life is a good thing.
Looking for peace and love for life in every day 
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Day 2370. The new job seems good. I guess I will be skeptical as my last job was suppose to be my dream job. The people seemed nice, boss was really nice. Benifits seem really cool. Free lunch after 90 days, paid holidays, 401k. Ect. Brined pork bellies, slice canadian bacon, slice a butt ton of hams, and then slice more “american” bacon than I can count. Day went fast. I was out by 4pm, which is a nice change.
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Hey all, checking in on day 1556. I hope everybody has a good one!
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@acromouse sorry about the panic attack
@allswell congrats on 2 weeks
@Jesile congrats on your honesty 
that view is stunning 
@Noshame good for you for trying something new
@MrMoustache congrats on 70 days
@GOKU2019 congrats on 35 months
@BJonns that’s a lot sending strength 🩵
@Twizzlers I hope today goes well 
🩵
1498 days no alcohol.
963 days no cocaine.
478 days no vape.
3 days no binge-eating.
So yesterday I had my ADHD assesment, and I was not expecting to have to talk about my lifetime of trauma! It took up so much time that we didn’t have chance to go through all of the ADHD questions, so now I have to wait for a follow-up appointment in ‘a few weeks’. After digging through my life for an hour, I really felt the need to binge. I didn’t though.
Then I had to go to the hospital with a suspected blood clot, and I waited a while after my appointment time, then was seen by a doctor who felt my leg for literally two seconds and said he doesn’t think its a clot, he thinks it is cramp, but I know what fkin cramp feels like, and it’s not this. I was very annoyed that I’d been sent there if they wasn’t going to do anything, as I had to pay for a taxi there and back. So my frustration made me want to binge as well, but still I did not. Anyway, my leg seems to have settled overnight, or maybe the pain med he prescribd is working, but I’m tired from being awake until late.
🩵
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Happy Tuesday all! Great day yesterday I got so much done. Another busy day today but I’m good with that. Have an awesome sober day my friends!!!
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Its today 
38 yrs young!
In my teens I didnt think i would live to be 30.
In my 20s (sober at 20) i thpught 30 would hit me like a ton of bricks. It didnt. Had my first born just shy of my 30th.
3 kids in 5 yrs, and a nephew who I love with my whole chest.
The closer I get to 40 the stronger I feel.
On my professional journey now. Spent a lot of yrs working my ass off in grad school and teaching and it feels nice to be outside of a space I did not fit into.
Sobriety has been a gift I am so grateful for through it all. Grateful for beinf a hard bottom at a young age. No questions about denial. Grateful for AA and the community I found there, and for 10 years of sobriety. I am even grateful today for me testing the waters, and the understanding that even if I could get away with drinking I did not want to be a functional alcoholic. Appreciating that being a functional alcoholic is very diffixult to face. Though I am not grateful for the death of my aister, I know that my inability to function any longer with alcohol in my life is a gift from her. Grateful that I could trust and know myself enough, listen to myself when I felt AA was no longer for me (my journey, as a woman & does not displace the gratitude I have for this place)…I trusted myself and believed in myself, and I am so grateful for a mentor who came in to my life and showed me what was also possible. Then this place, with open and likeminded people. What a gift, what a gift for me to find and I have appreciated how you all have been with me through the loss of my sister and battle for my nephew.
I am just so fucking grateful on this day. I appreciate you all and appreciate the struggle it can be some days. If you feel down, just keep checking in and sharing and building up your supports and toolbelt. Xo.
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Happy birthday beautiful friend…hope you have a wonderful day celebrating you 
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