Checking in daily to maintain focus #69

[SelfLove_42]

Checking in.
Its my 25th year of dealing with my addiction. Its a part of my life, its not my life.

I recently had a setback, calling today day 1 is just not accurate as ive had lots of day ones.

I want to focus on putting consecutive healthy habit days together where i focus on

1. Killing selfish behavior
2. Strengthening my comittment to my marriage
3. Stop putting myself in position to fail.
4. Learning to exercise self control and get into a good spiritual routine.
5. Be honest. In all things, be honest, be open, kill all shame
6. Fight harder against unclean thoughts and practices.
7. Better coping strategies…go back to planning your days.
8. Fight againts default settings, its why im still here.
9. Check in with friends who understand my situation.
10. Take decisive action, in my accountability plan i need to detail out more of this plan.

Its not just about being porn free, thats just a sympton of deeper issues. I want to key in on all selfish behavior, thoughts, coping mechanisms. Today, i just want to focus on others and put the phone away.

Sorry, im just working on being transparent, thanks for reading.

[Whereswaldo]

Checking in day 159.

Hope everyones weekends going great.

[Butterflymoonwoman]

@SelfLove_42 im sorry to hear about ur setback. But i love ur list and i truly do believe that change begins to happen when we focus on what we do each day. The habits/routine that we create for ourselves on a daily basis. Hope u have an amazing phone-free day
@JazzyS sorry to hear about ur back pain friend. Thats the worst! Makes everything sooo difficult to do. I do hope tho that ur day is great tho!
@Mno proud of u for going thru with emdr. So happy that it was a good experience for u and that u got something out of it. I can imagine that it would be fairly draining for sure. Hope ur able to get some rest in today. Enjoy ur day friend

[Laner]

142 days sober
I’m not sure what was up with me today. I’ve had days…even a few weeks of being in a good place, good mood and feeling able to cope fairly well. Then this morning boom I woke up anxious and feeling down. I know I can’t expect every day to be good and my mood to always be up more than down but it unsettles me. It makes me uneasy and feel disappointed. I even had some thoughts of drinking but looked at my list of ways to cope when the feeling of cravings overwhelme me. I worked my way through it and felt better in the end. I know in my head that I can’t expect myself to do well everyday but when it happens I can’t help but feel dejected. I got through today and tomorrow will be a new day. I hope tomorrow is better but I’m thankful that today I didn’t drink but used my tools and made it through.

[Butterflymoonwoman]

Day 923
I am in such a good mood this morning! All bcuz of the autumn weather Its amazing how the wrather plays such a big impact on my mood.

Im just on my way to work now. Was able to stop for coffee beforehand, so Im enjoying that as we speak. I am feeling very grateful for my recovery today I feel very connected to the world and those around me I feel like im all about love and light today I feel blessed to be alive and well 🩷 and I actually feel a sense of acceptance 🩵… acceptance with my body and where its at and acceptance with where life is at right now. I struggle with acceptance alot. I used to feel that if i accepted things the way they are, then that means i would never have the urge to change the things i dont like (bcuz ive accepted it as it is). But i think acceptance for me now, is about self love. Having self love allows me to accept where im at and then how to make changes in a healthy way, coming from a place of love instead of being critical of myself. I really want to continue to work on that, especially with regards to my body. Im normally very critical of myself and thats not how i want to live my life.

Just my thoughts this morning Hope everyone has a great addiction free day

[Sissychris39]

Day 2
No shopping

Day 6
No binge eating

[JazzyS]

@SelfLove_42 so good to see you checking in…was just thinking of you the other day. Never apologize for any step you are taking in your recovery journey. I see you putting in the hard work and working on changing your mindset…it’s not easy after years of conditioning. Keep at it friend… transparent and actively putting in the work … impressive work.
@Butterflymoonwoman thanks friend. I am glad I can at least move and stretch…it will get easier/ better soon love your lively post and do happy that you are feeling better and connected today.
@laner sorry friend…we can’t have all good days but I know how much it sucks when you have such a shift in moods. It really does throw you off kilter. Sending you hugs as you work through it sober… drinking will only make Everything worse. Here to support you

[CATMANCAM]

@Lighter I have driving anxiety too, mostly I avoid roads with slip roads and big roundabouts, I don’t know where it came from because I used to drive all over the UK to all kinds of places for work, pre-2020. So I am proud of you for smashing down that wall!
@Bomdhil thank you
@Butterflymoonwoman I hope both you and your son enjoyed the zoo just seen your update, I’m really glad it went well I love Penguins
@BrOKenWolf it definitely is! Congrats on quadruple digits
@MrsOdh I’m glad this new nurse is more thorough, hopefully you will have less symptoms now you know these extra things to look out for and avoid
@Alicat22 welcome back congrats on 5 days
@Just_Laura congrats on all the 5s I hope you got some sleep
@Player-1 welcome to the checking-in thread congrats on 4 days
@Tragicfarinelli same here I would also like to try melatonin but I’m in the UK too
@Laner I’m having a day like that today, hopefully tomorrow will be better for us both 🩵

1474 days no alcohol.
939 days no cocaine.
454 days no vape.
27 days no crisps, no binge-eating.

Yesterday was stressful, I was conned in an online scam because I am so desperate to lose weight, and there was this wristband device with loads of comments of people’s transformations, so I got sucked in, they took £20 more than the ‘total’ I was supposed to pay, and when I emailed them to query, I got an undeliverable msg to say the email does not exist. I can’t find the company online anywhere either. I dont know what to do, so while I think about it, I have locked my card, the payment is now ‘settled’, so I’ve raised a dispute with my bank but I’m worried I won’t get a full refund, only the extra they literally stole.

