That is so very hard. Makes your achievement all the more impressive. 
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Iām happy to see your name pop up, but sorry about the circumstances. You are right, you need to be clear headed and reliable to support your mum and deal with your own emotions and reactions. Sending strength and wisdom.
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My family isā¦ Complicaded 
My grandmothers on Paās side was gypsies, I mean the kind you read about it see in movies. Long black hair, gold teeth, loud, tricking people, yeah you know the stereotype but for real.
My mother was adopted from another country by a very Christian family. So we doesnāt know too much about that side, and thereās no one except her alive to tell, which she refuse.
Grandma on fatherās side though me her language Romani Chib. Grandpaās Family on fatherās side spoke English 
All of them except my aunt is dead so Iām the only one within our family who actually still speak it. Never thought my kids, both of them are fluent in English, and have spoke it since they where kids. Seemed more useful.
Married a husband whoās half Serbian.
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Go for the writing if you feel for it.
My passion has always been video games but I only realized that designing and creating them is the thing I really want to do only a few years ago after I donāt know how many career paths. Now I am so happy and so fulfilled. I love every struggle on this path cause I always feel like a flower blossoming, a butterfly becoming.
Keep us posted how it goes!
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I donāt know who created these but I consider them so very harmful they should be banned. I know so many people developing all kinds of serious eating disorders or other kinds of psychological issues and addictions after perusing these on a regular basis. Human beings need real food 
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Ohh Iām loving hearing about your family history. And your grammys on your dads side sound amazing! Bet they told some good stories. And the mystery of of your family on the other side sounds interesting.
Thanks for sharing! Sounds like you had a lot of a cultural mix within the family.
Was wondering how your husbandās medical problem has been? Sorry if you said already and I missed it. Hope he is doing better.
Also a kids story based on your gypsie grammys lives would be fun
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So Iām just sitting on break at work listening to a recovery podcast. Iāve been listening to it since yesterday all day while working to trying to figure out the dis-ease in my life. Life is good of course thereās some life on lifeās terms situations going on at the moment but thereās more than that for me as Iām figuring out. I think part of my issue is lately Iām trying to play God in certain areas in my life, & in reality I just need to let go, surrender, and have faith everything is the way itās supposed to be in this moment. All I need to do is put one foot in front of the other, do the right thing, and stay in today. Easier said than done but everything takes practice I suppose. I just started taking a daily inventory and have committed to it for at least thirty days writing and answering the questions from the āliving the programā pamphlet of N.A. anyways I gotta get back to work. Hope youāre all having a nice day 
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139 days sober
I did some work on the trauma workbook this morning and finished the chapter. I really think it is helping me even by just getting to understand my self better and why I have certain struggles. I had a good walk after and saw a friend and talked some about what Iām learning.
The afternoon then because crazy hectic but I was productive. I had some skype meetings with potential volunteers who would be willing to make a trip here to give some training on alcohol recovery to the social service workers to go along side the material Iām translating. I liked both of the options and think I will offer that both can come if they want and are able. It would be about a 1 month commitment. Neither has traveled to a 3rd world country before so I hope the level of living standards I told them about if they come wonāt be off putting for them. But we had a great conversation and I felt excited after. Then had a meeting with social services to tell how the progress is going and how the conversation with the potential volunteers went. Then spent a long time debating the new words/concepts Iāve introduced for the material. And then I called this Dutch doctor I saw in the city about his trip to this area soon and asked if he could meet with the social workers and as a doctor talk some about the medical effects of alcohol abuse. He immediately agreed and said lets talk again later this week to come up with a plan for it. So all in all it was a very productive work day and am making good progress!
Hope everyone is also having a productive/relaxing sober day!
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After listening to podcast about AA communities Iāve just started to watch When love is not enough
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52
Yeah. Letās talk. I think I will be off the script todayā¦
So having Flu. It su*ks to skip trainings, after being sick, not eating much, sweating you usually loose a lot of mass and first trainings after skipping some is always hard. Hey, but overall I did it many years with drinking, skipping trainings, being sick. Thatās what I notice when training sober - the results are much much greater and quite visible on photos comparison. Itās like I been blind all the time while drinking, it was hard for me to realise on how much difference it makes.
