Working Sunday coming up. Not feeling like it but I will make it. Sober and clean. I was so tired last night I went to bed at 8. But woke up lots of times and I am not rested after 10 hours in bed. My troubles are small fry compared to many of you but I know comparing is bullshit. One day at a time friends. Thanks for being here. Love to all. Have a good a day as you can. Clean and sober. Love.
@SadMemeQueen Hope you’re OK Megan. And if you’re not hoping you’ll feel a bit better soon. You’re not alone. You’re not. I’m not either.
hey everybody, 342AF, 17nicotine-free….today was the first time i really thought about having a cigarette. i had to interact with my son’s father in person for the first time in a while and it was just so painful to my heart that i really considered smoking one. but thankfully i rode that wave and the coast is clear. but ya today was really hard and it physically hurts my heart to be in his presence!! he offers absolutely zero support to his child or me at all, but then he wonders why i act awkward around him!! LOL like what!? he’s def one of my biggest triggers so i’m grateful i got thru without turning to any poisons to cope. instead i raged internally, shed some heavy tears & called my sister. there’s always a better way to deal!!!
Checking in again just to maintain focus. I have to stay mindful. My plan for the rest of the day is to meditate after posting this, then tidy up, work out, go shopping and go fishing with someone around sunset before it gets dark, which I’m looking forward to I’ve decided I’m going to cancel my mechanic appointment on wednesday and continue the roadtrip to the next big city tomorrow after all, a couple of days from here. They’re much more expensive in small towns and I don’t think it’s urgent enough so should make it just fine if I don’t do anything extreme or stupid before then! Sending you all love and strength wherever you are. We’ve got what it takes deep down, odaat.
@wakikki How are you doing? @sadmemequeen Great to see you checking in friend. Glad you were able to stay sober and clean – hope the struggle lessens for you You are always thought of here love. We love seeing you here! How are you doing? @tragicfarinelli I’m sorry friend. How are you doing now – I see this was written some time ago. Drinking yourself into oblivion will not accomplish anything. You have made it this far and are crushing it mentally and physically. Don’t let this funk have control. OOH a axe throwing session would be great – I had a lot of fun with it. Shadow boxing really helps me too. Sending loads of hugs @kareness Good luck with the college search. I personally found it cost effective to do 2 year college and 2 year at university to save money as I was out of state. Actually found the college experience to be more beneficial. @bomdhil Ah that sucks to not be able to connect at night when you need support the most. This place is active 24 hours a day so please reach out here if you need that support and are not able to get. You are killing it my friend – remember that no matter how hard it gets – our DOC will not be the answer – it has nothing but heartache and depression to offer. Keep pushing forward and keep searching for connections
Oh wow – grateful that your mom asked and the judge is willing to do. I’ll be keeping my fingers crossed! @scorpn Glad you are starting to feel better. Congrats on the new baby in the family – hoping both baby and mom continue to do well Glad you are getting this time to rest and recover yourself. @julialuna So glad that you rode the wave and didn’t give into the nic craving – sorry for the triggered meeting. Keep stacking up the days @dan.h84 way to go Dan – 1 month and going strong
Checking in late on Saturday / Sunday
My head is pounding and I did want a drink to shut down my brain but will have some water and go back to bed.
Wishing everyone a wonderful addiction free day / evening – sending you loads of love
260 days
Been a couple days since I checked in. Doing ok.
Had a good day today, bit of family time in the morning then watching ufc305. Was a big card of NZ and aussie fighters.
Back to work tomorrow. Still trying to prep and study up for this course I’m on. Definitely causing a bit of stress but confident I’m handling it better than if i had been drinking
Day 421. Heading home to Cornwall today. Takes about seven hours by train
It’s been a good trip… I like how multicultural London is. I’ve not felt the urge to drink here. It’s been a good break. Expensive tho… But city breaks can be I guess. Hyde Park was great. Just full of people doing their own thing. Families, couples, friends… Nice to just sit and watch. Have a fab day folks
I’m here, I’m alive, I’m sober, and I’m happy.
Day 172.
Sunday, Nice weather and the last day of summer break. School starts for the boys tomorrow.
I’m not prepared, I wish it was the first day of summer break. Not nothing lasts forever. Going to do my best to make it fun and not so Heavy until Fall and Christmas break.
A former friend of mine one time said that I’m making up to many rules and Guidelines for myself, trying to be perfect. Trying to make everything perfect. And making it so much harder and heavier for myself that way. Letting everyone else have excuses to not be perfect except for me. I know where it comes from, just not sure how to work on it. Summer break is wonderful because then nothing needs to be perfect, you’ve got the time to do whatever you feel like, and there’s no time limit.
Meals doesn’t have to be perfectly put together because you can always grab something else later.
Outfit, doesn’t matter, decent is enough because there’s no one there to judge you.
I need more of that thinking in everyday life.
So I need to figure out how to stay in that mindset now when we’re back to everyday life again tomorrow.
@JazzyS thank you 🩵 @MrMoustache congrats on 40 days @MrsOdh I’m sorry about the unexpected encounter @Refreshedperspective belated happy birthday enjoy the cottage @Mno thank you, it’s definitely a healthy kind of hard, I’m glad you’re doing it too 🩵 @Tragicfarinelli I can’t cry either, even when I feel like I really need or want to 🩵 @Jesile wow, I’ve always wanted a punching bag, I’ve only ever known ones that hang from the ceiling, may I ask where you purchased this one, and what you fill the base with? @SadMemeQueen it’s hard when it’s like that sending strength, you’re not alone here 🩵 @Scorpn I hope the baby will be okay sending you healing vibes in hope for Tuesday @Dan.h84 congrats on 30 days
1468 days no alcohol.
