Checking in!
Today was 10x better than yesterday! Work was alright. I guess my mood varies a lot depending with whom I work. Today I had the āeasy goingā colleagues working the same shift. Always makes things easier!
After work I decided to go for a walk, first I was too lazy, but finally I went last minute! I only did a 5K route, but thatās better than nothing! In fact I changed my route to get some variety!
The weather is good again, sadly on our neighbor island Menorca the damage suffered from the heavy rains is hugeā¦ Weāve had chaos at the airport in Mallorca since 3 days, hundreds of flights cancelled and people sleeping all over the terminal!
Looks like my sister might -yet again- not visit, cancelling same day. Iām a bit annoyed I lost a whole nightās sleep, but thatās not my sisterās fault. What I though was anxiety was indeed anxiety, but also excitement to see my baby sister. These things happen, Iāll move on. Planning on a good nightās sleep tonight and then up for gym. Not sure what else yet as we had planned around my sis being here. Iām feeling more in touch with my emotions and needs lately and being able to name them. Doesnāt make them less painful or full, but understanding them is getting better.
@JazzyS another day under my belt. In Real Life sometimes is difficult to find a person who understand my struggle. I mean daily. Once a week or monthly I can speak openly with someone
The addiction is talking to meā¦ā¦it is getting stronger. Intrusive and dark thoughts. Never had it this long before a milestone, 4 years is only in December. I have so much to give, I just donāt know how. Iām getting tired again of being the nice guy. People seem to like that version of me, but I hate it, social acceptance is not equal to recovery. F*ck my brother and my family. Need to cut them loose, to save myself, including my mother if she keeps trying to pull me in again like if nothing ever happened. Canāt sleep for a bit, thoughts about selling my house grap my back pack and go. Iām to damagedā¦.ptsd is flaring upā¦.massive amounts of energy flowing through my bodyā¦.my brain longing for extreme adrenaline/dopamine shotsā¦I need to the get a gripā¦if I go I go fastā¦.I can be very observant, I can use it to love but it gives me also the power to manipulate and destroy people in a few sentences the latter is getting the upper handā¦
@Laner Interesting conceptā¦ & love your work Thanks for posting
@JazzyS Sorry to hear that you have to deal with chronic pains, I must have missed that in my absence, that must not be easy Iām not the greatest fan of meds anyway if Iām honest and believe much more happens in the mind, i.e. the placebo effectā¦ Hmm, have you tried massages, chiropractic treatment or acupuncture yet? Also yoga/stretching and ASMR or visualisation/calming sleep videos/audios? Just some thoughts, maybe Iām way off Glad you got some power naps anyways Stay strong ey, hope the drained/exhausted feeling passes soon, Iāve been working on mine too
@Rob11 Stay strong buddy! Glad you posted your situationā¦ Remember who you are and what youāre here for - not just this amazing community or your great achievements (1337 days! What a journey and proof of the potential within you!), but in this life/existence in general friend. Maybe give exercise, a cold shower, meditation, articles or youtube videos covering your specific mood/situation, self-analysing, mindfulness exercises or something nice/different/productive a try to clear your mindā¦ Youāve got this, weāre here for you too if you need anyone to talk toā¦ You know better than to kick yourself up the arse, itāll hurt! Seriously though, self harm wonāt ever take pain awayā¦! Hereās a nice quote: life is like sailing, you canāt control the direction of the wind, but you can adjust your sails to always reach your destinationā¦ What might your ideal self do or tell you now? What did you start sobriety for? You do have so much to give!
Mental health - mind health? Brain health? Emotional health
Hangover - i cant think of just one other word to describe a hangover but more symptoms experienced when hingover: dehydrated, dizzy, nauseous, sick, exhausted, foggt thoughts
Cravings - unrelenting desire, a compulsion, an itch that needs scratched
Working weekend coming up. Thatās OK. Iām OK. In fact Iām a bit better than OK. Therapy was good, we did get to talk about some important stuff. Even talked about maybe ending contact at the end of the year which I would hate but on the other hand maybe itās time to move on from this particular therapist however much I like her and however much my separation anxiety flared up. Still glad at least we made a start with talking about it.