Not only that, I was supposed to receive a delivery of mould remover for my shower on Thursday, but it didn’t arrive. Then it was supposed to come yesterday between 4-6pm, at 5pm it was ‘8 stops away’ then the next time I checked the driver was in a completely different area and it just kept saying ‘the driver needs to make a few more deliveries on the way’, it finally arrived at 21:20, I had fallen asleep waiting at around 9pm, so it woke me up, then I fell asleep on the toilet until 23:30.

Therapy was also really hard and we ended on a really sad note. Binge mode was activated and so I had to do something, so I walked to the shopping centre and bought the healthy lunch I get on Mondays again. Unfortunately I still had the urge to binge all afternoon, and even more so after I took my meds around 7pm, so I had to do something again, and I went to the local shop and bought this sweet potato falafel and grains meal, and some strawberries, they curbed the cravings enough for me to fall asleep before the delivery came.

Due to the late night and not much sleep, I have had zero energy or focus today, I’ve been trying to catch up here since 8am but not getting anywhere. It’s now nearly 4pm!

I hope you’re all having wonderful sober weekends.

🩵

[Laner]

Drinking would definitely make all things worse! And I’m doing better at learning how to get through the hard days. Thanks for the support!

[EarnIt]

@Butterflymoonwoman

f the autumn weather

I wish this was true here! We are supposed to hit over 100 degrees for the next 3-4 days. Ugh!

[Laner]

Sorry it’s also been a rough day for you too! Hope tomorrow is better for both of us. Am sorry to hear about this scam hopefully you’ll be able to get your money back and that you’ll be able to relax tonight then have a good long sleep.

[Lighter]

Day 176

Another perfect morning in Santa Fe with fresh mountain breezes and open windows! It feels like Fall to me, but I’m told it’s warm and summery still. 105-110 degrees in Texas so 50s feels so good!

I sure like it here. Not made for hot weather. . I think we’re going downtown to the Plaza again later. It’s my last day. Back to west Texas tomorrow, and home Monday.

@CATMANCAM I don’t understand it either. I used to drive a lot too. It happened during the pandemic- I just became fearful. But I did very well this week, no problems. When I was in the thick of it, I was fine because I had to be. I’ll keep pushing until my palms don’t sweat in traffic. This city is full of roundabouts and I’m starting to get confident. We can do this

Come on Fall!

[Kareness]

7y8m8d
I’m having trouble believing the truth this morning because of fear and negative beliefs my older brother has built into me when I was young. So I know this is old stuff and not true. I am going to “act as if” I have the positive beliefs I want and know that I will feel better on the other side. After 2-3 years, I need/want to increase my consulting fee by $10/hr and I “believe” that I will never get the work at that price. I am about to write the contract anyway. I can’t control the outcome. If they don’t hire me, I’ll be okay and will get work elsewhere. Hope everyone has a good day today!

[Shel75]

I haven’t checked in for a while and now i realize that was a mistake as this damn disease has snuck up on me again. I haven’t drank, but i gave it a lot of thought and that scares me. My completely oblivious to other people’s feelings brother-in-law sent me pics of his friday after-work drinks at the bar yesterday. At first, i was disgusted. Then i started thinking about how nice it would be to be able to relax with a drink after work. I was home alone, cooking and baking for an event today. It was my prime drinking time and situation. I obsessed about it all evening until bedtime. I woke up this morning and started thinking about it again while finishing up my prep work. I know there’s no relaxing Friday after work drink for me. It’s drink until i pass out, wake up feeling like shit and start over again. It’s a never ending cycle which will destroy my life if i allow myself to go down that path again. I can’t moderate. I can’t drink like a normal person. I hope writing this gets it out of my head.

[Butterflymoonwoman]

Way to go on coming back here and playing the tape to the end. Im glad to see u posting

[tailee17]

Checking in 179. Sobriety is a wonderful state to be in. However life can be challenging. It does give me the opportunity to ask God to remove my defects. If God doesn’t know them my husband can provide the list! Take good care of YOU “my people” and for your sakes stay sober today!

I want to live sober.

[MrMoustache]

Day 47. My friend came today to visit me and he was stoned as f. He asked do I mind if he smokes some pot and I told him that I’m cool with it, I don’t mind. So, he smoked a spliff and I didn’t have any cravings at all. I’m proud of myself, my recovery really seems to work.

This day has been good, I took a long walk and ate healthy vegan food. Life seems good at the moment, gotta enjoy this feeling while it lasts.

[Jesile]

Checking in!
I’m just kicking off a week of holidays! Today work was ok, and I managed to get a lot of stuff done! Always a good way to start your holidays. I don’t have any specific plans, but I do need some kind of plan to keep busy, and not fall into old habits.
After two of my kitties died in the past 5 months, I’m thinking about adopting a new cat! I have already seen several options from a local shelter! We’ll see if I finally go for it! Moka seems quite happy to be the only child, and to be the spoilt one!
I finally didn’t meet my friend that came over, there weren’t too many options cause I was working, and finally I was honest; “I don’t feel like seeing anybody right now”. Seems she wasn’t mad and that I haven’t lost a friend!

[19801]

Aww thanks @Aussie_Tiger i like being someone’s “peeps”…… “big up the sobriety peep crew massive”

[SelfLove_42]

Always appreciate your kind words. My mind sometimes makes me feel insane, this lifelong struggle combined with hiding it for years makes me feel crazy. Ive been transparent in the past, but how many times should you tell someone I’m looking at inappropriate images/videos, please don’t leave me! Please be patient with me, even tho I’m a lier and promised it was behind me… I’m just fighting you know.