933 days no cocaine.
448 days no vape.
21 days no crisps, no binge-eating.
I struggled with some binge-eating related cravings yesterday, but I reached out here, did some meditations, and eventually fell asleep early. Woke up at 10pm when both local shops close. Close call. Not much else to report from yesterday.
Today I will start a new book, listen to the next episode of a podcast, this next one is about addiction so I’m particularly interested. I’d like to say I hope to get out for a walk too but I can never be sure I will.
I hope you’re all having wonderful sober weekends.
Lovely picture as always.
You posts are the first post I’m looking for when Checking in here, always curious about today’s picture.
You’re absolutely right, we earn nothing comparing problems. We’re all here together no matter background or current problems. And life hit us all different. If we walk around always thinking that there’s always someone who’s been through or going through worse we’re downsizing or minimizing our own problems. Which never leads to healing.
As trauma survives we’re pretty good at that, I know I am. I know my past and current life ain’t shit compared to other people around the world. But it still affects me, my past still gave me C-ptsd, and my current situation and future still needs work to make it work. And that’s the important thing.
If it affects you in anyway, it’s legit to complain, to get it out. I know you know all this already. But a reminder can always be good.
Hey @CATMANCAM some films will make me teary. Marley and Me does me right in, same with Good Will Hunting!
The only time I cry properly by myself is when I’m at exploding point and it’s usually when frustrated and can’t articulate my anger or sadness or whatever and I will just break down in an arguement or discussion. But it happens about as regular as the solar eclipse and afterwards I feel shame and disgust rather than any relief.
Saying this I did get a little teary with my three girlfriends in June when they came over and I was opening up to them about something and I felt loved and supported rather than the frustrated shame. But that was a rare occurrence!
No but seriously, I can’t imagine living in a big city. I’ve lived in a city though, but like most of the time in my life it was in a controlled/protected environment.
10 of us “kids” from my old church or young adults if you wish lived in the same house but in different apartments. With two “real adult” families on each end of the complex.
I moved back to the country side as fast as I could. And eventually ended up in one of three villages next to my home village.
Difference is that we don’t have our own church here. And that fits me perfectly.
Checking in on day 441AFAF.
I woke this morning to thoughts about the past (30 years ago) when my drinking was out of control at art college. A few incidents where I became aggressive are playing through my mind.
I’m going to go to my two back to back yoga classes now. A vinyasa flow class followed by a yin practice. I hope that will bring me back into the present moment.
Wishing everyone an addiction free day.
Thanks friend, you just made me cry at work . Which is fine. It wasn’t all out ugly wailing, just a couple of tears. As to your (and my) perfectionism, I can theorize about that for a long time. Actually what happened yesterday which made me so unhinged can be fit in that mould too. Will try to expand on that later.
@CATMANCAM@Tragicfarinelli I became pretty apt at crying since I’m in recovery Maybe an idea for a new career for me.
Day #259
So yesterday was a really long long day. Before travelling i had almost 2 hours of sleep and I was really tired especially around 8 pm but couldn’t go to sleep because we went for a walk in the city. A lot of people and a lot of shops in which you can buy almost everything - bags, shoes, dresses and etc. We had a dinner at a lovely restaurant - I had a potato gondola ( gondola like in Venice’s gondolas) (potatoes, cream, pickles, bacon, some garlic, spices and cheese)
And after that i went to sleep around 1 am ( i dont know how i was able to stay awake this long like I was 17 years old again ). In one time i thought to myself Wow i wouldn’t be able to stay awake and to be in condition if i was drinking.
Another day of me feeling like a domestic goddess because I did stuff that other people usually do all the time (wipe doors and cupboard fronts). I am avoiding some places that will be time-consuming (clothes and work paperwork), but am so glad to be being productive.
I ate a little more sweet stuff than I would have liked today, but it wasn’t a proper binge so I just ate dinner as normal.
And of course, no thoughts of booze. I am totally a non drinker. I forget how much thoughts used to consume me. How I looked forward to my ‘free’ evenings when I could drink. Free evenings now are for tea (and sometimes biscuits) and Netflix/books.
but ya today was really hard and it physically hurts my heart to be in his presence!! he offers absolutely zero support to his child or me at all, but then he wonders why i act awkward around him!! 
LOL like what!? he’s def one of my biggest triggers so i’m grateful i got thru without turning to any poisons to cope. instead i raged internally, shed some heavy tears & called my sister. there’s always a better way to deal!!!
I’ve decided I’m going to cancel my mechanic appointment on wednesday and continue the roadtrip to the next big city tomorrow after all, a couple of days from here. They’re much more expensive in small towns and I don’t think it’s urgent enough so should make it just fine if I don’t do anything extreme or stupid before then! 
Sending you all love and strength wherever you are. We’ve got what it takes deep down, odaat.
You are always thought of here love. We love seeing you here! How are you doing?
🩵
enjoy the cottage 
. Which is fine. It wasn’t all out ugly wailing, just a couple of tears. As to your (and my) perfectionism, I can theorize about that for a long time. Actually what happened yesterday which made me so unhinged can be fit in that mould too. Will try to expand on that later. 
Maybe an idea for a new career for me.
like I was 17 years old again 
Wow i wouldn’t be able to stay awake and to be in condition if i was drinking.
stay sober and be happy of that