Also I got the back wheel to my road racing bike back yesterday, just in time to go for a spin when the weather cleared up in the afternoon. Riding is really important for me and my mental health I learned from missing a good bike for a couple of days.
Anyway. Iām going to have as good a day as I can and expect the same from you. Sober and clean or nothing will come of it. Love to you all.
@K_S Itās good to see you Kenny! Congrats on day 80. @Rob11 Reading your post it seems to me itās high time for action friend. No destruction but construction. Your life seems to need some positive actions in regard to your relationships. Canāt do it alone though. You need others like we all do. Professionals, peers, just friends, or a combination. Donāt go it alone and work on building. Take really good care of yourself. Donāt believe the hype.
@K_S Glad to have you back I was literally just thinking about you yesterday! Weird. Congrats on 80 days
548
Woke up early again after 7 hours of sleep and felt well rested. Didnāt do a whole lot before work as it was Friday and I knew we were gonna be short staffed bc we have a few college kids who went back already. One Iām especially proud of who got a full hockey scholarship to Yale! He really deserves it. I work with so many great kids and love watching them grow up and succeed in life
Work wouldāve been fine if we rotated tables like we always used to, but NO! My boss had to assign them, which means you have to pray yours donāt all walk in at once. Well, mine did I already had a big one and got 3 more at the same time, while the other 2 servers only had 1 table each. Iām over here running my ass off, trying not to forget anything (which I ended up doing bc I had so much going on), while the other 2 were bored. They did help with what they could if I asked, but thatās not how it should be. We couldāve each had 2 tables, waiting for our staggered 3rd, 4th, etc., and service wouldāve been better. Itās like sheās setting us up for failure. Anytime sheās involved, things go wrong. And she wonders why members are complaining about poor service! Ugh, well maybe bc you tried to fix something that wasnāt broke Itās done now, quit bitching! (I say to myself)
Anyway. Gotta go back in the morning so I need to get to bed. Goodnight, my sober warriors
!!!
Checking in sober on a Friday night. Feels good.
& love your work 
Thanks for posting 
Iām not the greatest fan of meds anyway if Iām honest and believe much more happens in the mind, i.e. the placebo effectā¦ Hmm, have you tried massages, chiropractic treatment or acupuncture yet? Also yoga/stretching and ASMR or visualisation/calming sleep videos/audios? Just some thoughts, maybe Iām way off 
Stay strong ey, hope the drained/exhausted feeling passes soon, Iāve been working on mine too 
Glad you posted your situationā¦ Remember who you are and what youāre here for - not just this amazing community or your great achievements (1337 days! What a journey and proof of the potential within you!), but in this life/existence in general friend. Maybe give exercise, a cold shower, meditation, articles or youtube videos covering your specific mood/situation, self-analysing, mindfulness exercises or something nice/different/productive a try to clear your mindā¦ Youāve got this, weāre here for you too if you need anyone to talk toā¦ You know better than to kick yourself up the arse, itāll hurt! 
I was literally just thinking about you yesterday! Weird. Congrats on 80 days 
I already had a big one and got 3 more at the same time, while the other 2 servers only had 1 table each. Iām over here running my ass off, trying not to forget anything (which I ended up doing bc I had so much going on), while the other 2 were bored. They did help with what they could if I asked, but thatās not how it should be. We couldāve each had 2 tables, waiting for our staggered 3rd, 4th, etc., and service wouldāve been better. Itās like sheās setting us up for failure. Anytime sheās involved, things go wrong. And she wonders why members are complaining about poor service! Ugh, well maybe bc you tried to fix something that wasnāt broke 
Itās done now, quit bitching! (I say to myself)
