Day 40. I had a strange dream last night. In my dream I was drinking vodka and I remember how bad it tasted. Then I fell asleep in my dream, wasted, and woke up inside the dream, feeling really shitty and I had a terrible hangover. Then I woke up in the real world extremely relieved that it was only a dream, I’m still sober and I don’t have a hangover.
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Day 169 
TRIGGER WARNING
Good morning,
Traveling always set me on edge when I was drinking. Now I ‘loved’ it, as much as a drunk could, but it was insanely stressful, looking back.
Waking up hungover because you were excited about the trip, and drank, and packed like shit so you had to start over. Then realizing that there are no socks in your suitcase, then having to wash some so you can pack. And all the other things you didn’t deal with. And the cat is picking up on your anxious vibe and pre-yowling. You’re sweaty, right out of the shower. There’s nothing to eat. Sun is quickly climbing in the sky, but it takes hours to pull everything together and you finally leave, sweaty and aggravated. Dropping the yowling cat at the hotel. They look at you a little funny because you’re sweating out alcohol. Yuck.
On the road you get some awful pastry from the gas station and a coke. A six pack for ‘later’. You’re still feeling terrible and now the sun is pounding on you for miles, burning one arm. It’s 10 am and you’ve gone 100 miles of 400. That’s enough distance for a beer. So you open one. But now you drive the speed limit, watching up ahead. Every dark vehicle on the side of the road looks like a cop. Need to watch your rear view for cops. Don’t take a swig in front of anyone in case they’re an off-duty cop. Stressful. People are driving agressively. Where do I pee out here? Can I hold it 45 minutes?
Gotta stop at the store next town. Pop a breath mint. Beer on sale, I have to get some for ‘later’. And on it went for 7-8 hours. Finally make the hotel and I’m exhausted and dehydrated. But this is a fun vacation!
It’s not! Take away the alcohol and it’s relaxing. Take away the alcohol and it’s interesting, noticing odd things and stopping. Noticing good places to eat. Driving by the cops tapping my brakes and smiling. If they pop me they can tear the car apart and turn the dogs on it, I don’t have to worry. Clean and sober! And I arrive in good shape ready to live
Sober is the way! 
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Congratulations on your 40 days. Sorry about the shitty dream but grateful that it reminded you of the bad times associated with drinking and you woke up to another sober day 
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Love it …take away the alcohol and you start really living.
Have a safe drive / trip… looking forward to pictures 
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Yes! Osouji (big clean) is done over the New Years Holiday. We never bother; my husband is at work most days as he is in elderly care, and the cold makes me not want to do anything. The kids often have to do some osouji for school homework (like clean something and write a report about it). So I am doing it at totally the wrong time!
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Yep. There was a time when I used it to deal with depression and anxiety, but I’m grateful to know better because by far the best times in my life have been & are sober… 
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Thanks, Jazzy! Yeah, the dream was quite shitty and it was the first time in my recovery when alcohol has been in my dreams.
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Hey all, checking in on day 1525. I hope everybody has a good one!
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Second update for today.
TRIGGER WARNING
I’m just too upset to skip the writing and I usually don’t get mad.
Y’all know that I’ve got two boys, the oldest one is my High functioning autistic 14 y/o. Both of them have hearts of gold.
I married my husband when my 14 y/o was 6 months. So even if he has another dad my husband has always been his Pa in his eyes.
His biological father doesn’t give shit if he doesn’t try to impress a new girl. I never said a bad word about that guy to my 14 y/o. He knows that he’s free to love and hang out with his biological dad if he wants to. We’ve tried a lot of times during the years, but he just doesn’t give a shit.
A few years ago we where in court about it, 14 y/o biological dad dragged me to court saying that I tried to stop him from hanging out with his son.
I didn’t, only thing I said was that there’s no way in Hell that I’m ever gonna let ky son hang out alone with his biological dad, because a few months before that he had just been charged for raping a minor. One of my daughters childhood friends. I won that case without a lawyer.
We got a deal that he didn’t give a shit about even if he cried in court about how much he loved and missed his kid, that he didn’t really care to see anyway.
Fast forward to last year when the same guy was back in court. Now with one of his exes, who had gathered all of his other exes and tried to charge him for domestic violence and rape. They wanted me in the same case, because she tried to get back his kids that he just kept instead of returning them as promised.
We never had that kind of history, we’ve never been enemies so I turned that offer down. My husband was used as a witness about the guys parenting ability. Which is zero.
Second time the case was up in court his ex won. Got her kids back and the guys is probably going to prison eventually.
Fast forward again and he have found another girlfriend and got married. So he can get some of her fortune and access to her huge house on the coast. About a 3 hours one way drive from us.
My 14 y/o has come to that aged when he’s tired of all the shit and doesn’t want anything to do with his biological dad. Who still doesn’t care about filling in important school papers or anything like that.
And today on the kids fair this guy is the first guy I meet.
He has no business in being here at all, he doesn’t live close, he doesn’t care about being here during important events, hospital visits or anything. But today they were “On a holiday trip, and decided to pass by so his wifes kids could play”
I kept my cool, and acted civilized but back home now I’m not sure I should have.
My 14 y/o had no plans even talking to this guy at first. But then he got second thoughts walked up to them and tried to start a conversation and this Jerk completely ignores him. He knows that we’re there, I even politley talked to him because we ended up in front of them in a queue. But he wasn’t man enough to face his own son, or even give him a “Hello” he just pretended like he wasn’t there, turned around and walked away.
Me and my husband have talked a lot with tye boys since we got home. And 14 y/o is even more determined that he doesn’t want anything to do with his biological father.
He seems okey.
I think I’m more upset than he is, I… I, don’t even have anymore words for it. Jerk is not good enough (or actually bad enough) I want to curse and I usually don’t do that either.
Besides that the kids fair was awesome. There was even a Varietie show.
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I am originally from eastern Europe where community and our relations in it play a much bigger role in everything regarding health of any kind. In this way I have a bit of an idea how people in your part of the world might have a hard time conceptualizing the western idea of mental health which - especially in the US - is based on the reflection of the individual as a center piece.
Good luck with your project. It sounds like a very valuable contribution to your society 
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Day #258 (second checking 
)
On the highway during the sunrise
According the rules now will be upload photos of the sea
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Hey sober fam, checking in at the end of the day. It’s been a nice and productive day, for which I’m grateful 
Have as good a day or night as you can friend!
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Thanks for the insite. The different worldviews and perspectives are fascinating. This is also a 3rd world country with low education and very little medical knowledge. In general health is a difficult topic to talk about and understand so taking on mental health seems even more challenging. And it is definitely communal thinking when it comes to health so I’ll have to have a good think about how this effects how mental health is talked about here.
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Shout out to my peeps:
@JazzyS @Seb @19801 @tailee17 @Cdj83 @jbaldwin84
I hope all of you are well. Let’s keep supporting one another.
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Beautiful photos! Enjoy your day!
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Thanks a lot 
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Yes yes thank you. You too . Yep. Here to support if needed
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Day 55 - it’s my birthday, 27 years old yahoo! Heading to the gym and then off to the cottage with my family. Some other friends of mine are at another cottage having a big party so there is some FOMO I’m dealing with, but I’m looking forward to no hang overs and a nice sleep in.
Much love to you all, so inspirational to see all the work everyone is putting in
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Ok so I did not die during the party, but def feel my last hour is now. I hate being where I am.
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Happy Birthday!! 
Hope u enjoy ur day!!!
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