Anyway, I am changing a lot in my diet, started to run again after my knee injury. I have much more lean muscle mass, but donāt get me wrong, I still have a lot of fat and overall I think - building mass when training without hormones and anabolic steroids - I think it is much healthier to build that mass when you already have suitable lean basis. Ofcourse it all depends on different genetics. Without running I was more focused on weight training and tried to bulk as much as possible before cutting and going back to running. discipline.
Knee still hurst when kneeling down (itās almost half year now) I think it is meniskus injury and there is not much you can do. Donāt get me wrong it is not that bad and I really had no time to go to docs, been working for almost 12 hours a day and not even had Summer vocations. I think I will check my knee when I will do yearly rehabs of my damaged wrist nerves. Then I will have time.
To be honest a lot of changed in my spiritual views. I really am not much focused on my physical health as before and I am happiest I ever been. Itās hard to explain my views without digging in hours and hours of talks about ancient teachings and quantum physics, but overall it is explainable in terms of quantum. Remember Waveāparticle experiments. Itās like reality is not as real as we think it is. When we sort of meditate on it it can rechape itself, on other terms - Miracles happen, but once we focusing our brains on it - there is not much space for miracles left. Same is with serious Health patients when some comes back like a miracle, or with Athletes who are reaching unimaginable and overall many things in life are born in free minds where people are dreaming of something that is not yet present. Because they Believed.
Saying it simple - Believe is very important and yes Believe need Action to be added, but all I want to say is I am learning to leave more free space for greater things to come, leaving more space for understanding that I am not a final product of this reality, but a continuation of much greater inertia than myself.
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She told a lot of stories, I know that she lived in a Vardo (A wagon) and when my father was born he slept in a drawer. Yep the kind you put clothes in, it was common no matter how you lived. She used to say that it was practical because when he cried to much she just closed the drawer. And then she laughed about her own joke 
Thereās actually whatās supposed to be a kids book about a gypsy girl, written by one of the most famous families around here. The book itās called Katitzi and itās horrible. Filled with child abuse and other horrible things. In my opinion definitely not a childrenās book, but the book and character everyone thinks of when gypsies are mentioned.
My husband is alive, thatās the most important things. His back and hip are still bad even a little worse, and he just got back from the hospital from a TIA attack which effects his speech, his entire left side, and his ability to remember things. But heās here, and he remembers us. Iām really grateful for that. It couldāve been so much worse.
Thank you for all your great ideas today. And good luck with your own writing. 
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I love that. Iām so glad that you finally did what made your soul happy. Itās so inspiring.
Iāve tried multiple jobs as well, with the feeling that this is only temporary until Iām going to start writing. Took multiple writing classes that did improve my writing a bit but never felt serious enough to actually try and go for it.
But now is the perfect time.
Thank you for your encouragement.
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I only knew my grammy for a short time before she died but she told me how she also slept in a draw as a baby. Hey it works! It sounds like some good stories and times together. Also really love when people laugh at their own jokes. 
Ohh too bad the one book is not so nice. Maybe need a more lively child friendly version.
Iām sorry your husband is struggling this way. Iāve never been married or in a relationship like that but I know itās not easy for him or for you as a spouse. Or for your kids. I hope that he will improve. It sounds like a big life adjustment for sure. Will keep thinking of you guys.
And I hope you can get lost in writing and enjoy it.
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Day 3
No binge eating
No shopping
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Itās good to see you Shay. Sorry for what happened but done is done and now itās the time to move forward. One day at a time for all of us. Wishing you and your mum strength. Big hugs. 
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Thank you.
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Thanks so much Tailee
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Checking in. Not much to say without sending out depressive and bad vibesā¦
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Checking in 
Iām not in the best mood these days, but that has to do with my hormones! Dang those monthly hormone swings! 
Iām busy at work, very busyā¦ and besides that temperatures are very high again! I love the summer, but sometimes I wish I could sleep at night! Not much more to say! Tomorrow itās an early one for me, getting up at 5:45! 
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Day 30 check in. Feeling alright. Some days are still very difficult and I expect that to happen still from here on out. Iām proud for making these changes to better myself.
I do wonder if my depression will ever get better. It has improved significantly in the last month but I still have tough thoughts running through my head.
Hope everyoneās having a great day!
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